Over My Head
by shawn-n-belle
Summary: The tricky thing about secrets is they never stay secrets for long. Seven months after leaving for Africa to work in a mission, Arizona Robbins returns with a secret that will turn Callie's world upside down. AU Season 7.
1. Chapter 1

Over My Head (My Confessions)

Tagline: Everyone knows I'm in over my head and I don't know what to do to but to give my confessions.

Summary: When the pressures of being unable to conceive slowly derails their relationship, Arizona chooses to take a break. She heads to Africa to work as a missionary, saving lives of the tiny humans. Yet, little to every one's knowledge, including her own, she takes a little something of Callie's with her. Now seven months later, Callie's world is turned upside down by the arrival of her ex-girlfriend and the tiny human growing inside of her. Can Callie find forgiveness for the mother of her child? Or is it simply too late?

Warning: AU Season 7

Pairing: Callie/Arizona.

Disclaimer: All television shows, movies, books, and other copyrighted material referred to in this work, and the characters, settings, and events thereof, are the properties of their respective owners. As this work is an interpretation of the original material and not for-profit, it constitutes fair use. Reference to real persons, places, or events are made in a fictional context, and are not intended to be libelous, defamatory, or in any way factual.

**Author's Note: **So, it's finally here. This is my baby, and I've never been so emotionally invested in a story before. We've laughed together and we've cried together. This has became so much more than just a story to me and I hope you find your own feelings for this writing. You can find a link for the phenomenal banner in my profile.

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><p><strong>Chapter One<strong>

Wednesday nights are always the slowest at Joe's bar, Callie makes this observation as she shifts her weight on the poorly positioned stool. Her body is hunched over the slightly sticky island, her long fingertips trace the top of the shot glass positioned in front of her. It has become more of a ritual for her now, a daily routine, to be here, at Joe's, alone. She bites absently on her bottom lip as her thumb traces the rim of the shot glass, staring down into what is her fourth... or is it fifth? Hell, she doesn't even remember at this point, shot of tequila. It is not like it matters; it is not like she will be cutting into someone's body tomorrow for some life or death procedure. No, she rolls her eyes inwardly, everyone is making damn sure that she does no strenuous work and that her hands are not divulged in someone's body cavity for a stressful surgery for long periods of time. They think she is unstable, that she is on the edge, and maybe she is. Maybe they all know her better than she knows herself because, fuck, she doesn't even _know_ who she is these days. Because the person that she thought she was, the person that she wants to be, would have never let _any_ of this happen.

She feels like a ghost most days; moving through the motions, through the conversations and the gestures, faking the emotions to make others happy. After all, there is that saying Fake it till you make it. But Callie isn't so sure she believes that, at least, not anymore, because she has been faking far too long to still be feeling like this. She feels like a stranger in her own body; an outsider, a ghost watching life evolve and move on around her while leaving her behind sitting still and pretty. It is almost as if she is lifeless now, like a zombie, watching her old life unfold in front of her eyes but unable to speak up, unable to make anything different, to make anything better, unable to live.

The scent of cigarette smoke used to remind her of _her_; it used to send her into a dangerous spiral into memory lane. It used to render her unable to breathe and break her heart in a thousand different pieces all over again, just the same as the day that it happened. The faint smell of tobacco and rebellion used to crush every dream that she ever had and kill her silently inside every time. But now, although unhealthy for her physical health, Calliope finds the scent of burning dried tobacco therapeutic. Relaxing. It may be the closest she has ever come to finding peace since the day that a piece of her soul came ripping out of her body.

She looks down at the alcoholic drink in her glass through her foggy eyes, licking her dry and slightly cracked lips. Sometimes she cannot help but wonder how she ended up here, how something that seemed so right could have went so wrong, so quickly, without her even noticing. She wonders if there could have been something she could have said, something she could have done, that would save herself from the aching pain that radiates to the core of everything that she has ever known.

She rakes her nails through her raven black curls, tugging at them slightly to create a physical pain that distracts her from the emotional pain. She has known hurt before in her life, her ex-husband cheated on her with his best friend, his _model_ best friend, he never loved her even though she gave him every piece of her. Her first girlfriend disappeared in the parking lot of Seattle Grace, after accusing her of not being a good enough lesbian and for being angry that she defended one of Seattle Grace's own. Her father disowned her for being gay and cut her off from the rest of her family, even though she found herself deliriously happy for the first time in her life.

It is true that Calliope Torres has known pain before in her life.

But nothing in the world could ever compare to the pain that she feels right here, right now.

There is an ache in her body, a physical and emotional ache that, even after an infamous amount of drinks, is impossible to heal. There is a hole in her chest, a hole in her heart, that continuously allows her to bleed out every ounce of energy and feeling that she may ever have. There is emptiness in her life, something that makes her feel so alone, even when she is in a crowded room full of people who love and care for her.

She is a broken mess of the person that she used to be, she sighs as she downs the shot in a groan. She is shattered and broken and nothing will ever heal her from this pain; nothing, except for the one thing that she knows she has lost forever, the one thing that she never will have again.

"Hit me again, Joe," When she makes the demand, her own voice surprises her at how strange it sounds echoing from her chapped lips. It is raspy and hoarse, a whispering mumble of the strength that she once had. The hefty sized bartender approaches her, propping himself against the bar as he wipes his hands on the white towel that hangs on his left shoulder. For a moment, he says nothing; instead he only studies the ghost of the woman he had once known. A woman that had once marched into his bar with pride and confidence, a woman that had once danced with anyone who was willing and kissed a beautiful Pediatrics surgeon in his restroom. But that woman, much like the love she had shared with the Peds surgeon, is no longer here.

"It is getting pretty late, Doctor Torres. You should be heading home," Joe replies, looking out over the seemingly empty bar, only a few strays now linger behind in the usually packed place. Callie nods quietly to herself as she traces the rim of the glass with her index finger with a throaty chuckle that seems more taunting that humorous.

"Right. Home. Well, you see I would go _home_ but there isn't anyone to go home to. There has not been anyone to come home to for a _long_ time now. There is just silence in that apartment now and the silence is starting to drive me insane. I really don't want to go home and see all of her pictures… be reminded of what… I would much rather stay here if you don't mind. Besides, you could use the company, right?" Callie offers, glancing up from the dingy glass and Joe is haunted by the emptiness in her all too familiar eyes. He sighs; pulling the towel from his shoulder as he slowly begins to wipe down the bar in small, immaculate circles.

"You can stay but you have had enough to drink for one night," Joe instructs and Callie groans, shifting her weight on the unstable stool. She squints her eyes as she stares down at the glass that she pushes between her curled hands, chewing absently on the inside of her lip. She is a wretched mess of a dreamer, someone who is now living in the constant memories of the life she had once had and wondering how to get back to that point. How to become happy again.

"If I drink, I forget. Even if it is just for a few seconds…" She trails off with a brief laugh, looking up through her long eyelashes at the friendly bartender with a heavy, disheartening sigh.

"Do you know what it is like? To be in a place where you are constantly reminded of the one thing that you wished you could just _forget_? I want to forget the way her voice sounds, the way that she looked when she first woke up in the morning, the way that her skin felt against mine. I want to forget the way that I felt wrapped in her arms or the way that my heart skipped a beat when she called me Calliope. I want to forget the way she tastes, the way she feels, the way she sounds, the way she made me feel. I want to forget… everything. But I can't. I _can't_ forget because she is everywhere. So, when I drink, it makes me forget. Even if just for a brief second, I forget the way her eyes sparkled and how her smiles felt like magic. And I feel… whole again. Just for a _moment_. Please Joe, just let me forget," Callie pleads, the tears crowding within her eyes but she is not strong enough to fight them away, not any longer. Joe looks at her with the saddest eyes, stopping his cleaning as he takes both of her hands within his own.

"Drinking is not going to bring Arizona back, Callie," Joe states, softly holding her hands and to this, Calliope nods weakly with a hard sniffle. For a moment, no words are said because no words are needed. In the back of her mind, she knows that he is right because no amount of alcohol is going to change the situation; no amount of tequila is going to fix the damage that has already been done or take back the words that should have been spoken aloud.

"I know. But I wish it could," whispers Callie faintly. Joe squeezes her hand in comfort before he turns them free, returning to his work on cleaning the bar. Callie sighs, pushing herself up from the poorly assembled stool, her joints cracking at the forceful movement as she grabs her leather jacket from the stool beside of her. She looks around the empty, smoked filled bar as the absent tears threaten to stream down her cheeks and she, very shakily, inhales deeply. She whimpers quietly before she pushes herself, slightly staggering, forward feeling her heart crack a little deeper inside of her with every step.

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><p><em>Callie sits on the edge of the bed that she shares with her gorgeous, blond girlfriend; shaking her leg nervously as she fidgets with her intertwined hands. She gnaws on her bottom lip as she sighs desperately, glancing over at the stopwatch displayed on her phone. Only two more minutes. Two more minutes until she finds the answer that she has been looking for, the answer that will change her life forever. Two minutes, although only one hundred twenty seconds, is lasting forever for the Latina. <em>

_Something felt different today; a good different. She felt butterflies in her stomach, a radiating feel of happiness and giddiness although no good news had been provided to make her feel this way. She had felt nauseous as soon as she entered the cafeteria, even though she loves the smell of freshly made lasagna. Everything felt __**different**__. Amazingly so. _

_Two courses of failed IVF had taught her not to get her hopes up about things like this, except this is the third time. And the third time is the charm, or so she wants to believe. She feels different than all the times before, she feels __**pregnant**__. _

_ "Calliope, are you here?" She can hear Arizona as she enters the apartment, shutting the door behind her. However, her eyes never leave the test as she continuously fidgets nervously, counting each minute, second, and millisecond until she gets the results of her long awaited test. This is going to be it; this is going to be the results that they both had been waiting for, the positive that makes all the uncomfortable treatments and the disappointments worth it. _

_ "Are you okay? I paged for your consult on a case today and when you didn't reply I got worried. That is when Mark told me that you were not feeling well and the Chief told you to go home and get some rest. You could have told me that you were sick this morning and we could have stayed home together. I would have made you some of my famous Get Well Soup!" Arizona exclaims in a grunt, pulling off her shoes and behind the closed door, Callie wrinkles her nose. Yeah, that soup was the last thing that she needed today, especially when it looks like someone else has already eaten it for her. _

_ "Calliope?" _

_ Only one more minute, Callie sighs anxiously growing restless as she sways back and forth on the large bed. One more minute and she will finally know the truth, one more minute until all of her dreams are finally coming true._

_ "Calliope, answer me, please," Arizona exclaims knocking softly on the other side of the door and Callie scowls at her, rolling her eyes in annoyance._

_Thirty more seconds._

_ "I grew up with the name Arizona, I do know how to fight dirty, you know? And if you do not answer me in the next thirty seconds, I __**will**__ break this door down!" Arizona exclaims and Callie laughs quietly to herself as she glances down at the stopwatch._

_Five._

_Four._

_Three._

_Two._

"_Calliope Iphigenia Torres!"_

_**Pregnant**__. _

_Calliope's heart swells when she reads the two syllable word as she squeals out in delight, clutching the plastic test tightly in her hand when suddenly the door cracks open. Her eyes dart to the doorway to find a disgruntled Arizona standing on the other side, clutching to her shoulder as she labors to catch her breath. _

_ "Are you okay? Are you bleeding? Any broken bones? Any injuries I should know about?" Arizona asks, slowly entering the room and Callie shakes her head with a playful smile upon her lips._

_ "No." _

_ "Good. Because I am going to __**kill**__ you! You just gave me a heart attack! Do you even know what was going through in my head when you were not answering me? Huh? Especially when Mark told me that you were not feeling well? I thought that you… I thought… Calliope, this is so not funny! Stop smiling! Do you see me smiling?" Arizona scolds and the Latina laughs with a beaming grin as she slowly approaches the fuming blond. _

_ "Arizona, I'm pregnant," Callie states and instantly Arizona freezes, looking at her with wide eyes._

_ "What?"_

_ "I wasn't feeling too well today but I didn't want to say anything to you because I didn't want to worry you, especially if it turned out to be nothing. I felt different, I felt happiness and butterflies and I was nauseous and I'm-I'm late so I asked the Chief if I could have the afternoon off because I was getting sick and he told me that I could and I stopped by the pharmacy and bought a pregnancy test. I didn't want to say anything because I know the two other times weren't… but…I'm pregnant," Callie beams and Arizona's bright, dimpling grin spreads upon her lips. _

_ "You're pregnant," She grins and Callie nods slowly through teary eyes._

_ "We are going to have a baby!" Callie squeals. Arizona squeals, jumping up and down before she pulls Calliope into a long, hard, smiling kiss. They are going to have a __**baby. **_

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><p>The hot, beaming sun of Africa pelts down in harsh rays on the blonde's fair and freckled skin as she takes in the sight around her. Africa is such a beautiful country, she sighs as she squints at the radiating sunlight; such beautiful mountains and the bluest skies that she has ever seen in her entire life. She did not think that she would like it here, being so opposite from Seattle but she found new meanings in the beauty of nature, she found purpose again in the smallest of things.<p>

She watches as some of the people from the mission carry the load boxes into the car, along with her luggage. Watching as the young boys carry the blue luggage bags creates a soft crack in her heart; she hates leaving them so early, especially when so much work is still yet to be done on the Center and when so many tiny humans still need her magic touch. But she knows this is not where she belongs, another heart is calling her home. A place where she does _belong_, despite everything else that has happened in her life.

Arizona Robbins sighs in a quaint sadness; although she is eager to go home to Seattle, she hates leaving the Center behind. The place that has already helped hundreds of people who cannot afford proper health care, a place where she has already saved the lives of so many children that would no longer be alive if they had not created such a place. She knows that the Center will get along just fine without her, after all, they have plenty of top-notch doctors working there, but she still feels like she is abandoning so many others who could still use her help.

"Here," A voice calls out to her and she is slightly startled when a sun hat is placed atop of her burning blond hair. She turns to find Lucy, a fellow doctor, standing beside of her with a smile pressed upon her normally tightened lips. Dr. Lucy Fields, an OBGYN from Seattle, had become Arizona's closest friend while working at the Center and seeing her now just reminds the dimpling blond of a reason not to go.

"Would you stop looking so sad? Jeez. It is like we are shipping you off to war or something. You are going _home_, Arizona. You are so lucky; you get to go back and be in the air conditioning and have everything you want at your fingertips. You have done good here and now it is your time to get something good in return," Lucy smiles at her and Arizona nods, looking out over the sight in front of her, taking a moment to just simply _breathe_ it all in. To mesmerize. To remember.

"I know. I know. But I just…I feel like I am abandoning the Center. There are so many kids here who still need my help and instead of sucking it up and putting my best face forward and giving them the help they need, I am leaving. I am going home to a place that doesn't necessarily want me because, what? Because I can't handle it?" Arizona exclaims with a wrinkled brow and Lucy laughs softly with a simple shake of her head.

"You have done all you can do in your condition…"

"Oh, don't say it like that. I'm not disabled, Lucy!" Arizona snaps and Lucy raises an eyebrow with a bitter laugh. Upon hearing the sharpness of her statement, Arizona instantly recoils with a soft blush as she fumbles with her hands awkwardly at her side, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean that as harsh as it came out. It's just everyone has been treating me like I am about to break lately, like I am not the same Arizona Robbins that I was when I first arrived, like I am incapable of doing my job." She groans in annoyance as she rubs her forehead, feeling the burning of the skin almost automatically. Lucy nods in understanding before she lets out a careful but complacent sigh, stepping closer beside of her friend.

"No one said that you were not capable of doing your job, Dr. Robbins. You are the best Pediatric surgeon that I have ever seen and you have a way with these kids that make them worry less about their families and their futures and all the woes that trouble them. You are _great _and no-one can take that from you. But you have to realize that you are not _just_ a Pediatric Surgeon anymore. You are more than that now and you have to take care of yourself and do what is best. And you know that staying here is not what you need. You need to be close to people who care about you and who love you; you need to be near a fully equipped top ranked hospital just in case of an emergency. You are going to take care of yourself and nobody is going to think any less of you for doing so," Lucy explains, placing her hand upon Arizona's forearm and the dimpling blond sighs softly.

"She doesn't know," mumbles Arizona.

"I know. But that does not mean she is not going to handle it. This is her future too and this affects her, whether the two of you are together or not. I know that you think that she doesn't love you anymore but you don't just throw away love like that because…"

"It has been seven months. And I am keeping the biggest secret of my life from her. Chances are she is not going to be very happy with me or want anything to do with me when I magically show up back in Seattle. You don't know her," Arizona sighs, fighting away the tears that are forming within her eyes. Lucy nods sympathetically, wishing that she could find the words that would make this better for her, the words that could heal the pain that she knows that she is feeling.

"You're right. I don't know her but I do know you. And I know that you are not going to give up on her without a fight. I mean, it has been seven months and you are still in love with her, even after all this time. And I know that she will not want to miss out on this," Lucy replies with a wave of her hands, gesturing toward Arizona and the dimpling blond laughs softly.

"Now, stop worrying so much and get in the car because you are going to miss your flight and none of us can handle McCranky much longer," Lucy demands and Arizona smiles, a bright dimpling grin as she pulls Lucy into a bone crushing hug. The OB squirms into the hug, trying desperately to get out of the embrace before she finally gives up and hugs the Peds surgeon back.

"Thank you for everything, Lucy. You are seriously the _best_," Arizona smiles and Lucy laughs, pulling away from the hug as she brushes her golden curl away from her face with a flick of her wrist. Although the two are completely different personality wise, they have found a profound friendship within one another; perhaps it had been their bonding over saving tiny lives that linked the two of them together so strongly. But throughout it all, Lucy Fields had been there for Arizona and vice versa and now that she is leaving, she hates to leave that friendship behind.

"I know I am. You take care of yourself, Robbins. And I better see pictures when that baby comes," Lucy states, placing her hands on Arizona's round stomach. Arizona looks down at her round stomach with a heavy sigh. There is a tiny human growing inside of her, a tiny human that looks for her for everything, for life and its nutrients needed for survival. A tiny human made out of the love she once shared with the gorgeous bad ass ortho surgeon she left in Seattle.

"Of course," Arizona smiles, placing a chaste kiss upon Lucy's cheek before she turns, heading to the car, breathing in deeply. She squints at the radiant sunlight, taking in the view one last time before turning back; smiling at Lucy with a tip of her hat and the other blond rolls her eyes with a laugh. She opens the car door as she slides inside, giving Africa one last look over before the car begins to pull out of the Center.

She is going finally going _home_.


	2. Chapter 2

Over My Head (My Confessions)

Tagline: Everyone knows I'm in over my head and I don't know what to do to but to give my confessions.

Summary: When the pressures of being unable to conceive slowly derails their relationship, Arizona chooses to take a break. She heads to Africa to work as a missionary, saving lives of the tiny humans. Yet, little to every one's knowledge, including her own, she takes a little something of Callie's with her. Now seven months later, Callie's world is turned upside down by the arrival of her ex-girlfriend and the tiny human growing inside of her. Can Callie find forgiveness for the mother of her child? Or is it simply too late?

Warning: AU Season 7

Pairing: Callie/Arizona.

Disclaimer: All television shows, movies, books, and other copyrighted material referred to in this work, and the characters, settings, and events thereof, are the properties of their respective owners. As this work is an interpretation of the original material and not for-profit, it constitutes fair use. Reference to real persons, places, or events are made in a fictional context, and are not intended to be libelous, defamatory, or in any way factual.

Author's Note: This has been such an amazing journey writing this story and I hope that you feel that way when you begin to read these and understand the storyline and the relationships. I want to thank you for taking your time to read this fic and share your thoughts with me. It has been a part of me for so long and now I am excited and yet insanely terrified to share it with the world.

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><p><strong>Chapter Two<strong>

Growing up from military base to military base, Arizona Robbins learned to never be afraid. The Colonel always told her and Timothy to never cower in fear, but instead to be strong in the face of something that seems scary. He always said that fear was just a crutch that would hold them back from all their dreams and happiness if given the chance. Arizona had learned to be strong and fearless and maybe that is part of the reason that she kissed a complete stranger in a pub bathroom.

However, that motto of being brave in the face of fear leaves her now as she settles down in her seat next to the window on the plane. Perhaps it is because there is more on the line now when she lands where she is going or perhaps it is because she is flying alone without a comforting familiar face. Either way, she grips on the arm rest tightly as she glances out at the tarmac below their plane.

Once, when she and Timothy were children, the Colonel was stationed in a Fort near an airport base. Timothy, the more adventurous of the two Robbins children, had been fascinated by the planes and the tricks and twirls they could do in the air. Upon moving there, the eleven year old Timothy took it upon himself to decorate his entire in airplane memorabilia and hand crafted models. She remembers one day when the Colonel did not have training, he planned to take Timothy to the airport base and scheduled for him to take a ride with a pilot. Then eight year old Arizona demanded to go with them, demanded they not exclude her from their plans just because she is a girl. The Colonel caved much to Timothy's dismay and she went, mumbling the entire time and throwing up during the double barrel roll. Although she threw up, she cooed to her mother that night that it was the best day of her life because she got to spend time with her daddy and her brother.

It is funny the things she remembers, she laughs softly as she nervously bounces her knee, clutching to the arm rest. She has not thought about that day in years, until now. She wonders if Timothy would be proud of her, of the work that she has done with the Center, with the person that she has become. She wonders if he would understand why she chose to keep the pregnancy a secret from the one person she loved the most in the world, if he would understand why they even broke up in the first place. She knows if he was still alive a lot of things would be different, but she does not even care about the butterfly effect it would have on everyone involved, she just wants a friend. She just wants her older, protective and always understanding brother back to tell her that everything is going to be okay.

She sighs anxiously, placing her hand upon her prodding stomach, softly caressing the skin in a shushing matter. This pregnancy had taken her by surprise and even though she and Calliope are literally worlds apart, the baby made her feel closer to her than ever before. The conception of the tiny human growing inside of her had been a last ditch effort in their relationship, it had been the last possible option for the two surgeons. Yet, when the test told her that she was pregnant, she found herself surprised. Their relationship had been over for a matter of weeks when the test proved that they were forever linked and the possibility had never crossed her mind when she took the job to work in the missionary. She almost wonders if she had known that she was pregnant if it would have changed her decision to leave, if it would have changed the outcome of their relationship.

Softly caressing her swollen tummy, she glances out the plane window as she bites her bottom lip absently. She wonders what Callie is like now; if she is still the badass, leather jacket wearing ortho goddess with a beaming smile and the biggest heart. If she still likes to dance to bad music on Friday nights, if she still likes to be snuggled, (although not admittingly) while she is falling asleep. Her heart still skips a beat when she thinks of that beautiful smile and the way that she felt tight in her arms.

The baby kicks beneath her touch and she giggles a bright dimpling grin.

"Are you excited to see your Mami too? Hmm? She does not know about you yet but she will and she might be mad for a while but I want you to know that none that is your fault, okay? I know that it is going to seem that way at first and it is going to seem that she is really angry at you but the truth is she is angry at me. She is going to love you so much; you are her dream, Pea. She wants you so much and I never… I never meant to keep you from her, I hope you know that. She loves you so much already without even knowing you; just give her a chance, okay? And… and don't be nervous. Because I am nervous enough for the both of us, Pea," Arizona soothes, patting her tummy softly with a heavy sigh, sending a warm smile down at her round stomach before returning her attention back to the world outside of the plane window.

The last time she saw Calliope Torres, they said many of things that they should not have said out of anger and disappointment. The last time she saw her, although seven months ago, echoes in her mind like it was only yesterday. She still remembers the way that her raven hair framed her oval face, the way her warm lips were drawn together in a straight line, how odd and unusual her name sounded coming from her lips in an acidy, sharp tone. The last time she saw Calliope Torres was the day their relationship ended and that is something that she has learned to live with over the past few months. She knows that seeing her again will possibly be more dramatic than fulfilling but she does not so much mind the yelling or the cursing or the fighting that comes with seeing her again; just as long as she can watch the sun light up her face, just one more time.

"Do you mind if I sit here?" A voice startles her from her mindful thoughts as she glances up from the foggy, unwashed window to find a young woman standing in the aisle from her. The woman is attractive, even Arizona cannot miss that and she slowly begins to smile her thousand watt smile as she rises up in the seat.

"No. No. Not at all! Please!" Arizona grins, patting the poorly cushioned seat softly. The woman giggles a quiet laugh as she places her bags in the overhead above them, her dark brown eyes shifting down to give Arizona an once over and the blond smiles back. The woman is slightly tall with raven, straight hair that hangs just below her shoulders and dark brown eyes that remind her so much of Calliope's.

"I'm Daniele, but you can call me Dani," The woman introduces herself with a warm smile as she grabs a book from her bag before taking the seat beside of Arizona. Dani could not have been more than in her mid-twenties, Arizona concludes as the young woman wrestles for comfort in the seat, the blond suddenly feels devious; more so than she ever has since leaving Seattle.

"I'm Arizona," The blond beams proudly, extending her hand forward for a hand shake; she almost blushes at the forceful gesture, but Dani thinks nothing of it and places her own hand within Arizona's for a strong but polite shake.

"Like the state?" intrigues Dani with a wrinkled brow and Arizona laughs softly.

"Well… not exactly. More like the battleship. The USS Arizona. It was bombed in…"

"Pearl Harbor. There were men still trapped inside when the ship went under. They still haven't been able to raise the ship from the wreckage so those bodies still remain trapped inside; instead they created a memorial for those lives lost," Dani smiles when Arizona's mouth is slightly ajar in confusion, "my grandfather was on that ship when it sank. My dad doesn't really remember him all that well; he was only seven years old when he died. But he… he talks about him a lot." Arizona nods, knowingly with a heavy sigh as she glances out the window once more.

"My grandfather saved nineteen men before the wreckage claimed his own life as well. My dad honored him by naming me after him. Although growing up I _hated _the decision because growing up with the name Arizona, gave kids a birth right to tease me," Arizona offers with a teasing laugh and Dani smiles at her, gently thumbing the pages of her book nervously.

"Well, I think it is a unique name. It adds character," Dani smiles and Arizona shrugs playfully, softly caressing her prodding stomach. Dani's eyes flicker down to her pregnant stomach and she smiles with a flick of her wrist.

"Congratulations!" coos Dani.

"On what?" Arizona asks in confusion before the raven haired beauty gestures to her stomach and Arizona blushes inwardly, "Oh, this? This was nothing. R-really. But thank you." Arizona smiles and Dani nods, gnawing on her bottom lip absently.

"I am surprised they allowed you to fly. Airlines have strict rules about pregnancy and flying. You have to be… what? Eight months? Aren't they afraid of you going into labor while we are thousands of feet in the air?" Dani questions with an arch of her eyebrow and Arizona laughs with a soft roll of her eyes, reaching over and patting Dani's hand softly.

"With the right amount of money, Dani, you can do anything in this world. People are too greedy to worry about the rules… or labor," Arizona jokes with a laugh and Dani smiles at her; a warm innocent smile that curls upon her lips. A smile that warms Arizona's heart.

"But, I mean, what about your husband? Is he okay with you flying while you are so close to delivering?" Dani intrigues and the question, although not intentionally, sends Arizona crashing back to the reality that she has so desperately been trying to ignore; the truth that she cannot hide from, even by flirting with a complete stranger. She drops her head almost instantly, carefully studying her hands that rub soft circles on her round stomach and she shuts her eyes gently. She hears Dani inhale a sharp breath as she lowers herself to her level, even if only slightly.

"I'm sorry. I didn't know. When I get nervous I keep talking and talking and talking until I step in something. My dad always says that if shit is within two hundred feet, I can always find it and step in it. I am sorry, I should not have been that forward or asked you something that you are clearly uncomfortable with. It really is _none _of my business," Dani exclaims, placing a comforting hand on Arizona's back but the blond only shakes her head before raising back, looking over at her.

"No, it's not that. It's just… I am not married. I don't even like…I have a…well, I _had…_um, _she_ doesn't know," Arizona mumbles and Dani wrinkles her brow in confusion.

"Oh! You are… okay. Okay. That's cool and totally acceptable. No judging. But _she_ doesn't know what, exactly?"

"_She_ doesn't know that I'm pregnant." Arizona whispers softly and Dani's face falls, realiziBng exactly what she is talking about. Arizona watches her carefully, waiting for the moment that the young woman decides that she does not agree with the pregnancy secret or something along the lines of that, but, however, what comes next surprises her.

"Well. You had your reasons. And if she loves you, she will understand," replies Dani and Arizona's head quips up with a soft smile. She opens her mouth to say something but instead, is interrupted by the flight attendant.

"Okay, ladies and gentlemen, we are preparing to lift off. Please buckle in and enjoy your ride," The flight attendant fakes a smile before turning back up the aisle. Arizona rolls her eyes as she snaps the buckle shut across her lap and listens to the engines reeve as the plane slowly lifts off the ground.

"Oh, one other thing. I am absolutely terrified of flying!" Dani hiccups, her hand quickly latching on top of Arizona's upon the armrest, her eyes wide with fear and Arizona laughs softly.

"We will have a fun flight together," Arizona smiles at Dani playfully before she turns her head, focusing her attention elsewhere on the disappearing land below her. With a shaky, unsteady breath escaping from her lips, the blond closes her eyes as she allows her mind to drift away. She cannot help but wonder what Calliope Torres is doing at this exact moment, literally another world away.

* * *

><p><em>From the moment Calliope told her she was expecting Arizona Robbins has barely been able to keep her feet on the ground. Her father had told her once that the best feeling in the world is knowing that a child is coming into this world, a child that has your blood pulsing through its veins, a child that is made of your flesh and your love and your dreams. A child that you created. Uninterested in having children of her own at the time, Arizona thought it was some silly ploy to convince her to have children and that her father, <em>_**the**__ Colonel had simply been making it up, or it had been something her mother read in her Readers Digest and told him to relay._

_But now, she knows that whether he had truly meant it or not, the feeling is certainly true. There is a tiny human growing inside of Calliope, a tiny human they dreamed about, a tiny human they strived to create. Growing inside of her beautiful girlfriend, is a tiny human that is all hers; __**her**__ son or __**her**__ daughter. A tiny human that she is responsible for taking care of for the next eighteen years; someone she can take to Build-A-Bear and not get weird looks because she finally has a child to go with her. Someone who she can take home for the holidays and allow her parents to spoil them rotten with candy and presents because they are their grandchild, someone she can eat Oreos and milk with, snuggle with in bed, watch Disney movies and sing along with, (very badly, might she add). A child that she created with the love of her life, someone she can watch grow up and grow old and change the world someday._

_Even though it has only been two weeks since they found out, Arizona is practically beaming with excitement. She cannot stop smiling or giggling, she has become perkier than before, in fact, she even has a little extra spring in her step since discovering the news._

_She bounces to the nurses desk excitedly, an extra skip in her step as she sends a thousand watt smile to the nurses around her. She grabs a chart from behind the desk, clicking her pen ready in her hand as she scribbles notes legibly into the file before her blue eyes find Calliope heading toward her. The two share an all knowing grin as the blond quickly drops the file and races toward the woman. Callie laughs softly, stopping in her tracks as her girlfriend rolls on her infamous wheelies toward her with a bright grin._

"_How are my two favorite people this morning?" Arizona beams and Callie laughs, shaking her head softly as they share a gaze._

"_We are okay. We had a rough start to the morning. Turns out the baby is not so fond of pancakes. And before you start, I know, I know, they aren't as healthy as many other choices in our apartment that would improve my health or be better for the baby but __**I**__wanted pancakes. And seeing as how I am growing the tiny human inside of a very small space, what I say goes," Callie demands and Arizona grins a dimpling smile with a soft giggle._

"_But apparently not because the baby didn't like pancakes," Arizona teases, placing her hands on Callie's small stomach, "and that is a very good job, Pea. We have to keep Mommy healthy!" the blond softly caresses her flat stomach and Callie wrinkles her nose in confusion._

"_Are you seriously calling our baby Pea?"_

"_Well…yeah. The baby does not even know its gender yet, so why should we? And I don't want to call him a her or her a him, so I chose a gender neutral nickname that will not offend the baby but still sounds exceptionally cute when I say it. Pea Torres-Robbins. Or Robbins-Torres, whichever you prefer." Arizona shrugs and Callie laughs with a playful roll of her eyes as she wraps her arms around the dimpling blond, placing a soft kiss upon her lips._

"_Torres-Robbins." Callie smiles into the kiss and Arizona giggles, her heart swelling._

"_Awesome. How would you and Little Torres-Robbins like to have dinner with me tonight? Eight o'clock?" Arizona offers with a bright smile and Callie nods her head softly before she pulls her into another kiss, tugging at her bottom lip playfully._

"_Terrific." mumbles Callie before kissing her again._

* * *

><p>Although it has been seven months since she last shared a bed with her ex-girlfriend, Callie still cannot get used to sleeping in a place where she is not. She supposes that it is her own fault; she should have known better than to grow comfortable with her warm body sleeping tangled up in hers, to wake up in the middle of the night only to allow the sound of her soft, evened breathing to lull her back to sleep. She should have <em>known <em>better than to actually believe that she would be there with her, for her, no matter what happened.

She cannot believe she fell for that whole good man in a storm speech, the whole thing about how she would never bail on her and how she was nothing like Erica Hahn or George O'Malley. She should have _known_. But still, somewhere deep inside, she believes that it had never been Arizona's intentions or choice to leave her; that it had never been something that she wanted to do. They all told her she was silly for even thinking that, Mark told her it was pathetic to believe such a thing, after all, Arizona had been the one to pack her own bags, order her own ticket and fly to "freakin" Africa in the first place. But there had to have been something, anything, which she could have done or said that would have changed her thoughts about leaving.

She sighs desperately, shutting her eyes as she feels the ache that consumes her, radiating to the core of everything that she is. How could she do this? How could she pack up all of her things and just leave like you were never anything? How could she not call or write or text for _months_? How could she go to a third world country where homosexuality is highly frowned upon and not at least call her and at least let her know that she is alive? It is like she is suddenly out of sight and out of mind. Could she not see the damage that she has left behind? How could she suddenly just _not_ care? Did she ever mean anything at all to her?

Callie groans, the tears forming within her dark eyes as she tangles her fingers in her messy, disheveled hair, tugging slightly as she paces quickly through the hallway of the apartment building. She never thought she could feel so low in her entire life, she never thought she could feel the way that she feels right now. That she could feel the aching emptiness, the longing for her touch, the loneliness, the feeling of not belonging.

Everything is so messed up; it is as if someone took her entire world, and like a kid with a snow globe, turned everything upside down. She feels like she is floating, moving through her emotions, saying all the things that she does not mean, moving from day to day like a wretched mess of a dreamer, a broken hearted woman with no ability to pick herself up from the shattered mess of who she used to be. All she wants is Arizona back, she wants the familiar scent to dance in her nose, she wants the comfort of her arms around her, the whispering sweet nothings in her ear as they are falling asleep, and the dimpling smile that makes her heart soar. She wants it all back; her life, her love, her future, her dreams.

But Callie knows that it will never happen; she knows that she must learn to live without her again and _that_ is the hardest part.

She swallows the constant lump in her throat, cursing to herself as she pushes herself forward, knocking on the dark blue painted door. She can feel her heart racing wildly in her chest as she licks her lips, shutting her eyes tightly shut. She knows this is not the place that she belongs; not now, not after everything, but she needs _answers_ and there is only one person who has them.

"Callie? What are you doing here?" Teddy Altman exclaims, opening the door to her apartment. Callie looks at the dissembled woman before her in a pair of ball shorts and a white beat up muscle shirt, her hair in a loose pony tail; reminding her very much of Arizona. The emotions wash over hear again and she curses inwardly, turning her head to the side just slightly as she desperately fights the steaming tears.

"You really shouldn't be here. Go home and get some rest. We have a long day tomorrow," Teddy sighs, attempting to shut the door but Callie's hand quickly stops it as she grabs it with such a force that even surprises the military woman on the other side.

"You are her best friend. Her _best_ friend. And I know you hear from her. I know that she talks to you; it wouldn't be Arizona if she just disappeared without a trace. I know that you hear from her and I know that it isn't any of my business to show up here and ask you about her but you know things I don't and whether you like it or not, we are connected by her. And I need those answers to move on with my life. I am asking you, just this once, to talk to me," Callie pleads, her blood shot eyes finding Teddy's and the skinny woman sighs, shaking her head as she shifts her weight, leaning against the doorframe. The two women, fairly different in their upbringings and personalities, whether they like it or not, are forever linked by their love for the blond Peds surgeon; are forever linked by the emptiness she left in their life. Teddy may not have loved her in the same way that Callie did, but she loved her in a way all her own, and she is suffering a pain that only Calliope can understand.

"I know that you think I am keeping this from you because I don't like you or because I blame you for her leaving or whatever excuse you have made up in your mind to keep yourself from talking to me but the truth is, I don't hate you and I don't blame you. But I can't tell you if I am talking to her or not and even if I am, I can't tell you what she has said because it keeps you hanging on. And it has seven months and I know that you think you have every one fooled by going out with Mark and sleeping with him or whatever it is the two of you are doing but I know better. I know that you are hurting and I know that it is not fair but she is doing what is best for you and so am I," Teddy explains, batting her long eyelashes carefully and Callie chuckles in a snorting laugh, rolling her eyes in annoyance.

"I'm sorry. She is doing what is _best_ for me? Really? She_ left_ me, Teddy. Like I meant nothing to her, like we never mattered. So don't pull that 'she is doing what is best for you' bull crap with me because you know that is not it at all and it never has been!" Callie snaps and Teddy sighs, looking at her with weary eyes and the raven haired beauty recoils, rubbing her eyes with her free hand, swallowing the cry in her throat.

"I'm sorry. Sorry, okay? I did not mean to snap at you, I know that it is not your fault and you are just trying to protect your best friend," Callie sighs and Teddy nods quietly, a breath echoing between the two of their sleep deprived bodies. Callie looks up from the spot on the floor in which she had been staring, finding Teddy's sleepy hazel eyes and she feels herself shrink inside just a little more.

"You have what I need," Callie exclaims in a raspy voice, her eyes fixated upon Teddy's as a few stray tears slip down her cheeks and her insides twist tightly inside of her, "_please_ Teddy." She whispers in a soft mumble. Teddy bites her bottom lip absently before she opens the door wider for the woman. Callie smiles graciously as she steps inside of the dark room, breathing in a sigh of relief.

She never had a choice in any of this; the leaving, the heart break, the radiating pain. She never had a choice in her love going to waste, in losing everything that she has ever known, in becoming this ghost of a person that she barely recognizes in the mornings. She never chose to lose the one thing she cannot replace, no matter how many drinks she has at Joe's Bar.

She never had a choice, but she still chooses Arizona. And she always will, every single time. Because she will always love her, no matter how times she tries to convince herself that she does not.

* * *

><p>Your thoughts are always appreciated.<p> 


	3. Chapter 3

Over My Head (My Confessions)

Tagline: Everyone knows I'm in over my head and I don't know what to do to but to give my confessions.

Summary: When the pressures of being unable to conceive slowly derails their relationship, Arizona chooses to take a break. She heads to Africa to work as a missionary, saving lives of the tiny humans. Yet, little to every one's knowledge, including her own, she takes a little something of Callie's with her. Now seven months later, Callie's world is turned upside down by the arrival of her ex-girlfriend and the tiny human growing inside of her. Can Callie find forgiveness for the mother of her child? Or is it simply too late?

Warning: AU Season 7

Pairing: Callie/Arizona.

Disclaimer: All television shows, movies, books, and other copyrighted material referred to in this work, and the characters, settings, and events thereof, are the properties of their respective owners. As this work is an interpretation of the original material and not for-profit, it constitutes fair use. Reference to real persons, places, or events are made in a fictional context, and are not intended to be libelous, defamatory, or in any way factual.

Author's Note: First and foremost: I hope everyone had a very happy holiday and will have a great New Year. I am truly appreciative of the feedback this story has gotten; it continues to inspire me knowing that others love this story as much as I do. I tip my hat to those who have picked up on the foreshadowing and have pieced together parts of this story already and I hope that you continue to do so. With that, my dears, I hope you enjoy this chapter as much as I truly do.

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><p><strong>Chapter Three<strong>

There is familiarity in Teddy's apartment; something that comforts the broken hearted Latina, even at this late hour. Perhaps it is the darkness of the room that reminds her of the same aching shadows that haunt the corners of her heart, or perhaps it is the flickering fireplace that reminds her of the one that she and Arizona snuggled up to during the holidays they spent with the Robbins in a snow covered town in North Carolina. Maybe it is the memory of throwing Teddy a surprise birthday here, sharing a piece of birthday cake, dancing, occasionally spazzy, until the wee hours of the morning. This apartment haunts her with thoughts, with memories, with all the feelings that she has desperately been trying to run away from, with chasing alcohol and nights of endless sleep.

She sits with her head in her hands, looking down at the hardwood flooring below her as she twists and tangles the hair between her fingers, a nervous habit that she is not even aware that she is doing these days. A shaky, rattling breath echoes in her lungs as she bounces her knee in a nervous shake, wrinkling her brow, desperately trying to fight the aching memories that attempt to overcome her conscious mind. She can never get away; no matter where she goes. Arizona is there, in her mind, in her heart, she is _everywhere._

She has never known a cold like this before; such a haunting aches that she cannot escape, no matter what. It has been seven months; seven months of the familiar pain, of the endless drinks, of the desperation to find the person that she used to be. The old Callie would have put the infamous leather jacket back on and stood tall because she had loved and lost and learned to be a better person because of it. The old Callie would have held her head up high and walked into Joe's, looking for another beautiful girl or guy that suits her style and offered to have a round with them. The old Callie would not have been so broken by the sudden departure of her girlfriend.

But Arizona's Calliope is in love and that is something that takes a lifetime to get over.

She sighs, biting her bottom lip as she continuously bounces her knee to distract her from the feelings that she wants nothing more than to just simply ignore. Maybe this was not such a good idea, she sighs with a roll of her eyes. What was she thinking showing up on her ex-girlfriend's best friend's doorstep? That Teddy would just open up to her and tell her everything about the gorgeous blond? That she would convince them to work it out? Teddy blames her for Arizona's leaving, whether she admits it or not.

"Coffee?" She looks up to see Teddy extending a coffee mug toward her, she smiles softly as she curls her fingers around the red mug with a quaint nod of her head. She watches the blond who shuffles over to the sofa, tossing a blanket over the top of the cushions before crawling Indian style into the seat, her own mug in her hands. The two share a tentative gaze in which Teddy smiles before she blows on her coffee and takes a rather large sip of the caffeinated drink.

"I have had the longest day on earth. Spend seven hours in a sixteen year old's chest, trying to repair her atrial valve and ended up losing her during the last hour of the procedure. It was always hard losing a patient but when they are just a kid…" Teddy trails off, shaking her head with a sigh, looking down into the coffee mug and Callie nods in understanding, taking a sip of her own coffee. She closes her eyes for a moment before looking into the empty fireplace. Teddy Altman had not exactly been the top of her list of the people she wanted to socialize with, only because of whom she reminded her of but now she realizes that she may be the only person, besides Arizona, who has the answers she needs.

"Tiny coffins," Callie offers with a sigh. Her thumb absently brushes against the coffee mug in her hands as her distant, ghostly eyes flicker from the tall blonde's face to the empty fireplace with a disheartening sigh. Somewhere along the way she has lost herself; somewhere between the random sex, the absent flirting, the inward depression and the lack of sleep, Calliope Torres barely recognizes herself anymore. She swore to herself that this would never happen again, after George and Erica, but Arizona was different. _They_ were different.

"Callie…" Teddy's voice trails off in a disapproving tone and the raven haired beauty only hangs her head with a soft sigh, using her free hand to twist in her knotted black curls. She wishes Teddy could understood, she wishes they _all_ could understand. She is in love with Arizona, they planned an entire life together, and that is not something that she can just get over in a matter of months.

"Don't patronize me, Teddy." Callie mumbles, looking down at her mug. Teddy wrinkles her nose in a soft sigh, her eyes fixated upon the familiar raven haired beauty that sits across from her. The blond remembers when she first met her; she was a bad ass, bone breaking beautiful woman who was helplessly in love with the perky blond who said they were going to be friends without so much as asking her. The person that sits before her now is the exact opposite of that person she used to know. She wishes that she could help her; she wishes that she could tell her everything that she knows; but she knows that she does not have what she needs.

No, only one person has the missing pieces that can put Calliope Torres back together again.

And that one person is half way across the world.

Looking up from under her long eyelashes, the skinny blond lets out a struggled sigh as she bites absently on her bottom lip wondering, if anything, what to say to heal the broken woman before her. She wonders if there is anything the two of them could ever possibly do or say that would heal _each other_.

"She really broke you, didn't she?" whispers Teddy in a hushed whisper and Callie looks up, her eyes swollen with distraught and emptiness. Try as hard as she might, Teddy just cannot find it within her to be angry at the Ortho goddess, despite everything that has happened. Despite the fights between her and her best friend, despite the drunken nights, the sleeping around, the refusal to fight for Arizona, despite the fact that she secretly blames Callie for the blond leaving. Despite _everything_, Teddy sympathizes with the woman.

"I guess it was easy to ignore how broken you were when I was too busy blaming you for her leaving," Teddy mumbles in a soft whisper, thumbing the ring around the coffee mug and Callie looks up at her, brushing her disheveled mess of hair away from her face. The two women, who had once been strangers, are suddenly pulled together by a very familiar aching pain.

"I'm sorry, you know? That… about what happened. And I'm sorry that I have not exactly been the friendliest person toward you lately. I just… I know that you loved her. And I know that she loved you. But she was _**my**_ best friend. The only person who ever understood anything about me, the only person who took the time to care..." Teddy trails off with a sigh and a bitter laugh as she shakes her head, sending her blond waves tumbling down her back, rubbing her temple absently.

"I have been so angry at you because ever since she has been gone, you've been…well, the _old_ Callie. You have been flirting with everyone, sleeping around with people that are no good for you. I've been so angry because she is suddenly gone and you aren't… you aren't even _trying_ to win her back," Teddy states and Callie wrinkles her brow with a hard laugh and a shake of her head.

"Oh, you think that would matter? If I just called her up one night and said I'm sorry? For what? For wanting a _life_, for wanting a _future_? Do you really think that would erase the past? Because if you do, then you certainly do not know Arizona. She likes to hold grudges," Callie grumbles, taking a long swig of her coffee and Teddy partially gasps in the utmost annoyance.

"Yeah and you like to mope around and expect people to feel sorry for you because the love of your life is not here, yet you do nothing to change it except have sex with anything that moves!" Teddy barks out in a tight voice. Callie rolls her eyes, standing to her feet, sitting the coffee mug down on the table as she rakes her finger through her raven curls, tugging them between her hands as she laughs bitterly, throwing her head back.

"I should have known better. I should have known better than to show up here and expect you to understand where I am coming from. I should have _known_. Arizona is your person, you are like, freakin' in love with her or something. Of _course_ you are going to blame me! Of course! Because she could have done no wrong. Of course it is all my fault!" Callie almost yells, storming across Teddy's floor as she pulls her leather jacket over her curves in a huffing blow, fighting the tears that form in her dark brown eyes. She can feel her walls coming down, her body shaking in trembles so much that she can barely stand, she can feel her heart breaking and sinking further into her chest. She fights with the other sleeve of the jacket when a familiar hand cups her shoulder. Sniffling, she turns to find Teddy standing behind her, her hazel eyes flushing with aching sympathy and swirls of pain of her own. The blond does not say anything for a long moment, instead their eyes only stay focused upon one another's and her lips part to say something but only a rush of air comes out instead.

"C-Callie…" Teddy begins but Callie's face crumbles, the tears streaming down her face as the most heart wrenching cry escapes from her dry lips. Shaking her head slowly back and forth, she trembles with each heart breaking cry as the hot, steamy tears slide down her face, cutting into her piece by piece until she is only bleeding the emptiness of her heart.

"It _is_ my fault. It's _all_ **my** fault," cries Callie as she gasps for air, bellowing out another painful sob. Teddy sighs, turning her head to the side only slightly before she steps forward, wrapping her arms around Callie as she pulls the sobbing woman close for comfort. Callie chokes out another cry as she digs her fingers into the fabric of Teddy's shirt, painfully holding onto the last piece of Arizona she has left.

* * *

><p><em>Sitting across the table, Callie gazes at the beautiful blond who neatly picks at the desert on her plate, a warm smile pressed upon her lips. She can't help but think about how far the two of them have come since the beginning; since they first shared that kiss at Joe's bar, from all the fights and the flights, all the tears and the smiles. They made it here. <em>_**Together**__._

_After George and Erica, Callie had given up on love and to her, happily ever after's was just a cliché closing at the end of a child's bedtime story. She had never thought that she would be happily in love, that she would be willing to get married, that __**she**__, of all people, would be expecting a child. But Arizona Robbins crashed into her life and changed everything about her, in such an amazing way._

_Now, there is a tiny human growing inside of her. __**Their**__ tiny human; made of love and happiness and hope. A tiny human they are responsible for, a tiny human they get to teach the ways of the world to, watch grow into a magnificent adult. A tiny human being that is the perfect mixture of bad ass and perky._

_And normally Callie would be excited, elated even, except for tonight._

_Because tonight, something just feels…off._

_But the raven haired beauty simply shrugs it off as her hormones being out of whack; after all, she is incubating an infant and that tends to turn the best of people into hormone casseroles. Or maybe she is catching a cold, her girlfriend does work in Peds and everyone knows that kids are the main carrier of germs. Or maybe it is simply all just made up in her mind since this has been a fairly easy pregnancy so far, which had been something she was not expecting entirely._

_But something feels wrong and Callie sighs in annoyance, unable to exactly place what it is. Arizona's soft hand catches her off-guard and she jumps, startled. The dimpling blond giggles as she threads their fingers together and Calliope can feel the warm blush curling within her oval cheeks. Softly, she brushes her fingers across Arizona's smaller nails as the two of them share the most loving gaze._

_ "Just think, this time next year, I can be sharing this hot fudge cake with our baby," Arizona grins, her beautiful magic smile and Calliope feels her stomach flip flop at the melodic sound. It still amazes her, how, even after all this time, something so simple can make her feel so alive. _

_ "Arizona, I don't think that a baby should be eating hot fudge cake. Especially __**your**__ baby," Callie interjects with a teasing laugh and Arizona gasps, pulling her hands back just slightly as she wrinkles her nose in mock hurt and Callie only grins._

_ "What do you mean by that?"_

"_No, no. It's not an insult. I'm just saying that you are… perky and…and yay all the time, with or without the help of chocolate… or sugar. And if this baby is anything like you, then it is going to come out of the womb all smiles and cheery and… yay." To this, Callie waves her hands in a cheering gesture with a playful grin, "and he or she will certainly not need any help from Hot Fudge Cake or __**any **__cake for that matter because we already have McPerky 2.0 on our hands." The raven haired beauty teases with a warm laugh, a bright smile playing upon her lips. Arizona wrinkles her brow as she puckers her bottom lip out in an infamous pout before she breaks their gaze and stares down at her hands with a quiet sniffle. Rolling her eyes playfully, Callie snorts a laugh before she squeezes her hands reassuringly to catch those blue pearls once again. _

"_I hope our baby is just like you, Arizona." Callie exclaims ducking her head only slightly to make sure she catches those flickering eyes. Arizona sniffles sheepishly, parting her lips only slightly as a quiet breath echoes from them, "well… maybe not as dramatic as you are but I know that it's only a cry for my attention." She teases with a shrug of left shoulder and a playful smile and Arizona giggles. _

_ "I hope Pea is just like you. Because then it would be perfect," Arizona charms with a smile and Callie can feel the warm blush trying to form within her cheeks so she forces a flirtatious giggle. Even after all this time, Arizona Robbins knows exactly how to get her way with her. _

_ "It's getting late. We should get going so I can get the two of you in bed before the weather gets too bad," states Arizona, glancing down at her watch and Callie nods quietly. She pulls her hands from under Arizona's as she softly places it upon her slightly round stomach, wrinkling her nose at the tightness that cramps over her_. _She softly rubs small circles into her stomach as Arizona slowly stands, pushing her chair out and slipping on her coat. _

_ "Yeah, I need some rest," mumbles Callie in a grumbling wrinkle._

_ A sensation aches through Calliope, a tight, cramping sensation, as her hands grow clammy and a cold sweat curls down the back of her neck. She closes her eyes for a brief moment, desperately trying to ignore the pain. Arizona reaches for her hand with a soft smile and Callie slowly places her hand within the upturned palm. Slowly, she begins to stand when suddenly a hard, breath taking cramp radiates through her stomach and her knees buckle as she slowly sinks to the floor._

_ "OWWWW!" Callie cries out in wrenching pain as her trembling hands clutch at her stomach. Instantly, Arizona is on her knees beside the raven haired beauty, her frantic blue eyes searching her body for the source of pain. _

_ "Callie? Callie, what's wrong?" _

_ "OWWWW! Arizonaaaaaaaa!" shrieks Callie, the cramp tightening in her stomach as a heat echoes in her center, a warm liquid escaping within her, "something's wrong!" She cries out, the cold sweat drenching her entire body as she trembles, gasping to catch her breath as she clutches to her stomach. _

_ "Cal—"_

_ "The baby! Something is wrong! Arizona! AAHHHHH! Make it stop! OWWW! Oh my God!" she yells, wrangling in the pain as she struggles to catch a breath, any breath. With worried eyes, Arizona searches her body as she looks down at her stomach, her quivering lips allowing a sharp breath to escape her. _

_ "No. Arizona… No. No. Please. God. Please. Oh God. God, no. No. Not the baby. Oh. Owww!" shrieks Callie, the aching pain stealing her breath and slowing her heart. Arizona reaches for her hand, softly grasping it as her fleeting eyes glance around the restaurant full of glaring people._

_ "Don't just sit there! Call 911!" yells Arizona, "Someone help! Please!" the blond shrieks for help and Callie looks up at her, the tears slipping down her cheeks as she clutches at her stomach, her legs slowly slipping open as the aching pain trembles through her body. She looks down between her legs as the red, hot liquid begins to soak through her fabric and it sends her into another heart breaking wail._

_ "Arizona, t-the baby. It's… t-the baby. Something is wrong. Save her.. please… please… A-Arizona… the baby… the…." Callie cries, sucking in a gasp of air before her whole world goes black._

* * *

><p>A soft jostle startles the snoozing blond as her eyes quickly flutter open, darting around the scene before her, trying to discover where she is. Her eyes make quick work of the interior of the plane, noticing the aisles and the seats around her before she focuses in on the familiar face sitting next to her. Licking her dry lips, she squints; almost unsure as to whom she is seeing before the raven haired beauty smiles a gentle smile that sends familiar warmth over her in soft waves. The blond smiles bashfully as she slowly rises up in her slanted seat, brushing her golden hair away from her face in a creeping blush.<p>

"Did you have a nice nap?" asks Dani, shifting in her seat to view the woman sitting beside of her. Arizona giggles quietly, wiggling in the poorly supported seat as her hand rests comfortably on her round stomach. She is almost surprised at how comfortable it is with Dani, how she is almost a complete stranger and yet she finds herself so open with her. Perhaps it is the fact that she knows that once they are off the plane, she will never see the woman again or maybe it is because Dani does not know her past, does not know anything about her and cannot judge her for all the things that she has done.

"I haven't had a good sleep since the pregnancy test turned positive. Which kind of sucks because the next eighteen years won't be any better," Arizona grumbles with a playful roll of her eyes, her left hand clutching the arm chair between the two of them. Dani giggles quietly, flipping the page of her magazine as her eyes scan through the words. Arizona settles in the seat, glancing out at the open sky that surrounds the plane. She slowly inhales deeply, feeling the soft beating of her heart and the warmth that echoes in her stomach.

"So, you still love her, huh?" Dani states matter-of-factly as she flips the magazine page, catching Arizona off guard. The blond glares over at her wrinkling her brow and Dani looks up from the magazine with a quaint smile, "You talk in your sleep. It is really endearing." The warmth of a blush curls within her cheeks as she forces an embarrassing giggle, looking down at her prodding stomach.

"She is the mother of my child, of course I love her," Arizona replies in a hushed whisper, softly caressing her stomach. Dani studies her for a long moment, biting her bottom lip carefully as she slowly nods her head before glancing back down at her magazine.

"That is why you are going back, isn't it? To be with her?" Dani states, turning another page harshly and Arizona swallows hard, studying her round stomach without words. She would love nothing more than to land in Seattle, to run into Calliope's arms, cry hysterically, forget everything and live happily ever after with the love of her lie and their child. But she knows that all of those things are not possible, not any longer. Calliope moved on a long time ago and even now, under these circumstances, she knows there is not a chance in hell of them getting back together.

"I don't…um…"

"Relax. You don't have to tell me. It's not any of my business anyway. But I just…" Dani shifts in her seat, looking over at Arizona, "you are really beautiful and you seem to be really sweet. And I know, from what you said in your sleep, that you are still crazy about this woman. So, no matter what happened between the two of you, my advice is to not give up. Love is… amazing. And worth fighting for. No matter how much shit you got into before." She exclaims with a quip of her head and Arizona sighs with a soft shake of her own.

"She doesn't know that I am pregnant, Dani. We haven't talked in _months_. I don't think me showing up on her doorstep and telling her that I am sorry is exactly going to win her back. She hates me," Arizona sighs, dishearteningly. She shifts uncomfortably once more, trying to fight the tears that threaten to form within her blue eyes. Dani shakes her head softly, placing her hand upon Arizona's, catching the both of them off guard at the warmth that echoes over the two of them.

"She does _not_. You are impossible to hate with those cute dimples. She may be angry at you and she may not understand and she may not want anything to do with you for a while but she does _not_ hate you. You are growing a baby inside of you, her baby. And try as hard as she might, she can't deny that. She can't deny the fact that the two of you are having a baby together and that connects the two of you. For the rest of our lives. You may have done some things that she may not agree with and things that hurt her but they are all in the past and this is the now. You have to fight for what you want, Arizona. And have faith that at the end of the day that love will be enough." Dani exclaims and Arizona blinks her eyes softly, trying to fight away the tears. She sniffles desperately, softly caressing her tummy as she lets out a shaky, uneven breath. The two of them share a gaze, a long and tender gaze and Arizona giggles through the tears, a dimple revealing smile curling upon her lips.

"You are very deep and philosophical for a stranger, you know?" She giggles with a sniffle, rubbing her nose on her sleeve. Dani rolls her eyes with a giggle, softly threading her fingers around the dimpling blond in a comforting touch.

"It is sad that after the memories and moments we have shared, you still consider me a stranger," Dani exclaims in a mock hurt, placing her free hand over her chest and Arizona giggles once more, a sound that creates a flickering smile upon Dani's lips.

"Trust me, Dani. You are _not_ a stranger," Arizona replies in a warm smile and Dani looks at her with a bashful smile. For a moment, there are no words; because there are no words needed. The two of them, complete strangers, from different corners of the world, are suddenly drawn together in their likeness, drawn together in familiarity and comfort. For a moment, Arizona feels like her quest to win Calliope back is anything _but_ impossible, for a moment she almost feels alive again.

Then suddenly, a hard jolt crashes through the plane, shattering the silence around them. The plane rocks in the air at the hard movement, sending the passengers colliding to different sides of their seats. Dani's hand locks tightly around Arizona's in a hard squeeze as she gasps in a breath, the rocking of the plane continuous until suddenly, it stops.

"Sorry about that folks, we have seemed to hit some turbulence. No need to worry, this is perfectly normal," A voice states over the intercom and sighs of relief echo around them. Dani looks over at Arizona whose face is written with worry and deep thought and she smiles a little.

"This stuff happens all the time, right?" Dani asks and Arizona nods her head quietly, slightly moving her hand under Dani's fingers.

"Yeah. A-all the time." Arizona stutters with a wrinkled brow as she rests her hand upon her prodding stomach. Slowly, she caresses the bump carefully, softly shushing the tiny human that seems to be doing circles inside of her; a warm lull in the back of her throat. Glancing out the window, Arizona swallows the lump in her throat as she shakes her head quietly, lost in thoughts all her own. She cannot exactly pinpoint what it is, but something is off, she can feel it. In her blood, in her heart.

Although she does not know what, something is wrong.

_Very_ wrong.

* * *

><p>Your thoughts are always appreciated.<p> 


	4. Chapter 4

Over My Head (My Confessions)

Tagline: Everyone knows I'm in over my head and I don't know what to do to but to give my confessions.

Summary: When the pressures of being unable to conceive slowly derails their relationship, Arizona chooses to take a break. She heads to Africa to work as a missionary, saving lives of the tiny humans. Yet, little to every one's knowledge, including her own, she takes a little something of Callie's with her. Now seven months later, Callie's world is turned upside down by the arrival of her ex-girlfriend and the tiny human growing inside of her. Can Callie find forgiveness for the mother of her child? Or is it simply too late?

Warning: AU Season 7

Pairing: Callie/Arizona.

Disclaimer: All television shows, movies, books, and other copyrighted material referred to in this work, and the characters, settings, and events thereof, are the properties of their respective owners. As this work is an interpretation of the original material and not for-profit, it constitutes fair use. Reference to real persons, places, or events are made in a fictional context, and are not intended to be libelous, defamatory, or in any way factual.

Author's Note: Okay, I got some feedback about my two week time period between updates and there _is_ a reason for it. I have most of this story written but not all, so I am giving myself time in case my mind stalls on how to close this fic, also I do have class to attend and other things going on. I get that it's hard to get back into the fic and I will consider updating every week but I'm kinda comfortable with my routine now, so we'll just have to wait and see. At least I'm not being like some writers and making you wait months :P Now, that I've addressed that, I hope you enjoy this chapter, it's a turning point and an eye opener and I loved writing it. So here's to hope you love it too.

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter Four<strong>

There is an old saying that nothing good ever after happens after midnight. Teddy ponders the thought as she shuffles around her kitchen, trying desperately to make sense of the mess that has become her life lately. Somewhere between the secrets and the lies, she is not so sure where she lost herself, where she lost everything that she ever held dear to her. Perhaps it had been the day that Owen chose Cristina over her. Perhaps it was the day that Arizona disappeared to a missionary in Africa. Perhaps it was the day that she somehow got caught up in the secrets and the lies and the despair of love and loss; or maybe it had been the day that she chose to take the job at Seattle Grace.

She often wonders what her life would have been like if she respectfully declined the job when Owen called her up and offered it to her all those years ago. What her life would have been like if she had never showed up in Seattle and found herself face to face with that handsome ginger who held pieces of her heart, even after all the time they spent apart. What her life would have been like without all the heartbreak and the turmoil, and the tears and the wrenching pain that now keeps her sworn off from love. She wonders what her life would have been like without Arizona, without the undying friendship, without the love and happiness that washes over her at just the mere thought of her best friend. What her life would be like without the looming guilt of knowing entirely too much and yet not quite enough.

She sighs in exhaustion, opening the cabinet above her head and pulls down a shot glass. Instantly, her heart sinks in disappointment and she gently edges the rim of the glass with her thumb. She has not had a drink in two months, since the night that she drunkenly showed up on Owen's doorstep, professed her undying love and sloppily kissed him. Since she kissed her best friend, a mentor to her, a man who had made it very clear that he did not want to be with her. She has not had a drink in two months because she did not think that she needed one and tonight is going to be the night that changes that. Because tonight, like many nights before, Teddy needs the drink, because without it, she is not necessarily sure that she can make it through the night.

After pouring the glass with some of her favorite bourbon, she leans against the doorway, clutching the drink tightly in her hand. Through the dusty, dim lighting, she finds Callie, slumping in the sofa with her head in her hands. For so long she has found herself so angry at the raven haired beauty, avoiding her when avoidance could happen, forcing a way through necessary chit chats during consults or surgeries. She has been angry at Callie because blaming her for Arizona's leaving was easier than facing the truth about it all, blaming her made it easier to keep the secrets and the lies all to herself. Hating Callie, well, it made it a hell of a lot easier to not hate her own-self.

Yet, as Teddy gazes at her from the doorway, she realizes that she and Callie are a lot more alike than she ever wanted to admit. They both have a very strict background, both know what it is like to love and lose someone, their_ one,_ and they both know how impossible it is to live after something like that. Callie is breaking down, a crumbling, disheveled mess of life and purpose and Teddy wonders if it is possible for someone to disappear before her very eyes.

She has blamed her for so long. It had all been _Callie's_ fault. _Callie's_ fault that a relationship that she envied is over; it is _Callie's_ fault that her best friend is literally a world away on some stupid mission in Africa. Callie had been the bad guy, the villain. But the in the end, the Latina is not a bad guy or the villain or pouring pig's blood on anyone at prom.

She is just a woman whose heart is breaking.

She is just a woman struggling to make sense of her life.

A woman who is struggling for _peace_.

Callie is neither the villain, nor the victim but someone who is just like her, someone who has been burned by the hand of love and is looking for a resurrection, looking for forgiveness where forgiveness will not be found. Callie is not a monster but a simple someone who is in need of a friend-a friend other than Mark Sloan.

The most heart breaking pair of russet brown eyes find their way to hers through the dark, dusty lighting and a quite nod of acknowledgement is shared between the two women; a nod that says more than any amount of words (in the English language) ever could. Teddy pushes herself from the doorframe, her bones cracking at the forcing movement, approaching the unkempt mess of a woman who is desperately fighting exhaustion and sleep.

"You really should get some sleep, Dr. Torres," Teddy states, taking a seat on the sofa beside of the raven haired beauty. The Ortho surgeon allows a wickedly dark laugh to escape from her lips as she simply studies the hardwood flooring beneath her feet. Sometimes she cannot help but wonder when she will find herself again, when she will find the purpose and light that had once been instilled within her life, when this aching pain that plagues her life will finally end.

"I can't sleep. I haven't slept in months," Callie replies with a roll of her eyes, twisting her fingers in her hair. She remembers the last night they spent together; the night before Arizona "left" for Africa. Even then, the distance between the two of them allowed her to know their relationship was far from okay, even then she knew that something was going to happen, she just could have never expected the replications would affect her this way.

"Callie," It is not patronizing or scolding the way that Teddy says her name, it is compassionate and sympathetic, two of the things that the Latina would have never expected to come from the blond. Russet eyes meet the softest pair of emerald and Teddy offers a weak smile, placing her hand upon Callie's shoulder, squeezing it softly.

"I'm sorry. I… I know that you're hurting and I know that I'm not making it easier for you. Seeing me… I know that it reminds you of her; and I know that you want answers about her. And you know that I have some. But I can't tell you. And you know I can't," Teddy exclaims and Callie nods weakly, licking her dry and cracked lips.

"You are her best friend and I wouldn't expect anything less from you. I wouldn't want Mark to tell Arizona what he knows about me either, so, it is okay. I just…" the tears fill within Callie's eyes as she allows a dry sniffle, "is she okay? I know that it's not my place to ask but I haven't heard from her and nobody will tell me anything. I think they are afraid that I will break if they say her name around me but I just... I _have_ to know, Teddy." The dirty blond nods a little, tracing the neck of her glass with her thumb with a soft laugh.

"She… uh… sh-she is okay." Teddy replies with a weak smile and Callie nods her head all knowingly. She would not expect anything different from the dimpling blond other than to be perfectly okay; even when her world is tumbling apart, everything is just fine. It is a characteristic the two of them in common, a characteristic that used to drive her absolutely insane but it is a characteristic that she misses more than ever before now.

"Hey, I am sure she misses you. You're… you're the love of her life. That is not something that she can just forget because she is in a third world country. Oceans apart or inches, you are still the only one that she will ever love," Teddy explains and Callie shakes her head, laughing bitterly as she stands from the couch, her every joint popping and cracking at the forceful movement.

"Yeah, well, she sure as hell has a funny way of showing it," Callie laughs, rolling her eyes as she staggers only slightly, "She packed up our entire life and moved to Africa to some stupid missionary without me. She did what was best for _her_, not for us. Now she's gone and my life is just this…. this… big dark hole of _nothing_ and she doesn't even give a damn about the mess she left behind."

"Look, I…"

"No, Teddy. Enough! Enough making _excuses _for her. God, I am so, so fucking sick of every one making excuses for her. 'She is saving lives' or 'Things happen for a reason' or whatever else they can come up with. She _left_ me! We were happy, we were in love, and we were supposed to start a family, live the American dream. And then suddenly, I look around and she's gone. Her things are packed and she's on a plane to fucking Africa, erasing me from her memory and the love that we had. And now you're telling me that she's okay that she is fine and my life is literally _hell_. I am just so tired of people pretending that everything is okay because it's not," Callie snaps, the tears crowding within her eyes and Teddy only shakes her head softly, slowly standing as a gush of air escapes from her parted lips.

"It's _not_ okay," Teddy exclaims and Callie snaps her head up, looking at her in confusion.

"_Nothing_ about this is okay, Callie. It is not okay that she just packed up her life and moved to Africa. It is not fair that she told you the relationship was over and didn't even give the two of you a chance to work it out. It is not okay that she does not tell you anything that is going on with her; it is not fair that she never gave you a chance and let you in. Nothing about what Arizona is doing is _fair_. But nothing about what you did was quite fair either. You pushed her, you pushed an entire life on her that she was not ready for and you did not give her so much of a chance to disagree. And then when she asked to talk to you that night, you blew her off. Do you remember what you told her?" Teddy exclaims and Callie's face falls with a heavy sigh.

"Okay. So, we are both bad guys. But that doesn't make it okay," Callie mumbles and Teddy nods gently, taking a complacent step toward the woman that she has so long viewed as the villain. She hates how she never realized how terribly alike they are before but she also hates how obviously different they are as well.

"No, it's not. You are right." Teddy states and Callie sighs, cupping her neck with the back of her hand.

"Thank you." Callie whispers and Teddy smiles softly at her. Teddy only looks at her, her eyes heavy and hard knowing too much and not enough. Callie only studies the woman before her, the one who is the only tie that she has left to the gorgeous blond that still holds her heart.

"I-I should go. It is getting late and you need your sleep," Callie states with a weak grin, taking a step back to the door. Teddy looks down at her drink with a wrinkled brow, contemplating her thoughts before she looks up, taking a chance to speak.

"You can stay here tonight if you want," Teddy states and Callie turns back with a hopeful smile, "I… I mean it is late and you are upset. You shouldn't be alone at this hour. Besides, we both have shifts tomorrow and I have a couch right here that has been vacant for months now. Really, it would be my pleasure." Teddy offers, waving her hand at the sofa with a playful smile and Callie nods her head with a grin.

"Yeah. I-I'd like that," Callie smiles and Teddy nods quietly with a warm beam. The two women move in a hustle and bustle, shifting things around to prepare for Callie's night as Teddy fetches a blanket from the hall closet for her guest. She giggles when she finds the raven haired woman already stretched out upon the couch, cuddled around a pillow. She smiles softly; placing the blanket over the body as Callie only watches her with wide but ever so tired eyes.

"Try to get some sleep," Teddy whispers before she turns around, heading back to her bedroom. She only gets halfway, however, before the raven haired beauty calls out her name.

"Hey Teddy?" She turns. "Thank you. Thank you for letting me stay tonight and just… thank you for everything. I really do appreciate it." To this, Teddy simply nods with a gesturing flick of her wrist before she takes tired steps to her bedroom doorway. She stops, however, just short of entering; instead she turns around and studies the slumbering woman on her couch with a heavy sigh. There is so much that she deserves to know, so many things that she wishes that she could tell her but there simply are no words.

There are no words, in the English language, to tell her exactly what Arizona is keeping from her; there are no words to tell her just how miserable the Peds surgeon actually is and has been her entire time in Africa. There are no words to explain to Callie just how truly sorry Teddy is for keeping something this tremendously life changing from her. Teddy sighs, leaning against the door-facing as the tears crowd within her eyes, taking a long swig of the liquid in her hand; if Callie could not hate her for this, she sure as hell could hate herself.

* * *

><p><em>Although the two of them are doctors, they never truly knew exactly how terrifying and freezing the doctor's office is until now; until Callie is lying on the bed, her feet in the stirrups as she stares blankly at the ceiling above her. There is a sudden emptiness about her now, a darkness that haunts her in every joint, bone, muscle and organ in her body. Even though Arizona stands beside of her, holding her hand tightly, softly caressing her in quiet comfort, Callie feels like she is entirely alone.<em>

_ This was her thing, her one __**good**__ and __**perfect**__ thing; the one thing that she spent her entire life desiring and dreaming about; the one thing that she and the love of her life defeated the odds to have, the one thing that everyone shrugged her off that she would never have. This was the one thing that she wanted most in the world and in a blink of an eye, it was gone. No warning, no suggestions, no options; just suddenly and painfully gone. _

_ She failed. The only thing she had to do was take care of herself, drink liquids, rest and take vitamins. The only thing she had to do was grow a life inside of her, a life that was all theirs and she could not even do that. _

_Sure, she could rebuild someone's entire skeletal system but she couldn't do the one thing that women have been doing since the beginning of life._

_This had been their chance: their chance to become loving parents to a life all of their own. This had been their chance to see love and innocence written within a baby's face, to feel the love of an angel wrapped around their fingers. This had been their chance to finally have their dreams come true instead of only having them be __**dreams**__ and she just could not make it happen. She failed them, the both of them. _

"_Hey." Arizona's voice is a mere whisper as it echoes from her lips but even standing beside of her, she sounded like she was a million miles away to the raven haired beauty. She looks up at her, her eyes dead and cold, without so much as a line of emotion instilled upon her beautiful face. She knows she must hate her, because how could she not? She is the reason their child was not born, she is the reason they are both suffering this unbearable pain. Arizona's lips part, a soft exhale of air escaping from her as she battles the tears that attempt to form within her bottled blue eyes. The pain is aching, insufferably so and she wishes, oh God how she wishes, that she could ease this pain. Not for herself, but for the love of her life who has all but given up on life now. _

"_You are going to tell me it is not my fault again, aren't you?" Callie mumbles and Arizona sighs, reaching forward as she strokes the Latina's face, her index and middle finger slipping down her cheek carefully. She wonders if she can feel it, the love that she has for her, the way that her heart explodes in the utmost love and passion for the woman. She wonders if she knows just how much she truly means to her, how she cannot live without her. _

"_It is __**not**__ your fault." Arizona states so simply as if it is an insanity that she could ever think otherwise. Callie chuckles quietly, staring back up at the white ceiling, her eyes flooding with tears as she shakes her head. This darkness is enough to kill her and she almost wishes that it would. _

"_**Of course**__ it is my fault." Chuckles Callie bitterly, the tears threatening to fall from her eyes but she keeps them at bay with a hard swallow. Arizona growls a low grumble in the back of her throat, taking another step toward her love, squeezing her hand tightly to regain her attention. When their eyes meet again, she is shaken by the difference within her, the lifelessness written within those once lively orbs of brown. _

"_This is not your fault, Calliope. Do you hear me? Do you __**understand**__me? This is not your fault. This is something that just happens sometimes. There is nothing that you could have done any different that would have prevented this from happening. You rested enough. You drank plenty. You took your vitamins. You did everything right. Nobody, not even you, could have known that this was going to happen. This is a possibility, one that nobody really factors in; most first pregnancies actually…. You did everything that you could. This is not your fault. Sometimes… things just happen for a reason." Arizona explains and the sudden look of pure disgust that fills in those all too familiar eyes is enough to cut Arizona to the core of everything that she has ever known, enough to leave her gasping to catch a breath. _

"_Everything happens for a reason? Are you really feeding me that bullshit right now, Arizona? Well, please, enlighten me, what is the reason or this. What is the reason that our baby just __**died**__, huh? What is the big, master plan behind that? There is none! There is no reason that anyone, especially us, should have to suffer like this! Our baby is dead! Gone. Just like that. It didn't even get a chance to live, a chance to see us or meet us or love us. And it is my fault! I was the one who was growing it inside of me, I was the one who was supposed to take care of it and protect our baby. I was the one who failed. I couldn't do my job. I couldn't do my job well enough and now our baby is gone. Our baby is dead. Do you not get that?" snaps Callie and Arizona cries, the tears springing from her eyes. _

"_Of course I get that, Calliope! Do you think I don't understand that? Do you think that I don't feel the __**exact**__ same way that you do? I was there at dinner tonight. I was the one who watched you collapse, in case you can't remember! I was the one who watched you bleed out, I was the one who watched you go unconscious and I was scared to death because I did not know if you were going to be okay! I __**know**__ how much this hurts! I lost a baby too, you know? So stop it! Stop pretending like you are all alone in this because in case you haven't noticed there is someone standing beside of you who is hurting __**just**__ as much!" Arizona snaps back, a choking cry escaping from her lips. Callie rolls her eyes, focusing her attention back onto the ceiling above her. _

"_Really? Were you the one who had a baby inside of you only to have your body reject it? Are you the reason that our child is not being brought into this world? No? Well then you are not hurting as bad as I am. You don't know anything about how I feel right now, so please stop kidding yourself that you do." Callie snorts bitterly. Arizona opens her mouth to protest, however, she is interrupted when the door opens and the familiar red head walks in. Addison shares a sympathetic gaze with the dimpling blond with a heavy sigh and Arizona nods quietly through her tears. She takes the seat at the end of the bed, looking up at Callie, wishing that she could find the words that could make this pain hurt just a little less._

"_Callie, I…" Addison begins but Callie interrupts her._

"_No. Don't. I am begging you, Addison. Please. Don't. I can't do this right now. Can we just get this procedure over with?" Callie snaps in a soft whisper. Addison looks up at Arizona who is fighting the tears in her eyes, as she looks away, biting her bottom lip to keep the cry from escaping her. Her heart breaks deeply in her chest, not only for her best friend but for Arizona as well._

"_Okay. So, we gave you some numbing medication earlier which should prevent you from feeling anything. What is going to happen is I am going to extract…"Addison states but she is interrupted._

"_No offense, Addison but we are both doctors. We know the procedure; we know what is going to happen. And I know that you are just doing your job but I really would appreciate it if we could just skip over this part. This… this is already painful enough." Arizona speaks up, noticing Callie's uncomfort. Addison looks at Callie with heavy eyes, her stomach twisting in the most painful knot before she nods her head softly._

"_Sure. Callie, you shouldn't feel a thing," Addison mumbles as she enters her. _

_Callie does not even wince when her best friend begins the procedure; she only stares blankly, without so much as a blink up at the ceiling. One could argue it is because of the anesthesia that Callie cannot feel anything-but she disagrees. Because as far as she is concerned, she is dead inside and she will never feel anything ever again._

* * *

><p>Arizona glances down at the city below her, a city that seems just tiny enough to be one of Barbie's homes from her position in the air. Looking down at the buildings that only look like ant hills now, Arizona is reminded just how terrified she is of flying. There is something about the altitude in which the plane soars that terrifies her, something about not having her feet planted firmly on the ground that chokes her up completely. Her father always joked her about her fear, about how flying is the new technology and she needed to embrace the 21st century but if she had a choice, she would much rather have driven the distance than be flying.<p>

Yet if she never flew, she would not have met Dani, a gorgeous raven haired woman who is now sitting, surprisingly quiet, beside of her as she flips through the pages of yet another tabloid magazine. The woman must be at least five years younger than herself but she just cannot shake the bond the two of them share, the way she feels so comfortable around her; even when they are thousands of feet off the ground.

But she is not Calliope, in fact, she is nothing like her in the least bit, but the comfort Arizona feels around her is very similar to the comfort that she felt around the Ortho surgeon. She glances over at her, careful to not get caught with wandering eyes and she smiles silently to herself; perhaps this had been fate. Perhaps fate had guided Dani to sit beside of her, to encourage her to do the things that she has wanted to do for the past eight months and to remind her that sometimes true love does actually work out.

Perhaps fate had brought Dani to Arizona to remind her that she and Calliope are made for each other.

Or perhaps fate brought Dani to Arizona for another reason entirely.

Nevertheless, Arizona is grateful to have someone like the beautiful girl along the ride with her; it makes the whole situation just a little less scary. With one hand tucked safely upon her prodding stomach, Arizona sighs, leaning back in her seat as she rests her head upon the headrest, shutting her eyes just for a brief moment. She has not been able to get enough sleep lately, at first she blamed it on being so late in her pregnancy, but her heart has convinced her of something else entirely- it is the excitement of seeing Calliope again.

_Her_ Calliope.

It is the fear and the rush of telling Callie that she is pregnant with their child, of hearing her react to the news that their life is going to change forever. It is the excitement of seeing that infamous thousand watt smile again and hearing her speak her name in the sweetest of voices. It is the desire to feel that soft skin pressed against hers and hearing her whisper dirty Spanish into her ear. It is the dream of experiencing love again, _their_ love.

This had been the moment she had been dreaming about since she first landed in Africa, the moment that she so long wished for, but knew that she could never make it happen. This is the moment that she has thought about so very much during her work in the missionary, the moment that she had almost given up hope that would ever come. Calliope may hate her in the beginning, but they are made for each other. And just like her lovely new friend has said, love is something that cannot be denied, no matter what the circumstances may be. They _belong_ together. They are having a baby _together_. That is a kind of love that nothing can destroy.

"Hey, are you still alive?" Dani nudges her in the shoulder and Arizona giggles, her blue eyes flutter open in a warm smile. Their eyes meet and instantly a warm blush curls within the girl's cheeks as she turns back to flipping absently through the magazine, "You got quiet on me. I just wanted to make sure that you didn't go into the afterlife on me and left me on this plane all alone." She teases with a warm giggle and Arizona laughs, rolling her eyes softly as she slowly caresses her stomach.

"Relax. I'm fine. Just trying to rest before the big moment." Arizona smiles with a sigh, glancing back out the window. Dani watches her with a smile, licking her lips as she glances around the plane, trying to find something to take her mind off the gorgeous woman that sits next to her.

"You know you worry too much, right?" pipes Dani.

"Excuse me?" Arizona turns her head, looking at the young woman with a wrinkled brow and confusion echoing upon every line on her face. Dani nods feverishly, sitting the magazine down in her lap, capturing Arizona's attention once more.

"You do. For a woman who is literally weeks from giving birth, you are more worried about what that woman is going to say than you are about your baby. Look, she is either going to want to be a part of the baby's life and forgive you or she is not. You sitting here, worrying yourself to the point of insanity is not going to make the choice any easier for her. Sure, you kept this pregnancy a secret from her and sure, you haven't talked to her in months but if she loves you, and I mean if she _really_ loves you then none of that is going to matter. Love knows no distance or time. That is her baby inside of you, her baby with you. A life the two of you made. She is not going to pass that up for anything if she is a true human being. Don't worry so much about what she is going to say or think, because it is doing neither of you any good." Dani instructs and Arizona shakes her head in protest with a grumbling sigh.

"You don't know her. You don't know anything about our relationship or what has happened or…." Dani interrupts her.

"You're right. I don't. I don't know any of those things. But I know that if you truly love someone, you are not going to let them just walk out of your life without so much as fighting for them. And I know that if you really love someone, you can find a way to forgive them, no matter what they do. And if you are a human, if you have a conscious, then you are going to want to be a part of your child's life. You say that she loves you, right? Then everything is going to be okay. And you have to believe that, or else you are going to drive yourself insane." Dani explains and Arizona looks at her, dumbfounded and awestruck with a soft laugh. She shakes her head softly, her blond curls falling into her face before she brushes them back with a grin.

"Maybe you're right," Arizona says and Dani nods, picking up her magazine again.

"Maybe. Or maybe I just totally pulled that out of my ass." jokes Dani with a laugh and Arizona laughs, rolling her eyes softly, "oh my God, can you believe that she wore that?" the young girl squeals, showing the magazine to Arizona who leans over to view it.

Suddenly there is a jolt, a tremendous shaking of the plane and then suddenly they began plunging and _quickly._ The passengers all yell and scream, curses flying throughout the air without so much as consideration as pandemonium begins to set in as the plane shakes in a joggle, plummeting.

"Everyone stay calm!" The voice of a flight attendant exclaims before another thrust sends her falling backward into the next class pit. Arizona swallows hard, her hand clamping over Dani's on the arm rest as the tears crash down her cheeks from her bottled blues.

"This isn't normal, is it?" yells Dani.

"No!" cries Arizona as another jolt rumbles through the plane, causing her heart to sink deeper into her chest. Her hand holds tight to her stomach as she begins to pray to a God that she is not necessarily sure that she believes in. She prays for the passengers on the plane, she prays for Dani, she prays for herself but most importantly, she prays for her unborn child. She prays as her eyes shut tightly, gripping onto Dani's hand as she cries.

May God have mercy on them all.

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><p>Reviews are always appreciated.<p> 


	5. Chapter 5

Over My Head (My Confessions)

Tagline: Everyone knows I'm in over my head and I don't know what to do to but to give my confessions.

Summary: When the pressures of being unable to conceive slowly derails their relationship, Arizona chooses to take a break. She heads to Africa to work as a missionary, saving lives of the tiny humans. Yet, little to every one's knowledge, including her own, she takes a little something of Callie's with her. Now seven months later, Callie's world is turned upside down by the arrival of her ex-girlfriend and the tiny human growing inside of her. Can Callie find forgiveness for the mother of her child? Or is it simply too late?

Warning: AU Season 7

Pairing: Callie/Arizona.

Disclaimer: All television shows, movies, books, and other copyrighted material referred to in this work, and the characters, settings, and events thereof, are the properties of their respective owners. As this work is an interpretation of the original material and not for-profit, it constitutes fair use. Reference to real persons, places, or events are made in a fictional context, and are not intended to be libelous, defamatory, or in any way factual.

Author's Note: At the risk of rambling, I will only say this: Thank you one and all for the amazing feedback that I am getting for this story, it is certainly what keeps the muse thriving and it makes me want to continue to strive hard to create a great story for you guys to read. Thank you for experiencing this journey with me.

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><p><strong>Chapter Five<strong>

The world seems to be going to hell around her; the gut wrenching screams of the passengers echoing within her ears, the cries of those fearful ones that surround her cracking in her ear drums, Dani's nails digging deep into her hand and the stumbling flight attendants trying to do their jobs as tears stream down their cheeks. Although the world is literally falling around her, Arizona only sits in silence, the coldest of tears cascading from her bottle blue eyes, her breaths shaky and uneven escaping from her pursed lips. She doesn't panic or give into the chaos around her, but only remains still as sitting in the fabric seat.

Growing up in a military home, she and her brother were taught to never lose control in the face of an emergency but to rather keep a cool head and contemplate all plausible answers and explanations. The Colonel told them stories of men in the field that panicked during an unexpected situation and lost their lives, or cost the lives of others around them. A calm and collected head is the smartest, he would always say. Except, it is not that lesson that silences Arizona Robbins as the plane plummets in dramatic trembles, but it is fear.

The most paralyzing, numbing, type of terror.

This is her _worst_ fear.

She should have known. She should have listened to that little voice inside of her head that told her to stay in Africa just a little while longer. But she _had_ to see Calliope, she _had_ to tell her about the baby growing inside of her, she _had_ to give her that chance to be a mother that she so desperately longed to be. She couldn't stay in Africa, not with her life changing, not when the one person that she wanted to share this experience with was literally half way around the world, working in a top grade hospital. She just could _not _stay.

But now she would give anything to simply go back.

Her eyes dart around the chaotic, panic stricken scene around her as the plane plunges in a tremulous joggle, the oxygen masks falling from the overhead above the seats, swaying in the bounce, just barely missing her head. She sucks in a hard breath, the whooshing of the air triggering the rattling of the windows. The noise of the roaring engine is enough to create an unknown ache in her bones, causing the tears to crowd deeper within her eyes.

Desperately, her eyes find Dani's, who only looks as panicked stricken as Arizona and the rest of the passengers on the flight. She speaks no words, her face emotionless as the tears crash down her powdered cheeks, creating the most heart breaking streaks. Her lips quiver as Arizona only stares, breathlessly.

There has to be something.

Something she could do, something she could say, just _something_ that could stop this entire thing from happening. Something that could save the lives of those around her, something that could save Dani's life, her life, her baby's life.

However, she doesn't ponder the thought too long when another plummet takes her breath entirely.

They are getting closer now, closer to the ground, closer to the _end._

"Arizona." It is Dani's trembling voice who speaks her name now, but even at this moment in time, even after everything the two of them have discussed and been through, it sounds utterly strange coming from her. Bottled blues meet a pair of warm, chocolate brown and Arizona swears that she can almost count the tears that are forming within her eyes. Strangers at the beginning of this flight, the two of them have suddenly became so much more.

"Brace yourselves!" A voice of a scared flight attendant echoes from the front of the class. The sobbing cries of the passengers are just enough to create an unwanted soundtrack to this fearfully painful moment. Arizona looks around the plane, noticing the people who grab for their oxygen masks; she notices an old couple, sitting hand in hand, with the most silent tears falling down their cheeks. She notices a young couple with a son; he could not have been more than four years old, softly trying to soothe him in the most bittersweet lullaby. She takes a moment, the most briefest of moments, to notice the things that would otherwise have gone unseen by her eyes. She takes a second in the loudest chaos of fear and panic and sadness to find the one thing she has been searching for since leaving Seattle: love. Love in the face of strangers, warmth in the face of fear.

A hand upon her stomach snaps her from her journey and she notices Dani's palm, tightly resting upon her prodding stomach. She says nothing, however, for there are no words to explain the emotions that are suddenly now pulsing through her veins. She only studies the hand as the most bitter of cries dance from her pursed, cracked lips. Looking up at the brunette as another jostle shakes through the plane, rattling the windows angrily.

Her stomach sinks heavily in her chest; maybe this is what she deserves. Maybe this is what she deserves for leaving a woman who loved her with all of her heart; maybe this is what she deserves for choosing to keep this secret from her. Maybe this is what she deserves for not being able to find forgiveness when forgiveness should have been found. But these people? These people do not deserve this; her unborn child does _not_ deserve this. No-one else should suffer this punishment.

Another drastic drop sinks the airplane further to the ground, a loud roar of a tremble shaking the plane as it becomes close to the ground.

It is happening _now_.

Her teary eyes meet with Dani's once more as the brunette offers a halfhearted smile, placing a chaste kiss upon Arizona's cheek. Arizona offers a smile, however, only the weakest one appears upon her lips as she shares a tender gazes with the woman beside of her.

"It is going to be okay, I've got you!" Dani yells over the loud rumble of the crashing airplane and Arizona almost believes her. Her hand clasps over Dani's upon her stomach, a heart wrenching cry escaping from within her, the most heart breaking cry that has ever fallen upon human ears. As the roar becomes louder, another tumbling plummet is felt as suddenly, Dani's body becomes thrown over Arizona's as the collision occurs.

There is shattering of glass, a thrusting of the aircraft, the jarring of the passengers, the flickering of the burning flame as it begins to catch fire, the cries and screams of those passengers all seem to fade away now. Further and further away as Arizona begins to drift out of consciousness, her breaths short and empty, as the blood begins to pour down her face.

Her hand tightens around Dani's as her head falls backward in the utmost heaviness, her eyes closing as she gasps another short inhale as she mutters only one thing.

"Calliope."

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><p><em>Losing a child is perhaps the most painful experience that one will ever have to endure in a lifetime; especially to lose them in a miscarriage. It is the most heart breaking, heart wrenching type of pain that Arizona Robbins has ever experienced in her entire life, not even with the death of her brother. When she watched them unload his body in a coffin that day, she swore that nothing else could hurt worse than that exact moment. But that pain? That pain comes nowhere near the type of pain that radiates through her body every time that she makes a movement that her child will never be able to do.<em>

_People grieve in their own ways, Arizona, herself, knows this best. When Timothy died, her father, the strongest man that she ever knew, a man to never show his emotions in fear of being weak, cried and then turned to alcohol to help ease his pain. For months on end, the bottom of the bottle held the answers and the comfort that his family could not provide him. Her mother, who was never shy in telling anyone what she thought or how she felt, suddenly fell silent. Instead, she began to busy herself in quilting (which she sucked at) and sewing and cooking and other menial hobbies that could, even if just briefly, make her forget. When Timothy died, Arizona turned to work instead of the alcohol or the hobbies, instead, she buried herself deep within the body cavities of tiny human's, in finding answers for parents that she could not provide for her own. _

_Grief is a tricky thing, an everlasting thing, She had prepared herself for Calliope's grief: for the overly dramatic anger, for the sadness that lasted for days, for the jealousy, for __**anything**__ really. _

_She had prepared herself for anything, except for the fact that Calliope did not seem to grieve. The first few days after the miscarriage had been full of sullen sadness and bitter anger, but by the time a week marked the death of their baby, Calliope had already found her way back to work and planning the next stages of her life. She did not take a moment to slow down, a moment to breathe, but instead swore that she was fine and begged for everyone to leave her alone. _

_But she was __**not**__ fine. Arizona knew this. No matter how hard she tried to convince everyone that she was. _

"_I think we should try for another baby." The statement catches Arizona entirely off guard as she closes the apartment door behind her, slipping the coat from her slender body. She glances over to the sofa in which Calliope sits, flipping through what seems to be __**her**__ baby book. _

"_Excuse me?" Arizona exclaims with a wrinkled brow, hanging the coat on the rack that eagerly sits by the door, awaiting such a task. Callie nods brightly, a warm smile upon her face as she flips a page of the book and an outburst of a coo giggles from her lips. _

"_Yeah, we should. I mean, look how cute you were!" Callie coos, pointing out a photo as Arizona sits, Indian style in the couch next to her girlfriend. Leaning forward, she notices the photo of a two year old Arizona, pig tails in her bright blond hair as she holds her palms outward, mud covering them with the wickedest dimpling smile pressed upon her lips. The blond chuckles the most innocent laugh as she rakes her hair away from her face, looking at the raven haired beauty with the utmost amount of love in her eyes. _

"_I was two years old there. I remember that day. Well, rather the story of that day. That was when we were living in North Carolina. And we had this biiiiiig yard that Timothy and I loved to run around and play in. And of course, when it rained, there were mud holes. My mom swears that she begged me to stay out of the mud. But obviously I did not listen. I got mud __**everywhere**__. It took __**three**__ baths to get all of that mud off me." Arizona recalls with a giggle and the bright smile upon Callie's face nearly makes it crack in half as she coos at the photo, her soft index finger tracing the shape of her pudgy oval face. _

"_You were such a beautiful child. With that bright blond hair and those big blue eyes and those little dimples. You were perfect," She sighs happily, her eyes finding Arizona's once more, "you still are." Even after all these months, it is the little things that she says that can still take Arizona's breath away. _

"_Calliope…"_

"_Come on, let's try for another baby. You heard what Addison said, my uterus is still a little scarred and I shouldn't try to get pregnant for a while but she never said anything about you. We could get you pregnant and we could have a little Robbins baby, with those eyes and those dimples and she or he could run around here in their feety pajamas yelling "super" and "yay" to the top of their lungs while their Uncle Mark feeds them the most sugary cereals that he can find." Callie begins and Arizona only looks at her with a soft smile._

"_I just don't…"_

"_I think we should. I'm ready. You're ready. And we have so… so much love to give a child, Arizona. And we aren't getting any younger. It could be __**months**__ before my body is ever ready to even try to carry a child but yours can. You can have __**our**__ baby, Arizona. Our baby. By this time next year, we could be parents. And just think how beautiful our baby would be. And how everyone is going to love it and coo over it and how our parents are going to be grandparents and they are going to spoil our baby rotten. It will be __**our**__ baby, __**our **__baby who is the perfect mixture of me and you, and __**our**__ baby who will love us and need us unconditionally. Doesn't it sound absolutely amazing?" Callie coos, turning a page in Arizona's baby book. However, instead of speaking or making any notion to prove to her girlfriend that she agrees with the said statement, Arizona says and does nothing. _

"_Arizona?"_

"_No." It is a one syllable word that falls from the blonde's pursed lips, a simple word in all reality, but it is that __**one**__ word that suddenly divides the two women so dramatically that no words could ever ease the division. Blue orbs find a pair of warm brown and without words, it is quickly known they are on completely different continents rather than sitting side by side on their sofa. _

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><p>There is this mass fear and panic that swarms over you when you are a surgeon and your pager goes off in the middle of the night, especially if your best friend's ex-girlfriend's pager goes off as well with the blinking of 911. No matter how long Teddy Altman has been working at Seattle Grace-Mercy West, the loud buzzing of her pager in the middle of the night still catches her breath and sends a rush of adrenalin and fear pulsing through her veins. It means something is wrong and when those three numbers flash upon that plastic screen before the world has yet to even awake, it means that something is <em>very<em> wrong.

As the two of them barrel down the highway at a speed that is far more illegal than Teddy would like to admit, she cannot stop her mind from racing in circles. What could have happened? A car accident? A fight? A fire? So many things could go wrong at a time like this, so many things could ruin a perfectly good night for people and she hates not being prepared, not mentally knowing what she is facing and how to fix it.

Turning the curve, Teddy takes a moment to allow her emerald jades to flicker to the silent traveler who sits, staring absently out the window as she fumbles with the pager in her hands. She has known Callie Torres to be a lot of things but quiet has never really been one of them. With a wrinkled brow, the cardio surgeon studies her passenger, quietly and solemnly, the lines on her face that tell a story of where she has been, a story of where she is going. A story of happiness, a story of sorrow, a story of joy and a story of pain. Barreling down the road with her now, Teddy is almost in awe of how fragile and human Callie looks now.

Feeling eyes upon her, Callie looks at Teddy who quickly blushes, turning her attention back to the road. Callie laughs quietly, a soft smile curling upon her lips as she fumbles with the pager nervously in her hands with a heavy sigh. She is surprised, honestly, at how comfortable she is with Teddy now, how the silence is not deafening or life threatening but simply comfortable and understanding and patient.

"Teddy?" Callie calls out and the blond glances over at her, gripping tightly at the wheel as her thumbs nervously beat the rhythm of an unknown tune that plays in her head. Callie smiles, shrinking down in the seat only slightly, almost ashamed that she has suddenly drawn the attention to herself before she speaks once again.

"You're going to think this is silly." Callie begins and Teddy smiles playfully with a shrug of her shoulders.

"Hey, I think a lot of things are silly. Like, the fact that four-year-olds are allowed to have Iphones and the fact that some people believe that if you spill salt you're supposed to throw it over your shoulder or that some of the interns actually _passed_ the requirements to be in a hospital. But I'm sure that whatever you're thinking over there that has you so gloomy is not silly," Teddy explains, with a playful smile in an attempt to ease the tension in the car. Callie laughs half-heartedly before the smile fades from her lips in a heavy sigh.

"Something is wrong," Callie mumbles quietly and Teddy looks at her in confusion, "I know it's silly. But I just… I feel it. Something is wrong. With Arizona. I know how stupid that must sound but when you love someone… you're tethered together, through time and distance. You're connected. And I feel it in my heart, Teddy. Something is _wrong_." Her voice cracks, but only briefly, before the raven haired beauty becomes in control once more of her emotions, brushing her tears back with a quick lick of her dry, cracked lips. Teddy's lips move but no words escape them; instead she returns her attention back onto the road, rounding another curve. Quietly, her hand slips onto Callie's knee as she gives it a careful, reassuring squeeze.

"I am sure everything is fine," Teddy whispers, her emerald eyes meeting Callie's russet brown. The two share a moment, a brief and innocent moment, a moment in which no words need to be said because everything that needs to be said simply has no words. After a moment Callie only nods, unsure of whom she is trying to convince at this point, because nothing about this situation is _fine_.

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><p>There is the fear of the unknown when you are a surgeon and you are racing into the pit in the middle of the night; your mind is trying to prepare itself for the worst medical emergency that is even imaginable. However, there is this other fear that quakes through you when you race into the pit and you see a crowd of surgeons, the <em>best<em> surgeons already awaiting news. It is that fear that is now aching through Teddy and Callie as they jog into the pit, frantically searching the crowd of familiar faces for a hint of just how horrific this may be.

Bailey stands at the front of the pit, clutching tightly to the clipboard in her hands, her narrowing eyes catching Teddy and Callie as they try to sneak in unnoticed. Teddy only flashes an innocent smile with a quaint wave, her left shoulder nudging not so obviously toward Callie, giving an excuse as to why she had been so late. Miranda only glares, not amused by the fact that the two of them did not answer as quickly as she would have liked and Teddy only hangs her head slightly. There is something ever so motherly about Miranda Bailey and when she does not approve of something, you cannot help but feel like you have been scolded and had your favorite toy taken away for disobeying. Teddy shrinks a little until she squeezes her way beside of Owen; the ginger smiles sympathetically at his friend, uncrossing his arms to offer a friendlier vibe to the woman.

"How much trouble do you think I am in?" Teddy tiptoes to whisper to Owen. The red haired gentleman smiles at her, shifting his weight to view her more appropriately. The two of them have had such a history together; a history of love and desire, a history of longing and pain, in fact, they are the ones who can write a novel on unrequited love. For as long as Teddy has loved Owen, Owen has loved Teddy, but tragically their time, like the setting sun, has come and gone.

"Not too much. Besides, you are the cardio attending, no-one is really going to say anything to you. Especially not Bailey; and if she does….well… we outnumber her." He offers her a warm smile with a quiet laugh and she giggles quietly, flushed and flustered by the radiant smile that is pressed upon his face; there is something about Owen Hunt that will always take her breath away.

"Alright, everyone! Thank you for answering your pages in a _timely_ matter." At this, she quips a glare at Teddy who only smiles warmly at the woman. Bailey grumbles, tapping the clipboard in her hand before she continues.

"There was a plane crash tonight. According to the _little_ information that I have, the plane was on its way to land at Sea Tac when it began to experience some unknown type of trouble and plunged from the sky before it caught fire. It is a very terrible accident and very few survivors have been found. So, we all need to be our very best tonight. These people have experienced one of the _worst_ disasters imaginable and they are hanging to their lives by a _thread_. They do not need half sleeping surgeons who want to rush through their jobs to catch up on sleep they missed because they were too busy last night in the on call room with someone they shouldn't have been. We are going to be the best, nothing _but_ the best and if I catch so much as a whiff of one of you not doing just that, I will not hesitate to put you on scrub duty for the _rest_ of your life!" Bailey tirades in her ever so knowing tone and the group of surgeons only stand, looking at her with tired and confused eyes.

"Well, what is everyone standing here for? Go to your stations, people! Move! Look alive!" Bailey bosses, slapping her hand against the clipboard. Like children that are caught doing something they shouldn't, the group quickly scatters in grumbling curses, hanging their heads as they rub their tired eyes. Yet, as the crowd disperses into their stations, paring off into their specialties, Teddy remains standing still and quiet, as her knees quake in a buckle beneath her. Noticing the blond surgeon standing, instead of moving in a way that she approves of, Bailey takes a knowing step forward her.

"Can I help you with something, Dr. Altman?" Bailey inquires, taking another step toward the blond. Teddy nods quietly, struggling to find the words to ask the question that she doesn't necessarily want to hear the answer to.

"N-no." Teddy states and Bailey turns, "yes….no….I mean…"

"Dr. Altman, some of us do not have all night to play this game with you. Is this there something I can help you with or do you just want to stand here in everyone's way and stare at the wall?" Bailey retorts in her infamous annoyed-with-everyone tone. Teddy groans, tangling her fingers in her hair as she tugs desperately before she takes a powerful step toward the shorter African American woman that allows her to know she isn't kidding around.

"The plane, Bailey. Where was it coming from?" Teddy asks and Bailey looks at her with a wrinkled brow, confusion written upon her face before she laughs quietly, shaking her head softly.

"I don't think knowing the departure of the plane is going to help you in being the best cardio surgeon that you can be. In fact it may even…"

"Look, I get it, okay? I do. You are pissed that the Chief looked you over for a promotion. And damn right you should be. You have been here twice as long as any of us and here you are, still the attending of general surgery, bossing us around in the pit instead of getting noticed for the _amazing_ surgeon that you are. So, you are trying to be the best that you can be and trying to convince us to be the best that we can be so the Chief can have another reason to see why you are such an _amazing_ choice for a promotion. But I _need _to know where the plane departed from." Teddy exclaims, her eyes colliding hard with Bailey's but the shorter woman does not budge.

"You know the rules about involving personal business with your professional business and…"

"Dr. Bailey. _Where_ did the plane depart from?" Teddy asks again, this time her jaw locking in determination as she takes another powerful step toward Miranda. The shorter woman only glares through slanted eyes before she sighs, shaking her head in the utmost annoyance before she looks down at the clipboard.

"The plane departed from Africa and was set to land at Sea Tac this morning…." Suddenly, the world falls away, even though Bailey's lips are moving, the only words that Teddy can hear is _Africa_, the only words that Teddy can hear is the excitement in Arizona's voice from a few nights before when telling her about her flight. The only words that she can hear are the ones that her heart cannot bear, the ones that are completely and utterly unfathomable.

"Now, if you'll excuse me, Dr. Altman, I need to go make sure that everyone is where they should be and _not_ taking a nap in the empty beds," Bailey explains but even that statement is simply muffled and distant. Teddy stands, watching with glossy, tearing eyes as Bailey disappears in her infamous sway around the corner and when she vanishes from sight, Teddy falls apart. Without so much as consideration of where she is or who could see her, Teddy sinks to her knees, clutching tightly to her chest as the tears fall down her powdered face. There is no outburst of a heart wrenching cry, there is no sob or wail, there is only simply silent tears falling from her eyes as her heart aches inside of heir. As she gasps in a breath, she feels the bile rise in her throat and her stomach twisting in knots as the distraught and pain aches through her veins.

In the silence of the unknown and the unthinkable pain, only one name falls from her cracked lips.

"Arizona."

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><p>Reviews are nice.<p> 


	6. Chapter 6

Over My Head (My Confessions)

Tagline: Everyone knows I'm in over my head and I don't know what to do to but to give my confessions.

Summary: When the pressures of being unable to conceive slowly derails their relationship, Arizona chooses to take a break. She heads to Africa to work as a missionary, saving lives of the tiny humans. Yet, little to every one's knowledge, including her own, she takes a little something of Callie's with her. Now seven months later, Callie's world is turned upside down by the arrival of her ex-girlfriend and the tiny human growing inside of her. Can Callie find forgiveness for the mother of her child? Or is it simply too late?

Warning: AU Season 7

Pairing: Callie/Arizona.

Disclaimer: All television shows, movies, books, and other copyrighted material referred to in this work, and the characters, settings, and events thereof, are the properties of their respective owners. As this work is an interpretation of the original material and not for-profit, it constitutes fair use. Reference to real persons, places, or events are made in a fictional context, and are not intended to be libelous, defamatory, or in any way factual.

Author's Note: Hi all! Thanks for the awesome feedback for these past few chapters! Hopefully you will stay tuned! =)

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><p><strong>Chapter Six<strong>

If there is one thing Callie Torres hates the most in the world, it is fake sincerity. She hates the way they all look at her now, even seven months after the blonde's departure. The way they all talk about her in hushed whispers and those sideway glances that are just enough to drive her insane. She hates the way they all treat her like she is a fragile object, ready to crack and break at any given moment. She knows they mean well, at least most of the do anyway, but she swears the second that someone looks at her with those sympathetic eyes she is literally going to go all "cage fighter" on their ass.

Callie stands, half sulking in the corner of the pit, watching the surroundings around her. She can hear the gossip of the doctors and the nurses in only hushed mummers, talking about the plane crash, about the small amount of survivors, about menial and unimportant things like who was getting it on in the on call room today and about things that are also not their business.

She can still see the look in Teddy's eyes when she told her how she felt, she can still hear her words echoing in her head that everything was fine with Arizona, but these feelings are those that she cannot shake. A feeling that creates all the utmost terror inside of her, something that erects the coldest goose bumps over her tan skin, an emotion that steals her breath and for a moment, stops her heart. Something is _wrong_. She can feel it in her heart and it is something that she does not need evidence for reasoning to prove. Something isn't right with Arizona and despite everything that has happened between the two of them; she cannot help but rack her mind with possibilities and fight away the tears that threaten to burn within her eyes. Something is wrong and she is literally another world away.

"Torres." The voice belongs to none other than Mark Sloan. Looking up from the stubborn spot which she had been picking, Callie forces a weak smile in acknowledgement of her best friend who comes to a stand beside of her. Many often disapproved of their friendship, including Arizona; many often gossiped hurtful things about the two of them and turned up their noses in condemnation as if they were better. Yet, despite all the things that have happened, despite the sex and the lies and the cheating, Mark offers her something that nobody, other than a red haired obstetrician, does…friendship. With Mark, it is not so much about the sex anymore but rather feeling something other than the loneliness and the guilt that haunts her every day when she wakes up alone. Mark reminds her that sometimes, everything isn't so bad after all.

"Come on, this should be a good day for you! It's a plane crash! A horrible, _horrible_ plane crash that nobody should be excited about, nobody except for you! Because this means you will have patients that need bones rebuilt, perhaps the entire skeletal system! Everyone is so jealous of you right now! So, why are you standing over here looking like somebody kicked your puppy?" Mark intrigues in a tone that could make the saddest person in the world crack a smile. Callie laughs quietly, kicking absently at a spot on the tiled floor before looking back at the golden manned man beside of her. She bites her bottom lip nervously, sending her hand through her hair as she tangles the locks tight around her fingers and another pain echoes in her heart, refusing to let her forget.

"It's…it's about Arizona," Almost as soon as her name leaves her lips, Mark grunts in annoyance, rolling his eyes with a barking laugh. Callie cringes, sulking down for a brief moment as a sigh escapes from her pursed lips. She knows he is getting sick of hearing about her, and she can't much say that she blames him, but his outward disapproval of her ex-girlfriend creates a bitter taste in her mouth. She _loves_ her. Regardless of whatever, she _loves_ her, and as her best friend, he should respect that.

"Why are we talking about Robbins again? I thought we agreed that talking about her wasn't very helpful for you. Because it's not. The more you talk about her, the less you are letting go of her. It has been months since the two of you… since she left. And I know that you are putting up this façade to everyone that you have moved on and I am certainly not complaining about the benefits that it has had for me, but you aren't doing yourself any favors, Torres. She's gone. Let go." Mark exclaims and Callie grumbles a Spanish curse below her breath as a pulsing rush of anger flushes over her. Sometimes she forgets how much of an ass he really can be.

"No, Mark. Something is wrong." Callie states, glaring at him as her eyes flush with irritation, determination and worry. Mark recoils, only slightly, at the sound of the acid in her voice; if anything, the talk of Arizona Robbins brings more life into his best friend than he has seen otherwise, even if it is because she is mad as hell at her.

"What are you talking about?" asks Mark, wrinkling his golden brow in confusion.

"I know it sounds crazy and trust me, the feeling _is_ crazy. If someone was telling me this, I probably wouldn't believe it either but you _have_ to. I can't… I can't explain it. It's just a feeling. Something is wrong; something is really, really wrong with her. I can feel it in my heart. My stomach is twisting in knots and my palms are sweaty and my mind is racing a thousand miles per second and I … something is _wrong_. I just _know_ it, I _feel_ it." Callie states, squaring her shoulders as she stares at him, her russet brown eyes forcing the tears back and Mark only looks back at her, confusion written upon his face. He debates for a moment with a squint of his eyes before he nods quietly, taking a step toward his best friend.

"Can I say something?" This time he is asking and the gentleness of his voice catches Callie entirely off guard. A part of her wants to protest, however, she does not and simply nods her head softly, standing quietly like a tiny child awaiting punishment. Mark nods slightly; glancing down at his shoes before his eyes carefully meet with Callie's once more, biting absently at his lip before he speaks.

"I know that you loved her. This entire hospital knows that you loved her. And it really is terrible the way things ended between the two of you. But the point is it _did _end. And she left. She has been gone for seven months now. I know that you don't need to be reminded of that but sometimes I feel like you do need to be. She was such a huge part of your life and then suddenly, she just wasn't there anymore. It's natural to have phantom feelings." He explains and she laughs, bitterly, shaking her head.

"Excuse me?"

"You know how sometimes when you amputate someone's limb they can still feel pain from it? They can still feel it itching and hurting just as if the limb was attached even though they know it is no longer there?" Mark offers and Callie wrinkles her brow.

"Are you comparing Arizona to an amputated limb?" laughs Callie in disbelief and Mark sighs.

"All I am saying is like a limb Arizona was an important part of your life. A part that you got used to. And like an amputation, she was suddenly gone. It is natural to still have feelings like she is here, it is natural to feel her eyes on you in the dark or think that you see her at Joe's in the crowd or that you hear her voice calling your name from afar. It's natural to feel this… whatever you are feeling. But Torres," He places his hands upon her shoulders, lowering his head only slightly to make sure that she is paying attention to him, "nothing is wrong. She is in Africa, saving tiny humans. She has moved on with her life. Whatever you are feeling isn't true. And it's time to let go of that limb, because you're only hurting yourself by thinking it's still attached. She isn't worth feeling this way, she isn't worth hurting over. Not anymore." Callie shakes her head, taking a step back from him with a roll of her eyes.

"You're an ass, you know?" Callie states and Mark nods his head with a smirking smile.

"Maybe, but I'm an ass who cares about you and is tired of seeing you beat yourself up over somebody who clearly isn't worth it. You loved, you lost, walk tall Torres," He repeats the statement he made all those years before with a wink of his right eye. Callie offers a smile as he squeezes her shoulder in reassurance before walking away. She watches him, but only for a brief moment before she leans against the wall, running her fingers through her hair once more.

He is wrong about this, like with many things. This is not just a 'phantom feeling'. Callie clinches her jaw as another gut wrenching pain surges over her. Something is wrong with Arizona, and despite everything else, Callie is generally worried about her. A part of her may hate the blond for the aftermath she left her with but another part, the _biggest _part, still loves her very much and that part of Callie needs to know that she is okay.

Because she just can't seem to shake the thought that she is anything _but_.

* * *

><p><em>The distance between the two women now is certainly one that everyone can notice. Their morning routine had once consisted of sweet pillow talk, kisses, occasional sex, sugary breakfast cereals or doughnuts, coffee… <em>_**lots **__of coffee and the exchanging of the sections of the morning paper with stolen glances and loving kisses. Now, it consists of the most painful silence in their apartment, cold showers, lukewarm coffee and scattered mess of newspapers with the unkindest eye contact. Their work routine is much the same, only talking when they are needed on a consult, and even then it is very, __**very**__ strained. Sitting on opposite sides of the table at lunch, Callie making conversation with Mark and Arizona with Teddy, making sure their eyes never meet and that they never acknowledge one another. Dinner and bed time is much the same, moving in the utmost silence, the two of them like strangers now._

_It is as if the two of them are on opposite sides of the world suddenly, on completely different pages. The distance is enough to kill Arizona alone, to drain her of what happiness her life had once held for her. She cannot help but feel like it is partly her fault, if only she had done something to save their child during the miscarriage, if only she had agreed to have another baby with Calliope when she asked, if only she had done __**something**__ instead of nothing._

_As she approaches the door to their apartment or the 'fortress of silence' as she has recently named it, Arizona feels her heart sink in her chest. With a heavy sigh, she stares at the blue door, knowing that on the other side sits a ghost of the woman who still holds every piece of her heart; on the other side of the door are the remnants of the most beautiful love that she has ever known. On the other side of the door is the truth that she has tried her hardest to ignore._

_She lost a patient today, a four year old little girl whose family was involved in a drunk driving accident. There wasn't much that she could do once she arrived at the hospital; the damage from the impact was too much for her tiny body to sustain but it did not make losing her any easier. It did not make telling her parents that she 'did all she could' any less painful or make her feel any less guilty; especially given the circumstances that currently surround her personal life. And all she wants to do is walk through the door, collapse into Calliope's arms and have her hold her while she cries. But she knows that cannot happen and that may not ever happen again._

_After a moment, Arizona pushes herself forward, extending her left hand only briefly as her fingers curl around 502, the three darkened numbers that allow her to know that she has made it home. With a disheartened sigh, she studies the three black numbers, their texture and their shapes, wondering if they would ever mean the same thing to her again. She takes a brief moment to compose herself before she pushes open the door, instantly shivering at the coldness of the ice box._

_Discarding her keys in the bowl, she quickly sheds herself of her coat, placing it upon the rack that awaits her by the door, glancing around the empty but clean apartment until she finds Calliope, sitting on their bar stool, drinking what Arizona is sure is not her first beer._

"_I don't understand you. I thought I did but I don't," Callie states, the emotionlessness of her voice echoing through the silence of their apartment. Arizona groans, running her fingers through her disheveled mess of blonde curls, tugging desperately to find another source of pain than the breaking that echoes in her heart. Arizona does not reply immediately, instead she walks over to the refrigerator, yanking the door open as she grabs her own beer, quickly opening the top as she takes a long swig. Gently, she releases the glass bottle from her lips with a 'pop' before turning her attention to the ghost of a woman before her._

"_Could we __**please**__ not do this today? I know that you are caught up in this….whatever this is and really, any other day I would be up for talking about this with you except today. I lost a patient today, Calliope. A little girl. There wasn't much I could do by the time she got to me but still, she died while I was inside of her. And I had to stand there and tell her parents, who are injured themselves, that I did 'all I could'. And all I could think about was you and us and our baby and it made everything a hell of a lot worse than it had to be. So, can we just not do this right now?" Arizona pleads her voice cracking as she takes another swig of her drink. Callie blinks, almost lifelessly._

"_I'm sorry about your patient. Really, I am. I know how horrible it is to lose a child." Callie replies blankly as she takes another long swig of the beverage before her, her fingers gently tracing shapes into the condensation on the side of the bottle. Arizona looks at her now, her face softening for a moment as she catches a glance, even if brief, of the woman that she had once known and loves so dearly._

"_I just… I just don't understand," and then, as quick as a blink, it's gone, "Y-you work with kids all day. Kids love you and you __**love**__ kids. You agreed that we would be amazing parents together and when we were trying the first time, you were the one who was so eager and kept telling me that you wanted this and when I found out that I was, you were so ecstatic. N-now you don't want to?" Callie intrigues with a wrinkled brow and Arizona sighs with a soft shake of her head, her blond curls framing her oval face, as she pinches the bridge of her nose in annoyance._

"_Maybe if you could just listen to me…."_

"_I just… I can't believe you." Callie's russet brown eyes meet Arizona's bottled blues and the blond almost recoils at the anger that is held within them, "you were all for this 'American Dream' crap. The white picket fence and the dogs and the chickens and the kids running around until the second it got hard. Then you did what you do best- you bailed. The second that this got hard, you decided 'nope, I don't want kids', never mind what I might feel or think. I want this, Arizona. Does that even matter to you? We are in our thirties, with every passing day our biological clocks are ticking and now you are just going to piss it away because the first time didn't go exactly as planned?" Callie snaps and Arizona is almost appalled by the anger and bitterness in her voice._

"_Okay, you're drunk and you're hurting right now and I understand that you are mad at me and I wouldn't expect you not to be. But this misplaced anger and this hatred that you are spewing toward me is just because you are grieving and…"_

"_Oh, here we go __**again. **__Every time that I get a feeling that you or-or Mark or my parents or hell, anyone really don't like, it's automatically just chalked up to me grieving." Callie groans with a hard roll of her eyes in the utmost annoyance. Arizona cannot help but wince when she notices this; Callie's mood swings have been outrageous since that visit with Addison, since the medication but today seems to be the worst of it._

"_Because you are grieving, Calliope. I know that you like to pretend like you are okay and that people shouldn't feel sorry for you. I know that you think that you can bury yourself in work and surgeries and it's going to make everything okay, that it's going to make you forget. And yeah, you can push it away for as long as you want to but eventually, it's all going to come out. Like right now. This… this anger that you have for me is not because I said that I didn't want to have a baby but it's because…." But Callie interrupts her._

"_Don't. Okay, Arizona? Just don't. Don't stand here and pretend like you know how I feel. You don't know how I feel every day when I look at that empty nursery; you don't know how I feel knowing that it is my fault that our baby isn't here. That is my fault that we aren't mothers right now. So what if I want to spend more time in the OR than here? If it helps me deal, it helps me deal. I'm not angry because I'm __**grieving **__or whatever excuse you can come up with. I'm angry because you're bailing on my dream." Callie barks with a snort and grumble in the back of her throat, "just like you always do."_

_Arizona gasps with a bitter laugh, almost glaring at the woman who sits beside of her. A voice in her head tells her this is only grief, that it is the medication she has been taking, the voice tells her that she should not pay any attention to the anger or absolute regret oozing from the raven haired beauty beside of her but her heart is too hurt to make sense of any logic at this point._

"_Okay, look, I get that you're pissed…"_

"_No, you don't get it. You don't get—" However, it is Arizona this time that does the interrupting as she jumps to her feet, the ever so bitter tears crowding within her bottled blues, a shaky but ever so strong voice erupts from within her._

"_Damn it, Calliope, could you just let me finish, just this once?" Arizona snaps, her voice cracking and Callie almost recoils at the assertiveness that Arizona suddenly now possesses._

"_I know that you are hurting right now and I have tried so hard to be understanding. But enough! You have been walking around here like a ghost lately, emotionless and quiet. Pretending like everything is 'just peachy', busying yourself in surgeries and spending night on endless night at the hospital. And I've tried to be patient, really, I have. But this…this right here? This is __**not**__ going to happen. You are not going to attack me because I disagree with you. We have been down this road and like hell am I going to stand here and watch us go down it again. We just lost a baby. Did you hear that?__** We**__. Not just you. And having another baby is not going to replace the one that we lost." Arizona snaps and Callie blinks her eyes with a hard laugh._

"_Don't you think I know that?"_

"_Do you? Because suddenly you are in this rush to have another baby, even though neither of us is really ready for that, you are in this rush for me to get pregnant even though we have __**years**__ left to worry about that. And I would love to have a baby with you. Really, I would. But not right now. Right now we need to grieve, we need to be there for each other and hold the other while she cries. Not sit here and attack each other because we have a disagreeing opinion on what to do with our lives. There are two of us in this relationship, Calliope. Two. You're not the only one who gets to make decisions here," Arizona's voice wavers but only for a moment._

"_I understand that it is hard because it is twice as hard on me. Because I was the one who stood there and did nothing to help either of you. I know how hard it is to come to terms with something like this; I've been through it twice now. But this… whatever the hell this is that you're doing… is not fair and it is not healthy. You are just jumping back into your life like nothing happened but something did happen, Calliope. We lost a child. And having another one right now is not fair to you or to me or to that baby. So, you can hate me all you want and you can be angry at me all you want and you can lash out at me and blame me for ruining your dream or whatever else you can justify this to but just know something. I am the __**only**__ one who loves you enough to want to protect you from all of this, from yourself." Arizona tirades her voice cracking as the tears threaten to pour from her eyes. She is searching for something within Calliope, something that gives her hope, something that will show her that they are going to be okay._

"_Arizona…" Callie's voice is weak, pleadingly so and it breaks Arizona's heart to hear it._

"_Yes, Calliope?"_

"_I….I need this now. I need to have a baby now. Can we just… can we please just try to have another? Please don't bail on our dream." Callie whispers her eyes distant and foggy; they are so lifeless now, Arizona almost swears that she is looking into a pair of stranger's. Arizona sighs, biting her bottom lip as a cry escapes her; she runs her fingers through her curly blond locks as the tears fall from her eyes._

"_You want to have another baby, Calliope? Fine. We'll try to have another one if it will end… all of this." Arizona gestures as she waves her arms in a gesture. "But just for the record? I was __**never**__ bailing on our dream and I am not the one who is bailing on actually communicating and fixing this relationship. You are." Arizona cries weakly before she turns her back to the raven haired beauty, rubbing her eyes with her fists as a shaky breath escapes her. She does not know what they are going to do but she knows if they don't figure it out soon, they will lose each other to this madness._

* * *

><p>Teddy Altman is usually the master of keeping her emotions locked away deep inside of her, except for today. Nothing, not even her time in Iraq, could have ever prepared her for the type of pain that is surging through her crumbling body at this moment. Arizona Robbins is more than just her best friend, she is a part of her, the most irreplaceable part and now she is the one who could or could not be dead. Arizona, the one who she knew all her secrets and vice versa, the one who took her time with her, who listened, who cared, who loved even when she did not have to. Nothing in her lifetime could have ever prepared her for the pain that haunts her now with every breath she takes, the pain of what could have been, of knowing what should have been.<p>

She now stands, well cowers in a sulk near the nurses' station, her hand cupped over her mouth to hide the sob that desperately tries to escape from within her. As much as she fights the sob, the tears fall freely from her jaded eyes as she struggles to catch a breath. How could this be happening? How could everything suddenly be going so very wrong? Arizona should have been arriving at Sea Tac, alive and well, with her infamous bouncing blonde curls and delightful dimples. She should have showed up at her apartment to stay for a while as they talked about what she was going to do and swoon over the sonogram photos. Then she would make her way to the hospital where she would see Callie for the first time in months and Callie would discover her pregnancy and they were supposed to figure it out together as they fall in love with each other all over again. But instead, the plane went down, Arizona may or may not be alive and Callie does not know about any of it.

The pain surges through Teddy like waves crashing hard into the shore with every last breath she draws, the pain of knowing all too much and not nearly enough. She gasps in a hard breath, sucking back the sob, desperately trying to slow the racing heart that beats loudly and painfully inside of her. A new set of tears spring from her eyes as she thinks of the raven haired beauty, the raven haired beauty who is blissfully unaware that the love her life and her child may very well be dead right now. Suddenly, a hand upon her shoulder catches her off guard as she jumps, startled. Before she even has the chance to think about it, she is being pulled into a tight embrace and an all too familiar scent dances through her nostrils, instantly relaxing her tense muscles.

"Hey. Shh. Shh. I've got you. It's okay." Owen soothes, rubbing her back softly. Yet, as much she loves the man who holds her tight against his chest now, she cannot believe him, no matter how badly she wants to. Nothing is ever going to be okay, not after this, not after the secrets that she has kept.

"No, it's not. Nothing about this is ever going to be okay, Owen," Teddy spits in a cry, burying her fingers in his blue scrubs, desperately trying to hide herself away from this bitter reality. The ginger only looks at the woman in his arms with a wrinkled brow as his hands move smoothly along her back. She leans into him, feeling his embrace, feeling his touch as her knotting stomach begins to ease. There is something about Owen Hunt that can always bring Teddy peace, even in the heaviest of storms.

"What's wrong?" Owen inquires but Teddy only shakes her head as she pulls away from him. The moment she looks at him, her heart soars, even when it is breaking. Seeing him standing there, scruffy but perfect, Teddy cannot help but wonder what their life could have been like. She wonders if they would have been happy together, if they would have had kids, if they could have truly had the happily ever after like all the fairy tales promised.

"You wouldn't understand," Teddy mumbles but Owen has none of it. Instead, he steps toward her, refusing her retreat. He reaches forward, brushing a stray tear away from her face as his eyes focus solely upon hers, and Teddy almost forgets the aching reality for a brief moment.

"Try me." He offers with the warmest, upward smile. For a moment, Teddy contemplates telling him, telling him about Arizona, about the baby, about _everything_. Yet, before she has the chance to say the words aloud, a chaotic rush erupts throughout the pit as paramedics burst through with the first victim. Callie, Mark, and April all follow the barreling stretcher into Trauma One, along with the paramedics who are shouting medical orders that almost sound like a foreign language to Teddy now.

"Teddy." Owen calls out her name, trying to recapture his friend's attention. However, Teddy does not move. Instead she stands completely mute and immobile, frozen to the spot in which she stands as the reality of the situation suddenly begins to catch up with the blonde. The reality that people are dead and dying because of this crash, a crash that her best friend was involved in, a crash that will forever change _everyone's_ lives. Slowly, she steps away from the ginger, holding her hands outward to push him away as the tears crowd within her eyes. Instead of explaining, she simply turns around, sluggishly making her way to the center of the chaos.

"Approximately four year old boy with obvious head and chest trauma, pulse is weak; we've lost him twice in the field already!" A paramedic shouts, interrupting her thoughts as he rushes him in. Quickly taking initiative Alex, Cristina and Bailey dash to the boy, demanding to page Dr. Shepard and that someone needs to start a central line.

"N-nobody knows she's coming. N-nobody knows…" Teddy whispers in a mumble, watching the pit as it rushes with doctors and nurses; she watches them dart around her as she makes her way to the center of the pit. She stands solemnly, her face lifeless and emotionless, her eyes glossy and wide with knowing all too much but not nearly enough.

"Obvious chest trauma. He has a piece of fragmented glass in his chest, with a probable bleed into the heart!" Paramedics shout as they push the gurney through with another man, a white towel wrapped around the piece of glass that is currently impaled through his chest. Quickly, Meredith, Owen and April dash into the room in which the gurney was rushed into with shouts of needing a bag of blood.

Teddy takes another precarious step toward the center of the pit, her body shaking in quakes of tremors and aching reality. Her lips move but no words escape her; no sounds leave her trembling lips other than the most heart wrenching half cry to have ever met the grace of human ears.

"She's…she's my person… she needs… we have to save her. We have to save her because she… I need her… and Cal… she's preg…" Teddy mumbles in a hushed whisper of a cry.

"Teddy, we need you." Cristina exclaims, approaching the ghost like zombie of the woman. However, Teddy does not even blink in response; she does not speak or acknowledge the resident in any way, but only stands as still as the moment, her eyes focused solely upon the doors, "Teddy?"

Then suddenly¸ the doors burst open with the saddest wails of the ambulance siren. Four paramedics swarm around the gurney, one specifically holding tight to the bandage around the patient's head, desperately trying to control the bleeding, while the others grip tightly to the gurney. And without seeing anymore, without hearing any words, Teddy feels her heart crack deeper in her chest as the tears blind within her emerald jades.

"Female patient, mid-thirties, approximately thirty four weeks pregnant, unresponsive at scene. Obvious head and chest trauma with possible abdominal and spinal injuries. Blood pressure is low, pulse is weak and thready. She's losing a lot of blood. Fast!" One of the paramedics shouts and Teddy's knees buckle.

"Ar-Arizona." Teddy chokes out a gasping cry, her body trembling in a sob. Almost immediately as the name falls from her lips, Cristina glares at the cardio surgeon, her brow wrinkled as her mouth opens in the slightest ajar.

"Wait, that's D-Dr. Robbins?" Cristina exclaims loudly, but even though she is standing just in front of her, she sounds as if she is miles and miles away. Instead, Teddy's focus remains upon the paramedics that rush around her best friend as her body quivers in a withheld sob. As the tears fill within her eyes, a swarm of nurses and doctors surround her, calling for Dr. Montgomery, yet instead of springing into action, Teddy simply stands lifelessly, struggling to find a breath, _any_ breath.

In the most chaotic and heart breaking moment, Teddy is immobile as she finds herself mumbling a prayer to a God that she is not necessarily sure she believes in, a God that suddenly holds two very important lives in his hands.

This moment is the moment that faith surpasses science and all Teddy Altman can do is simply pray.


	7. Chapter 7

Over My Head (My Confessions)

Tagline: Everyone knows I'm in over my head and I don't know what to do to but to give my confessions.

Summary: When the pressures of being unable to conceive slowly derails their relationship, Arizona chooses to take a break. She heads to Africa to work as a missionary, saving lives of the tiny humans. Yet, little to every one's knowledge, including her own, she takes a little something of Callie's with her. Now seven months later, Callie's world is turned upside down by the arrival of her ex-girlfriend and the tiny human growing inside of her. Can Callie find forgiveness for the mother of her child? Or is it simply too late?

Warning: AU Season 7

Pairing: Callie/Arizona.

Disclaimer: All television shows, movies, books, and other copyrighted material referred to in this work, and the characters, settings, and events thereof, are the properties of their respective owners. As this work is an interpretation of the original material and not for-profit, it constitutes fair use. Reference to real persons, places, or events are made in a fictional context, and are not intended to be libelous, defamatory, or in any way factual.

Author's Note: I know this is usually posted on Saturday's but I was busy celebrating a new phase of my life, yay! Anyways, I hope that you guys enjoy this chapter. I know a lot of you have questions about why Arizona is keeping the baby a secret or what happened between Callie and Arizona and when Callie finds out about Arizona- I promise you all of those answers and scenes you long for will happen all in good time, my friends. All in good time.

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter Seven<strong>

The rush of the doctors and nurses around her makes Teddy Altman feel as if she was standing still, as if she was a mere apparition watching the world pass by around her. Her eyes are crowded with tears and fearfulness, watching as the doctors surround the gurney on which her very pregnant best friend lay, possibly already too far traumatized by the accident to ever survive, her best friend who possibly already lost the child that she had been more than excited to welcome into the world.

She knows that she should be better than this. She knows that she should be able to push away her personalization to the case, to fight away her feelings of love, of fear, of guilt, of sadness and be the best doctor for Arizona and her baby. She should be pushing her way through the crowd of doctors and discover if she has a ruptured ventricle or if she has a heart compression or some other traumatic cardiac condition. She should be bossing the group of doctors around, demanding Derek to do a better job than he is, yelling, taking control of the situation to make sure Arizona survives, to make sure that she draws another breath.

But she can't move. It is as if she is paralyzed, immobile, permanently stuck against the wall. Her body is giving way beneath her, quakes of trembles and choking cries.

As the tears blind Teddy, Bailey orders another bag of blood to be hung as she desperately tries to control the Peds surgeon's bleeding, searching diligently for the source. They are losing her; But she knows they won't admit that, at least, not aloud where she can hear it.

How could she let this have gone as long as she did? How could she have chosen not to say anything? Arizona made her promise, promise not to tell anyone, _especially_ Callie. Yet, at a moment like this, promises seem so menial and pointless, particularly when the person she made the promise to is laying in the gurney, her body possibly already suffered enough trauma and could very well die.

She should have said _something_. Something to Callie, something would have hat let her know that Arizona was not as okay as she perceived her as, something that would have let her know that her ex-girlfriend was carrying _their_ child. She should have _told_ her. She should have convinced Arizona that flying this late in pregnancy was a bad idea and that she should have waited until the baby was born or told Callie to go to Africa.

Teddy should have said _something_; she should have done _something_ because her solemn attitude and her loyalty may very well cost her best friend and her unborn child their lives and it may very well destroy Callie Torres' life in the process.

"Her pressure's dropping!" This time it is Richard Webber who makes the statement. Teddy cannot remember when he got there or even why he had been paged but she feels only a little relieved to know that Arizona is in his hands; the hands of a man who learned with the very best: Ellis Grey. She has the very best team but it seems to be to no avail.

"She has a compressed skull fracture with a possible bleed." Derek speaks up over the hysteria, lifting her eyelids as he attempts to check her pupils. Swallowing hard, Teddy digs her nails into her skin as she watches the scene around her, the voices, the demands, the instructions all sounding like a mumbling mess.

"There are no breath sounds on the left; the right is weak and filled with fluid." Meredith states as she hangs the stethoscope back around her neck, her worriment filled eyes meeting with Derek who only winces softly, knowing all too well of how painful a scene like this is. When a patient has suffered this much trauma, it is always bad but when that patient is a colleague, a friend, someone who is seen on a daily basis with a bright smile and cheerful attitude, it is so much worse to try to have a handle on.

"She has blood in her upper right quadrant." This voice belongs to Cristina and Teddy finds herself breathing a little easier when she hears the familiar sound. Right, _Cristina _is working on her. Cristina Yang, the most talented, brilliant, professional surgeon that she has ever had the chance to teach, let alone work with. She tears her eyes away from the screen as she watches Cristina do her best work, checking her thoracic area for just how much damage had been done by the impact of the plane.

"Systolic down to seventy two." The Chief exclaims, checking her stats once more.

"We need to get a line." Meredith states, her voice seems so tiny over the other voices and the sounds of the machines. As she watches the five of them swarm over Arizona, shouting directions and instructions, Teddy's heart falls deeper into her chest. The baby. Nobody had even checked her stomach, had checked the baby.

"W-Wh-Where's Addison?" Teddy whispers in a raspy voice but nobody could have heard her, even with the best hearing possible. Not over the machines, over the chaos, over the hysteria as everyone is trying to get the best handle on the situation, not over the reality that everyone just wishes is not true.

"Damn it, where is Addison?" This time, Teddy makes sure that everyone hears her with her loud, booming voice. For a split second, the doctors' tear their eyes away from their patient, almost glaring at Teddy who dares to speak during this time. However, before any of them have time to speak, the red haired obstetrician makes her entrance known.

"I'm here! What do we have?" Addison demands, removing her pink stethoscope from around her neck. Almost instantly, her eyes land upon Derek's dark brown and the two, quite shyly, share the tenderest of gazes as the Nero-surgeon shares an all knowing smirk with the red haired vixen. Even in the most chaotic of moments, the one secret they do not want the world to know, gives their hearts a little extra beat.

"She's approximately thirty four weeks pregnant. She was one of the plane crash victims. She was unresponsive at the scene and has not regained consciousness. Her pulse is weak and her blood pressure keeps dropping. She's bleeding out internally. We… we don't know about the baby." Derek speaks up, informing his ex-wife of exactly what is going on.

"Her stomach is tight and rigid." Addison exclaims, pressing around on her prodding stomach. She sighs with a simple shake of her head, "I need to check for a heartbeat but I need everyone to be quiet if I'm going to hear anything." Addison opens a drawer as she grabs a portable sonogram machine from within in a hasty twirl. However, the chaotic voices never once cease, instead they continue to shout directions and orders for medication and the best possible treatment. Addison shakes her head, placing the machine against Arizona's stomach, desperately trying to find a heartbeat.

"Damn it." mumbles Addison. Teddy sniffles back a cry as she steps forward, pushing her fingers through her hair as she tries to find a breath.

"Can everyone just shut up? Right now!" Teddy exclaims loudly. The outburst catches everyone off-guard and the room falls silent, watching carefully as Addison moves the machine upon Arizona's prodding stomach. There is silence, the most painful aching type of silence, a silence that tears Teddy Altman apart with every passing second. Silence, silence, and then….

"I got a heartbeat!" The racing sound of the unborn child's heart beat creates a wave of calm rushing over Teddy's crumbling body. The room suddenly falls less chaotic as everyone breathes a sigh of relief upon hearing the all too comforting sound. The sound of life in a dark and almost hopeless situation. Then suddenly, another sound fills the room, a loud blaring sound that quakes fear through everyone.

"Damn it, she's in v-vib!" The chief exclaims, "Somebody bag her!" Suddenly the frenzied chaos picks back up as the six doctors quickly becoming a hovering, tangled mess around Arizona. Everyone, except for Teddy, who watches teary eyed in the corner, desperately trying to find the breath that was stolen from her when Arizona first arrived. She watches as Cristina bags her, pumping air into her lungs and Bailey grabs the paddles. She knows the procedure by heart, she knows how many seconds are counted between each shock, how many times Cristina is supposed to count before squeezing the bag, she knows how long they can do this until they are supposed to call it. But watching it when it is Arizona, Teddy loses all medical professionalism.

"You have to save her!" Her voice cracks in a cry from the corner of the room. Cristina looks over at the blond woman who cowers in an almost sulk in the corner of the room, a sudden wave of sympathy echoing from within her body. She knows what it is like, what it is like to be standing there, watching your best friend practically die before you, for, she had been in the same position years earlier with Meredith.

"Please, Bailey!" squeaks Teddy.

"Dr. Altman, if you are going to insist on staying in here then I am going to need you to stop barking orders at me like I am some intern who doesn't know how to handle this. I am trying to save two lives here so with all due respect, could you please shut up?" Bailey snaps loudly, sending another shock through the woman who lays beneath her, lifeless. Teddy shakes her head, choking out a cry as she steps forward.

"No, you have to save her. C-Callie doesn't know. She doesn't know that… that she's back. She…" Teddy hiccups in a cry, "she doesn't know that she's pregnant!" To this, Addison looks back at the cardio surgeon as confusion fills her face. However, before she can say anything, the loud beeping of Arizona's heart fills the room.

"We need to get her into surgery, now! We have to localize this bleeder and get it under control! She's losing too much, too fast!" Meredith exclaims and it is a statement that n-one has to debate or think twice about.

"OR Two is prepped and ready!" Richard exclaims. It takes only a second for the doctors to grab the essential items they need and as quick as Arizona was rushed in, she is being rushed out, surrounded by the best doctors to ever hold her life in their hands.

* * *

><p>"I need to talk to you." It's Addison who catches Teddy off guard, the blond jumps startled. Turning back, she finds herself within inches of the flaming red head, who looks certainly less than pleased with her. Teddy nods quietly, twisting her fingers through her golden mane as she swallows hard, brushing back the tears. What has she gotten herself into?<p>

_Slumping in the sofa, Arizona watches as Calliope paces throughout their apartment, the threatening cry echoing in the back of her throat when she dares to speak or draw a breath. She knows it is coming but she is not so sure that she is ready for it; that she is ready to hear it or face it. Arizona is just so __**tired**__, physically, emotionally, mentally. She is __**so**__ tired of the fighting, of the arguing, of the blame game, of being so close to the love of her life and yet so very far away. The Peds is so tired of everything she says being the wrong thing or her efforts not being nearly enough._

_Arizona knows this is not Callie's fault; this person that she has become now, it's not her fault. Losing a baby is the hardest thing in the world that anyone will ever have to go through but what __**is**__ her fault, is the way their relationship is slowly falling apart. Callie is the one who is pushing her away, she is the one with tunnel vision, and she is the one, who wants what she wants, despite what it is doing to their relationship. Callie is the one who is attacking her, who is lashing out of misplaced anger and hurt. Callie is the one who is driving the wedge between the two of them night after night, no matter how much Arizona tries to take it away._

_They are falling apart. Slowly. Painfully._

"_I just don't understand. Addison said that your eggs are viable. You are in perfect shape. Healthy as a freakin' horse. You work out. You eat right. You're never sick. Like, freakishly never. You're perfect. So, why is this not taking?" Callie groans in annoyance and Arizona watches her girlfriend, well, more of a friend than an actual girlfriend these days -minus the sexy times, of course, but that only happens because Callie is trying to put a baby inside of her. She misses when they were a couple, when one smile could say everything the two of them ever felt. Now it'ss fights and arguments about the stupidest things, it's about sleeping on different sides of the bed and forcing conversations instead of the love and laughter that had once been about._

"_I-I don't know, Calliope. Sometimes these things just take time." Arizona states, shrugging her shoulders carefully, her eyes fixated upon her pacing girlfriend. Sometimes she wonders when things turned out this way, why things had to happen the way they did. She wonders if their first baby had lived, if things would be this bad between the two of them, if their relationship would still be struggling as much as it is now._

"_I know that, but we've been trying for __**months**__ now, Arizona. And nothing has happened!" Callie exclaims in exasperation and Arizona nods her head quietly, gently tracing shapes into her jeans._

"_I know that, too." It is more of a mumble than an actual statement as the blond surgeon watches her anxious girlfriend pace, neurotically, back and forth in front of her. The therapist she had spoken to had told her it would take time for Calliope to return to the woman that she had once been before, suffering a traumatic miscarriage like she had, and the fact that she had not dealt with her emotions yet. He even mentioned that it would maybe take the birth of a new child and years down the road for her to ever return to the person that she used to be, if at all. Yet, still, Arizona's impatience is growing and growing quickly._

"_It only took two tries before I got pregnant. Two. I mean… maybe Addison missed something. Maybe there's something wrong with you." Callie snaps in frustration, her voice almost cracking as she twists her fingers in her raven black curls. The outrageous assumption snaps Arizona to attention as she leans forward in her seat, staring, almost gawking at the woman before her._

"_Calliope, I don't think you know what you're…"_

"_It can't be that hard to get pregnant, Arizona. We have sex. We have really, __**really**__ good sex and just when you are about to… you know… I inseminate you with the sperm. And then we finish. You are healthy; you take good care of yourself. I know the first few times are usually a miss, especially when you are first starting to try. But it's been __**months**__ now. So, maybe Addison missed something or maybe…." Callie's voice trails off and Arizona watches with slanted eyes, her lips pursed together._

"_Or maybe what, Calliope?" When Callie's eyes meet Arizona's, the Peds surgeon is shaken by the coldness in them, by the resentment written within the russet brown eyes that had once held the keys to her future._

"_Or maybe you just don't want a baby." The statement is cold but it holds every ounce of resentment._

"_Oh, here we go." Arizona grumbles with a roll of her eyes, adding fuel to the fire that rages inside Callie._

"_Admit it, you __**don't**__ want a baby. And maybe you never did in the first place. We fought for weeks about trying to get pregnant again and the only reason you gave in was so that I would shut up. I don't think it is a far stretch to say that the reason that we can't get pregnant now is because you don't __**want**__ to be pregnant." Callie tirades with an angered laugh and Arizona only watches in astonishment that her girlfriend was really going there._

"_Which makes perfect sense, really. You don't __**want**__ to be pregnant because you don't __**want**__ to get fat because once you do, all those nurses and interns will stop looking at you like you are piece of meat hanging from the butcher shop. Once you get pregnant, those flauntingly good looks are not going to get you what you want!" snaps Callie and Arizona shakes her head._

"_Callie… I'm serious, you __**need**__ to stop."_

" _You were the one who said that you couldn't live without me or our ten kids. You are the one who agreed that we should start trying. You were the one who was so elated when I showed you the positive pregnancy test in the first place. You were the one who was all excited for the baby to come; you talked to it every night, you made plans. But ever since the…" Callie's voice trails off as she swallows hard with a gulp, batting away the tears in her eyes before she continues, "it is like you abandoned the complete idea." Arizona pushes herself up from the sofa, the same familiar burning tears filling within her bottled blues as a tremble echoes in her body._

"_Since the what, Callie?" Arizona pushes._

"_Arizona, you know… we all know…"_

"_Since the __**what**__, Callie?" Arizona pushes again, taking a strong step toward her girlfriend. Callie, however, does not budge at the threatening tone of the blonde's voice, but she simply stands, solemn but sulking with her arms crossed over her chest._

"_Say it. Aloud."_

"_No." Callie refuses._

"_Say it."_

"_No." Callie's voice is wavering and Arizona pushes, taking another long stride toward the woman as her jaw clinches tightly shut, a sudden new strength surging through; a strength that she can only accredit to her father; her father, Colonel Daniel Robbins, who knows exactly when to push and when to back off for your own good._

"_Say. It." Arizona demands through gritted teeth._

"_Since the miscarriage." Callie retreats and as soon as the 'm' word falls from her lips, it is as if all the air has been knocked out of her and her stomach twists in knots, a painful whine escaping from within her. Arizona chokes back a cry, the cry that has been nothing but on the edge of her lips lately, when she notices her girlfriend's pain, the pain that she has been ignoring for __**months**__ now._

"_Do you see this? How much you are hurting right now? It's not that I don't want to have another baby, Calliope. Because I do and I know that you and I will be __**amazing**__ parents together. But I don't think we should be trying right now. We may be fine physically but we are not emotionally. We are still healing and it is not fair to either of us or a baby to bring a new life into this situation. I don't want to have another baby right now because I am scared; I am terrified, like all the time. And all I need is for you to tell me that it's going to be okay but you can't do that because you're damaged as well. We shouldn't be trying for another kid right now." Arizona explains, trying to find logic and ration in a place full of emotion and irrationalism._

"_No, we need to keep trying. We do. This is going to happen for us. It is. I just know it." Callie utters, pushing through the tears and the cry that hangs in the back of her throat. Arizona shakes her head softly, looking at the crumbling mess of a woman that she once knew._

"_Why? Why is it so important that we have a baby __**now**__?" pushes Arizona._

"_Because we just do! Stop trying to rationalize this like I'm asking you to give me a damn kidney. All I am asking for is a baby!" Callie snaps under the pressure and instantly, Arizona recoils with a bitter, almost yielding laugh._

"_I am so tired of fighting about this. I am so tired of bending over backwards to give you what you want, Callie when you don't even give me the time of day if it isn't about this damn not even created baby. Sometimes I just need you to be my girlfriend but even that task seems to be too much to ask of you these days. I'm tired. I'm physically and emotionally __**tired **__and I am not doing this. Not again." Arizona retorts, tangling her fingers within her blond curls as the tears crown within her eyes before she shakes her head, bitterly, turning on her heels; she is headed for their bedroom, but not before Callie speaks up._

"_When I had my miscarriage, you stood there. You didn't do __**anything**__ to help me or our baby!" Callie exclaims loudly in a cry and instantly, it is as if someone reaches into Arizona's chest with the iciest of hands and pulls out her heart. It is as if every ounce of blood is suddenly drained from her body and the air deflates from her lungs. Shaking, she turns back to face the woman who is distraught with anger and bitterness, the woman that she swears she does not even recognize anymore._

"_Our baby was dying and you didn't do anything to save it! You are a Peds Surgeon for God's sake, you should know something to do during a time like that but you just stood there and you didn't do anything! And now when I want to have another baby, you can't even give me that! You are selfish, Arizona. The most selfish person that I have ever met. You think that you can be logical and rational and that you can make sense of this but you can't! All I want is a baby, all I want is my dreams but you are too busy stuck in the past to give me what I want! There are two of us in this relationship, in case you forgot! You don't get to call the shots here, you don't get to decide when we do or don't have another child. I want this, damn it! I want this because the last one was taken from me and I am __**not**__ about to let you take this baby away from me too, not because of your selfish, inconsiderate 'needs' or because you are bailing on our dream. __**Our**__ dream. You don't get to do this, Arizona. Do you hear me? Not again!" Callie shouts, her voice cracking as the tears prove to be stronger than her. Arizona chokes back her own cry, biting her bottom lip desperately as she draws blood before she sniffles._

"_This? This right here is why our relationship is almost nonexistent anymore. This? This is why I don't want to have a baby. You can blame me all you want, Callie. Really, go ahead. I don't mind if it helps you deal with this. But at the end of the day know one thing? I loved you more than __**anything**__. And know that you are the one who didn't think that was enough." Arizona mumbles in a cry before she enters their bedroom, slamming the door hard behind her. Callie growls in rage, grabbing a photo of the two of them from the table, throwing it desperately with all the strength she has inside of her._

_It smashes against the wall, shattering, much like what little of a relationship they had left._

* * *

><p>Teddy Altman is not afraid of most things: spiders, heights, water, scary movies; Most of the things that frighten any lady, or guy for that matter, do not have any effect on the Iraqi veteran. She does not panic under pressure and she does not flinch in times of uncertainty or tentative situations. In fact, Teddy typically has control of her thoughts and emotions and she presents herself in a calm but collected matter; smiles in the face of fear, laughs when she wants to cry and counts to ten before she speaks angrily.<p>

However, today especially, Teddy does not have that kind of control and standing before Addison Forbes-Montgomery, who is staring hard enough that Teddy almost swears she can see into her soul, is just enough to shake her to the core.

It was quite obvious that Addison knew Arizona was pregnant; after all, she is about thirty four weeks and that is certainly something you cannot hide under any material, but what Addison did not know, or rather, realize, that the baby was Callie's. Moreover, that Callie did not _know_ Arizona was pregnant with _her_ child or that she had been on a flight back to Seattle to tell her so. Addison did not either of those facts, unlike Teddy, and it suddenly seems to be a problem for the cardio surgeon, a _big_ problem.

Teddy almost wonders if she should speak, if she should say something or offer an apology but then she remembers that it is not her place, she remembers that she is not in the wrong here. Arizona _asked_ her to say anything, she _asked_ her not to tell Callie, especially after that night, and no matter how much Addison glares at her now, it is not going to change the fact that if the shoe was on the other foot, she would have done the same thing; because that is what best friends do, regardless of how rational the request is.

"So… let me get this straight. Because I would hate to get this wrong and then make a complete idiot of myself. After all, that would be embarrassing right?" Addison's tone seems more mocking than actual sincerity but Teddy allows for it with a quiet, complacent nod.

"All these months that Dr. Robb...Arizona has been in Africa. All these months that she has been 'working'…" to this Addison uses air quotes and Teddy rolls her eyes inwardly, "at a missionary, she has been pregnant? Pregnant with my _best_ friend's baby while my best friend sat here, in Seattle, heartbroken that not only had her dream been taken from her but the fact that the love of her life suddenly disappeared on her?" It is harsh and Teddy had not exactly anticipated Addison to react lightly to the realization, however, she did not expect such absolute rudeness on the flaming red head's part.

"Dr. Montgomery, you don't understand…"

"I don't understand? I mean, the situation seems quite clear to me. Callie is miserable without Arizona. I know that she puts up this bitchy front, that she is sleeping with all these people to try to make it look like she is moving on with her life, but she's not. She's hurting. She's sad and angry and all those things that she should be. She spends night after night at Joe's, drinking, trying to forget. All the meanwhile, Arizona has been pregnant with _her_ child, the child that she has wanted so badly and she did not tell her, did not call or email or anything to inform her of the pregnancy. And! To top it all! You knew. You knew about the baby, you knew that the baby was Callie's and you saw her _every_ day and you didn't say anything about it!" Addison tirades with a hard gesture and to this, Teddy reacts strongly, pushing back the tears in her eyes as her jaw locks tightly.

"I didn't have much of a choice!"

"You had _every_ choice! What was Arizona going to do? Beat you up? She wasn't even _here! _You could have told Callie and she could have went to Africa, she could have done something….anything… anything that you could have done would have better than doing nothing at all!" Addison snaps and Teddy groans, tired and exhausted, pushing herself forward strongly as her emerald jades clash with Addison's blue.

"You do not get to do this. You do not get to show up here in your high and mighty Addison Montgomery attitude and tell me that I was wrong. I did what my best friend _asked _me to do because she doesn't _ask_ me for much. She was terrified and damn right she should have been and she asked me not to tell Callie. I could have never seen this accident coming and maybe if I did know this was going happen then I would tell Callie about the pregnancy and about Arizona coming to Seattle but in hindsight, without knowing about this accident, I don't regret it. And I wouldn't change it. She asked me to keep her secret for her and to be quite frank; it wasn't my secret to tell. So, no. You don't get to do 'this' right here because if the shoe was on the other foot, you would do the same damn thing." Teddy exclaims, pushing toward Addison who does not retreat.

"Not if the secret I was choosing to keep would greatly affect someone's life like this! Especially if that life was Callie's!" Addison exclaims and Teddy shakes her head with a loud snicker, pushing herself forward strongly once again near the red head, quite obviously not backing down.

"I just think you should know that Callie Torres is not exactly the person that you think she is. Especially in this situation, trust me, she is anything _but_ innocent." Teddy states, her voice lowering an octave in blatant anger. Suddenly blue eyes are staring into emerald jades, separated only by a breath; Addison opens her mouth to say something, however, another voice enters the room.

"Is everything okay in here?" It's Callie. Instantly, Teddy's heart sinks in her chest upon hearing the raspy voice, suddenly knowing everything that she does not and not nearly enough of the answers that she knows that she needs. Quickly, the two look at the woman standing in the doorway and they both blush with a sheepish smile, almost embarrassed that they had been caught in such an adolescent situation.

"I have to go supervise a surgery. This is not one that any of us want to mess up," Addison exclaims, catching a glare from Teddy, before clearing her throat, turning her attention to her friend, "Callie. We'll have lunch later?" The neonatal surgeon asks, forcing a smile upon her face in response to her best friend. Callie only looks, skeptically, at the two women before she smiles at Addison with a quip of her head.

"Yeah, sure. I have a surgery at 11 but if I'm lucky, I should be able to swing by around 1. " Callie replies and Addison nods softly with a smile.

"Sounds perfect." Addison beams a grin to her best friend, giving her a supportive and comforting squeeze upon the shoulder before she exits the trauma room headed to OR Two. In the silence, Callie pushes herself further into the trauma room, absently and nervously looking at the cardio surgeon who rocks anxiously back and forth on her heels. Teddy almost wonders if she should tell her, if she should mention to her that the woman she loves most in the world is currently bleeding out eternally while their unborn child is growing inside of her. And she wants to; Oh, how she wants to tell her. But it is not her place. It is not her place to inform Callie of any of this, and once Arizona survives the surgeries and is okay, she can tell her herself. About the baby, about _everything._

"Are you sure everything is okay?" Callie intrigues, looking at the woman with a slightly wrinkled brow and expressive eyes that say more than she ever could. Teddy looks at her, sympathetically, feeling the tears wanting to form in her eyes and yet knowing that she simply cannot. She cannot break down, not here, not now. Callie will hate her for this, Teddy knows, but she would much rather have her hate her as a surgeon who didn't ruin a surgery and her life because she knew too much, than as a surgeon who knew the truth and did.

"Yeah, everything is fine. Dr. Montgomery and I were just… scheduling our surgeries. She needs me for a consult during her surgery but things are just crazy right now with the c-crash and all." Teddy hiccups, battling her cry behind her eyes. Callie seems to believe the lie with a soft nod and Teddy smiles weakly, "excuse me." She whispers softly, turning to exit the room but she stops, or rather, something stops her. Instead, she turns back, looking at the woman who shuffles aimlessly in the room, the room in which the love of her life and their unborn child had just flat lined in, a room in which holds a very important key to her life, even if she doesn't know it quite just yet.

She is stopped by the guilt, by the sympathy, by the caring. But then, she swallows her pride, or rather her humanity, and exits the room with a heavy sigh leaving the woman behind. Callie mumbles quietly, her vacant eyes absently scanning over the room as her body slumps in exhaustion.

"What happened in here?" The question falls beneath her mumbled breath as she licks her dry, cracked lips. Glancing over one last time, Callie sighs in annoyance and defeat before she too, decides to leave the room for her surgery, her heart heavy with a feeling that she cannot explain, a feeling that haunts her, that echoes within her with every baited breath she draws.

However, if the woman had just taken another second and looked three more inches to the left, if she had just looked upon the countertop, if she had just seen the broken, burned silver necklace chain with the heart pendant, she would have found out the one thing everyone is trying to keep from her, the one thing that will dramatically change her life forever.


	8. Chapter 8

Over My Head (My Confessions)

Tagline: Everyone knows I'm in over my head and I don't know what to do to but to give my confessions.

Summary: When the pressures of being unable to conceive slowly derails their relationship, Arizona chooses to take a break. She heads to Africa to work as a missionary, saving lives of the tiny humans. Yet, little to every one's knowledge, including her own, she takes a little something of Callie's with her. Now seven months later, Callie's world is turned upside down by the arrival of her ex-girlfriend and the tiny human growing inside of her. Can Callie find forgiveness for the mother of her child? Or is it simply too late?

Warning: AU Season 7

Pairing: Callie/Arizona.

Disclaimer: All television shows, movies, books, and other copyrighted material referred to in this work, and the characters, settings, and events thereof, are the properties of their respective owners. As this work is an interpretation of the original material and not for-profit, it constitutes fair use. Reference to real persons, places, or events are made in a fictional context, and are not intended to be libelous, defamatory, or in any way factual.

**Author's Note: **This is now the re-edited version of this chapter, no longer containing the sex/baby making scene between Callie and Arizona. If you are interested in reading that flashback, then you can check it out on my other sites. As for this one, it will remain smut free.

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter Eight<strong>

There is something about burying your hands deep within a patient's body cavity to fix a problem that no-one else can, something about doing the extraordinary, the unbelievable, the impossible that Callie Torres thrives on. There is something about rebuilding bones, entire skeletal systems even and inadvertently rebuilding the patient's life that gives Callie purpose and hope, even in a hopeless place. There is just something about it that gives her a little bit more meaning, more of a purpose, to know that she can fix people's lives even though she cannot fix her own. And it is days like today that reminds Dr. Callie Torres, Ortho goddess, exactly why she does her job.

She gave someone their existence back, gave them a second chance.

And at the end of the day, despite whatever else happens, it is that feeling that keeps her going, even when she does not want to feel anything else.

The Latina makes her way to the nurses' station with a rather confident skip in her step and a proud smile curling upon her lips, two things that have been absent more often than not lately. She grabs the patient's chart with an 'hmph' as she takes the pen from her pocket with a successful click and begins to scribble the notes into the medical record. She finds herself swaying her hips a little and she cannot help but smile at how accomplished she feels now; how proud. She had almost forgotten the feeling, the feeling of how happy a successful surgery can make her, how it can make her forget everything else, including the tugging feeling that keeps dragging her heart downward, the feeling in the pit of her stomach that she just cannot explain.

From the corner of her eye, she notices April Kepner making her way to the nurses' station. She watches as the red haired woman who just performed two surgeries with her approach the desk as if no amount of exhaustion echoes in her bones, Callie cannot help but think that people underestimate her.

"Hey Kepner." Callie states and the not-so-sudden exclamation startles the chief resident who jumps in alarm. Callie finds a giggle tickling in the back of her throat at the very dramatic reaction to her name being called but she forces it away, knowing the young girl has been teased enough in her lifetime.

"D-did you need something, Dr. Torres?" April's voice is wavering with nerves and anxiety as her demeanor suddenly changes from the peppy young woman she had been before, to that of a tiny child afraid of being scolded and having their favorite toy taken away.

"Yeah, I just wanted to say…. You did a really good job in there today." Callie states and April's eyes dart nervously as if she had been expecting to hear something else to come out of her mouth, "I know that a lot of people give you a lot of crap because you're peppy and….perky. But I love perky and you're nice, sure sometimes you're _too_ nice for this hospital, but I'd rather have you be nice than a hard ass. People judge you for your personality and I think they let it overshadow your surgical skills. Which are _amazing _because you are care so much."

"I… I-I don't even know what to say. T-Thank you, Dr. Torres." April stutters nervously with a shy smile curling her cheeks and Callie can already tell the warm blush that is beginning to settle there. Smiling in accomplishment, Callie nods as she places her pen in her pocket and buries her hands deep within her lab coat. She walks past the chief resident but she stops for a second, turning back to face her.

"People here, they… they like to talk a lot of crap. It helps them deal with their menial lives. But don't let them get you down. You're doing a great job, Kepner. Show the world what you got." Callie winks as April smiles brightly with a fervent nod. Callie nods with a soft smile before she turns from the woman.

As Callie opens the door to the on call room her body is met with the all too familiar exhaustion as the memories of this place begin to wash over her. Memories of how Arizona's skin felt against hers, how her lips sucked against her neck, the way Arizona's knees locked around her waist and held her firmly in place, the sound of her name being moaned from her lips the way her toes literally curled and her body quaked in orgasm. The memories crash into her time and time again, each one taking her breath and shredding her already broken heart into thinner pieces. It haunts her, each memory a painful reminder of everything they had once been, everything she had once only needed. And slowly, just like all the times before, Calliope Torres finds herself dejected and alone.

With a heavy sigh, the woman pushes her body forward, ignoring the cracks and aches in her joints disapproval. The fatigue looms over her as she sits down on the tiny bed, quickly kicking her shoes from her feet before sliding under the covers. However, the silence and the darkness of the room is one that does not bode well with a woman who is trying her hardest to forget the one thing that she simply cannot.

The silence is too loud. Too loud for her mind to stop thinking, too loud for her to lose herself in warmer happier thoughts than the ones that now plague her overworked brain, too loud for Callie to simply _breathe_.

Arizona is here; much like everywhere else Callie is and she can't forget her, no matter how badly she wishes that she could.

Turning over in the bed, Callie clutches to the other pillow, pulling it to her chest as she wraps her arms tight around the fluffy object. Heavily, a breath escapes from her pursed lips as the all too familiar tears fill within her eyes as the hushed cries begin to echo through her body. She can still feel Arizona here, she can still hear the perky voice calling out her name, and she can still hear her breathing beside of her so peaceful and calm. She is here, she is everywhere.

Like a drug addict needs a needle and like an alcoholic needs a drink, Callie needs Arizona. To breathe, to function, to be _alive._

In the darkness of the room, Callie allows herself to fall apart, allows the cries to shake her body and send her spiraling into the reality that she desperately has been trying to avoid. In the darkness, Callie allows herself to cry out of hurt, out of fear, out of the unknown. Not only for Arizona but for herself as well because somewhere, in the back of her overworked mind, she knows that neither of them are and never will be okay.

* * *

><p>Addison Forbes-Montgomery had never been the one to pray; her family only went to church on Christmas and to be quite frank- she had some problems with the big guy upstairs. Enough problems that kept her from her knees when she needed him the most, enough problems that made her feel like prayers were empty promises, especially given how her life has turned out.<p>

But now, she finds herself sitting in the first pew at Seattle Grace-Mercy West's chapel, staring up at a cross, and trying somehow, someway, to find the answers that she so desperately needs. Answers about what to do concerning Arizona, concerning the baby that Callie knows nothing about and concerning her current situation in her personal life.

Sighing desperately, the red haired woman bows her head as she closes her eyes, lacing her fingers around one another and her heart sinks a little heavier in her chest.

"Hey God. It's me… Addison. Addison Montgomery. I know it has been a while since you and I have spoken and to be honest, I was okay with it going a little while longer. I am angry at you for a lot of things really, about my mom and my life and… just… a lot of things. But right now is not a time for anger or disappointment or resentment. Because right now, lives hang in the balance, lives that could very well destroy someone I love very much. I… I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do with Arizona, God. And that baby. Her body has suffered so many traumas and when they went in there to try to fix her, they couldn't until she stabilized and I don't… I don't know what that means. I don't know what that means for her. I don't know what that means for the baby. That baby is… if I deliver now, it could still survive but with all the trauma Arizona has went through, I don't know… and Callie doesn't even know. Callie doesn't know. She doesn't know that Arizona is pregnant. She doesn't know that she is here or that her baby is growing inside of her. I just, I really need your help. Please God. Please. Amen." Addison sucks in a hard breath as she fights the tears in her eyes.

"I never knew you were the type to pray," A voice echoes from the back of the chapel and Addison does not even have to turn around to know who it belongs to. "We were married for eleven years, how did I not know that you prayed?" Derek states as he takes a seat in the pew next to his ex-wife. The red haired obstetrician looks at him with heavy and tired eyes as she slumps back into the polished wood. She loves how easy it is with him, how comfortable. How sometimes she does not even have to say a single word but Derek will just know that something is not quite right with her. She always said that it was only something soul mates could do and yet, despite their own personal problems, there was never a moment when Addison did not consider Derek Shepard to be her soul mate.

"I am not praying for myself. I'm praying for Arizona. For the baby. F…for Callie," Addison mutters with a heavy sigh, "but I don't even know why I bother. God doesn't know who I am. He doesn't like me and he _surely_ does not like me right now." Gently, she tangles her fingers in her hair as she fights the tears that form within her eyes. Who is she to do this? Who is she to keep this secret from her best friend? Who is she to play God with someone's life like this? She is no-one really, and she is especially no-one to be in control of someone's life and future the way that she suddenly is in control of Callie's now.

"Addison…" Derek trails off gazing at the beautiful woman beside of him before a soft smile curls upon his lips, "you save babies, God knows who you are. Arizona saves children, God knows who she is. And that baby is just…well… a baby. God is not just going to look the other direction because you are not the most… religious person. He's not going to turn his back because you are a sinner, Addie. Because this? This isn't really about you. This is about them. And Callie. And God… he owes them." Derek explains with a weak smile and Addison nods quietly, absently playing with her fingers. She sighs heavily before she looks up at him with a careful bat of her long eyelashes before she offers her weakest smile toward him.

"I can't help it. I just… Callie is my best friend…"

"I know."

"No. You don't know. Callie is my _best_ friend. She has been there for me since… _forever. _And now, her girlfriend, excuse me, ex-girlfriend, is here because she was in a plane crash because she was coming back from Africa to tell her that she is pregnant. Eight months pregnant. With _their_ baby. A baby that Callie doesn't know _anything_ about. A baby that may very well die just like Arizona may very well die. And here, I know about it all. They are both in my care and I am _keeping_ it from her. Not to mention the fact that I am not telling her about you and me and…" Addison shakes her head with a sniffle, "I am not the person to play God with Callie's life, Derek." Derek, upon hearing what the woman has to say, simply nods his head before he turns in the pew, placing his hand atop of hers. Suddenly their eyes meet in the most gentle of gazes and Addison finds herself forgetting how to breathe as her chest tightens at his touch. The sensation of his skin upon hers creates electric shock pulsing through the red haired dame's body as her stomach flips in dancing butterflies. Gently, and almost unexpectedly, he laces his fingers around Addison's with a quiet squeeze.

Her eyes meet his and for a moment, the most peaceful and still of moments, the rest of the world seems to fade away. The reality of their situation, the sins they are committing, Arizona, the baby, Callie; for a moment all of it manages to fall away in the hushed silence. Until they are just Addison and Derek. Derek and Addison. Familiar eyes and familiar touches, familiarity and comfort and all things else seem to disappear.

"What if she…"

"She won't."

"Derek, what if she…"

"She won't."

"But damn it, what if she does? How am I supposed to tell Callie that the love of her life and her baby that she didn't even know about _died_? Huh? How do you tell your _best _friend that the two people she loves most in the world is dead because we couldn't save them and she doesn't even have the chance to say goodbye?" Addison snaps and Derek exhales deeply.

"We'll find a way. If that happens, we'll- we will find a way. You won't… you won't have to deal with it alone. I will be there with you, for you. And we'll do it, _together._ But go there yet. Don't mentally put yourself there because you can't play the what if game, Addie. Because it will drive you out of your mind and it will hurt you as a surgeon. It could lose Arizona her life or their baby's life because you're too caught up in it to pay attention to the little things." Absently, he plays with her fingers.

"I like to believe that at the end of the day, everything works out the way it is supposed to and people end up with the people they are meant to." To this, he looks up at her with an all new sparkle in his eye. "Callie and Arizona are meant to be together, they'll find a way. Everything will work out the way it's meant to. Try not to worry so much." He lifts their fingers and kisses her knuckles. Sighing comfortably, she smiles at the man before she lays her head on his shoulder and for a moment, simply allows herself to _feel_ him, to inhale him, to be _with_ him. However their moment is cut short by the loud, beeping pager

Grabbing the annoying pink object, the obstetrician looks down with a wrinkling brow.

"It's a 911; I have to go." Addison exclaims, slowly standing to her feet with a careful brush of the scrubs that adorn her gorgeous body. Derek nods quietly as he stands as well. "Derek I…" Her eyes meet with his once more as she searches for the words to say, but however; she cannot find them, simply because the words do not exist. The words do not exist to ever begin to explain the way that Addison Forbes-Montgomery feels about Derek Shepherd. He does not say anything either, but instead, wraps his arms around Addison tightly, engulfing her in the most comforting, loving hug. Weakly, Addison wraps her arms around him as she sniffles softly into his shoulder.

"It's going to be okay. I promise." Derek whispers, placing a kiss upon her temple and Addison nods softly, as she pulls back from their hug. Gently, she laces their fingers together as they make their way to the door of the chapel before she looks up at him with tired and weary eyes. Addison nods quietly, leaning upward as she places a gentle kiss upon his lips. Addison smiles softly, kissing him once more before disappearing around the corner and on the search to her patient's room. Derek smiles a beaming accomplished grin as he leans against the door-facing, glancing down at his large watch. He waits nearly forty five seconds before he walks out of the chapel with his head held high and a bright smile upon his face.

However what he, like Addison, did not know is they were being watched.

Watched by someone who just may very well destroy their lives as they know it.


	9. Chapter 9

Over My Head (My Confessions)

Tagline: Everyone knows I'm in over my head and I don't know what to do to but to give my confessions.

Summary: When the pressures of being unable to conceive slowly derails their relationship, Arizona chooses to take a break. She heads to Africa to work as a missionary, saving lives of the tiny humans. Yet, little to every one's knowledge, including her own, she takes a little something of Callie's with her. Now seven months later, Callie's world is turned upside down by the arrival of her ex-girlfriend and the tiny human growing inside of her. Can Callie find forgiveness for the mother of her child? Or is it simply too late?

Warning: AU Season 7

Pairing: Callie/Arizona.

Disclaimer: All television shows, movies, books, and other copyrighted material referred to in this work, and the characters, settings, and events thereof, are the properties of their respective owners. As this work is an interpretation of the original material and not for-profit, it constitutes fair use. Reference to real persons, places, or events are made in a fictional context, and are not intended to be libelous, defamatory, or in any way factual.

Author's Note: I ramble a lot in these things, I'll try to stop that. I'll say this and let you have it: I always want to thank my beta because she makes life possible and makes sense of my ideas and I want to thank everyone who is taking this journey with me. I love this story, it's a part of me and it is something that I am very proud of, and the fact that you like it to means the world to me. Now. Please read.

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter Nine<strong>

There is never anything more nerve wrecking or terrifying than knowing that, even as qualified as you are, you can't do anything to help your best friend. At least, that's how Teddy feels now. She sits by the bed side of the once perky and bubbly Arizona who is now silenced by her injuries and the pain medication. Teddy has never felt so helpless in her entire life, so defenseless and vulnerable than sitting here at this very moment, right now.

She is a doctor, damn it. A _good_ doctor, perhaps even, one of the best cardiothoracic surgeons that Seattle has ever seen. Yet, her knowledge and her training are proven to be useless in a situation like this. Because, even if there was something that she could have done, she is too involved; too involved in the case, too involved in Arizona and that baby of hers.

Her emerald jades focus on the black but beeping screen of the heart monitor positioned above their heads. The beeping sound is providing the only real sign of life from the disheveled, bloody and injured mess of the body that lies before her. If Teddy didn't know for a fact that this person is Arizona, she would not believe it herself. The usually gorgeous face that was once alight with dimples and happiness is now sunken, framed with soot and covered in gashes and scrapes.

But inside this broken body, a miracle is growing. A life that Arizona and Callie created _together_, a life that may very well not even get the chance to begin their existence and Teddy cannot help but feel so, _so_ guilty. Guilty for not telling Arizona to stay in Africa, for not telling her exactly how bad of an idea this was, guilty for not having enough courage to tell Callie the truth, the _whole_ truth.

She is literally trembling when she reaches forward, gently taking Arizona's hand within her own. She sucks in a deep breath, swallowing hard with a lump in her throat. Quietly, Teddy studies the almost lifeless face, trying desperately to find her best friend somewhere inside of there. The best friend that she surely had not expected to find when she first came to Seattle Grace-Mercy West.

"A-Arizona, can you… can you hear me?" Teddy hiccups back a cry, waiting for a response but not surprisingly there is only silence. To this, Teddy nods to herself as she licks her dry lips before beginning again.

"We always tell people who have family members or friends that are… well… we always tell them that they should talk to them because they can hear you and it helps with the healing process. I always…um… I always thought it was stupid. I thought it was just some crap that we say to make them feel better and feel not quite as helpless. But right now… right now I'm hoping it's true. I'm hope you can hear me. Because I _need_ you to hear me." Teddy begins, playing gently with Arizona's fingers laced between her own.

"I need you to live, do you hear me? I need you to live. You don't get to take the easy road here and die on us and go be with your brother. No. I mean, I know that you probably want to and it's easier than fighting back through all your injuries and stuff. But… but people need you here. I need you here. Callie…" Teddy stops just short of finishing her thought when her voice breaks and she fights it back, clearing her throat.

"Callie needs you. I didn't… I didn't tell her about the baby yet. It's not… it's not my place. It's not my place to tell her about you and the baby. But she needs you. She's… she's not okay. I know that she can be an ass and I know that she's a bitch sometimes and I know that she probably doesn't really deserve your forgiveness or you but she… Arizona, she's… she's so in love with you. She doesn't love Mark or anyone else the way that she loves you. She's…. she's lost. And she's hurting. She needs answers that I don't have. She needs someone- she needs _you_." Teddy sniffles.

"The two of you are going to have a baby together. A beautiful baby. A baby who needs you, who needs both parents. Don't deprive it of that; don't deprive it of getting to know you. Of loving you. It needs you and Callie… she can't raise it on her own. Don't make her. Your baby _needs_ you, Arizona. Callie _needs_ you. I _need_ you. So many people need you. You have a life here, a life that you are not done living yet so just hang on, can you do that? Please? Can you just hang on?" Teddy begs, the tears streaming down her face.

"Dr. Altman." Teddy's head snaps up from Arizona's hand, to study her face, her heart almost leaping in her throat. But instantly, it falls just as quickly when she realizes that her eyes are still tightly shut. She looks back over her shoulder to find Dr. Bailey approaching her, a file in her hand.

"Dr. Bailey." Teddy smiles weakly with a heavy sigh before turning her focus back to Arizona. Miranda Bailey is not a woman who normally shows compassion, not a woman who bends at the sight of hurt, not a woman who allows herself to feel. Because the last time that she allowed herself to _feel_, her favorite intern died because he threw himself in front of a bus. The last time she allowed herself to _feel_, she watched another doctor get shot and bleed out in front of her and there was nothing she could do. But standing here, taking the stats of Arizona Robbins, the woman who put her neck on the line to make sure she got the respect she needed, a woman who had been more than just a co-worker for her, she cannot help but be overcome by all those emotions.

"Her vitals are strong. They are going to take her into surgery in a few minutes and they are going to try to repair as much as they can before they drop again," Bailey explains as she scribbles the notes in her chart.

"Dr. Montgomery has ordered for her to be given some steroids to mature the baby's lungs so if things take a turn for the worst, Dr. Montgomery will deliver the baby by C-section. The baby will still be early but it will be in good hands. Dr. Shepard will try to repair the brain bleed and see what other damage has been done. If her stats stay strong, Cristina may try to repair her heart. I know that it sounds like a lot and it is a lot, but given Arizona's state, we don't want to keep cutting on her more than we have to." Dr. Bailey clarifies, closing the file as she drops the pen back into her pocket. Teddy nods, absently playing with Arizona's fingers, a quiet sniffle escaping her in response to what Bailey has said. Miranda sighs a little, wrinkling her brow as she looks at Arizona now, bruised, blood and broken, a complete opposite of what the perky Peds surgeon used to be.

"Do you want me to call someone? Her parents?" Bailey asks but Teddy shakes her head.

"Um…N-no thank you. I'll take care of it later," Teddy simply states, her eyes never leave Arizona's hand. Bailey nods quietly, biting her bottom lip as she turns to leave. However, something stops her just inches from the door. She turns, looking at the lifeless body that lies in the bed and the crumbling mess of a woman who sits beside of her. Inhaling deeply, Miranda takes a step forward, clearing her throat.

"I don't do personal. I don't do girl talk. I don't talk about feelings. I don't do this, do you understand me?" Bailey exclaims and Teddy looks at her rather quizzically with a gentle nod of her head. It is not unknown to the staff of Seattle Grace-Mercy West that Miranda Bailey doesn't talk about feelings or show compassion, after all, she wasn't nicknamed the Nazi for nothing. But for a moment, this brief moment, Teddy watches as the woman slowly begins to let her guard down.

"It's not my place to tell you what to do. And it's certainly not my place to tell you what to say or what to think or how to feel. Arizona Robbins is your person and you did what you had to do to protect her and that baby. I know that you probably think that I don't understand that-but I do. She asked you for a favor and Arizona is not the type to ask for things so how could you tell her no, even when you knew it was wrong. You did what you had to do because you are Arizona's friend. I understand that." Bailey begins, taking another thoughtful step forward.

"But I also understand that you are Callie's friend too. When Arizona asked you to keep it a secret, she didn't count on this happening. How could she? This was just one of those freak accidents that happen sometimes. It's just one of those statistics' that none of us like to believe in. And now she's lying here, fighting against all odds to survive and keep her baby safe. And the love of her life, the mother of this child, doesn't know a thing about it." Bailey continues but Teddy stops her with a brief, almost distant laugh.

"Stop Bailey. I know where you are going with this and I just… please just stop." Teddy interrupts much to the shorter woman's dismay. Bailey scowls, clearly in disapproval before she turns her attention back to Arizona, watching the beeping heart monitor with a heavy, saddened sigh.

"You need to tell Callie. And before you _rudely_, might I add, interrupt me again; I know that people, that _Dr. Montgomery_ has been nagging at you to tell her but you do. She… she needs to know. Not just for herself but for Arizona and the baby and for yourself. You are going to drive yourself crazy dealing with this alone. With the guilt and the grief and the worries and then telling The Robbins', you are going to go insane. You need to tell her." When Teddy's mouth opens, Bailey stops her with a clearing of her throat.

"Imagine if you were in her shoes. What if the person that you loved the most in the world was injured and everyone in this hospital, including your own friends, didn't tell you about it? What if that person was carrying your child, a child that you didn't even know about? What if something happens to her? Not that I think it will, but sometimes these things are out of our hands. What if something happens and Callie doesn't get the chance to see her or that baby? What if _you_ never got the chance to see the love of your life or your baby? I don't know what happened so I can't judge Arizona, I'm sure she had her reasons. But speaking as a mother myself, if Tucker took Little Tuck from me and I never got see him and something happened to them? I… I couldn't live."

"Bailey." Teddy's voice is a mere whisper now, "she's going to hate me when I tell her. She's not going to understand, she's going to go off. She's going to hate me and she's going to hate Arizona. And it's… she's not going to be able to do her job and…"

"Stop. Stop putting Callie's job before the fact that she's human. She has feelings, she has a heart; a heart that is breaking and a heart that will be broken completely if she loses the both of them without having the chance to fight for them. Teddy, you need her. You can't do this on your own. And that baby growing inside of Arizona is _her _child and Arizona is her person too. You have to tell her. Because if she finds this out from someone other than you? She'll never be able to get over that. She _needs_ to know." Bailey ends her tirade with a heavy sigh. Before Teddy can speak again, the doctors and nurses come through the door, prepping Arizona for her surgery, unplugging her from the machines. Stepping back into the corner, she watches them as they do their job, but just as quickly as they came, they leave, rolling Arizona with them.

"I… I can't." Teddy's shaky voice whispers from the corner and Bailey stops at the door, sharing the most compassionate and innocent gaze with the woman. Her face softens and she offers a weak, but promising smile.

"This isn't about you, Teddy. This is about Arizona. It's about the baby. It's about Callie. You really don't have any other choice." Bailey exclaims with a soft nod before she exits after the group of doctors.

Teddy sighs as she slumps against the wall, tangling her fingers in her golden mane, a heart wrenching cry echoing from her lips. How in the world is she supposed to tell Callie something like this?

* * *

><p><em>This is a good idea; this is the <em>_**best **__idea, something that will be good for the both of them. At least, that is what Arizona is reminding herself of time and time again as she sits, nervously fidgeting with her fingers, staring at the two packed suitcases by the door. This is the only way that they can ever have a chance at a normal relationship again, the only way they can forget all the bad stuff and begin anew. This is the only way, the only chance they ever have of being together happily again._

_Still yet, the decision shakes her to the core and her knee fretfully bounces beneath her. Sighing dreadfully, Arizona laces her fingers as she props her elbow upon her bouncy knee, resting her chin upon them. As a child of the military moving around is not something that is uncommon to her, but Seattle is her home, her home with Callie. And even though she knows this is the only chance for the two of them to ever have a relationship like before, the thought of moving millions of miles away breaks her heart._

_When the door opens, Arizona jumps slightly frightened by the loud action and her head snaps up to find Callie coming in the door. The raven haired beauty mumbles something incoherently as she pulls the key from the hole but instantly she stops when she notices the suitcases by the door. Suddenly, a pair of russet brown eyes find their way to Arizona's bottled blues and she feels herself shrink at the glare._

"_Arizona…w-what is this?" Callie intrigues, gesturing to the suitcases as she drops her keys into the bowl and pulls off her leather jacket. Arizona gulps as she wipes her sweaty palms onto her jeans before she slowly stands, feeling her heart drop into the pit of her stomach. She has had days and hours to prepare herself for this conversation but now that it is finally here, she can't help but feel those tears attempting to form in fear of uncertainty._

"_It's suitcases." Arizona mumbles and Callie snorts with a hard roll of her eyes._

"_Yes, clearly it's suitcases. I am not blind. I am just wondering why they are here. Are you planning on seeing your parents or something?" Callie reasons, opening the fridge as she pulls out a beer. Arizona fidgets with her hands nervously, watching her girlfriend pop the top to her drink. As she begins to take a swig, Callie notices the worriment written upon Arizona's face and she wrinkles her brow in confusion._

"_What?" asks Callie, lowering the beer from her pursed lips with a 'pop'. Arizona sighs nervously, exhaling deeply as she sways back and forth softly, swallowing the lump in the back of her throat. She closes her eyes for a brief moment, just long enough to keep the tears from falling, before she opens them again and begins to speak._

"_There is a missionary in Africa. They are l-looking for doctors and I…" But Callie interrupts her._

"_Oh Arizona, no. No."_

"_I love Seattle. It has… amazing coffee and the most beautiful scenery that it could be the thirteenth wonder of the world. It has the best people, the sweetest people that I've ever met; it has the best doctors that I feel more than privileged to have had the chance to work with. Seattle has Joe's Bar which is a definite plus, because there are some shifts that I would love to just drink away and Joe always has the best advice. Seattle….Seattle brought me to you." Arizona's voice breaks as the tears begin to gather within her bottled blues. For a moment, her posture relaxes as Callie's face softens at the mentioning of the two of them and a weak, but still very visible, half smile curls upon Arizona's lips._

"_Seattle brought me to you and everyone…everyone knows that you are the __**best**__ thing that has ever happened to me. You… you taught me how to live and how to love and how to be happy. You changed my life, you… you are my dream come true and showed me all the things that I never knew I wanted. Seattle brought me to you. You, Calliope. The love of my life. And you are my home. And I love Seattle for that. B-but I… __**we**__ need a break from Seattle. We need a break from all this." Arizona gestures with a flick of her wrist to the room around her and Callie only listens, emotionless and speechless._

"_Everything here reminds me of what we could have had. Every time I see the empty room that should have been the nursery….every time we fight about it… everything about this place haunts us, haunts me. We need to get away from this; we need a chance to start new. A place where there is not any memories of us or the life that we would have had. We need a place where nobody knows our names or our struggles. We need a place where we can just be Callie and Arizona without limitations or expectations. We are not going to have that here. And no matter how happy you might pretend we are here, it's going to be the end of us. It's going to destroy us. Slowly. And there isn't going to be a damn thing we can do about it unless we get out of here." Arizona tirades but Callie shakes her head softly, pushing her fingers weakly through her hair as she steps aside from the island._

"_Seattle is my home. I-I have a job here, a damn good job, a job that I have worked for my entire life. I am the head of Ortho, I am the one that everyone looks up to, the one that can do the impossible and give people their lives back. I have friends here, __**good**__ friends, friends who have supported us through everything that we have been through. Friends who are unlike anyone else in this entire world, friends who have never bailed on me. I have a good apartment here, close to the hospital and the bar and it has an amazing view. And you are asking me to pick up my life, __**our**__ life and move it half a world away?" Callie exclaims, her voice echoing with the tone of disbelief and disapproval. The blond sighs heavily as she hangs her head, kicking absently at a speck on the floor._

"_There are people who really need our help there, Callie, people who don't have another chance at medical care, people who can't afford to fly to America to receive those surgeries that they need. I….everything here is so stressful. All the time. We fight over the stupidest things, like who left the coffee maker on or what we are having for dinner or what time we go to bed. We're…. we are losing ourselves. We need a break from this, from the baby problem, from all of it. The Chief has already approved the idea and said we could have our jobs back when we return. It's…it's not a forever type of deal. It is just something for us to get our relationship back. Something that __**I**__ need. And I am asking you to do it with me, do it __**for**__ me." Arizona states and Callie shakes her head._

"_I'm not leaving Seattle to go to some third world country so we can work on our problems, Arizona."_

"_Callie."_

"_No, that is what you are wanting us to do, isn't it? You want me to leave Seattle, leave my job, my friends, my life, for God knows how long to work in some third world country where homosexuality is pretty much illegal because you want to start over but I don't want to __**start over**__. I like my life here." Callie positions and Arizona shakes her head weakly with teary eyes._

"_What life? There's… there's nothing __**here **__anymore, Callie. Nothing but a bunch of what could have been's. "Arizona exclaims but Callie is having none of it, instead she laughs weakly, distantly. It is a strange sound, a sound that is unlike anything Arizona has ever heard before._

"_I am here. My life is here. Not in Africa. Not pretending like none of this happened. My friends… Mark… they are here. My job is here. Everything is here, Arizona. I can't just pack up and leave because it's what is easiest, because it is what you want."_

"_And I can't pretend like things are okay, like we are going to be okay, I can't stay in Seattle because it's what you want. I've… I've sacrificed so much for you lately, Callie. But I can't do this; I can't stay here and torture myself. I need to heal and so do you. I'm… I need you in my life. I need us. I am asking you, please. __**Please**__. Can you just…? Will you do this for me? For us? I already lost my brother; I don't want to lose you too." Arizona pleads. Callie's face softens, she studies her, deeply and purely as her lips purse and she inhales deeply. For a moment, there are no words, for a moment the entire world manages to fall away._

"_I…. I can't." whispers Callie and Arizona feels her heart shatter in a thousand different pieces inside of her. A cry quickly escapes from her before she has a chance to catch herself. She watches as Callie finally lets her guards down but the blond shakes her head, her curly hair framing her face as she takes a step backward, biting her bottom lip._

"_I can't do this anymore. I can't stay in Seattle. I just… I can't. Please forgive me." Arizona murmurs, her teeth sinking into her bottom lip so deeply that she almost brings blood. The tears crowd within her eyes as she curls her fingers around the handles of the suitcases, rolling them behind her. She feels her heart break deeper inside of her with every step that she takes as every movement of her foot in front of her taking her farther and farther away from the love of her life. The blond closes her eyes as she opens the door, her heart longing for the one thing that she knows can no longer be hers._

"_Arizona." Callie calls out to her in a crack, echoing with a cry. Arizona stops, inhaling deeply in the doorway before she turns around to find the teary eyed woman who is being left behind. Her bottled blues quickly find that all too familiar pair of russet brown searching for purpose, searching for reasoning, for love, for life, searching for something, anything, that gives her a reason to stay. Arizona waits, waits to hear those words that she so desperately wants to hear, waits for Callie to throw her things in a bag and follow behind her for the flight that leaves tonight. She waits to see that Callie Torres thinks they are worth fighting for._

"_I'm so sorry." Callie whispers as the tears stain down her cheeks, cutting away at her, exposing pieces of her that Arizona has long forgot about. Arizona nods quietly as she searches in the back of her mind, searches for something that might convince her lover to come with her, something that might convince her that everything is not lost, that there is another life out there waiting for her. She searches for something, for anything, which might possibly somehow let Callie know just how __**badly**__ she needs her with her, today, tomorrow and every day._

"_Me too." Arizona murmurs softly knowing that certainly was not it. Swallowing hard, she looks at Callie, fighting the break down, "I love you." With those three words, she shuts the door behind her. Arizona stands for a moment, her hand pressed against the cool blue door as she waits, waits for Callie to open the door, to declare her love for her and tell her how wrong she was to think that she could have a life in Seattle._

_She waits. But nothing happens. And she isn't so sure why she expected her to come after her in the first place._

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><p>It has been so long since Callie has felt normal that she has almost forgotten the feeling. It has been so long since she has walked through the hallways of Seattle Grace-Mercy West without the fake smiles and hushed whispers following behind her. It has been so long that she has damn near given up on it, until today. Today is the first day that she can walk through the halls without hearing the hushed whispers and if she did, it was about the accident instead of her tumultuous love life and how she always ends up alone after running Seattle Grace-Mercy West's best doctors away.<p>

Today is the first day the ortho rockstar can walk through the hallways without feeling like some type of foreign alien, and as twisted as it seems, she is almost thankful for the accident. It is terrible that people have lost their lives and for that, she is truly sorry. Callie knows the pain of burying someone you love all too well, since burying her ex-husband almost two years ago. But she is grateful that the accident has captured the attention of the doctors and nurses away from her.

Her body moves in exhaustion as she approaches the surgery board, her body aching in disapproval of the movement. But she shrugs it off, just like all the times before, because the pain just reminds her that she is alive, the _only _thing that reminds her that she is alive. Callie tries to read the board but all the words and lines seem to blur together in her exhausted state. She grumbles a Spanish obscenity, rubbing her eyes with the back of her fists as she blinks desperately, trying once again to read the board. This time she can make out her name for a surgery that takes place in an hour.

Sighing, Callie slumps against the nurses' desk reaching for the chart of her patient in an attempt to try to prepare herself. She rubs her eyes in annoyance once again, cursing herself for not taking the nap when she had the chance. But it was Arizona's fault. Arizona's fault for being there, for plaguing every thought, every feeling, every breath she takes, every beat of her heart. It's Arizona's fault for not leaving her alone now, for not giving her a minute of peace in this heaviest storm of her life, even though they are literally worlds apart. But she knows it is only an excuse.

She let the love of her life get away and that, well, that is Callie's own fault.

Scanning the records of the patient, she does not see when Teddy reluctantly approaches her, so when her voice calls out her name, she literally jumps.

"Callie." Teddy almost whispers, fighting away the lump in her throat. Startled, Callie turns to the woman with a wrinkled brow as she tries to catch the breath that the woman, unintentionally, stole from her. Callie laughs, a warm blush curling within her cheeks in embarrassment of how easily frightened she had been before offering that brilliant, beaming grin toward the cardio surgeon, the same grin that used to make Arizona weak in the knees.

"Teddy. I didn't see you. You scared me." Callie chuckles with a grin before she returns her attention back to the file. Teddy offers a weak smile as she, too, slumps against the nurses' desk, using it for support and strength for an entirely different reason.

"Sorry." Teddy mumbles weakly. If Callie had been more observant, if she had truly been listening to the woman beside of her, she would have heard the cry that tickled in the back of her throat, she would have heard when the breath hitched, and she would have seen the tear stains on her face and the worriment in her eyes. If she had been paying attention, she would have seen that something was wrong and she could mentally and emotionally prepare herself for the bombshell.

"I have surgery in an hour. I have to repair a dislocated femur and a collarbone. It's… it's definitely going to be intense. I thought about letting Kepner scrub in with me. I really think she is the one to watch. I know that everyone thinks that Avery is the Gunther but I think Kepner's got a spark in her." Callie exclaims in a soft smile, writing something in the chart now and Teddy nods gently.

"Yeah, she's definitely something." Teddy replies sadly and it's now that Callie picks up on the change of demeanor in the woman. She stops writing, looking at her with a carefully wrinkled brow as she lowers the pen onto the desk.

"Hey, if you want to scrub in, I'll totally let you. Forget about Kepner. It will be Altman and Torres. We would be the team to beat and I could teach you a few tricks of the trade that comes with being an ortho surgeon. I could teach you how to reset a femur, that's something everyone needs to know. What do you think? Do you want to be my tag team partner?" Callie offers with a playful and warm smile and Teddy laughs quietly and faintly with a shake of her head as she bites her bottom lip nervously, studying the woman before her.

"No, that's not it. But thank you though." Teddy fakes the saddest of smiles before it almost immediately fades back to the sullen and worried expression that she had been wearing before. This time, however, it does not take Callie very long to notice the difference in the woman. Brooding quietly, Callie studies her, searching for some sort of sign that could tell her what is wrong.

"Then what's wrong?" It is a question that has an answer that will forever change Callie Torres' life. Teddy inhales a shaking breath as she licks her dry and cracked lips. She looks up, her eyes heavy and bloodshot and when she does, Callie feels her stomach twisting in that all too familiar gut wrenching agony. For a moment, Teddy says nothing; for, how could she? Instead, her eyes only stay focused upon Callie's, her heart racing, her palms growing sweaty, her knees shaking, wondering how on earth she is going to find the words to tell what is going on.

"I-I need to tell you something," Teddy stutters with a sigh and Callie laughs quietly.

"What? A-Are you pregnant or something?" Callie asks and Teddy sighs with a weak, disheartening sniffle. Callie only looks at her in confusion as she clears her throat softly. Callie watches as the tears fill within Teddy's eyes and she moves closer, "Hey, Teddy. Hey, it's okay. You can tell me anything and we'll figure it out. We will. It can't be that bad, right?" Teddy can barely keep her composure as she tries to fight back the tears and the cry that hangs in the back of her throat and Callie can feel her own knees begin to buckle beneath her.

"Teddy?"

"There was an accident," Teddy begins, her voice cracking as the tears spring from her eyes and Callie only looks even more confused and Teddy's heart shatters deep within her. "It's…it's Arizona."

And it only takes those two words for Callie Torres' entire world to go silent and dark.

It only takes those two words to change her life forever.


	10. Chapter 10

Over My Head (My Confessions)

Tagline: Everyone knows I'm in over my head and I don't know what to do to but to give my confessions.

Summary: When the pressures of being unable to conceive slowly derails their relationship, Arizona chooses to take a break. She heads to Africa to work as a missionary, saving lives of the tiny humans. Yet, little to every one's knowledge, including her own, she takes a little something of Callie's with her. Now seven months later, Callie's world is turned upside down by the arrival of her ex-girlfriend and the tiny human growing inside of her. Can Callie find forgiveness for the mother of her child? Or is it simply too late?

Warning: AU Season 7

Pairing: Callie/Arizona.

Disclaimer: All television shows, movies, books, and other copyrighted material referred to in this work, and the characters, settings, and events thereof, are the properties of their respective owners. As this work is an interpretation of the original material and not for-profit, it constitutes fair use. Reference to real persons, places, or events are made in a fictional context, and are not intended to be libelous, defamatory, or in any way factual.

Author's Note: Hi guys. I know that it has been longer than usual since the last update and I really appreciate the emails of concern. I have just been focusing on my personal life lately, making some really tough decisions as to where it should go and who should be in it and I haven't really had much time for technology. But nevertheless, here it is! A huge thanks to my beta and to my Peyton! (:

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><p><strong>Chapter Ten<strong>

Callie's entire world is spinning, she has never felt more dizzy or confused or hurt or just utterly and completely blinded in her entire life. Her knees are buckling beneath her and she literally has to grab hold of the nurses' desk to keep from sinking into a crumbling mess onto the floor. She gasps searching for a breath, any breath but none come to her; instead, the most heart wrenching and painful wail of a sob echo from somewhere within the back of her throat. The tears blind within her russet eyes as she clutches tightly to the desk, so much so that her knuckles begin to turn white. She feels like her entire world is crumbling around her, like everything that she ever wanted or wished for is suddenly disappearing and the darkness and the worst pain ever imaginable begins to sink in around her.

Teddy moves closer and attempts to console the clearly upset woman. Gently, she places her hand upon her shoulder but when she does, Callie reacts rather hostile and it suddenly reminds Teddy of the very reality that echoes between the two of them; the reality that she is the one who is destroying her life. She is the one who is breaking her hear. The pain that the ortho surgeon is currently feeling is because of _her_.

"Callie…" But her voice trails off because there are no words. No words to convey how much sympathy, and compassion, guilt and worry, the blonde feels for her. How sorry she is that this is happening to the two of them. How sorry she is that she kept it from Callie, how sorry she is that this might be the one moment that breaks the raven haired beauty apart completely. No, there are no words that could ever express what Callie Torres needs to hear.

"Tell me." Callie demands. Teddy shakes her head, looking at the crumbling woman before her and the look of compassion and sympathy within her eyes is just enough to make Callie's heart sink even deeper. Steadying herself against the desk, she pushes her body in an upward stand as she bites her lip to keep from creating even more of a scene.

"Damn it, Teddy. You _have_ to tell me. It's about Arizona. What accident? What happened? Is she okay? Where she is? You have to tell me, Teddy. You have to." Callie stresses and when Teddy is only silent, it infuriates her, stepping on her already broken patience, "Teddy! You don't get to play games with me right now!" Callie snaps, twisting her fingers in her raven black curls, tugging tightly in the attempts to create a pain that could perhaps make her forget about the emotional pain that radiates through her entire body.

"T-The plane crash. Arizona was on the plane. She was coming to see you. I-I knew and I wasn't supposed to tell you and they don't… um… they don't know if she is going to be okay, Derek is working on her and just…" It's all rambled together in a tumbling mess of words, words that make no sense to Callie, words that have no meaning. Nothing has meaning, not anymore, not after learning about Arizona.

"Wait, what? You _knew_? You knew she was coming back and you didn't tell me? You _knew_ that she was on the plane? When I told you my feeling you told me that everything was okay, that she was fine. But you knew? You knew that she was coming back from Africa and you didn't think, oh I don't know, that it would be a good idea to _tell_ me?" Callie snaps loudly in almost delusion of the situation. When she hears the acid in her voice, Teddy sinks, recoiling back only slightly with a heavy, shaky breath.

"When you asked me about the feeling, I didn't even _know_ the plane had gone down then, okay? And I couldn't tell you! I made a promise, Callie. She asked me not to say anything to you and you know Arizona, she never asks for anything so I did it because I'm her friend. I'm her best friend! I didn't think that this was going to happen!" Teddy's voice is shaking and on the verge of breaking. Callie shakes her head with the most disgusted and sickening laughs as she pushes up the sleeves of her white lab coat.

"So, you mean to tell me that if you knew the plane was going to go down, you would have, maybe mentioned something to me? Or would you still be standing on your best friend soap box trying to keep a promise rather than to save her life?" Callie snaps and Teddy shakes her head, blinded by the tears as she takes another step toward her.

"You have to believe me, I _didn't_ know!" Teddy begs but Callie only shakes her head, a look in her eyes of so much hatred and disgust and the utmost fear that it shakes Teddy Altman to the core of everything that she is, the core of every emotion, of every forgetful wish and abandoned dream that has been lost long inside of her. For the first time in the three years that she has known her, and despite everything that has happened this is the first time that Teddy sees Callie like this.

Lost.

Confused.

Hurt.

Scared.

_Terrified._

"Honestly? I am not so sure _what_ I believe anymore." Chuckles Callie, practically irate with the cardio surgeon, she looks at her, practically glares even, before she lets out a heavy sigh. She laces her shaky fingers together as she presses them against her lips, inhaling deeply to suppress the cry that desperately tries to escape from her. "W-where is she?"

"Callie."

"Damn it, Altman, _where_ is she?" There's pandemonium in her voice, freight and hurt and absolute panic. There is the shaking sound of the words as they tremble from her lips and the scowl of her wrinkled brow but tear filled eyes painted upon her face. Callie Torres, in a matter of seconds, has aged so much that Teddy almost does not even recognize the woman that is standing in front of her. Teddy opens her mouth to say something but instead, doesn't, because she can't. Not because she doesn't want to but because she does not have the physical or emotional or mental strength inside of her to even form words at this point and it maddens the ortho surgeon before her.

"Nevermind, I'll just find her myself!" Callie exclaims, pushing herself past Teddy before she takes off in a sprint to find the blonde haired woman, a woman who admittedly still holds every piece of her dysfunctional heart.

"Wait! Callie! You don't understand!" Teddy calls out, turning to run after her but she knows the words have fallen on deaf ears, because the time they fall from her lips, Callie is already long gone. Sighing in annoyance, Teddy pinches the bridge of her nose as she inhales deeply, trying desperately, somehow, to compose herself before she, too, joins in the race to find Arizona Robbins.

* * *

><p>As a surgeon, you are trained to keep your cool under any circumstance, you are taught not to get too attached with your patients. You drape their faces; you don't ask personal questions, you do not get <em>involved<em>. Because, if you don't get involved, it doesn't affect you so much if something goes wrong. As a surgeon, you are taught to not care so much about the person but more about the science, about the technique.

However, when that patient is your friend, your colleague, someone that you see every day, someone that you have had over for dinner parties and invited to your wedding, someone who is perhaps one of the few people in the world who will ever understand you and your personality? Well, when it comes to that, Derek Shepherd has learned that all the medical school mumbo jumbo about not getting involved goes right out the window. This person lying under his hands isn't just some stranger that he will never see again, this is _Arizona_. A friend. A colleague. One of his _people_.

Every move he makes is crucial, more important now than ever before. Because this time, if he nicks the wrong spot or accidentally slices too deep, he doesn't just lose a patient. He loses a _friend_. Callie Torres loses her love. An unborn baby loses its mother. This time if something goes wrong, it's not just something that he can chalk up to too much trauma or a misjudgment or being 'nothing more he could do'. This time he will see the faces, the faces of the people the outcome of this surgery will affect every day. This time everything has to go _perfect_. Not because it's the best option, but because it's the_ only_ option.

"Hey, you okay?" It's Meredith who startles him. He jumps, but only slightly, just quickly enough to regain himself and catch his hold on the scalpel so as to not create any more damage. Meredith. He looks up over his glasses to see her standing there, tiny in stature compared to everyone. Meredith, his wife. His _wife_. Right. It's been so long since he has even mentally referred to her as that, that it almost surprises him at how strange it sounds. He clears his throat as he focuses on his steady hands.

"Yeah. Just a little nervous." He mumbles his voice showing his impatience with the question that she dared to ask him. Meredith smiles weakly, a gesture that has almost all but lost meaning to the Nero-surgeon now. They are not Meredith and Derek anymore, not the way that they used to be, they lost that somewhere. Somewhere along the way of the shooting and the miscarriage and her not telling him that she was pregnant until it was too late, somewhere along the way they lost the spark, the magic, the love and it terrifies Derek to know how their story could parallel with Callie and Arizona's with one wrong flick of his wrist.

"You shouldn't be. You are the best surgeon, one of the top surgeons in the nation. This is a procedure that you have performed numerous times. Don't get caught up in it, don't overthink it, or overanalyze it. It's _just_ a surgery." Meredith states in an attempt to calm him but Derek only shakes his head with a grit of his teeth.

"This isn't just a surgery. This isn't just a patient who ended up on my table. This is Arizona. Dr. Arizona Robbins. Who in case you haven't noticed is very much pregnant with a baby that Callie Torres does not know about, a baby that happens to be hers. This isn't just a surgery, Meredith, because if I screw this up, Callie could potentially lose not only her child, but the love of her life. The world could lose one of the best surgeons there is! And this kid could grow up without knowing its mother, well-one of its mothers. So, no. This isn't _just_ a surgery. This is a pretty big one!" Derek snaps in frustration and Meredith almost recoils at the hostility in his voice. However, there is another voice that almost whispers through the room.

"And you are a surgeon with a pretty big talent. You have this, Derek. Callie would hate you more for not trying and letting her die than if she died while you were trying to save her. Please. I've seen you work with much more damage before. You can do this. We all know you can." Addison encourages and Derek nods quietly with a heavy, long exhale before he slowly begins to probe in her brain in search of the damage that he could fix. In the silence of the room however, Meredith shares an observant gaze with the woman who is now monitoring the baby's vitals; how is it possible that even though they practically said the exact same thing, he ripped her head off but took Addison's words as encouragement?

* * *

><p>There is something that strikes the epitome of fear inside of you when you know that the person that you love most in the world is hurt and you cannot manage to get to them. It starts off with sweating palms and quickened breath sounds, but after a few minutes has passed and you realize how serious the situation is, the calm that you told yourself to be is long forgotten and you are practically in a full fledged panic trying to find them. At least, for Callie Torres that's how it feels.<p>

Seattle Grace-Mercy West is a hospital with what seems to be endless floors, unless you are trying to hide from someone. Yet, only one floor is truly dedicated to operating rooms and she knows Arizona has to be in one of these rooms but she just can't seem to find it. Or perhaps, she doesn't _want_ to find it? Because finding it means it's real. It means Arizona is _really_ hurt. And seeing that, hearing that, facing that reality, well, it's one that Callie is not so sure she can handle.

She can hear Teddy's voice repeatedly in her head saying those words, saying Arizona's name and accident in the same sentence, telling her about the accident and with every passing moment that she does not see the perky Peds surgeon in front of her, the reality of the situation becomes more and more real. Callie's breath gets lost somewhere inside of her as her chest tightens, her eyes widen with panic and trepidation as she rounds the corner and finds endless amount of hallways full of doctors, interns and nurses. She can feel herself hyperventilating as the awareness sets in but the thought to calm down is one that she emotionally and mentally cannot comprehend.

"Cristina!" Callie shouts, noticing her ex-roommate as she comes out of what she assumes to be a patient's room. The cardio surgeon jumps a little before shooting a glare in the direction of the voice, not even attempting to soften when she realizes who it is. Callie's heart rate quickens as she swiftly makes her way through the mass of interns and nurses with a few muttered curses and apologies. Cristina grabs a chart from the cart, rolling her eyes as she takes out her pen and begins to make notes.

"Where is she?" Callie intrigues, desperate to catch her breath when she finally makes her way to the shorter woman. Cristina does not even bother to look up from the file; however, she only manages to continue writing, just as calm and emotionless as before.

"I am not a mind reader, Callie. If you expect me to tell you where someone is usually starting with a name might help. Like, I don't know, Joe, Amy, Frank, Sarah, something along the lines of that." Cristina mutters under her breath and Callie rolls her eyes in annoyance and impatience. To love Cristina Yang takes an acquired taste and to be honest, Callie probably loved her more than she knew, but at this exact moment the love for the shorter woman is unquestionably fading.

"Arizona. Where is Arizona?"

"Africa. Jeez, did you hit your head or something?" Cristina replies, nonchalantly as she continues her scribbles in the medical file. Growling in intolerance, Callie grabs the file from the Asian woman in frustration, clutching it between her hands as her eyes meets Cristina's in a firm glare.

"Look, I know she's here. Teddy told me. And I know that you and Teddy are freakishly conjoined at the hip, which I understand, she's a cardio God or whatever, and you want to show her that you are godlike too. But that also means that she tells you things which means that you know that Arizona is here and you know where she is. And I think it would be best if you could tell me where she is." Callie snaps her voice tight with acid and ire. Cristina, however, does not flinch, does not back down, and does not so much as even blink at the threat.

"Maybe you should ask your baby doctor best friend since she's _so_ good at keeping secrets," quips Cristina in a heated snap. Callie wrinkles her brow with a confusing shake of her head as she studies the woman before her.

"What are you even talking about?" Callie asks with a dramatic sigh before she lets go of Cristina's file with a grumbling moan, "why did I even bother? It's not like you care about anyone but your own damn self anyway. You hated Arizona. You hated the two of us together, thought we were too happy and perky. You certainly aren't going to tell me where she is. I just… if something happens to her… I need to see her. But I'll find her on my own. Please. Don't bother going out of your way to be compassionate." Barks Callie as she storms past her but Cristina stops her.

"OR Two." Cristina calls out and Callie stops, turning around to face her friend, "She's in OR Two. And I swear to God, if you _ever_ embarrass me like that in front of the interns, I think you should remember that I did live with you before McPerky moved in and I do have some secrets that I could divulge that would have you mocked for _years_!" She shouts after her and Callie shakes her head with a soft smile as tears fill within her eyes.

"T-thank you." She whispers softly and she only takes the time to watch Cristina nod her head softly before she disappears once again on the chase to find her way back to Arizona.

What feels like an eternity later, she can't remember how she got there, if she stumbled over her own feet, pushed doctors and nurses out of the way, if she ran like a spaz or if she just mimicked the ever so popular fast walk. However, as soon as Callie Torres bursts through the door of OR Two's gallery, she feels the impending doom swallowing her heart whole. Before she even sees the surgery, before she even sees Arizona's face or makes sure this is her love at all, Callie's knees begin to buckle beneath her and a whole new wave of terror and despair washes over her.

As a surgeon, you are taught to be prepared for the worst, no matter what the situation. You are taught to remain calm and concise, to be able to think clearly and understand the consequences of distraught thoughts and miscalculated actions and words. However, as a human being, when the unknown happens, you are programmed to think the worst case scenario. And that is just what Callie is doing as she staggeringly makes her way toward the glass. She is prepared to see anything. A missing limb, a blown off face, legs amputated, half of her brain exposed through her skull, she's ready for the worst of the worst. Or, at least, she likes to think that she is.

Yet, the truth of the situation arises itself completely when she looks down into the OR. Lying so lifeless and alone on the table is Arizona, or, at least, what is left of her. Her face, partially covered by the blue cloth, is darkened with soot ad gashes and Derek Shepard is probing deep within her brain. Her body is crumbled, a mess of the sprightliness that Callie once remembered it as being. She does not have to see her face well enough or see the blue eyes or any other distinguishing feature to let her know that it's Arizona because she can feel it in her heart.

It's Arizona lying on that table.

_Her_ Arizona.

The woman that she had hoped, prayed, and wished would come back to her. Though, had she known that she would return like this, Callie never would have wished to see her face again.

Callie's body shakes in tremors as the most heart wrenching, hysterical sob erupts from her lips. Her world spins in quick, fasting swirls as she desperately tries to slow it down with long blinking of her eyes. Her breaths are uneven and are anything but full and deep as she clutches to the scrub fabric over her heart. How could this be happening? How could her entire world be falling apart like this? How could the one thing that she wants more than anything else in the entire world be so close to her and yet so far away?

"Arizona." Callie wails. She is so focused on what is going on below her that she does not even see Teddy come in behind her. In fact, her attention is completely absorbed by her soulmate and the doctors working on her that is oblivious to the other blonde's existence at all.

Callie Torres has known pain before, but nothing, in a million years, could ever come close to the heart stopping, mind numbing, waves of anguish that wash over her now. Despite all their hardships, Arizona is and will always be the love her life, the one _good_ thing and _true_ thing that she has. Despite all the crap and the anger and everything else Callie has held toward her for the past seven months, Arizona Robbins still holds every piece of her fragile heart and seeing her so lifeless and vulnerable like this, breaks her completely.

Suddenly, the silence of the operating room is erupted by the blaring of a sound that no-one ever wants to hear. Callie's eyes snap up from Arizona's crumbled body to the heart monitor that is now flashing with a long, flat line and instantly, her heart sinks so deep inside of her that Callie almost swears it will never resurface again.

Before she can catch herself, she slams her fist against the Plexiglas, loud and hard and dramatic. So loud, in fact, that the doctors hear it over the wailing of the heart monitor and look up to find her standing there.

"NO! ARIZONA! ARIZONAAAA!" Callie shrieks in a sobbing wail, beating her fist against the window, trying desperately to get a response from the woman, sobbing in a screaming cry of pain, clutching desperately to her own heart that is literally breaking inside of her.

"Damn it, Derek! What happened?" shouts Addison over the blaring wail of the machine as she glances down at the fresh sheet revealing the baby's vitals and Arizona's contractions. She wrinkles her brow as she looks at the vitals with a heavy, deep sigh before she glances back up at the Neuro surgeon who is deep inside of her patient's brain. The sweat drips from Derek's face that is now growing pale, his eyes wide with panic and almost terror as he tries to do something, anything, to fix the complication.

"I don't know. I didn't do anything! I didn't even get to clamp yet! She's got a lot of bleeding! Damn it, damn it, damn it, I _knew_ this was going to happen!" Derek shouts, the professionalism suddenly leaving his voice as he pulls out his probe. Addison shakes her head as she studies the next sheet from the machine before she slowly stands.

"You have five minutes to get her back before I go in and take the baby." States Addison, sharing a glance with Derek, "come on, Derek. Don't panic. You can do this. Don't give up on her just yet."

"Suction! Damn it, Meredith. Don't just stand there!" Derek shouts at the smaller woman who practically jumps at the acidy tone that her husband now takes with her. She literally stumbles over herself as she jumps to the rescue with the suction and begins to withdraw some of the blood from the woman's brain.

"Damn it! Damn it! There's so much blood. She's losing too much blood. Come on, Arizona. Don't do this on me. Don't you dare die on me and leave Callie to take care of this baby all her own. When my dad died and left my mom to raise me and my sister, she never forgave him for that and we were never a family. You kid _deserves_ a family. Fight. Fight for Callie. Fight for your baby." Derek demands desperate to find the source of the blood that seems to be multiplying in size with every passing second.

"Derek, I don't want to take this baby out. It's too early. We don't know the affect the crash has on the baby yet. Don't make me do this." Addison declares as she takes another sheet of the paper in her hand, her eyes scanning the vitals as her brain tries to formulate a plan. Derek shakes his head softly as he explores the brain, his eyes squinting carefully as he tries to find the damage that seems to be causing the blood. He feels his hands begin to shake beneath him and he almost curses at the fact that his own nerves seem to be getting the best of him, something that has never happened to the skilled surgeon before.

"Grey! More suction!" Derek shouts and Meredith quickly obliges, trying her hardest to get rid of the blood that seems to be enlarging with every second, a sign that all three of the surgeons know not to be a good one. As another sheet of paper falls into Addison's hands, she shakes her head softly as the nurses put on a pair of gloves for her before she approaches Arizona's stomach.

"The baby is in distress. I am going to have to deliver. We are going to have to be extra careful with this one, it's going to be small and we are going to have to rush it to the NICU as soon as possible, does everyone understand?" Addison presses, looking around at the sea of nurses who all nod their heads in agreement. The red haired woman inhales deeply before she looks up in the gallery, her eyes studying her best friend carefully.

"I hope you can forgive me for this." Addison whispers under her breath before she mumbles a soft prayer to a God she is not so sure that she even believes in; praying that He may give her the strength and skill to do this, praying that Callie could forgive her, but most importantly praying that this baby will live.

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><p>There is an old saying that ignorance is bliss but Callie never believed in it, she said that she always wanted to know what was going on because she wanted to be prepared, she always wanted to know <em>everything<em>, the good and the bad. Because knowing is better than not knowing.

Even now, with the anguish and torment of watching the love of her life flat line before her very eyes, the thought has not changed. She would much rather know that Arizona is here and dying, than to simply not know that she is in Seattle at all.

The pain is like waves crashing into the shore, each one stronger and more powerful than the last as she gasps lividly to catch her breath, the most god-awful sorrow of sound echoing from somewhere deep inside of her. The tears fall freely, without so much as an effort as the pang of guilt and distress pulls at her heart.

How could this be happening? How could Arizona be lying down there _dying_ and there is not a thing that she can do about it? Why on earth did she come back? No calls, no emails, no anything for _months_ but then suddenly, she is on her way back to see her and the plane goes down? No. _No. _This _cannot_be happening, not here, not like this, not when there is so much left that she wants, that she _has_, to say to her. Arizona needs to hear that she loves her, that she is in love with her, that she never stopped loving her. She needs to hear how she has not moved on, how Callie wants to spend the rest of her life with her, kids or no kids. Arizona has so much life left to live, so much that she has to experience, to see, to feel. No, Callie bawls, she cannot lose her, not before she has even had the chance to be _with_ her.

"C-Callie. Callie." Teddy stutters, the tears springing from her emerald jades as she shakily reaches out for the other woman. Normally, under any other circumstances, Callie would have pulled away; she would have glared at Teddy and made a grumbling scene about how she does not need her sympathy, especially when she knew about Arizona's adventure all along. However, this time Callie does not fight her away and gives into the embrace, holding onto the woman tightly as she cries.

"I… I am sorry. I am so sorry." Teddy whispers softly, gently rubbing small circles into Callie's back. The raven haired beauty sniffles in a cry, stepping back from the hug, glancing back down at the hysteria in the operating room. Suddenly her motions cease when she finally notices Addison in the room and her brow furies together.

"Wh-what is Addison doing in there?" Callie enquiries, sharing her gaze with the blonde woman beside of her back to the Neonatal surgeon below who seems to be making some sort of demand to her nurses who all scramble to get her what she has asked for. When a few seconds pass without Teddy answering, Callie pushes again, "Teddy."

"There's something else." Teddy begins, staring down at the floor and Callie shakes her head, confused.

"What is it?" Callie asks and when Teddy inhales deeply, Callie can feel her heart plummeting even farther down inside of her, "Come on, Teddy, you have to tell me. It certainly cannot be any worse than this! Arizona is dying; if this can help her then you _have_ to let me know." Teddy shakes her head with a sniffle as she twists her fingers in her golden mane, tugging hard.

"Arizona's pregnant." Teddy sniffles in a whisper and Callie shakes her head with a brief laugh of skepticism. She steps back with the most bewildered look upon her face, quickly glancing down at the operating room before looking back at Teddy who is literally breaking down in front of her.

"What? She's… she's pregnant? So, what did she do? Huh? Did she go to Africa and meet a guy and decide to fuck him? Is that why she came back? To rub it in my face that she fucked some asshole and now is going to have his baby? God, I _cannot_ believe that she would do that! That's so hypocritical of her! She's the one who hated Mark, who cringed when we even so much as hugged and she went to Africa, fucked a man, and is now having his child? How is that even…?" However, Teddy interrupts her with a rather loud and quick snap.

"It is your baby!" Teddy's voice echoes with desperation and Callie's head snaps up as she practically shrinks at the news, "When you guys had sex that night… the last time that you tried… it took. Okay? It _took._ You were the one who made love to Arizona, you were the one who put the sperm inside of her, and you were the one who made this baby. That is your baby, Callie! It's _yours_." And suddenly, Callie's entire world crumbles around her with that declaration.

Shaking her head in disbelief, she looks down at Addison, watching as she lifts a very tiny and fragile body from Arizona and suddenly it is as if a thousand different strings are tethering her to this one place, this one moment, here and now. It as if the past somehow managed to fade away into nothing and the only thing that has ever mattered is suddenly in Addison's arms. Suddenly Callie has hope again, purpose, meaning. Suddenly, she feels the tether that binds her here, in this moment, with this child and it is as a feeling that she never in a million years thought she would ever experience. Shaking, her hand presses against the Plexiglas as she stares down at them, her heart leaping into her throat.

That is her baby. _Her_ baby.


	11. Chapter 11

Over My Head (My Confessions)

Tagline: Everyone knows I'm in over my head and I don't know what to do to but to give my confessions.

Summary: When the pressures of being unable to conceive slowly derails their relationship, Arizona chooses to take a break. She heads to Africa to work as a missionary, saving lives of the tiny humans. Yet, little to every one's knowledge, including her own, she takes a little something of Callie's with her. Now seven months later, Callie's world is turned upside down by the arrival of her ex-girlfriend and the tiny human growing inside of her. Can Callie find forgiveness for the mother of her child? Or is it simply too late?

Warning: AU Season 7

Pairing: Callie/Arizona.

Disclaimer: All television shows, movies, books, and other copyrighted material referred to in this work, and the characters, settings, and events thereof, are the properties of their respective owners. As this work is an interpretation of the original material and not for-profit, it constitutes fair use. Reference to real persons, places, or events are made in a fictional context, and are not intended to be libelous, defamatory, or in any way factual.

Author's Note: Here it is, the new chapter. (: A huge thanks to LetitPour for being my translator for this chapter! And I hope you guys enjoy this as much as I do!

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><p><strong>Chapter Eleven<strong>

In moments of emergency and hysteria, the human body tends to go into autopilot a state of black out in which actions are those that are most common and natural to the body and all mental processing and logic are tossed aside. Autopilot is most common in crash victims and their families, people going for days without sleeping and eating just to make sure someone else is okay. Autopilot is also familiar with surgeons who work shifts on end, surgery after surgery. Yet, unlike all the common statistics and similar to them at the same time, the second that Callie Torres watches her baby be born, her body shifts into autopilot.

She does not remember leaving the gallery. She does not remember saying anything to Teddy or how she mentally reasoned this with herself before making the decision. In fact, she cannot remember her last thought, period. Because the next thing that Callie is conscious of, she is bursting through the operating room door as the blaring siren of Arizona's flat line crashes her back into reality.

"You can't be here!" One of the nurses' scolds but the reprimand falls upon deaf ears as Callie is quick to advert her gaze from the crowd that surrounds Arizona to Addison and the crowd that surrounds her baby. As a surgeon, she is taught to take charge in moments like this, to put her skills and her knowledge above the situation, however, as a lover and a mother, Callie cannot even form sentences to speak what she is thinking.

Her knees are buckling, her body quivering in a shiver of a tremble, as she watches the scene unfold. The sounds of the deafening heart monitor cataclysmic to her already broken heart, the sound of the suction used to collect Arizona's blood causing her stomach to twist. Biting her bottom lip to suppress the cry, Callie looks over at Addison as a whole new set of sounds begin to crash in around her.

"I'm not getting a heartbeat. Get those monitors on. Keep stimulating. Come on, baby." Addison instructs so very calm and professional that it almost shakes Callie to the core. She is unable to find words, words to speak up, words to ask what is going on, words that let her know exactly what she should be preparing herself for. Instead she only stands, wide eyed and shelled shocked as she watches helplessly as the two people who she loves most in the world slip between her fingers like sand.

"Should I intubate?" It's Alex. Alex? Callie looks at the scruffy, wrong side of the tracks boy with a soft, questioning glare, when did he even _get_ here? Somewhere between the chaos and the life changing news, Callie had missed the resident making his appearance in the operating room.

"How's it going over there, Derek?" Addison calls over her shoulder as she continues with the stimulation, watching the infant's monitors carefully. Callie looks over at the man who seems completely and utterly beat and she shakes her head, no, this cannot be ending like this. Not here. Not now.

"Dr. Montgomery, there's still no heartbeat. What do you want to do?" One of the nurses, Abigail, Callie thinks is her name, asks. Addison shakes her head quietly, watching the scene in front of her as the red haired woman almost seems lost completely at the question. Callie did not think she could cry anymore tears, and she is almost surprised when they start forming in her eyes once more.

God, there has to be something she can do, something she is _supposed_ to do. Because standing back, watching the two people that she is supposed to spend the rest of her life with, the two people that she is meant to grow up and grow old with die right in front of her is the most devastating feeling that ever ached through her body.

"Karev! Help me intubate!" Addison demands and Callie watches helplessly as the crowd gathers in a hustle around the baby, a light shining down onto the small body. With wide, teary and tired eyes, Callie observes as they pry open the tiny mouth and begins to intubate with the smallest line. Her body quakes with tremors as silent tears fall down her cheeks, her lips moving but no words escape from her.

How could this be happening?

"Push one of epi." Addison inculcates, and the group that is surrounding the tiny infant practically trip and stumble over themselves to do as they are told. Yet, despite all of her training and her skills, the only thing that Callie Torres can do is watch horrified as her best friend works desperately to save the life of the child that she did not even know existed until a few minutes prior.

How could this even be possible? How could the one thing that she wants most in the world suddenly be given to her just to be taken away again in the same instant? It is like someone on a diet and saw a candy bar; so close in reach, but you just simply cannot have it. That is how Callie feels now as she cups her hand over her mouth to keep the loud sob from creating more noise in the already chaotic mess.

"Damn it. Come on, baby. Don't do this. Don't give up before you have even begun to live yet. You have a beautiful life ahead of you. Come on. Come on!" It is more of a drastic demand than a plea coming from the red haired woman as she desperately tries to stimulate the infant, tries to do anything that may possibly get some sort of response from the seemingly lifeless body.

Suddenly, a new sound fills the room, a sound that snatches Callie's attention from the crowd around her baby as she darts her attention over to Arizona. A new bright and glorious sound fills the room, a sound of peace and comfort and wonder, something that colors the darkened corners of Callie's heart. The sound of a beating heart creates a new rhythm into the room and everyone's attention swiftly turns to the heart monitor above Derek's head. Green zigzags dance across the black screen, a sign of a life in the most inert situation.

"The bleeder is clamped. Robbins is coming back." Derek exclaims over the commotion. At the sound of the beating heart, Callie suddenly feels a wave of peace rush over her and she chokes out a half delighted cry.

"I got a heartbeat!" Its Addison now who speaks up over the chaos and quickly Callie looks to the infant who still lies motionless under Addison's hands, "we need to move the baby to the NICU now!" She instructs over the chaos and everyone seems to agree in unison with a quick nod. Callie watches with wide eyes as Addison hurriedly moves the tiny baby wrapped carefully in a soft blanket to the incubator before quickly shutting the top of it. Callie shakes her head weakly as she slowly moves toward the incubator. Addison, however, steps before her with a long exhale.

"Callie, you can't. You know that you can't. We have to go to the NICU now if there is any chance of this baby surviving." Addison states, her sympathetic eyes finding Callie's. As a neonatal surgeon, Addison has been taught how to deal with situations like this without emotion, she has been taught to be strong and skilled and to not get attached to either the baby or the parent. However, seeing her best friend standing before her with tears in her eyes and obvious heart break written upon her face, Addison finds that no amount of schooling or training could have ever prepared her for this.

"That's my baby." Whispers Callie in almost disbelief and Addison nods her head weakly, not budging from her position in front of the incubator, "is it… I mean… will it…" but the words don't come, because how could they? How could a parent ask their best friend if their baby is going to survive fearing the answer? How could one even phantom the idea that a baby they did not even know existed an hour prior could very well not survive the next few hours? It is an impossible thought and a grueling emotional process but it is one that Callie must face.

"I… I don't know, Callie. We had to deliver premature because the baby was in distress. There is other trauma from the accident, which is what I feared. Right now it is just too soon to tell. I know how much that answer just… _sucks_ but I am not going to lie to you. Right now, it's just up to the baby and a little bit of magic." Addison replies, sounding very much like Arizona, so much so that Callie feels her heart break all over again. Instead of debating however, Callie only nods her head quietly, trying to peep around her.

"Can I…" Callie's voice trails off and Addison looks at her nurses who are all practically in tears themselves. It is a rule that Addison Montgomery knows better than to bend, but, when it comes to Callie who is standing in front of her, practically breaking at the sight, Addison finds that she is not so much a stickler for the rules as she should be. Looking at her for a moment, Addison lets out a long sigh before she steps aside with an all knowing glance to all of the nurses.

One look at her baby lying in that incubator, so small and tiny and helpless, Callie feels the world around her begin to close in and slowly begin to lose color. Weakly and precariously, the raven haired beauty moves forward as she places her hand against the incubator, gazing down at the baby. It is small, much smaller than what it should be. It is fragile and weak, so much so that it nearly causes Callie to break down completely. The tears crowd within her eyes but she pushes them back with a hard swallow; this baby is already in for the fight of its life, it does not need to see Mami breaking down as well. Looking down at the tiny infant, she watches as the tiny stomach rises and falls and she feels her heart being stolen right out of her chest.

"Hey there, little one," Callie breathlessly whispers, gently caressing the glass with her curled index finger and she sniffles softly, "I know that you are scared right now. I'll let you in on a secret, I'm scared too. Terrified, actually. I didn't even know about you until a little while ago and then suddenly, I was faced with the very real possibility that I could lose you. And I know that you don't know me all that well, but I'm not scared of many things. But the thought of losing you? Well, that was just damn near enough to scare me to death….I guess I probably should not curse in front of you, huh? We won't tell anyone I said that, it will just be our little secret." Callie pauses with a giggle and a soft blush and in the distance; she can hear the giggle of Addison who is trying very hard to pretend like she is not listening. Callie smiles softly, caressing the glass as she watches the baby's stomach rise and fall softly.

"I know that you are hurt right now but that is okay because your Mama is hurt too. She is. But she is going to be just fine, just like you are going to be just fine. And we are going to be a family, a big family with an Abuelo and an Abuela and a Tia Aria and Grandpa Colonel and Grandma Robbins. You are… you are going to be really lucky, little one. So don't worry so much about what is going to happen with your Mama and I, we'll work that out. Right now you just worry about getting better so that I can hold you." Callie whispers with a tear in her eye.

"I love you so much. You just hang on, okay? You hang on and you work on getting better and I'll take care of all the rest, okay? Because I want you, I want you so much in my life. Te quiero. Please don't forget." Callie breathes softly, placing a kiss upon her index fingers before placing it onto the glass. Looking around at the nurses, she gives a quiet nod as she steps back, allowing them to do their jobs as they take the incubator and begin the move to the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit. Callie watches them with teary eyes as they roll away. However, Callie stops Addison just short, her fingers around her wrist as she pulls her back.

"Addison." Callie breathes weakly and Addison smiles sympathetically at her.

"I really should go, Callie. How's Arizona, Derek?" Addison calls out to the brain surgeon who glances up over his glances with a rather confident smile upon his face, one that Addison has more than forgotten as of late. He looks at the two of them with the most sympathetic dark eyes and Addison feels her heart melt at the sight of them.

"She's doing well. I found the bleeder and got it clamped off. Right now I am just trying to repair some damage that she suffered in the accident and monitoring the swelling of her brain. Her vitals are good. I'm hopeful. But we really just have to wait and see at this point." Derek speaks up and Callie nods quietly before she turns back to face Addison, her eyes full of those all too familiar tears once again.

"Boy or girl?" whispers Callie.

"Callie…"

"I know. I know. I just… I _need_ to know. Please, Addie. If you were in my shoes, you would want to know too. I did not even know the baby existed until a little while ago and then I watched it and Arizona both almost die in front of my eyes. So, I just want to know. Do I have a son or a daughter?" Callie mumbles softly and Addison sighs weakly and empathically. Without saying another word, she wraps her arms around Callie and holds her in a tight embrace. After a few moments, she releases her with a soft, apologetic smile, placing her hand upon Callie's shoulder as she gives her a tight, reassuring squeeze.

"You, Callie Torres, have a premature but full of fight and passion, beautiful and strong and lovely little girl." Addison smiles through her teary eyes as she places a chaste, friendly kiss upon Callie's cheek, "congratulations." The red haired woman whispers softly before she turns her friend free and exists on her way to the NICU.

Nodding quietly, Callie sighs as she runs her fingers through her raven black hair, tugging just slightly as she looks at a very vulnerable Arizona. A few hours prior, she had been busy damning the woman to hell for leaving her alone. But now, all she is doing is praying that she will live. Now, all the anger and the resentment and almost pure hatred that she felt for the woman is replaced with love and compassion and fear. Licking her lips softly, Callie inhales deeply as she fights back the tears.

"Did you hear that Arizona? We have a little girl." Callie whispers breathlessly as she runs her fingers through her loose hair now. She watches the scene with Derek and Meredith working on Arizona for a brief moment before she lets out a weak sigh, nodding her head quietly, turning on her heels and leaving the operating to the very best.

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><p>Callie Torres is not the type to pray; well, that is not necessarily true, she was born and raised Catholic with a belief in God that was so strong that nothing could break it. However, ever since leaving Miami, Callie's Catholic faith has been tested and she has found herself wavering.<p>

Yet, tonight, Callie sits in the pews of Seattle Grace-Mercy West's chapel, staring rather blankly up at the lit cross that hangs on the wall in front of her. Today has certainly been a trying day, a day that anyone would fall upon their knees and pray to a higher power to help them get through. Not only did the love her life resurface after seven months of no communication what-so-ever, but she also found out that she has a beautiful but premature baby girl, who, like her Mama, is in for the fight of her life. And even though Callie Torres is perhaps the most skilled orthopedic surgeon in all of Seattle, there is not anything that she can do for either of them to remotely save their lives.

She knows there are things that she should be doing. Like, perhaps, she should be calling the Robbins' and letting them know about the accident, oh, and that they are grandparents, because she is almost certain that Arizona did not inform them of convincing their grandchild and choosing to keep it a secret from the baby's mother. Or, she should be going on rounds, checking up on her post surgery patients, making notes of their recovery, discharging some, bossing interns. She should be doing something, anything, other than just sitting in this pew, reflecting.

But Callie, well, she just does not have strength to endure anything else today, not after everything.

Staring at the defectively lit cross, Callie cannot help but question everything she has been taught. If there is a God, at least, the God that she had been taught about is supposed to be loving, caring, patient; He is supposed to keep his children _safe_. She had been taught that God loves; He is wise, He is the all-knowing and He never gives one more than He knows they can handle.

But this, this just does not even comprehend in the relationship she had been taught to have with Him. He let this happen. Because the God that her father so passionately believed in, is the same God who stood absently by and allowed this to happen, He is the one who let Arizona get on the plane, He is the one who let it crash and He is the one who may very well take not only Arizona, but their daughter as well, away from her. No, she grinds her teeth hard; the God that her father so fervently loved is the one who abandoned _her_, not the other way around.

Sitting in this chapel now, she knows that she should find some type of faith, that she should believe in _something_, that she should be praying for Arizona, for their baby, because after all, it is the least that she can do. But she simply just cannot. She is too busy being angry; being hurt and pissed off to find it within herself to even begin to speak to the All-Knowing One.

"Torres." It is Mark who calls out to her now and she would have turned around if she had one ounce of energy left inside of her. Instead she only sits immobile, staring rather blankly at the cross upon the wall; her face is emotionless and has signs of time written upon it. She feels like a completely different person now, like an alien in a foreign place, like everything she has ever known or believed in just got turned upside down. Well, she chuckles quietly and almost cynically to herself maybe that is because it _had_.

"What are you doing hiding in here? There was a plane crash, don't you know? There are surgeries _everywhere_! It's every surgeon's dream! You can scrub in whenever you want and with whoever you want. I _love_ stuff like this. I mean- the accident is terrible. It really is. But I get to show off my hands and be the awesome surgeon who gives people their normal looking lives back." Smirks Mark with a confident grin as he takes a seat in the pew beside of his best friend but Callie does not even so much as acknowledge his existence on the planet, let alone sitting beside of her. When only hushed silence meets the man, he wrinkles his eyebrows in an arch of confusion, nudging her quietly as he scoots closer to the silenced woman.

"Shouldn't you be out there being a rock star and setting people's bones back in place or rebuilding their skeletal system or something?" Mark asks with another playful nudge but once again, Callie only sits as immobile as before, staring incoherently at the cross. In the moment of silence, Mark nudges her again but like the time before, Callie is only silent and motionless.

"Hey, are you okay?" Mark intrigues, turning in the pew to view his best friend. Slowly, Callie turns slightly and when her ghostly eyes meet Mark's, the tall man is almost taken aback by how lifeless they are, how they are crowded with tragedy and angst that he could never, under any circumstance, begin to fathom.

"You haven't heard?" drones Callie, her voice so cold and distant that it nearly shakes Mark to the core. He has seen Callie Torres at her worst; he has witnessed her cry over George's infidelity, drown her sorrows over Erica's inability to commit and he watched as she nearly self-destructed after she and Arizona broke up. But the look in her eyes right now, the terrifying, cold and lifeless look written within her eyes, is a coldness he has never seen.

"W-what are you talking about? Heard what?" Mark pushes and when he does, Callie pulls back, returning her attention, at least physically, back to the cross in front of her; even though Mark could tell that her mind is miles and miles away. She does not speak for a while, but instead focuses on her breathing, inhaling and exhaling deeply as the cry tickles in the back of her throat. "Torres." His voice is troubled with worry as he studies his best friend.

"A-Arizona was on the plane," Callie's voice trembles, almost lifelessly. Mark wrinkles his golden brow in bewilderment as he looks at the woman beside of him, his heart dropping to the pit of his stomach.

"What? I don't understand. That can't… that can't be possible… she's…" But Callie interrupts him just short.

"She was on the plane. She was coming back… she was coming back for me. I-I saw her. I saw her lying on that table so… so hurt and weak. I saw her… I saw her die," Callie pauses as her voice shakes, almost to the point of breaking and she fights back the cry with a shake of her head, "I saw her _die_ and I saw Derek save her. She's… she's here. And I don't know…" Callie's voice now breaks as the tear fall freely down her cheeks, the cries echoing from her cracked lips. Sighing at his best friend's distraught demeanor, Mark wraps his arm around Callie as he pulls her into his chest comfortingly. Softly, he rubs small circles into her back as he tries desperately to form some type of solace and safe haven for the woman.

"Shh. It's okay. It is going to be okay. I'm sure… I… I am sure she is going to be okay. And I'm sure that… everything will work out the way that it is supposed to. There's a reason why she is here but I wouldn't… you shouldn't get your hopes up. It's been months and I just… I just don't want you to get hurt." To this, Callie pulls away from the man with a scoff.

"Too late for that." Mumbles Callie and Mark looks at her rather confused. Sniffling loudly, Callie twists her fingers in her jet black hair, tugging desperately as she mutters those words that still have yet to fully sink in yet, "Arizona was pregnant."

"Please tell me you're joking." Mark replies in disbelief but Callie only stares, blankly, at a spot on the floor that just might miss the human eye. Mark waits for her to say something, anything, to retake the statement and tell him that it is simply a misunderstanding, but the Latina never speaks a word. When he notices her sullen expression and her almost dead like eyes, Mark chuckles, a cynical and sick chuckle that makes Callie's own stomach tighten in hardness.

"Of course you are not kidding. I mean, it makes perfect sense. _Of course_ it does. Blondie hated the idea of you and I together. Hated it. She hated the thought of us even touching each other, even if it was just friendly. And a peck on the lips? Oh, well that was just unspeakable! Then she leaves you. No warning. No nothing. Just bails. Goes to Africa. Finds herself some _unfortunate_ guy, screws him, doesn't think to use protection, gets knocked up and then comes back in hopes of winning you back and living the perfect lesbian dream with you with the kid." Mark pauses with a bitter laugh, "she didn't factor in a plane crash or what this might do to you. No."

"Mark…"

"Because she _never_ thought about you, Blondie never put you first. If she had, she would not have just dropped you like that, dropped you because what? It was too hard? She _screwed_ up and came back here with the fantasy of being with you but now, she is just doing what she is best at, hurting you. And you are sitting here, letting her in like you used to. Like you're still together, but you're _not_, Callie. She's _not_ your responsibility anymore. She's selfish and thoughtless and I sincerely and dearly hope that she is okay, I do. But I'm done watching you hurt over her. Enough is _enough! _She…_"_ Mark, however, is interrupted by an eruption from the silenced woman beside of him, an outburst that catches the Plastics surgeon completely by surprise that he nearly jumps at the sound of her voice.

"It is my baby. Not just some guy's. She didn't go to Africa and just screw some random guy, Mark, just because she could. She's not that type of girl! And even if she was, how is it any of your damn business anyway? And I am not _letting_ her do anything, I am not letting her hurt me, I am in love with her and that is something that I don't have control over! I know that you might not understand that, seeing as how you love with your penis instead of your heart, but you never fall _out_ of love with someone! I love her, Mark and she is lying in there, barely clinging to life! And so is our daughter! And suddenly, everything I ever knew about _anything_ has just turned upside down and what I need is some support from my best friend instead of him attacking the mother of my child!" Callie snaps, threading her fingers through her raven black curls as she tugs at them desperately and Mark winces at the acid and frustration within her voice.

"Callie, I…"

"I get it. You're trying to protect me. And I love you for that. I really do. But you can't protect me from this. What you can do, instead, is help me through it. You can hold me and tell me it is going to be okay and you can let me vent and help me figure this out. How this is supposed to work, what I am supposed to do, with A-Arizona and the baby. But could you just, this once, stop trying to protect me like I am going to break and just be my best friend?" Callie's voice breaks, the cry echoing in the back of her throat and Mark's heart shatters when he hears the hitch. He has seen Callie hurt but this pain, this low, is one that even his cheesiest pickup lines won't be able to fix.

"Sure. I'm sorry. I really am." Mark replies, placing his hand upon Callie's shoulder as he gives it a reassuring squeeze. Through the tears, Callie smiles halfheartedly before she hangs her heads in her hands, the silent cries creating tremors throughout her body. Sighing in empathy, Mark begins to slowly rub his best friend's back as Callie takes a hard gulp of air.

"Porque me esta sucediendo esto a mi? Siempre con la misma mierda! mi vida siempre es un desastre! No entiendo como todo puede estar tan jodido! porque no me dijo! Como es que no me dijo que era mi bebe! ese es mi bebe! es mi hija!" ("_Why is this always happening to me? This shit always happens to me! My life is always a disaster! I don't understand how everything to so screwed up! Why didn't she tell me? How could she not tell me it was my baby? It is my baby! She's my daughter!_") Callie's Spanish is rushed in gasps of sobs and cries and Mark only watches on with a wrinkled brow, trying his hardest to listen to her but he is at a language barrier loss, "Y si algo les pasa? No los puedo perder." (_And What if something happens to them? I can't lose them") _ Nodding his head quietly, Mark continues to rub Callie's back as she cries quietly.

"Yeah, I have no idea what you just said because you were taking in Spanish and I don't speak Spanish. But I am hoping there was something in there about your hot, supportive best friend." Mark teases and Callie groans, slumping even further down in the seat. Noticing her despair, Mark sighs, watching her with sympathetic and sorrowful eyes, wishing that he could find some words to make this better but also knowing there are no words that could possibly ever make this better for her.

"Wh-what am I supposed to _do_, Mark? I-I have a daughter." Callie chokes.

"You do."

"A-and Arizona. She's… she's kind of my… I am still in love with her."

"You are."

"Damn it, could you be a little helpful here?" Callie barks loudly, her voice oozing with a caustic, maddening tone and instantly, Mark recoils at the almost inhumane sound. Instantly, Callie shrinks, a sudden new batch of tears crowning within her russet eyes as she tugs desperately at her raven curls, not even minding of the strands that she is pulling out. "I'm sorry; I didn't mean to snap at you. I didn't. You are trying, you are listening. You're… you're here and that's a lot more than some people… I…"

"No. Hey. It's okay. You are hurting right now. You are hurt, you are scared, you are confused and lost and you are feeling a lot… _a lot_ of things right now. The woman that you love most in the world, a woman who you haven't seen or spoken to in seven months, just suddenly appeared out of the blue, and she was in an accident. And she's hurt. Really badly. She might very well die, a reality that is really hard for you to face, especially because you just buried your ex-husband not too long ago. And then, you have a daughter. A baby that you did not even know existed. A baby that you have wanted so long and now that baby might die because she is premature and she is hurt. You are allowed to snap at me and hit me and do whatever you want to." Mark explains softly and Callie nods her head sniffling as a shaky breath escapes from her lips.

"I don't…. I don't know what to do. I don't know…" Callie sighs desperately, tugging at her hair, "there's so much I have to do. I mean, the baby… and her parents…and…"

"Let me help?" Mark offers and Callie looks at him in confusion, creating a soft smile to curl upon the scruffy blonde's face, "you can't do this alone. And I'm a father, in case you forgotten about the spunky blond that showed up two years ago. I can help you with the baby. It gives you more time to focus on Arizona and what needs to be done for her. Besides it's not like she is going anywhere any time soon, she's still in the NICU, right? A little help wouldn't hurt. And she won't even remember me, anyways."

"Mark, I don't think that Arizona…"

"No, Arizona doesn't… she didn't _tell_ you about your baby, Callie. She didn't tell you that the baby existed, that you were going to be a mother. Then she put both herself and the baby in danger and now they both might die because of the accident. Right now, you need a little help. You need a best friend. And maybe Arizona would like it better if it was Addison, but Addison is busy trying to save your daughter, she cannot be there for you like I can. I am not saying the kid calls me Dad, God no. I already feel old enough when Sloane calls me that. I'm just saying, I could help you. I could sit with the kid or feed her or something while you get some sleep or take care of Arizona or something. Arizona would want what is best for her kid."

"I just…"

"And I know you do too." Mark propositions, lowering himself just slightly so that his eyes meet with Callie's under his arched golden brow, "Cal, you aren't going to get through all of this alone. It's too much for even you to handle. You're going to need someone to help you and everyone else is too involved in the case to really be there for you. You said you wanted me to be a friend to you, right? Well, this is what friends do. They are there for each other when they need each other. And you need someone." To this, Callie nods sniffling, biting her bottom lip as she lays her head on the buff man's shoulder. It is automatic reflex that his arm wraps around her, holding her tightly against him, resting his chin atop of her head as he breathes slowly in attempts to relax her. She whimpers softly into him as her fingers play with the fabric of his dark blue scrubs.

"I need Arizona." Callie whispers softly and Mark softly smiles, nodding his head quietly as he holds her close, softly caressing her, in attempts to calm her down.

"I know. I'm-I'm sorry, Cal. I am so sorry." Mark replies, squeezing her tightly as he wraps himself around her, trying desperately to create a solace for her from this heaviest storm. For the longest while, the two stay just like that, Callie losing herself in Mark and Mark holding her close. For the longest while, neither of them speaks because there are no words that could even come close to explaining how they feel. They simply just stay wrapped up in each other, Mark wishing that he could take the pain away from Callie and Callie simply wishing she could do something, _anything_, to save the two people who need her most.

Two people who she could never be more afraid of losing.


	12. Chapter 12

Over My Head (My Confessions)

**Tagline: **Everyone knows I'm in over my head and I don't know what to do to but to give my confessions.

**Summary: **When the pressures of being unable to conceive slowly derails their relationship, Arizona chooses to take a break. She heads to Africa to work as a missionary, saving lives of the tiny humans. Yet, little to every one's knowledge, including her own, she takes a little something of Callie's with her. Now seven months later, Callie's world is turned upside down by the arrival of her ex-girlfriend and the tiny human growing inside of her. Can Callie find forgiveness for the mother of her child? Or is it simply too late?

**Warning: **AU Season 7

**Pairing: **Callie/Arizona. Teddy/Owen. Addison/Derek/Meredith.

**Disclaimer: **All television shows, movies, books, and other copyrighted material referred to in this work, and the characters, settings, and events thereof, are the properties of their respective owners. As this work is an interpretation of the original material and not for-profit, it constitutes fair use. Reference to real persons, places, or events are made in a fictional context, and are not intended to be libelous, defamatory, or in any way factual.

**Author's Note: **I know that I am a week behind on updating, I'm sorry for that. I have been insanely sick. Like, seriously, it's been bad. And I'm still not quite better but I'm okay enough to update. So, here it is (: Just as a reminder this story does contain the regular cast of Grey's and so it depicts their lives and stories as well, how they entangle with the Arizona thing and so on, they are all a parallel to the Calzona part of this story. I just wanted to point that out. Now, continue with your reading, kind sir's and madam's.

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter Twelve<strong>

Callie is not even sure the moment that she got off her knees and onto her feet, the moment that she swallowed the self-pity and rose to face the reality she has so desperately been trying to avoid in that chapel. She cannot recall if she dozed on Mark's shoulder, when she last ate, or what her last comprehendible thought was. She is not even sure how she found the strength to simply breathe after everything that has happened in the past twenty four hours. However, despite her unawareness of her own ability to function, she is. Living, breathing, walking; all the things that she was not necessarily so sure that she would do again after witnessing the scene in the operating room.

She almost swears she has somehow stumbled into someone else's life, like she stumbled into one of those soap operas that her Abuela used to watch when she was a child. Because this, well this is just so dramatic and out of human comprehension, that it could not possibly be her life. The idea that the person that she loved more than anything in this world could have kept the truth from her in such a way is almost unrealistic. It is implausible to even begin to think that her soul mate very well could die along with their daughter, born a month too early. Their daughter that she did not even _know_ existed. And the more she thinks of it, the more she tries to make sense of it, the more it only just sends her head spinning.

Callie feels like a zombie now, her body protesting every movement that she makes with a cracking of her joints and radiating pain that washes over her in waves. She feels like she got hit by a truck. At the thought of this, Callie chuckles as she pushes a strand of her jet black hair behind her ear, maybe that is because she figuratively _had _gotten hit by a truck; the truck of life. She chuckles again, glancing around at the people near her who only look at her skeptically. She is sure that she looks crazy and God knows she might as well be; because, nothing about this situation is remotely sane at all.

Pushing herself forward, Callie finds herself standing just outside the nurse's station directly across from Arizona's room. Upon realizing where she is Callie's heart instantly sinks. As much as she wishes that she could ignore this, that she could pretend that this is not real, she knows that she cannot anymore. Arizona is in that room, just like Arizona was lying on that table_. Arizona_ is in the mist of hanging precariously between life and death. And even though Callie is so disgusted and angry with her right now to the point of almost hatred, the thought of losing her completely shatters her to the core of everything that she is.

Her knees begin to tremble beneath her as her palms grow sweaty and coldness drips down the nape of her neck. It only takes a matter of moments before her body erupts in goosebumps and those all too familiar tears prick within the corner of her eyes. Callie Torres has always been the best at avoidance, of locking her heart away, because pretending like you do not have one prevents it from being broken so easily. However, in this moment, as the dark reality falls in around her, Callie is shattering far deeper than any repair could ever fix.

It is not some patient in that room, not someone who she will see only once or twice before they go on with the rest of their lives and she moves on to another patient. No. This person lying in there is not some strange face from a strange place; this person is Arizona. _Arizona._ The mother of her child, the love of her life, the one person she never imagined that could ever be in a position like this. It is Arizona. And the more she repeats it inwardly, the more she finds herself struggling to breathe.

The past seven months have been hell for her. Hell, in the sense, that she has been stuck, painfully and emotionally stuck. Arizona, the woman who she was meant to spend the rest of her life with, up and left her for Africa and a missionary because she could not take the pressure of their life anymore, _Arizona_ is the one who broke her trust and broke her heart. Yet, despite the façade that she, along with the help of Mark and Addison, has so desperately put up for the past seven months, she could not hate her.

Because despite all the crap that someone might put you through, at the end of the day, love is the only thing that remains. When you love someone, truly and deeply, the way that Callie loves Arizona, neither time nor distance nor betrayal could ever make her feel anything less.

"Callie." It is Teddy who speaks her name now. Callie looks up from the floor she had been staring at to find the fragile cardio surgeon leaning against the desk, her body showing just how exhausted and worry-ridden the woman is. Just from the glance, Callie can tell that she has been crying and that she has not slept even a minute in the past twenty four hours; not that she can blame her, because she is exactly the same. Callie sighs tiresomely as she licks her dry, cracked lips, nodding her head in acknowledgement.

"Hi Teddy," Callie exhales, making sure to direct her eyes anywhere but the room in which her lover lies. Instead, she focuses on Teddy Altman's face, possibly harder than she ever has in her entire life. She does not approach her, however, but rather stands at the opposite end of the desk. Absently, she taps her nails against the top as she shifts her weight nervously.

"Did you go home last night?" asks Teddy with a skeptical gaze, attempting to make some form of communication with the woman. To this, Callie simply shakes her head, her wandering eyes glancing over to the windows of the room.

"No. I… I stayed here. F-figured that the baby…" But she trails off into a mere whisper. Teddy nods quietly, understanding far too well the inability to have the strength to even speak about the situation. Instead of saying anything, Teddy takes a considerate step toward the raven haired beauty in hopes of comforting her, in proving to her that she is not alone.

"How is the baby?" Teddy inquires and Callie looks at her with a simply shake of her head.

"How stupid does that sound?" laughs Callie bitterly, "someone is actually asking _me_ about how _my_ baby is. I never…I never thought someone would ever ask me that. And now chances are…"

"Callie, don't go there." Teddy scolds softly but Callie shakes her head, twisting her fingers in her curls, tugging gently to create another source of pain than the one that is currently radiating in the core of her heart. She does not know how patient's families do this, how they walk around so calm and believing, how they can put the lives of their loved ones in doctor's hands without knowing all the odds. She knows these doctors, she works with them on a daily basis, and she knows how _extraordinary_ they are, but still, even the top notch doctors at Seattle Grace-Mercy West are not enough to soothe her nervousness of the unknown. She wants to know everything, every tiny detail, about the baby, about Arizona.

"I mean, it's true. That baby…" Callie trails off, biting her bottom lip as the tears prick within her darkened eyes, "Addie doesn't... She is not exactly sure of the extent of her injuries just yet. But it's obvious that the crash has had some effects on her. She was born in distress and she is weeks early. She's so small and fragile. I couldn't even hold her…" Once again Callie's voice trails off as the cry tickles in the back of her throat. She inhales deeply, fighting off the cry desperately before continuing once more, "it's not…the baby might not make it." Callie looks up with teary eyes to find Teddy listening ever so intently, her lips pursed softly as the familiar tears form within her own emerald jades.

"I don't even understand how this could be happening. One second she's in Africa and I'm here, screwing up my life, lying to _everyone_ that I am okay, that I don't love her, that I have moved on. I'm forcing myself into OR's and drowning myself in alcohol. And then the next thing I know she's here and she has a baby. _My_ baby. And now they both might die." Callie chokes out, a cry escaping from within her and Teddy takes another careful step toward her.

"I have wanted this baby forever. _Forever_. How could she just keep something like that from me? How could she think that was okay? How could she just make this… this life decision that involved me, that involved _my_ child without even consulting me on the matter? What made her think that she was so perfect that she could just play God with me and my daughter's life? Huh? And now my daughter is born far too early and she might die because of her. How could she even think that anything about this is remotely okay?" cries Callie, the tears falling from her eyes freely now and Teddy shakes her head quietly, staring absently at her shoes.

"It's not like that."

"Then what the hell_ is_ it like? Huh? Did she just wake up one day and decide that I am too much of a selfish bitch to be involved in my daughter's life? Did she just decide one day that she was going to stick it to me for not going to Africa with her? I mean, **who** does that? Who just decides that their baby is better off without their other parent? And who the hell is she to put herself and our daughter in danger like that? Please, Teddy, do tell me what it _is_ like for Arizona. Because right now, everything that I ever thought I knew about her or life in general, has been shot to hell." Callie shakes her head with a hardened groan.

"And who the hell _are_ you to know about this? To know about _my_ baby and not tell me, huh? You could… you could have prevented this whole thing! You could have talked her out of getting on that plane and both Arizona and my daughter might not be in danger right now. She is _my_daughter. You know, Arizona keeping this baby from me really hurts. But maybe on some level I can understand it, given how we left things. But you… you, the person who is supposed to be my friend, kept this from me? I don't even… I don't even know who you _are_ anymore, Altman." Callie snaps, snarling her nose in disgust with a hard laugh before she turns on her heels in her famous swagger of a storm off. However, when the next words fall from Teddy's lips, Callie's world seems to come to a screeching halt.

"Are you not even going to ask about her?" Stopping just short on her heels, Callie turns slightly; looking over her shoulder at the disheveled woman left standing behind her.

"Are you really going to do this? Are you really going to let your own selfishness come in the way of this? Arizona got on that damn plane to come back for _you_, even though she was making so much difference in Africa, she was making so much strides in the health care for children and she was saving lives, which is something that woman lives for. She was living her _dream_. But she came back for _you_. God knows why, you never appreciate her. You never try to see things from her perspective and you never try to compromise with her. But she wanted to be _with_ you. She wanted to raise this child _with_ you. So, she gave up her dream and she got on that plane and she came back for you. So you could have a family. And now you're standing here, not giving a damn about her because of your own stupid pride. I mean, really, Callie, is this the person that you want to be? Is this the example you want to set for you daughter?" Teddy tirades, her emotions finally bursting through. Theodora Altman has never been the one for public scenes and drawing attention to herself, but suddenly, her own self-awareness is lost to the wind as she stares at the woman before her.

"Yeah, what Arizona did was unfair and it was cruel of her to keep this baby from you, especially knowing how badly you wanted one. But given the way you acted before the two of you broke up, given the way that you are acting now, do you really blame her? Maybe she was trying to protect the baby from you, have you ever thought about that?" Teddy exclaims, her voice cracking. Callie's lips part to say something, however, the strong blond speaks up, stopping her from even speaking.

"My God, Callie! She was in a plane crash. She was in a plane crash coming back to _you_. Doesn't that mean anything to you? Anything at all? She might die; do you even care about that? Do you even care that she might die because she was coming back to give you a second, or excuse me, _third_ chance? Does that even mean _anything_? Does she mean _anything_ to you? Because that woman, the woman who loves you despite your imperfections, is lying in there, fighting for her life and you are seriously not even going to ask about her? You are not even going to go in there and sit with her when she needs you the most? Because what? Because you're hurt? Reality check, Callie: Arizona is a hell of a lot more hurt than you are right now." Teddy rants and Callie shakes her head vigorously as she takes a threatening step toward the woman, pushing her back into the nurses' station.

"Where the hell do you get off thinking that you know anything about me? Who the hell are you to talk about Arizona like…?"

"She needs you." Callie shakes her head with a bitter laugh at Teddy's statement.

"If she _needed_ me then she would not have disappeared to Africa without a trace. If she _loved_ me she would not have kept this baby a secret from me. If she really gave a damn like you say she does, she would not have done any of this to either of us. But she did. And it just goes to show you, that Arizona Robbins is certainly not the person that you think she is." Callie roars and Teddy looks at her in amazement that she could even push things this far.

"You are hurt. And you are saying things you don't mean."

"Screw you. The both of you." Callie chuckles in disgust, turning to walk away. Yet, Teddy's cool fingers upon her wrist stop her just short as the Army blonde shoves her back into the nurses' station with surprising strength, her emerald jades glaring into her.

"It's your fault. It is your fault that she is laying in there barely clinging to life. It is your fault that she is so miserable. Every day in Africa she was miserable, she was missing you, she was worrying about you. God even knows why that woman cares about you, but she does and look where that has got her. She got on that plane to be with _you_, not anyone else. You, Callie Torres. It is your fault that is lying in there, it is your fault that your baby might die, because you were too selfish to put your damn pride aside and admit that you were wrong. And she needs you, she needs you now more than ever and you are blowing her off because you think you are so much better than her. But you guys are partners, you are equal, you are equal in this nonexistent relationship that you have. You are no better than her. She needs you and you are bailing on her, you are bailing because that's what you do. You pushed George away, you pushed Erica away and now you're making sure as hell that Arizona doesn't get anywhere near you. That woman is amazing and she deserves better than this crap that you are trying to do to her. Because God knows if it was you in there, she would be sitting with you, every second of every day to make sure that you are okay." Teddy stops short, inhaling deeply.

"But you don't care about her. And maybe you never have. And you never will. Because all you care about is yourself. What makes Callie happy, what makes Callie feel this way or that way. You don't care about anyone else, you don't open your eyes to see things from different perspectives or try to compromise with her. You don't do any of that. You're selfish and you're a bitch and you are wrong, you are_**so**_ wrong in this situation. She is in there, fighting for her life and you don't give a damn about her because you are too busy playing the victim card, what you're best at doing. So really, I hope that works out for you. I really do. I hope that you can live with yourself knowing what happened, I hope that you can look at yourself in the mirror and you can still love yourself because the _only_ person who will ever love you is yourself." Teddy breathes heavily as she pins her hard against the nurses' station with aggression.

"All I have to say is you better pray to God that she lives. Because if something happens to her and that baby… God might be able to forgive you, but I certainly will not. And I'll make sure you pay for it. Just the way that you are making sure she pays for what she's done. You better pray, hard, Callie. Because I promise you, I _will _destroy you. Now you better go in there and see her, because she _needs_ you. And somewhere inside this pathetic excuse of a heart you have, I know you care about her. And you'll regret it if you don't." Teddy exclaims with a hard glare, pushing her once again back into the desk, before she turns and storms away.

Callie watches her for the longest moment, unsure of whether to storm after her and go all "cage fighter" on her ass or what the proper protocol would be for this situation. However, as much as a part of her wants to beat the crap out of her, she does not. She doesn't because she can't. She cannot move or breathe or think or do any other bodily function, because her body and her mind is too much wrapped around that woman lying in there as Teddy's words echo in her head.

"_My God, Callie. She was in a plane crash. She was in a plane crash coming back to you. Doesn't that mean anything to you? Anything at all? She might die; do you even care about that? Do you even care that she might die?"_

"_It's your fault. It is your fault that she is laying in there barely clinging to your life."_

Suddenly, it all crashes into the raven haired woman as her knees quiver beneath her. Teddy is right. Arizona might very well die; she might very well die because she was on that plane coming back to her, to give her a chance with the baby that she so desperately wanted. Arizona is clinging to her life by a very fine thread, a thread that could snap at any moment and she would have to live with knowing that it is partly her fault. Her fault that her love, that _her_ Arizona is fighting for her life. If she had just picked up the phone, if she had written one email, if she had taken one flight, if she would have done something, _anything_, maybe, maybe all of this could be just a little different.

Unconsciously, her knees give way beneath her as she slowly sinks to the floor, her hand cupping her mouth as silent cries shakes through her body. The tears fall fiercely down her cheeks as her body quakes through the hushed cries, her mind clouded with the endless worst case scenarios, with guilt and blame. A heart wrenching sob erupts from her as she stares through the glass into the room of the very vulnerable and weak woman.

Even though she is so angry with her and even though she wishes that she could hate her, she just simply cannot. Even after everything that has happened, after the lies, the deceit, the heart break, after _everything_, she still loves Arizona Robbins with every breath, with very fiber of her being, no matter how hard she tries to fight it.

Crouching in the floor as the cries free her from the chains that once bound her, Callie Torres looks in helplessly at Arizona and the rhythmic heart motor above her head. Her entire world is slowly falling apart around her as she cries alone now, like so many times before. Trembling, she extends a hand outward toward the woman as she gasps in loudly a frantic breath of air, crying desperately and heart wrenching.

"Please live for me, Arizona. Please. Don't you dare die on me and our baby. We need you. Do you hear me? We need you. _I_ need you. Don't you dare die on me. _Please._ God. Oh God. Arizona. I'm sorry. I'm _so_ sorry." Callie wallows, sinking further onto the floor. She sulks down, pulling her knees up to her chest as she wraps her arms around them, staring into the room as the tears slide down her cheeks. She does not know what she is going to do but she knows that she has to figure it out soon, and fast.

* * *

><p>Teddy Altman paces back and forth in the vent room, the burning tears clouding her vision as every step is becomes more powerful, more emotionally driven than the last. Her mind is racing thousand miles per hour, each thought only staying a mere nanosecond before bouncing hastily to another and then to another. Her heart is pounding, leaping into her throat with each fragile beat. Her blood is pulsing heavily through her veins, so hard that she can feel it rushing through her head with every beat of her heart.<p>

_How_ could this be happening? _How_ could everything be so screwed up like this? How could everything go wrong so fast? It was a simple flight; one that is made a thousand times a year with no accidents or reported failures. It was one simple flight from Africa to Seattle with a few stops along the way. It was one simple flight that was supposed to bring a _very_ pregnant Arizona back to Callie, back to _her_. A flight that was supposed to bring her best friend back to her so that she could smack some sense into her, tease her about her annoying habits but ultimately understand everything about her. This _wasn't_ supposed to happen.

But it _did_ happen. Arizona's plane _did_ crash, putting both her and her baby's life in peril. Arizona _is_ barely clinging to life and her newborn daughter _is _fighting off trauma of her own. And she _did_ just go off on Callie for being selfish and heartless and just… Teddy groans as she pushes her fingers through her hair. This _wasn't_ supposed to happen but it _did_ and now she's dealing with all alone.

"Damn it, Arizona! How could you do this? How could you do this to me? How could you do this and leave me here to deal with it all by myself?" Teddy shouts to no one, her voice barely audible over the roaring of the fans. In her urge of anger, she kicks the pole hard; however, it does not budge. Raging with upwelling emotions, the Army Barbie kicks the pole again and again and again and again. She kicks it until she has no strength or willpower left in her body. Biting her bottom lip to suppress the tears, Teddy shakes her head wildly, lifting her foot to kick it again, except this time, a pair of arms wrap around her and she is pulled into the most intoxicating scent.

The scent instantly relaxes her, her muscles loosing as she falls into the pair of muscular arms she has known to love so much.

It's _Owen_.

Like all the times before, her body naturally gives into him, her tiny frame fitting against his broad muscular chest. It is an instinctual action that her tiny hands press into the arch of his back as his own scarred and rough hands rub along her back soothingly. He softly hums a calming rhythm in the back of his throat; just like he had done all those nights they spent in their sand filled hell. Her body fits perfectly into his and for the briefest second the entire world falls away. For the briefest second, it is only Teddy and Owen, Owen and Teddy, for the split moment, nothing else _matters_.

Looking up under her long eyelashes, Teddy finds his familiar blue eyes, eyes that are tainted much like her own, with all the damage and trauma seen in lands far away. His face is jagged with small scars from the accident in Iraq; gently her fingers trace the scar on his cheek, her skin softly dancing against his. She hears him inhale a sharp breath, his eyes focused solely upon hers.

However, for as quick as the brief moment came, it passes when the reality crashes back into the Army blonde when the vent blasts a gust of air around her, snapping her attention back.

Arizona. The baby. The accident. Flat lining. Almost death. Arizona. The baby. Callie. Truths. Lies. Betrayal. Secrets. So many damn secrets. Arizona. Callie. Owen. So much. Just _so_ damn much.

Before the weathered woman realizes what she is doing, her fists are pounding into Owen's muscular chest, hard and fast. Before it takes time to register in her exhausted brain, she is beating him, pushing him away, and fighting against his embrace.

"Teddy! Teddy! Hey, hey, stop it. Stop it. Stop!" Owen commands, grabbing her shoulders in a hard squeeze but the blond only shakes her head, taking stumbling steps back. Her eyes are widened, filled with tears and worriment, a distance within them suddenly that almost scares Owen. This person standing before him now, clearly shattered and broken and damaged, this woman is not Teddy, at least, not the Teddy that he has grown to know. He takes a complacent step toward the blonde but Teddy takes another precarious one away from him, pushing out her hand to stop his advances.

"I can't do this." She whispers and Owen only wrinkles his brow in confusion.

"Do what? What can't you do?" Teddy rolls her eyes at the man's question, as if it was so unreal that he could ask such a thing. She groans, shaking her head as a gush of air followed by a saddened whimper escape from her pursed lips, her eyes staying focused on his.

"I can't do _this_. This, Owen! God, don't you get it? I can't get close to you because…."

"Because why?" Owen pushes, determined to get the blonde to speak what is on her mind. He has known Teddy Altman to put up walls before, to pull away, to guard herself from the rest of the world. However, he has never seen her so blatantly distraught and lost before, he has never seen her like _this_, not even after the worst cases.

"THIS!" Teddy practically shouts with a failing of her arms to gesture around the vent room with a bark, "I can't get close to you, I can't _be_ your friend because the last time I was somebody's friend I…." she stops just short and instantly Owen's heart plummets to his stomach. He shakes his head softly as he takes another fragile step toward her but the blond only shakes her head, licking her cracked lips.

"Teddy no… it's… it's not…" whispers Owen in a hushed tone, taking another careful step toward her. However, Teddy is having none of it and she takes another powerful and symbolic step back away from the man, pushing her hand outward to stop his advances with a slanting of her eyes.

"Arizona is _dying_ in there, do you know that? I mean, _of course_ you know that by now because at this hospital everyone does not know how to mind their own business! She is lying in there, fighting for her _life_, and it is _my _fault! My fault! She was the one who called me. She called _me_. She told me her plan; she asked about the flight, she asked if it was okay and I told her _yes_. I told her _yes_, Owen." Teddy's voice breaks as the most heart wrenching cry bellows from somewhere deep within her.

"I told my best friend that it was a good idea to board a plane, even though I knew how far along in her pregnancy she was. I was the one who told her this was _okay_! I should have told her no! I should have told her to stay there until after the baby was born o-or to tell Callie and C-Callie would come to her. I should have told her to _stay_. But instead, I tell her that it's _okay_. And that damn plane went down and she and her daughter are fighting to _live_. Because I couldn't grow a pair and tell her that she should stay!" Teddy rants, gasping for a breath that does not come easily to her and Owen only watches with weary eyes.

"Teddy, I don't… there is no way that you could have known about that plane. In a different scenario, this was a good idea. You had no reason to tell her no. It should have been a simple flight from Africa to Seattle, she should have been fine, Torres should have been reunited with her, they should…. You couldn't have _known._" Owen tries to speak up but Teddy only stares blankly at the ginger, the tears falling effortlessly down her pale and meek face. Teddy is a ghost now, an indignant memory of the woman that she had once been.

"I should have told her no. Who does that? I mean, who tells their best friend that it is a good idea to board a plane when that friend is eight months pregnant? Even if the plane had not crashed, she could have gone into premature labor, or she could have…. She could have…."

"Teddy, you can't work yourself up like this."

"I told Callie. I mean, I _told_ her." Teddy stops, pinching the bridge of her nose with a chuckle, a sound that seems extremely out of place at a moment like this and Owen only watches, befuddled at the unraveling mess of the woman before him, his lips slightly pursed as he struggles to find the words to say.

"Arizona asks me to do one thing. _One_ fucking thing and I cannot even do it. She didn't want Callie to know. At least, not at first. Things were…things were hard and she tried… God… she wanted it to work out so bad. She wanted her and Callie to be together and raise that baby together but then Callie…. She didn't want her to know. Not because she felt like Callie didn't deserve to know but she… she didn't want to fuck up her life. She was… she didn't want her to feel obligated; she knew that their relationship was over and she wanted Callie to _move_ on. So, she asked me not to tell… and then it was too late, too late in the pregnancy and things were too far gone and… she asked me _not_ to tell. And what's the first goddamn thing I tell her when I realize about the accident?" Teddy chuckles again, this time a more sick and twisted laugh than before and Owen merely watches, unsure rather to speak up or to simply stand back until the blonde reached the bottom.

"She asked me _not _to tell her and the first thing that comes out of my mouth when I realize Arizona is hurt is about the baby. Her baby. And now she's running around this hospital, freaking out about her kid, her kid that she didn't even know about, that she _wasn't_ supposed to know about. That kid is Arizona's. And I blurted it out and now she's pissed at me and I _betrayed_ Arizona, I couldn't even do the one thing she asked me to!" Teddy continues her venting, pacing as she tangles her hair deeper in her hair.

"And then, I corner Callie near the nurses' station and tell her it's _her_ fault. How fucked up is that? I cornered her, Owen. What the hell? Am I back in high school or something? And she is the sophomore girl who kept calling me horse face? I fucking cornered her like some barbaric animal, got in her face and screamed at her about how this is all her damn fault, how it is her fault if Arizona dies and it's fault about the baby. I was going to punch her. I was _seconds_ away from hitting her. What the hell? I don't hit people! And even if I did, hitting Torres sure as hell is not going to bring Arizona back and it is not going to fix anything!" Teddy stops with a weak chuckle and a hard cry.

"And besides, it's not even her fault. Some of it is. Like the fact that is a complete and utter ass who refuses to deal with her damn problems and expects everyone to feel sorry for her, regardless of the situation because she has it so much harder than everyone else and always plays the victim card. Yeah, that _is_ her fault. But this accident…. Arizona… the baby… it's not her fault. And who the hell am I to tell her that it is?"

"Then… then there's you. We can't do this, Owen. _I_ can't do this. I can't get close to you, I can't let you be my best friend because everyone who gets close to me, always ends up leaving. They always end up getting hurt. And I am _not_ letting you do that. I am not letting you get close to me and then end up getting hurt because of this stupid curse or whatever is going on with me. I… I _won't_ do that to you." Teddy snaps in a gasp, the bellowing cry escaping from her and Owen sighs deeply, shaking his head slightly. His lips move but no words come out; because, what words could he say? What words could ever express everything that he is feeling inside, what words could actually soothe the disheveled mess of this beautiful woman in front of him.

"You aren't going to lose me." Owen states rather matter-of-factly, his blue eyes focused on her emerald jades. Teddy shakes her head weakly, her cheeks red and tear stained as she sniffles, her ragged and exhausted body practically slumping in fatigue. The roar of the vents surround them, crashing around the silence.

"You don't know that. You can't say that because you don't know… you don't…"

"I am not going to leave, Teddy. I will _never_ leave you. I promise. I won't. And neither will Arizona. And I know that you think this is your fault but it's not. You didn't know about the accident, there is no way that you could have predicted this. And there is no way that you could have _known_, do you hear me? And Arizona, she wouldn't… she wouldn't want you to blame yourself for this. She would want you to pull yourself together and take care of yourself, take care of Callie and that baby. And Callie… Callie's going to blame you and she's _struggling_, but she won't hate you forever. And it's not her fault either, it's not her fault that Arizona left, it's not her fault that she was on the plane. I know, I _know_ how hard this is right now, how hard it is to _breathe_, to _think_, but I promise you, everything is going to be okay. Everything is going to be just fine, okay?" Owen exclaims as he cups Teddy's face in his hands, gently brushing her tears away with his thumbs.

"Arizona's not going to leave you. I'm not going to leave you. We have been through too much together for me to leave you. We've been through war together, Teddy, and we've been through heart ache, we've loved and we have lost together. We've been through it _all_ and I haven't left your side. Not even for a second. Not even when you hated me or I was upset with you. I was with you, always. Always. This is no different. I am not going anywhere. Okay? I'm here. Forever." Owen exclaims. Teddy sniffles with a soft nod as his rough thumbs brush over her cheeks. Gently, she leans into his touch, staring deep into his eyes when suddenly something unexpected happens, at least, somewhat unexpected.

In a second, a mere heartbeat away, Teddy's lips collide with Owen's as she pushes him back against the wall, her arms wrapping around his neck. Before thinking, the Army man's arms wrap around her waist, pulling into him as the kiss deepens, all responsibility and consequences lost to the wind. For a minute, it is only lips on lips, skin upon skin, heart beats racing together. Softly, and reluctantly, Teddy pulls away, her eyes fixated solely upon Owen's as a baby's breath is whispered between them and then….

"What the hell just happened?"


	13. Chapter 13

Over My Head (My Confessions)

**Tagline: **Everyone knows I'm in over my head and I don't know what to do to but to give my confessions.

**Summary: **When the pressures of being unable to conceive slowly derails their relationship, Arizona chooses to take a break. She heads to Africa to work as a missionary, saving lives of the tiny humans. Yet, little to every one's knowledge, including her own, she takes a little something of Callie's with her. Now seven months later, Callie's world is turned upside down by the arrival of her ex-girlfriend and the tiny human growing inside of her. Can Callie find forgiveness for the mother of her child? Or is it simply too late?

**Warning: **AU Season 7

**Pairing: **Callie/Arizona. Teddy/Owen. Addison/Derek/Meredith.

**Disclaimer: **All television shows, movies, books, and other copyrighted material referred to in this work, and the characters, settings, and events thereof, are the properties of their respective owners. As this work is an interpretation of the original material and not for-profit, it constitutes fair use. Reference to real persons, places, or events are made in a fictional context, and are not intended to be libelous, defamatory, or in any way factual.

**Author's Note: **I will make this short and sweet because I know I ramble like a mad woman: I have a lot of love for all of you, I seriously thank you all for taking this journey with me and I hope that you are never disappointed with this fic. This chapter is one of my favorites, it's perhaps one of the most revealing if you're a careful reader ;) I always love your thoughts so feel free to share!

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><p><strong>Chapter Thirteen<strong>

Callie has always hated the pink scrubs the Neonatal unit has to wear. It is not even that she hates the fabric of the scrubs or that she has anything against the color pink in general, but this shade of salmon is anything _but_ flattering. And given the fact that she is running on no sleep, no food, and no peaceful thought in the past twenty four hours, Callie is sure that, along with these hideous pink scrubs, she looks nothing short of walking death. As much as she knows that she should care about that, and perhaps the old Callie would have, she doesn't. Who cares if she looks half past death or like she just rolled out of Joe's after a long night? Right now, she cares about one thing, well, two actually, and one of them just happens to be right in front of her.

She can't believe how small her daughter is. She is only a month early, the same gestation period in which most set of twins are delivered, but she seems so tiny lying in the incubator now. Her diaper almost looks too big for her, coming just over her teensy hips. She is wearing oxygen, the tube sticking in her bitty nose, and seeing it almost breaks Callie's heart completely. As a doctor, Callie knows that oxygen is what is best for the infant, but as a mother, all she wants to do is pick her up and hold her child safely in her arms. Under the pink toboggan adorning her small head, sticks out little tuffs of almost white blonde hair. She gets that from Arizona, Callie almost smiles. She's sure it is not the only thing she has gotten from her Mama.

Reaching in through the small holes on the side, Callie strokes the infant's arm with tears in her eyes. For so long she has wanted a child, and ever since the miscarriage and the IVF and Arizona… she never thought it would happen. In fact, she had almost accepted the idea that she would never have a child of her own. Instead she would be cool Tia Calliope who spoiled her nieces and nephews and then sent them home at the end of the day as she played with her puppy- because bad ass Calliope Torres certainly was _not_ a cat lady. She had accepted it and learned to live with it, until the second she saw her daughter being pulled from Arizona's womb, until she heard that first heartbeat, until she saw her for that very first time.

It is crazy, Callie chuckles quietly, softly caressing the infant's soft skin. It is crazy how in a matter of seconds her entire world could be turned upside down in such a way; crazy how in just a few seconds, she became a mother, felt like a mother, and began to think like a _mother_, just as if she had been one all along.

Nothing in her life makes sense right now. Arizona could be dying, their daughter could be dying, and there is not a damn thing that she could do about it. Despite all of her years of perfecting her medical knowledge about the skeletal system and human body, she cannot do anything to save the two people she loves most in the world. She feels helpless, painfully so. Her heart is heavy, sullen and dark and sitting here with their daughter, she cannot help but wonder if it would ever be as full and happy as it once had been.

Callie sighs deeply, looking down at her teeny daughter whose stomach softly rises and falls with every peaceful breath she takes. She doesn't know what she is going to do: about the baby, about Arizona, about any of it, but she knows that she needs to figure it out soon: not just for her daughter, but for the mother of her child as well.

Maybe Teddy is right, maybe she is letting her own selfishness get in the way of all this, but she simply cannot help it. Arizona made a decision, _multiple_ decisions that affected her and her life and did not even choose to include her. God, how she wishes she could forgive and forget. She wishes that she could forget _everything_; go sit by her bedside, hold her hand, promise her the world if she wakes up and then go home with her and be a happy family with their newborn daughter. But right now, she just _can't_. And she honestly does not know if she ever will be able to because there is just _too_ much.

Too much hurt. Too much betrayal. Too much heart ache. Too many lies and not nearly enough truth.

All of this is just _too _much to forgive and forget.

"Picked out a name yet?" The nurse startles Callie from her deep thought as she jumps slightly, her heart racing quicker in her chest. Practically glaring back over her shoulder, she sees the petite nurse standing there, with the tiny square piece of paper that sticks in the incubator, identifying the baby's name and birth information. "Oh, sorry, I didn't mean to startle you." The nurse giggles quietly, a soft blush curling within her cheeks and Callie forces an awkward smile. Callie then sighs, looking back down at the tiny baby sleeping peacefully at her touch.

"Oh… uh… no. Not yet." Callie replies quietly with a shy smile and the nurse nods, understandingly.

"Naming a baby is a hard decision. Sometimes parents don't name their babies until after they have brought the baby home from the hospital. And then they are some parents who have already had the name picked out since their own childhood. Personally, I have found name books very helpful, especially the newer additions with over hundred thousand names, also favorite television show and movie characters seem to be very popular among names along with family member names. Maybe we could get you one of those books, I think…" However, Callie interrupts the chatty nurse with a hard glare.

"Her Mama is dying. Or maybe dying. Hell, I don't even know because I can't bring myself to go down there and see her, sit with her or even ask a doctor about her condition. And she has been through a trauma, a plane crash, Dr. Montgomery is not sure of the extent of her injuries yet either. And I just learned that I had a daughter less than twenty four hours ago, so excuse me, if I don't have a name off the top of my head right now. I don't want to name this baby without knowing that both Dr. Robbins and our baby are going to be okay. Please just… _try_ to understand that." Callie snaps more harshly than she means to and the nurse instantly recoils, taking a step back with a silent nod. Sighing at her own monstrosity, Callie hangs her head, her eyes never leaving her sick daughter as a sniffle escapes her.

"Sorry. I… sorry. It's not your fault. I know that, and you probably didn't even know about the accident or Dr. Robbins or any of this. I really didn't mean to snap at you. I just have a lot on my plate right now and I haven't had time to think of a name yet." Callie responds, gently running her index finger around the baby's wrist soothingly.

"That's okay!" The brunette nurse responds rather cheery before she places the piece of paper atop of the incubator and begins writing, "we will just call her baby Robbins."

"Uh, Torres-Robbins." Callie speaks up and the nurse looks at her slightly confused, "I just… Torres-Robbins is her last name. Is that okay?" The raven haired beauty asks and the nurse only nods compassionately as she scribbles the conjoined last names onto the piece of paper, before sticking it on the side of the incubator. Smiling down at the baby, the nurse looks back at Callie with a sympathetic gaze.

"She's lucky, you know?" The nurse speaks and Callie looks up with a wrinkled brow and a slightly tilted head.

"How so?"

"I mean, she's got two Moms. Two moms who obviously really love her a lot. Two moms who are really great doctors here, so they know how to take care of her, even now when she's really, really sick like this. Yeah, she might be in for the fight of her life, but this little one has so much spirit, and she has the world to live for. She's got amazing parents and so much love. She might have been born a little early and she might have had a rough start but she'll have a great life with two parents who love her and love each other. There's nothing better than that in my opinion." The nurse smiles tenderly before she grabs her charts and continues on her way. Callie watches her for a moment quite skeptically, before she turns her attention back to the tiny girl being soothed by her soft caresses.

Gazing down at her lovingly, she feels her heart practically skip a beat as a kindhearted smile plays upon her lips. She never thought it was possible to love someone so much so quickly; in fact, other than Arizona, this baby is the only person she has truly ever been in love with and it terrifies her. She is so scared for her, of all the battles she will have to face, of the fight that she is in for. In the past twenty fours, her life has been turned upside down in so many ways, but she knows this is nothing like what her daughter is going to have to endure.

"What do you think mija? Do you think you are lucky? You probably don't think so right about now, do you? I guess not. I don't really feel lucky right now either. But we are. We're both alive, and we have people who love us and we are going to have a good life. I am going to make sure of it. When you get out of here, I am going to make sure you have the best life. You'll have the prettiest nursery in alllllll Seattle with all the toys that you could possibly want and as many clothes as you can wear, and all the love in the entire world. That's lucky to me. And I know that you're hurting right now and I wish I could take all that hurt away from you. God, I wish I could, mija. And you're worried about your Mama. But you don't need to worry about her. I'll take care of the both of you. And we will figure this out. It's a mess right now, but we will. Because we both love you." Callie nods, sniffling as she places her finger in the tiny baby's hand.

"I do love you so very much and I love your Mama. I really do. I know that it may not seem like it at times but she's the love of my life. And we will work it out, somehow, because we're your parents. And parents should be together. And maybe you hate me a little because you think I never wanted you but I always wanted you. Always. More than anything and I am sorry I missed all those moments, seeing your sonogram, hearing your heartbeat, feeling you kick, the baby shower, I am _so_ sorry I missed all of that, but I swear to you, from this moment forward, I will not miss a single second of your life. Could you just let me know that I am doing a good job here, mija? Could you just let me know that you don't hate me? Please?" Callie pleads sniffling and almost immediately upon her request, the tiny hand squeezes around her finger. Instantly, Callie's heart grows three sizes as a brilliant, beaming grin suddenly finds its way onto her face for what seems to be the first time in days.

"Thank you. I promise to try to be nothing but the best for you, if you just give me the chance." Callie coos down at the tiny incubator, placing a gentle kiss onto her fingertips before placing it there. Gazing at her daughter as her stomach quickly rises and falls, it all seems to make sense now. The hard journey she had to go through was meant to bring her here. Bring her to her amazingly beautiful and unexpected daughter who needs her, a daughter who needs her to take care of _her_. All the trials and tribulations she went through had to happen to teach her to be strong, valiant, brave, it had to make her tough because her daughter _needs_ someone fearless and courageous. She had to go through _all _of it to become the person her daughter needs her to be.

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><p><em>Teddy Altman is not one for social gatherings: in fact, she normally cringes at the thought of hanging out with people who she works with because at some point, they begin to think they are friends and not co-workers and then respect is all just shot to hell. But when Callie Torres asks her to go out with her to Joe's for a few shots with a couple of friends, she can't really say no. Not because she likes the orthopedic surgeon but more so because she feels compassion for her, especially given everything that she has just went through.<em>

_Arizona left for Africa almost a month ago. As Callie nonchalantly put it "packed up her things and got the hell out of town to avoid responsibility". But Teddy knew it was more than that: it was all of the things put together really, that made Arizona seek out Africa. Not because she wanted the break up, but because she wanted to save their relationship. Getting away from Seattle was the only way they could ever do that, and Teddy knows that no matter what she and Arizona say, Callie will not see it that way, not for a very long time._

_Callie's had more than enough, Teddy observes as she sits, sipping quietly on her martini. She's had at least ten, a few shots of tequila, and vodka, and whatever else alcoholic drink she could manage to think of to request for "the house" and it would be "on her". Callie's desperate to forget all the things that Teddy knows she is aching to remember. However, even though a few shots of alcohol might numb her today, tomorrow is only going to be worse. Tomorrow she will have to live with herself, with knowing what happened tonight and how big of an idiot she is making of herself._

_She has single handily danced with every male in this bar, except for Joe. And she's currently dancing with Mark in a way that makes Teddy almost feel like she is watching some short of porno. Cringing, the blonde pinches the bridge of her nose as she exhales deeply, closing her eyes tightly. She almost wonders how things like this happen, how two people who are so perfect for each other could be so terribly lost from one another. How Callie could be such a mess of a person instead of doing the one thing that she should have done the second Arizona shut the door behind her. She's drunk, she is heartbroken, and she is making __**such**__ a fool of herself. Turning her head away slightly, Teddy is relieved when the phone in her pocket begins vibrating. Reaching in, she grabs the pulsating object, quickly pressing the receiving button._

"_Teddy Altman." She speaks. On the other line there is nothing but loud static, mumbling voices in the background and soft breathing that allows her to know that the other person is still alive on the other end. She cups the other ear with her hand, pressing the phone tighter against her, "Hello? ... Hello? …. Is anyone there?" And then, something surprises her, perhaps, the most comforting sound that she has heard in weeks._

"…_.H-Hi Teddy." It's __**Arizona**__. Instantly, Teddy's head snaps up as her eyes dance through the crowd to find a very intoxicated Callie, dirty dancing with her best friend. Her mouth goes dry as she swallows the lump in her throat, those all too familiar tears prickling within her eyes._

"_Arizona? Hey. __How are How a__ How are you?" Teddy probes, a gentle smile playing upon her lips. She hears a weak chuckle echo through the line and suddenly it hits her just how much she misses her best friend._

"_I'm…. it's really good to hear your voice, Teddy." Arizona mumbles quietly before she inhales deeply, "I….I know that you just answered the phone and everything, but are you around C-Callie? I t-tried calling her but she won't pick up. Not that I blame her. But I-I __**really**__ need….I need to talk to her." There is heaviness in Arizona's voice now, one that makes Teddy really uneasy. Wrinkling her brow softly, the woman looks at Callie who just finishes an upbeat song with a drunken, but wide grin and a laugh._

"_Are you okay?" Teddy asks and Arizona sighs deeply into the ear piece._

"_I just…I-I __**really**__ need to talk to her. Please?"_

"_Yeah. Sure. Just a second." Teddy replies quietly and she hears Arizona breathe a slight sigh of relief. Looking up, she sees Callie heading back to the table, another alcoholic drink in her hand as she laughs at something Mark says that just misses her ear. She can hear Arizona sniffling in her ear and her heart almost breaks for her. Arizona is clearly __**not**__ okay, and in the meantime, Callie is out drinking her life away. Sighing deeply, she looks at the woman with a soft gaze._

"_Hey, Callie. It's um… it's Arizona." And with those words, all life at Joe's manages to fall still and short. Instantly, Callie's face falls, the smile is quickly wiped from her lips and her eyes are suddenly heavy with a burning onset of tears. Teddy looks at the taller woman who suddenly seems very shaken and aching, a one hundred eighty degrees difference than the woman who was practically dancing on her best friend. _

"_I don't…"_

_ "She says she really needs to talk to you." Teddy offers, reaching the phone outward to the Latina. Callie eyes it carefully with a baited breath, before she looks over at Mark who quietly nods with a gentle nudge. She sighs deeply, closing her eyes for a long moment before she reaches out and takes the phone in her hand, placing it to her ear. _

_ "This is Callie." Callie states, her voice shaking with nerves. On the other end, there is a long pause, a long, __**painful**__ pause as Arizona exhales loudly, "Look I don't know what you want but…"_

_ "How are you, Calliope?" Arizona asks a crack in her voice that shows just how unhappy she truly is. Callie rolls her eyes at the statement, which receives another judge from Mark in disapproval. _

_ "Well, if you were here, you'd know how I am, Arizona."_

_ "Callie…"_

_Again, another painfully long pause in which Callie's heart breaks a little deeper in her chest. _

_ "I miss you." There is a sniffle on the other end of the line and the sound nearly shatters Calliope Torres completely. She has heard Arizona cry before; she has seen it many of times, mostly around the Chief when he uses his authority card to stop her from doing what she wants. However, this time is different. This time she cannot see her, she cannot wrap her arms around her, she cannot rub her back or run her fingers through her hair or kiss her gently and promise her that everything is going to be okay. Because this time __**nothing**__ is okay, this time she is miles and miles away. The tears slip from her own eyes as she swallows hard, clearing her throat with a tough cough. _

"_There's something I-I need to tell you. I didn't know before I left or else I would have…. Callie, I'm…" However, Callie interrupts her with a sickening chuckle._

_ "You know, you leaving me was the __**best**__ thing you could have __**ever**__ done for me." Callie chuckles and both Teddy and Mark glare at her with great disapproval. The line falls silent as Arizona's sniffling cries fade away for a long moment and Callie takes encouragement at the thought of hurting Arizona just as much as the Peds surgeon hurt her, "I mean, really it is. I don't have to answer to anyone now. I can go out when I want, drink when I want, I can screw whoever I want, __**whenever **__I want. I can fuck Mark. Hell, I __**am**__ fucking Mark. He's such a __**great**__ lay, unlike you. He knows __**exactly**__ what I want and he's not afraid of giving me a fucking kid or whatever I want. You were always so controlling, telling me that I needed to set boundaries with him, but guess what? He's still here and you're not. And I am __**happy**__ you are not. So freakin' happy that you are gone because I am __**so**__ much better off without you. So before you get on this idea that I miss you and that I want you back or whatever, I __**don't**__. I am the __**happiest**__ that I have ever been since before we were ever together. You might realize your mistake now but I realize my mistake a long time ago was thinking that you would change and give me those ten kids you promised."_

_ "Callie, you don't…"_

_ "No, you don't get it. You ran away, Arizona. You ran away from me and from our dream. __**My**__ dream. You abandoned me, just like everyone else in this entire fucked up planet. You just up and left me without so much as a chance to fight back."_

"_I GAVE you a chance, Calliope. You could have come with me, we could have worked this out, we could __**still**__ be together. We could have worked on our problems, we could have figured out a way to become stronger because of it. But you didn't want to. You didn't want to leave Seattle because you were scared, scared of change, scared of moving on and giving up. I gave you a chance, Calliope; I gave you a __**world**__ of chances!" Arizona snaps and Callie shakes her head with the most sickening chuckle to ever escape from her and both Teddy and Mark look at her rather disapprovingly. _

_ "Go to hell." Chuckles Callie with a bitter laugh, "You know what? I don't __**want**__ to know what you are going to tell me, I don't want to hear it. In fact, I don't ever want to hear from you ever again. So, have a nice life Arizona Robbins. Really, I hope you find whatever the hell you are looking for over there." Callie groans before she throws the phone back at Teddy with a falling mumble of a curse. Glaring at the cardio surgeon, she quickly tangles her fingers in her raven hair before finally; she forces the strength inside of her and storms off. Sympathetically, Teddy shares a gaze with Mark before she slowly stands, placing the phone back to her ear again. _

_ "Arizona, are you still there?" Teddy calls out softly and she can hear the sniffling cries on the other line, a sound that breaks her heart completely. Sighing at the sound, she nods quietly at Mark who nods once again before following after Callie. Gently, Teddy presses her fingers against her ear as she begins to make her way out of the bar, "I'm going outside so I can hear you better. I'm still here, Arizona. I know that I'm not as good as Callie but…"_

_ "I should really just go. You guys are clearly having fun and I just…" Arizona's voice trails off in a sniffle and Teddy sighs once again as she steps outside of Joe's, the brisk air softly dancing against her pale skin. For the longest moment, neither of the two women says anything, instead they simply only listen to one another breathe, listen to the comfort echoing on both ends of the line._

_ "I…I am sure she didn't mean that. She's had a lot to drink tonight and I…"_

_ "Oh, no. She meant it. She definitely meant it. They always say when people are drunk they are the most truthful and Callie certainly left nothing to the imagination. I should have known better than to call, I mean what was I thinking, it's been a month and she's… she's clearly moved on and I just… I should have known better." Arizona stumbles, her voice shaking as a soft cry escapes from her and Teddy exhales quietly. _

_ "I'm so sorry." It is the only thing that Teddy knows to say now and Arizona chuckles on the other end of the line. _

_ "Don't be. It's not your fault. Sometimes these things just happen, right? I just…"_

"_Arizona…" Teddy whispers into the line, leaning against the wall, the coolness of the air dancing upon her skin as she fights the one set of tears that are forming within her eyes, "if there's something wrong, you can tell me. I-I mean, if you need someone… or… I am here for you. Even if I am not physically there with you, you are still my best friend and I want to help you. You can tell me. __**Anything**__." And then, for the briefest moment there is silence, before Arizona clears her throat with a sniffle. _

_ "You swear you won't tell anyone?" Arizona whimpers and Teddy smiles weakly. _

"_Cross my heart and hope to die." Teddy replies. And then, another long silence, perhaps the most antedated pause of silence that Teddy Altman has ever experienced in her entire life before Arizona clears her throat once again with a soft cry. _

_ "I'm pregnant. And it's Callie's. I am pregnant with Callie's baby." Arizona's voice cracks. Suddenly, it is as if someone reached in with an ice cold fist and ripped out Teddy's heart and stomped upon it. All the air rushes out of her in a quick gasp as she clutches her stomach, feeling her heart plummet deep within the pits of her soul. "I'm… I'm pregnant." Arizona cries again and Teddy says the only thing she knows how to._

"_Oh my God." _

* * *

><p>"How is she doing today?" It's Bailey who speaks now, breaking the silence of the quiet NICU. Looking up from the sleeping baby, Callie finds the shorter African American woman making her way toward her, readjusting her pink scrubs slightly. There is a comfort that comes over Callie upon seeing Bailey with her now, something about familiarity, friendship and affection that she has not felt in such a long time.<p>

"She is hanging in there. Addison thinks it is possible that she suffered some trauma from the accident but she can't be sure until she starts to develop some more and begins to show signs of development and reflexes. But she's fighting. A little scrappy fighter. My little scrappy fighter." Callie replies, practically beaming with pride as she focuses her gaze down at the tiny slumbering little girl. Bailey nods with a gentle smile, approaching the incubator, looking in at the tiny daughter of her friends- although she would never outwardly call them that.

"She gets that from her Mommies." Bailey remarks, her adoring eyes looking down at the little girl with the fondest of smiles upon her face. Callie does not say anything to the comment, however, but she only caresses her daughter's small fingers, inhaling deeply. She hates it when moments like this happen; when the reality of her situation surrounds her, when the _one_ thing she is trying so hard to forget comes colliding back into her life.

"And how is Dr. Robbins?" Bailey inquires and Callie rolls her eyes gently, almost annoyed with the question being asked before she sighs profoundly, running her tongue unconsciously over her dry, cracked lips.

"I…I don't know….Good, I guess." Callie rejoinders before she shrugs her shoulders nonchalantly. Bailey nods her head quietly before she clears her throat, catching Callie's attention. At the familiar sign of annoyance, Callie's head snaps up, looking at the shorter woman with a wrinkled brow, "what?"

"Just so you know I don't do this. I don't do _this_, what I am about to do. I don't do girl talk. This in no way, shape, or form means that we are best friends and that we are going to have slumber parties, sitting around doing each other's hair and nails and gossip about people and talk about our feelings. This doesn't mean that I am going to go out for drinks with you or go shopping with you or any of that socially acceptable stuff that friends do." Bailey begins and Callie wrinkles her brow further, shaking her head with a dry laugh.

"….Okay?"

"I understand. What you're going through, how you're feeling. I… I get it." Bailey states and Callie looks at the shorter woman rather skeptically, her fingers continuing to stroke the tiny hand of her daughter.

"You're angry. Nobody can judge you for that. The woman that you love most in the world left you for Africa, _with_ your child, got on a plane that crashed, endangered her life and your child's life. You trusted her and she betrayed you. At least, it seems that way, right?

She didn't lie to you! She just didn't tell you the whole truth and now because of it, the two people who mean the most to you, are fighting for their life. You're scared. And you have every right to be. Because your daughter is premature and she's hurt and she very well might die. The daughter that you have longed for your entire life. And the love of your life, regardless of what you say or people say, is hanging to life by a very fine thread. And even though you're an _amazing_ surgeon, there's not a damn thing you can do to help them." Bailey inhales shortly, her eyes focused on Callie who only watches with teary eyes.

"You are scared because you don't know what is going to happen. You don't know if Arizona is going to be okay or if your daughter is going to be unaffected from the accident. You are _terrified_. And you are hurt. Hurt because you trusted Arizona, and she hurt you, perhaps in the worst away. But you're also incredibly relieved. Relieved because she is _here_, she is back for _you_, for the two of you to get your crap together and actually _be_ a couple. You are relieved because she came for _you_, unlike everyone else who has walked out of your life. You are almost happy, even, as twisted as that seems. Because Arizona is _back_. And you love her. Despite all the crap that happened, you _love_ her." Bailey continues her tirade as the tears slip absently down Callie's cheeks.

"You are feeling all these emotions all at once and your head is a mess and you don't know which to be. The bitter, angry girlfriend, the worrywart mother, or the relieved lover who gets a second chance because you are feeling _everything_. And your head is a mess and you're walking around like a zombie and that's okay, you're allowed, nobody can judge you about that. Because you are going through a very _hard_ thing." Bailey sighs deeply as she takes a careful step toward the woman who is slowly breaking down before her. Quietly, she glances in at the slumbering baby before her eyes study the Latina's face once more.

"But this? This isn't about _you." _Bailey retorts and almost instantly Callie's head snaps up in anger.

"Wait, Bailey I don't think…"

"No. Don't interrupt. Because nobody else in this hospital cares enough to tell you how it is except Robbins' and she can't really do that right now so I'm going to do it for her. This isn't about _you_, Callie. This whole thing is not, never was or will be about _you_. This is about _Arizona_. This is about your daughter. And it's about time that you pulled your head out of your butt and realized that you're not the only pebble on the beach." Bailey exclaims, shaking her head as she chuckles weakly.

"Do you know how terrified Arizona must be? Lying in that bed all alone, hurt, scared, worried. About herself, about that baby, about you. She is so vulnerable right now, fragile, hanging to her life by a single thread that could give way at any second and she thinks that you hate her. It probably hurts to even be alive, to breathe, and to even remotely linger around. She needs you. She needs to feel comfort, safety…love. She needs to feel _you_, Callie. She needs you, regardless of everything else. She needs a reason to fight; she needs to know that you're still there. She's _alone_. Yeah, Altman might sit with her but that's different and you, of all people, should know that. She needs something only you can give her: unconditional love. Hope. Faith. She needs to know that you are going to be there when she opens her eyes that she's not going to be abandoned because of something she didn't do. She _needs_ _you_." Bailey tirades, a glare shot in Callie's direction.

"And that little girl in there? That teeny, tiny little human? Well, she needs you to step up and be a Mom. She needs you to step up, put all the past behind you and give her the best life that you can. She needs a _family_. She needs you to be strong and brave and deal with all the things she can't. And right now, you're hiding. Hiding from your responsibilities, hiding from your feelings. Is that the kind of person that you want to be for your daughter? Someone who is less than everything that you can be? She needs you to be her hero, someone who can be there for her every day and tell her the truth about everything without having to hide the lesser parts from her because you are too ashamed of your actions. She needs to be an _adult_, a _mother_. Not someone who runs because things are too hard, not someone who abandons her other mother because she didn't give her what she wanted when she wanted. She needs you to be there for her, in every way possible. She needs you to be an adult, because she can't be right now. She needs her parents, and right now, you are far from being a parent."

"Miranda!"

"You're hurt and I get that. But we're _all_ a little hurt right now. Arizona is hurt right now; your daughter is hurt right now. People need you and I know that it scares you, but that's life. We're all scared. Being scared means you still have something to lose, if you weren't scared, it wouldn't be worth it. They need you, Callie. You're the _only_ person who can save the both of them. So you have to decide what you are going to do."

"It's not that easy! It's not like I…"

"No, Callie." Bailey stops, wrinkling her brow as she looks at the disheveled mess of a woman before her, "It _is_ that easy. You have to decide what kind of person you are going to be for your daughter. Are you going to be the person who hides from her feelings and gives up on the only person that she has ever truly loved because you're too scared? Or are you going to be the person who faces the cards that life dealt her with and deals with it like a good man in a storm? Are you going to be the person who can do all the things that Arizona and your daughter can't? Or are you going to hide away? I guess at the end of the day, the choice is ultimately yours. But make sure that you are doing something you can live with, something your daughter can be proud _of_. "Bailey states with a gentle glare before she places her hand upon Callie's shoulder in a squeeze, looking compassionately down at the woman.

"Be someone _you_ can be proud of. I know you'll do the right thing." Bailey offers one last piece of advice with a tender smile before she turns and walks away. Callie sighs deeply, looking down at the tiny infant who slumbers at her gentle caress of a touch, her stomach rising and falling peacefully. Swallowing the lump in the back of her throat, Callie pushes the tears back with a soft groan. Her daughter _needs_ her. Arizona _needs_ her. Nobody has ever needed her before and now that two people do, she is not so sure that she can be the person they need her to be. Looking down at her daughter, Callie feels her heart soar and grow three sizes then she chokes back the cry.

"Mami will be back, okay? I just… there is somewhere I have to go. Somebody that I have to see. I love you so very much. So _very_ much more than I ever thought I could love someone. So you just hang in there and you fight for me and I promise to be someone you can be proud of, okay? I will be back as soon as I can. Te amo mi angel." Callie whispers, placing a gentle kiss upon her fingers before placing it against the incubator.

And then suddenly, almost magically, the woman finds the strength to stand on her feet. Swallowing hard, she wipes away the last set of tears before she pushes herself forward. She _has_ to do this. She should have done this a long time ago, but now she has a chance to make it right, at least, for their daughter.


	14. Chapter 14

Over My Head (My Confessions)

Tagline: Everyone knows I'm in over my head and I don't know what to do to but to give my confessions.

Summary: When the pressures of being unable to conceive slowly derails their relationship, Arizona chooses to take a break. She heads to Africa to work as a missionary, saving lives of the tiny humans. Yet, little to every one's knowledge, including her own, she takes a little something of Callie's with her. Now seven months later, Callie's world is turned upside down by the arrival of her ex-girlfriend and the tiny human growing inside of her. Can Callie find forgiveness for the mother of her child? Or is it simply too late?

Warning: AU Season 7

Pairing: Callie/Arizona.

Disclaimer: All television shows, movies, books, and other copyrighted material referred to in this work, and the characters, settings, and events thereof, are the properties of their respective owners. As this work is an interpretation of the original material and not for-profit, it constitutes fair use. Reference to real persons, places, or events are made in a fictional context, and are not intended to be libelous, defamatory, or in any way factual.

**Author's Note: **I want to tackle something before I allow you to read this chapter and it has to deal with attacking, really, in a recent review I got. The definition of_ constructive criticism_ is as followed: criticism or advice _that is useful and intended to help or improve something_, often with an offer of possible solutions. So telling someone how terrible of a writer they are and to stop writing is _not_ helpful and then personally attacking me and calling me names for not agreeing just makes you look idiotic. I've been writing for this site for more years than you probably have even _known_ about it. And I don't write for profit, I write for myself. If you don't like my story, then simple, go back and don't read it. There's more people who love it than not, and I'm not going to justify myself to someone who hides behind a grey square. Now, with that said, to all of you who support this story and me, seriously, thank you so much. It means a _great_ deal to me. And I am sure this chapter will not disappoint, it contains the one moment _everyone_ has been waiting for!

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter Fourteen<strong>

Callie Torres is not a coward; at least, she likes to tell herself that she is not. She is not afraid of heights or spiders or fire or water or any of those common fears that other people are terrified of. However, when it comes to the situation before her, she finds herself petrified. Although she has been a doctor for many years now, and she has certainly seen patients under worse circumstances this time it is completely different. This time it is a person that she _knows_, a person she _loves_, this time it is _her_ person. It is everything that Callie is afraid of, it is every hope, every dream, and every ounce of happiness all wrapped up in one.

This time, this is quite something that might very well ruin her life.

Pacing nervously, and quite erratically, back and forth in front of Arizona's room, Callie's eyes gaze in at the frail body of her lover lying in there, motionless and lifeless. Every time she looks in, the lump in the back of her throat thickens and those tears splinter within her eyes even more so. Her heart is pounding, racing like a thoroughbred at the Kentucky Derby, and she almost feels sick to her stomach as the cold goosebumps dance up her skin.

This is the _one_ thing that terrifies her, the _one_ thing that makes her scared like a stupid little school girl.

But she knows that she has to do this: not just for herself, but for Arizona and their daughter as well. Bailey was right, as much as she _hates_ to admit that. She can hide from her feelings, from the truth, from her reality as long as she wants to, however, that is not what her daughter or Arizona needs. They need someone strong, brave, and valiant, someone who is courageous and compassionate and forgiving, someone who will hold their hands every step of the way without an ounce of fear in them as they trek this long and painful journey of survival. They need _someone._ However, Callie is not so convinced that the person they so desperately need is her: especially when it comes to Arizona.

She is still so angry with her, so upset, so bitter about what happened. She is still so massively hurt that the blonde could even leave her in the first place, let alone put her own life and their daughter's life at risk at the same time. She's so distraught and troubled by the whole idea of the thing, by the past, and about the "what will be's" that her perception of the entire situation is surely thrown off. Hate and love are two very strong passionate emotions that are carefully intertwined with one another, and Callie is almost at the point of hating Arizona. But she knows she never could, no matter what happened. Because she loves Arizona, so passionately, so deeply, that even something like this could only make her love her more. It didn't mean that she was not upset with her though, she sighs deeply as she twists her fingers in her hair, because she is: so tremendously hurt at her.

Yet, Arizona is hurt too, perhaps far worse than any of them could ever truly understand. There is a time and place for misplaced trust and angered feelings and Callie knows that, even as easy as it is, this place is certainly not it.

Groaning in frustration, the raven haired beauty pulls dreadfully at locks of hair, trying to find some sort of inspirational encouragement, some type of strength, some type of something that lets her know that she is doing the right thing, that she _can_ do this. The more she paces, the more dispirited she becomes. Maybe Bailey and Teddy are both wrong, maybe Arizona was not coming back for her and maybe she does not want to see her or hear from her. After all, she had been the one to end their relationship and she was the one who got on the plane and flew half way around the world to get away from her. Maybe she did not want to see her again. And maybe a part of Arizona blamed Callie for the entire accident. She could not say that she criticized her for it, because she certainly knows she is somewhat responsible for the situation the two of them find their selves in.

"Oh God." Callie groans, placing her hand upon her stomach as a wave of nausea passes through her. She hates that her stomach practically does flip flops when she gets nervous. Closing her eyes briefly, she finds herself having horrendous flash backs to the set of nerves that had her puking for days before she gave the speech about the polio case. Yet, even then, at her utmost worst, Arizona was there, brushing the puke out of her hair, rubbing her back soothingly, and promising her that everything was going to be okay.

Even then, Arizona was _there._

"Ten bucks says she barfs." Alex bets as he walks behind the nurses' station where both Cristina and Meredith are sitting, trying to fake scribbling in medical files but mostly watching Callie with curious eyes and mindful thoughts. The two women quickly look over at their scruffy friend with a curious brow before turning their attention back to Callie.

"I don't know. I have lived with her. I know the barf face. And that," Cristina points as all three of the best friends look at the pacing woman, "is not the barf face. This is more of the 'I am going to sit in the corner, cry and eat my own hair' face. Ten bucks plus a month's worth of charting and you're on." The Cardio prodigy bets with a challenging glare. Alex wrinkles his brow, debating the wager, looking back at Callie who now seems to be turning another brighter shade of green.

"You're on." Alex chuckles as he grabs the pen from his pocket before taking a chart from the holders, scribbling down notes from the day. Shaking her head softly, Meredith watches Callie with a heavy sigh. She knows the pain of having the love of your life lying helplessly in the hospital bed all too well. She had witnessed Derek shot just before her very eyes and watched him die on Cristina's table; she knows _exactly_ how Callie is feeling at this very moment.

"Guys, I really don't think we should be betting on Callie's physical state right now. I mean, she's clearly very upset and for us to make profit off of her pain is just… _wrong_." Meredith states and Cristina rolls her eyes, nudging her best friend carefully.

"Yeah, so is sleeping with someone else's husband."

"Or drowning yourself when you're able to swim."

"Or hating your half-sister before she has ever really said more than five words to you."

"Or putting your hands in a man's chest with an explosive bomb inside of it."

"Or…"

"Okay, I get your point!" Meredith groans in annoyance, rolling her eyes before she looks back at Callie who has sprung a new set of tears in her dramatic pacing and whimpering as she continuously looks into the room, "all I'm saying is that it seems a little weird to make a profit off someone else's pain." She sighs, a wave of sympathy and compassion washing over her when Callie stops for a moment, peering in at an unconscious Arizona.

"Well, it's not like she didn't deserve it. She was the one who wouldn't get over her stupid baby crap. Robbins tried to make it work until she couldn't anymore, she gave Torres the chance to work on their problems and she refused to go with her. If she had grown up about the whole thing, none of this would've happened." Alex grumbles scribbling down notes from the post-op he just came from.

"Oh, you can't really believe this is her fault, do you? McPerky promised that she wouldn't go anywhere, promised her the moon and crap and then the second that it got hard, she left. What was Callie supposed to do? Follow her half way around the world to a place with bacteria infected water and poor health care only to have her crush her dreams for an offspring? Seems ridiculous to me." Cristina grumbles with a roll of her eyes and Alex scowls, nudging her softly.

"Well the whole thing seems sad to me. They are two people who are made for each other. Two people who have been through so much together and they just couldn't make it work. And now, a plane crash and an unexpected baby brought them back together again but it might be too late. Arizona might not survive and neither might their baby. It's just all really sad." Meredith sighs softly, watching Callie as she paces and both Alex and Cristina look at the pacing woman with gentle eyes.

"Yeah, sure, it's that too." Cristina mumbles.

"Excuse me, but do you guys' mind? I'm kind of dealing with something here." Callie snaps over her shoulder at the three friends who all seem startled at the ortho surgeon's loud outburst. Callie immediately stops pacing as she glares at the group, an onset of irritation written within her auburn swirls. Instantly, Meredith's head droops in slight shame of being caught, Cristina only rolls her eyes and Alex simply looks at her with a wrinkled brow.

"No, you're not." It's Alex who speaks up now and all three of the women look at him as if he suddenly grew another head, "you're not dealing with anything by pacing in this hallway, except for maybe the digestion of your lunch."

"Doctor Karev!"

"I get it, you're scared and you're one second away from craping yourself because that's your person in there and even though you've gone to med school and shoved your hands in other people's bodies all your adult life, you can't do anything to help her. And once you go in there, it's going to make it real. And you're going to be able to avoid it or ignore it or forget it, not even for a second. Going in there right now is scary as hell. But not going in there at all and having something happen to her? Well that's even worse." Alex speaks, gaining all three of the women's attention as they look at him with curious eyes. Callie almost laughs but catches herself just short with a scowl, huffing dramatically.

"What you and Izzie went through is nothing…"

"Oh shut up. Just shut up. You've been moping around this hospital since the moment you found out that it was Robbins. Moping around like you give a crap, like you've lost your entire world or whatever and you are getting all the attention you want from it. But I'm not buying that. Because I know what happened, and I know what you did afterward and I know about all of it. I'm not saying I'm an expert because really I don't give a damn what happens in your life, but I do care about what happens in Robbins' life. And unfortunately for me, you are her life. You and that daughter the two of share together. You're scared and you're avoiding. But you can't do that anymore. It is time to bite the bullet and stop passing the buck. Robbins' needs you. Your kid needs you. Stop being an ass." Alex exclaims, clicking his pen before placing it back in his lab coat pocket and disappearing around the corner. Cristina and Meredith share a gentle gaze with Callie before the two of them grab a few charts and scurry on their way.

Sighing deeply, Callie looks in the window with another careful pace. Alex is right, he may be an ass, but he is right. She is scared, so scared that her stomach is practically in knots and she has broken out in the coldest sweat. She is scared because losing Arizona completely is a life that she could not live in because realizing that Arizona is completely shattered in such a way and knowing that it is somewhat her fault, is something that she cannot fully accept. A new fresh amount of tears begin to fill within her chocolate swirls as she swallows deeply.

But this is not about her, this is about _Arizona_, this is about their _daughter_. This is about the life they have created together. This is about all the things that they have and all the things they are _supposed_ to have. Clearing her throat deeply, Callie lets out a shaky breath before she pushes one foot forward, and then the other, and then another. With each inhale, she moves herself closer until finally the doors open and she finds herself inside.

* * *

><p><em>Callie can't remember the last time that she felt normal, the last time that she felt like she actually belonged at Seattle Grace hospital. At first, the hushed talk was about her quickie wedding with George O'Malley, and then it was about how George cheated on her with Izzie and left her, then the talk switched to her new found love of women and Erica Hahn, afterward it was about how she ran her off, later it was about her relationship with a certain Peds surgeon before finally revolving around how she once again ran off a great surgeon. She cannot remember the last time she did not feel like such circus freak, put in front of everyone to be gawked at and talked about. And even as bad ass as she is, eventually, her own insecurities began to eat away at her.<em>

_She is slumped against the nurses' desk, scribbling absently in the patient's file, making notes about the two hour surgery she had just completed. She can feel the exhaustion in every joint of her body as she props against the desk. Callie sighs deeply, running a free hand absently through her messy raven black curls. She can feel the effects from the less than enough sleep she has been getting lately on Mark's slightly broken couch as her eyes struggle heavily to remain open. Callie has been through so much in her life; however, none of it could have ever prepared her for all the pain and struggles she is currently going through._

"_Hey Callie. I-I need you to ask you something. And I know that it's probably none of my business but it kind of is. Because it kind of affects me and the rest of my life and all the decisions and stupid dreams and fantasies that I have. But you… you don't have to tell me because it's your business and we really are not that close for you to openly tell me about…" Lexie rambles on and Callie groans, pinching the bridge of her nose in annoyance before she clears her throat, instantly hushing the smaller, brunette woman before her._

"_What is it, Lexie?" Callie pushes and the younger Grey looks at her with those wide Bambi like eyes that Callie has learned to greatly avoid. Lexie shifts her weight absently, looking up at her with a soft anxious sigh._

"_I just…. Are you sleeping with Mark?" The question entirely catches Callie off-guard and she drops the pen in shock. Did she really just ask her if she was sleeping with __**Mark?**__ She chuckles softly, looking at Lexie with a slightly wrinkled brow and her lips ajar, debating if the younger woman is serious or if she is simply joking. When a long moment of silence passes, and Lexie simply looks at her with those same curious eyes, Callie realizes that she is certainly __**not**__ joking._

"_I mean if you are that's okay….well, it is not really okay because I love him. Like a lot. But after everything that you have been through, after Arizona, I get it, you're looking for some kind of rebound, something to give you y-your swagger back or something and he's your best friend and you're c-crashing at his place and I know that it's easy but I just… I need to know because I want to __**be**__ with him and if he is c-cheating on me then…"_

"_Come with me." Callie sighs, shutting the file as she slides it back in the organizer, before dropping her pen back in her pocket and walking toward the room across from the station._

"_Callie…"_

"_I mean it, come on Grey!" Callie demands, pushing open the door to the x-ray room with a disapproving grunt. Lexie shifts her weight nervously, looking at her with wide eyes before she sucks in a hard breath. Pushing herself forward, she follows the Latina into the x-ray room. Inside, Callie is pacing apprehensively back and forth, her hand anxiously sliding through her raven curls as she mutters something in Spanish that just misses Lexie's ears._

"_Where did you get that? I mean, you had to have heard that from someone." Callie asks, looking back at the shorter woman who is practically cowering near the wall. Lexie nods quietly, gently playing with her own fingers at her side._

"_P-people are talking about it." Lexie stutters nervously._

"_People? What people?"_

"_Everyone really. Some nurses were at Joe's the other night and they heard you say that you were…" Lexie gulps with a quiet blush, "that you were __**screwing**__ Mark and how you were happiest you have ever been since A-Arizona left. Everyone is talking about it."_

"_**Everyone?"**__ Callie questions in almost disbelief, looking back at the younger woman. Lexie nods quietly, inhaling a deep breath._

"_E-Everyone." Lexie replies. Callie exhales intensely, hiding her face in her hands before she roughly pushes them upward and through her hair. She does not really understand how this could be happening, how all of this could be so terribly screwed up in such a way, how her entire life could be so dramatically turned upside down and she is suddenly the center of everyone's gossip chain. It is almost enough of a reason to convince her to quit this job, to stop all of this, all the rumors, all the talk._

"_Is….I mean…what?" Callie chuckles weakly, tugging at a few strands of her own hair, as she begins pacing back and forth once again. Lexie watches her with curious but ever so compassionate eyes as the Latina begins to slowly unravel, heading for a heavy breakdown. She knows she should be saying something, anything, to really help but she does not know what; because no matter what she says, it is not going to bring Arizona back, it is not going to erase all the pain and heartbreak that her friend is currently experiencing. Then suddenly, almost sharply, the ortho surgeon stops her pacing and looks back at her, with her fingers hitting nervously against her lips._

"_If they are saying I am sleeping with Mark, then they aren't talking about me and A-A-Arizona anymore, right? I mean, they __**can't**__ be." Callie wonders with a nervous chuckle, tapping her lips with her index finger. To this, Lexie simply nods, taking a careful step toward her friend._

"_Yeah, they aren't talking about that. They aren't even talking about Arizona. Everyone is focused on you and Mark… and someone else did something really stupid in the OB department or something. I-I didn't really catch that. But they are really upset about you and Mark and how you guys keep hooking up or something, they think you only used Arizona or something like that." Lexie replies in a careful tone._

"_But they aren't talking about me and Arizona?" Callie pushes again and Lexie looks at her with a wrinkled brow._

"_Uh, no."_

"_So then…" Callie pauses with a long thought before sighing deeply, "let them talk."_

"_What?"_

"_Yeah, let them talk. People are always going to talk about you, no matter what you do. But I'm… I'm not sleeping with him, Lexie. At all. I never once thought about. He is just letting me sleep on his sofa because I can't stay in our apartment, there's too many memories there… I can't… Arizona is there. So he's letting me stay at his place. But we're not hooking up. He loves you and __**only**__ you, he doesn't want anyone else. And even if he might want to, I __**can't**__. I can't be with him, with anyone right now. Or ever. But if people are saying that I am sleeping with him, then I'm not going to fight it. I am not going to draw even more attention to myself by correcting them. I can handle them talking about me and Mark and what we are or __**are not**__ doing but I can't…. I can't handle all the talk about Arizona… I can't…" Callie breathes deeply, the tears forming within her eyes as she looks at Lexie, her heart shattering deeply within her._

"_Just please __**don't**__ say anything. Because I am barely making it as it is and I can't handle all these people looking at me like I am going to break and talking about Arizona and what happened between us. I just… I need time to deal with it and I can't deal with it with everyone staring at me like I am some kind of circus animal put here solely for their amusement. So, I am asking you to __**please**__ not say anything. Let them think I'm moving on, let them think I'm screwing Mark; let them think I am some bad terrible person instead of the broken mess that I actually am. I just… I need you to do this for me. Please." Callie pleads, her voice breaking as those all too familiar tears burn within her eyes. Sighing deeply, Lexie reaches out for her, wrapping her in the tightest of hugs as her hands gently rub comforting circles into her back._

"_Okay. I won't tell." Lexie whispers_

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><p>As a surgeon, you are taught to deal with the fear of the unknown. You are taught how to deal with emergencies, how to pull your emotions from a situation and look at it from a medical viewpoint: the good and the bad. You are taught to believe in science, in health, in medicine, in the skills of the surgeon and the knowledge of some of the best schools around. But as a human being, you are taught to believe in miracles and a little bit of magic, to believe in fairy dust and dreams come true, to have hope and faith in all those things that science cannot give to you. As a human, we are taught to believe in <em>miracles<em>.

And a miracle is nothing short of what Calliope Iphengia Torres is praying for right about now.

As she walks into Arizona's room, she can feel her breath become more shallow, her heart beginning to race much quicker within her chest and those priming tears within her eyes begin to slip unconsciously down her cheeks, like pieces of jaded glass, tearing away at her piece by piece until there is almost nothing left of her. She feels her heart plummet in her stomach as she slowly and quite wearily, makes her way to the cataleptic body before her. Her knees are buckling beneath her as Callie inhales a deep shaking breath, trying to fight away the cry that is desperate to escape from her. _This_ is the reality she has been so desperate to ignore, _this_ is why she did not want to come see Arizona, and _this_ is why her life is in nothing but disarray anymore.

Because _this_ is her worst nightmare. This is not just some stranger in the hospital bed; it is not a friend or an acquaintance, or some in-law who really did not have much chance of survival in the first place. This time, it is her child's mother. This time it is the love of her life and the connection that this is _her_ is just enough to break Callie in so many pieces that she is sure she will never be whole again.

Looking up solemnly, she watches as the green zigzags dance across the black screen, the loud but ever so comforting beeping giving the only sign of life to the comatose body before her. Biting her bottom lip hard, she finally finds the strength to look down and when she does, the sight nearly destroys her. All the features that made Arizona _her_ Arizona are now fallen away to show the true extent of the accident. Her face is now still and lifeless, scarred with cuts and gashes that have been attended to. Her body is motionless, lying stiff like a board, when once before it had been bouncing with happiness and joy. A white bandage is wrapped around her head from the surgery earlier, hiding away the cuts and the repair Derek operated on. She knows there is more harm concealed under her gown but she knows that in another time and place she will see exactly how much so. This body, although given the name Arizona Robbins, is a mere ghost, a painful memory of the woman she is so helplessly in love with.

The cry scares Callie when it comes out of her sounding so painfully and heart wrenching, so much so that she practically jumps at the unusual sound. She did not think she had that much strength left inside of her, but once again, she finds herself surprised at exactly how much you can do when such adrenaline is pulsing through her veins. She has seen _so_ much in her life and has been through _so_ much, but nothing could have ever prepared her for something like this. _Nothing_.

She cannot remember when she sat down but suddenly she is there, by Arizona's bed side. And she's crying. Well, more like ugly sobbing at this moment. Callie chokes on her cry as she stares at the blonde's hand that lies just inches from her own fingers. That hand, she almost chuckles, is quite an amazing hand. It has brushed away many tears, it fits perfectly within her own, it has saved hundreds of children's lives, and it has created quite some pleasurable nights if she did have to say so herself. Quietly, she reaches out, taking the hand within her own as her fingers lace through them, just like so many times before. A _perfect fit_. Just like the two of them.

"A-Arizona, can you… can you hear me? It's me… It's Callie." The raven haired woman whispers, taking her other hand, gently placing it over the frail hand that she holds. She does not know what she is waiting for because it is not exactly like Arizona can answer her, she is heavily sedated and even if she was not, she would probably still be unconscious. But nevertheless, she waits for a moment, waiting for a reply, waiting for some sort of sign to let her know that she is listening. However, not surprisingly, none comes.

"I am sorry I haven't been here sooner. I just… I-I've been a mess and I know that is no excuse but I-I just couldn't face you. I couldn't look at you and know that this is all… r-real." Callie sniffles, the cry tickling in the back of her throat as she studies Arizona's hand, unable to look up at her face, "and I should have been here sooner, I know. I know. Because you… you would have come if the roles were reversed. You would have been there the second that it happened and held my hand and never let me go again. I know I should have been here for you. I should have been stronger but I wasn't. I guess that's the difference, huh? All the things I can't do, you can." Callie pauses, her fingers carefully playing with Arizona's as she lets out a long shaky exhale, her cheeks still damp from the tears.

"I have been so upset with you for a very long time. And I know that now is not the time and the place for hurt feelings like that and that I should just save it for when you are better and we are together and dealing with our kid. But I just… I have been so upset with you for so long and hurt. _Really_ hurt actually. And mad- pissed off really. But mostly just really hurt. And I'm trying so hard to forgive you for leaving me but I just can't right now." Callie stops with a weak chuckle, licking her dry and cracked lips.

"But that is stupid, I know. Because it's _my fault_. I mean, it is really. I've been avoiding that and blaming other people and the… the baby and the m-miscarriage but it's me. I… I was the one who ran you off. I just… I was scared. I was so scared. After we lost the baby, I didn't… I didn't know what to do. I blamed myself. Because the one thing I was supposed to do was keep our baby safe, was grow it inside of me, but I just couldn't. I couldn't even do that and our baby _died_ because of me. And I was… I was so determined to have another baby, to fill that void within me, you know? To give myself purpose and reasoning again. To give you your very own baby and start our family together. I wanted to have another baby because my heart was set on bringing a new Robbins' into this world and then after the miscarriage, I just saw our dream floating away. And I turned into this nasty, selfish person who is the complete opposite of who I really am and I am _so_ sorry for that. I am sorry I blamed you for the miscarriage and for a-all those things I said. I hope that you know I didn't really mean them, and I really did not mean to run you away." Callie sniffles quietly, her fingers softly pull away and lace with Arizona's time and time again in comfort. She sighs once again a deep breath, struggling to keep her tears at bay.

"And now you're here and you are hurt and I don't know what to do. I don't handle these situations well, you know that. I know that I act like I'm tough and bad ass and that nothing gets to me but… _you_ get to me. I'm still hurt and upset and honestly, I probably always will be until we work this out but I don't _want_ to be hurt and angry and upset with you right now. Right now I just want to be here, I want to do something, I want to do anything that might possibly make you feel better and make this situation better. But I just _don't _know what that is. I don't know what to do. I need you to tell me what you do. Could you just… could you do that? Just this one time? Could you tell me what to do to make this better?" Callie pushes but not surprisingly there is no response from unconscious Arizona, just the rhythmic beeping of her heart monitor above them. Sniffling sadly, Callie nods her head quietly at the silence, once again playing with Arizona's fingers.

"We have a daughter, do you know that? A beautiful baby girl. She's a little bit early but Addison is taking really good care of her and she has the best doctors attending to her every whim. There might be some effects from the crash but i-it's too soon to tell. Or at least, that's what Addison says. She's… God…. She is so beautiful, Arizona. She's just so b-beautiful. She's got your hair. And she hasn't opened her eyes yet but I just know they are blue. And she's… she's looking for you. She is looking for her Mama. She needs to see your s-super magic smile and feel you hold her. She needs you, Arizona. She is a Robbins' through and through. And she doesn't… she doesn't have a name yet. I haven't named her. Because it's… it's something parents do together and you're… you're her parent too. She's a perfect little girl who needs her Mama. So, you have to wake up. You have to wake up because your daughter needs you. She… she can't just have one Mami. Because let's face it: I'm not the greatest person with kids. I mean, I'm alright. But I'm nothing compared to you. And I'll be a nervous wreck. She needs someone who knows what they are doing, and you're so much more qualified. Our daughter needs you to wake up and be her Mama." Callie affirms, her hand gently caressing over Arizona's. Once again, there is only the painful, dreadful silence that the Latina hates so deeply.

For a long pause, she says nothing; she contemplates and debates the next words that are going to come out of her mouth- if any. She is sure this is ridiculous. Arizona is unconscious, somewhere caught between life and the afterlife. She is probably hanging out with her brother or something, resting, waiting until that fateful decision is made on if she is going to live or die. And Callie's sure that talking to her is not going to help the process either and there is no scientifically proven data that suggests anyone in a coma can actually _hear_ you. But what if she could? What if she is just waiting to hear that one thing that she needs to hear so badly? That one thing that could forever bring her back and Callie just is not saying it? What if she is listening? Well, that is just enough of a reason for Callie to tell her everything, at least, for the moment.

It takes all the strength that Calliope Torres has inside of her to force her head upward and to look at the battered face of her love. It takes every ounce of reprimand and vigor for her to look at that beautiful face that she loves so truly without breaking down completely. She feels it: the tugging of all those strings that bind her to this place, the same way she had the moment she watched her daughter being born. She feels the belonging, the hope, the promise, the absolute faith. It collides into her like a thousand waves crashing in the shore. She and Arizona Robbins always have been, and always will be, irrevocably made for each other.

Callie finds herself choking on a cry as the tears fall freely down her cheeks at this point. She squeezes Arizona's hand within her own as she looks at the beautiful woman, her heart cracking so deeply that she swears it can never be repaired again, even on the brightest days.

"You need to wake up because _I_ need you. And I know that it is so stupid for me to ask you to do anything for me at this point, given everything that you and I have been through together and that it is partly my fault that you are lying in this bed right now but I _need_ you. Like, I really _need_ you. Because I am a mess without you. I am this selfish bitchy person that is just not who I am and I am lonely all the time and I feel like a part of me is missing when you are not around. It's like I have a giant hole in my heart where you used to be, like nothing makes sense without you. And I've been walking out and pretending like everything is fine, that I'm fine, but I am _so_ not fine. Not without you. I'm broken, and you're the only person with the missing piece. You need to wake up because we are supposed to be _together_. We have a beautiful daughter who needs us to be together and I need _us_ to be together. We are made for each other. Everything I can't do, you can. Everything you can't do, I can. You're the optimistic, cheery one and I'm the tough, badass one who keeps us safe. You make me feel like a million bucks even when I'm not worth a penny. You make me feel like I am on top of the world when we are together. I feel all these strings that pull me to you. We belong _together_. We have fought through it all to be together and I need you to fight for me. I need you to come back to me." Callie chokes as she cries, looking at the beautiful woman.

"God, Arizona, I love you. I love you so much. I love you more than I ever loved anyone in this entire world before. And now we have a beautiful baby girl who I love so deeply because she is ours. She is a little part of me and a little part of you and I have so much love for that little girl. And for you. You're the one for me, I know it. You are the only one. You're the one who I am meant to spend the rest of my life with. We are meant to have lots of babies and go to a retirement home and hold hands on the front porch and we are supposed to die old, old ladies safe in each other's arms with a lifetime of love behind us. We are _meant to be_. And I love you and I am sorry that I did not say that enough, I am sorry that I did not come after you, but I promise you if you give me another chance, I will never hurt like that ever again. If you give me another chance, I will never let you go." Callie cries softly, staring at the beautiful face before her, waiting for something, some sort of sign that lets her know that she is okay, some type of sign that lets her know she is hearing her.

But almost heartbreakingly, there is only silence. Sighing in defeat, Callie hangs her head sniffling quietly. Gently, she presses her lips against Arizona's warm hand, holding it tightly, as if it is the most prized possession she has ever held within her hands before she rests her head against the bed in tiredness.

"Please come back to me Arizona. Te necesito (_I need you). _No puedo vivir sin ti. Por favor vuelve a mí. Vuelven a estar con nosotros. (_"I cannot live without you. Please come back to me. Come back to us.)" _Callie whispers almost breathlessly as a tear falls down her cheek. Then, for the longest moment, there is simply silence and then something happens that will forever change Callie's life. There is a squeeze. Arizona _squeezes_ her hand.

Instantly, Callie's head snaps up as she looks at the hand, almost curious if it is a twitch or a muscle spasm. Then, it happens _again_ and _again_. Her heart leaps in her throat, her eyes darting up from her hand to find her face as her eyes move rapidly behind her tightly shut eyelids, desperately trying to open.

"Arizona, hey. Hey, it's me. I'm here. Shh. It is okay, you need to calm down. You need to rest. You're going to be in a lot of pain and you're not going to be able to… shh. It is okay, I'm here. You're okay, we're okay, and the baby is okay. It's going to be alright. You just need to rest. Oh my God, I'm so glad you are okay, I'm so glad you… shh. Please just rest. Don't hurt yourself. I….Arizona, I'm right here." Callie reassures her, giving her hand another squeeze.

Instantaneously, Arizona's eyes flutter open, squinting at the harsh light and her lips move softly, the grogginess still very evident upon her face.

"D-Dani?" She whispers hoarsely. And suddenly, much like her heart, Callie's face falls as her world is turned upside down for the second time that day, her heart shattering deep beyond any repair as the love of her life, and her child's mother, calls out for _someone else_. Someone who is not _her_.


	15. Chapter 15

Over My Head (My Confessions)

Tagline: Everyone knows I'm in over my head and I don't know what to do to but to give my confessions.

Summary: When the pressures of being unable to conceive slowly derails their relationship, Arizona chooses to take a break. She heads to Africa to work as a missionary, saving lives of the tiny humans. Yet, little to every one's knowledge, including her own, she takes a little something of Callie's with her. Now seven months later, Callie's world is turned upside down by the arrival of her ex-girlfriend and the tiny human growing inside of her. Can Callie find forgiveness for the mother of her child? Or is it simply too late?

Warning: AU Season 7

Pairing: Callie/Arizona.

Disclaimer: All television shows, movies, books, and other copyrighted material referred to in this work, and the characters, settings, and events thereof, are the properties of their respective owners. As this work is an interpretation of the original material and not for-profit, it constitutes fair use. Reference to real persons, places, or events are made in a fictional context, and are not intended to be libelous, defamatory, or in any way factual.

**Author's Note:** Hi guys, I'm here with a much longer chapter that really brings the whole Callie and Arizona story to light, so hopefully you guys enjoy that. For those who have mentioned about how this story doesn't have progression, I disagree. Because while the Calzona present may not be progressing, you're learning about their past. Or the Addison/Derek/Meredith stuff is happening, or Teddy and Owen are happening. I'm not Shonda who rushes through things unrealistically, like how Arizona just magically accepted Callie's pregnancy. I'm about _realism_. And for those who fear this story is going to get abandoned, I can promise you it isn't, most of this story is already completed on my hard drive, I am _several_ chapters ahead in writing, so don't worry. I love this story too much to call it quits. Anyways, thanks to _everyone_ who has been supportive, because you don't know how much it _really_ means to me. You guys are amazing.

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><p><strong>Chapter Fifteen<strong>

All the sounds in Callie's head are consuming her now. A little voice whispering to her just how much of a mistake this is, how much of a mistake it was to think that Arizona would wait for her, that they could put the pieces back together and be a couple again. She is such an idiot for thinking that Arizona did not move on, because how could she not? Arizona is beautiful, amazing, funny, caring, and _perfect_. She is all the things good in this world, and Callie is an idiot to think that someone else would not notice that, that someone would not step in and be the person for her that Callie just could not be.

Because obviously, someone _did._ Someone _had_ taken her away from her and now that she is waking up from hell, she is calling out for that person, not her. And why should she? After everything she put her through, after all the hurt and the lies and the selfishness and heart break, how could Arizona call out for her? How could she possibly still want to be with her? How could she possibly feel one ounce of love in her heart for her?

The coldest sweat drips down the nape of Callie's neck, hardening cry chokes in the back of her throat as she desperately tries to keep her composure in front of the groggy and delirious woman that she loves so deeply. She struggles so hard to keep it together, to be the strongest person she can be for her, even when her heart is shattering so severely inside of her. The tears are swallowing her whole as she bites her bottom lip hastily, trying to ignore the overwhelming pain of her breaking heart and the anguished reality of this situation.

She knows she should be overjoyed, elated even, that Arizona is awake. And a part of her truly is. Because the fact that she woke up, the fact that she can even speak, after everything her body has been through in the past few days, is nothing short of a medical miracle, given all the bleeding and the possible brain damage she could be facing. And Callie knows that she should be _rejoicing_ because Arizona is awake, she is functioning; she actually has a fighting chance now. Now, she has a chance to hold their daughter, a chance to teach her how to walk, talk, ride a bike, have her first day at school, and all those little things that parents live for. Now, she has a chance to _live_ and be the person that she had always been destined to be. Arizona is awake, and she came back to _her_ and Callie is so insanely grateful and delighted that she has. But that little voice in her head keeps telling her that Arizona is not _hers_. And after seven months and the way she left things with her, she cannot help but feel like such an idiot.

Muzzily, Arizona's pained blue eyes look over at her, her golden brow wrinkled as she swallows hard, more as a gasp for air than an actual ingesting. She seems lost and confused, and seeing it now is just enough to make Callie's stomach cringe. This is not _Arizona_. This is not the woman that she loves. Quietly, Callie caresses the blonde's hand, looking at her with tender, caring eyes. She knows that she should say something, that somewhere deep inside of her she should be able to find the words to calm Arizona, to make her realize that everything is going to be okay; however, those words never come. Those words are locked deep inside, in a place that she just cannot grasp right now.

Drily, Arizona lets out an exhale as she rolls her head back slightly, staring up at the ceiling with a blank expression. Callie's heart tugs for the woman with a gentle sigh of her own before she bites her lip, hushed sniffles escaping from her. Leaning over, she presses the red button that pages the nurses' station before she slowly stands from the chair, her eyes never leaving Arizona's face.

"D-Da-Dani." Arizona stutters again hoarsely, breaking Callie's heart all over again. Callie swallows hard as a free hand tangles deep within her curls, the cry just seconds from escaping her. She knows that she has to keep the cries at bay; she has to keep herself together, because _that_ is the kind of person Arizona needs. Yet, she is not so sure that she can _be_ that person for the mother of her child, at least not right now.

"Dr. Torres?" The voice of the nurse catches Callie off guard, as her eyes dart up from Arizona to find the nurse who is standing in the door with a less than amused look upon her face. The raven haired beauty only offers a weak smile as a response, diverting her attention rather dotingly from the nurse back to Arizona, trying her hardest to not show the emotional derailing she is feeling inside.

"Page Dr. Shepherd. Dr. Robbins is awake, we need a Nero consult." Callie demands with a forced smile. The nurse simply nods before turning and disappearing around the corner to do what Callie hopes, she has been told. Being left in the room with her, Callie eyes Arizona carefully, watching every movement she takes, every bat of her eyelashes with a baited breath, waiting for the _old_ Arizona to emerge, for _her_ Arizona to come back.

She knows she should say something but what do you say? What do you say to someone you have not seen in seven months? What do you say to the mother of your child who kept your own daughter a secret from you? What do you say to the woman who you lay awake thinking about? What do you say to the woman who hurt you so greatly that you swear you will never be whole again? How do you even begin to form words around the woman who, despite all the drama and immaturity surrounding you, you still love with your whole heart?

Well that is the greatest question of all that Calliope Torres finds plaguing her.

Maybe she should start with how sorry she is; how she never meant for things to turn out this way. Maybe she should tell her how much she still loves her; how she still holds onto that ounce piece of possibility they could be together. Perhaps explain just how much she hurt her when she left for Africa, how it nearly killed her not talking to her, or celebrating their birthdays with her. Perchance, she should ask her exactly who this 'Dani' is and why she is calling out her name. But mostly, she finds herself wanting to ask her if she is okay, if she needs anything, if she has missed Callie as much as Callie has missed her, if she still loves her just as much as she did before. She wants to ask her everything, all at once.

However, when her lips purse to actually form the words, she is interrupted as Derek walks in, the brightest proud smile plastered upon his face. She almost finds herself rolling her eyes at the amount of confidence the Nero surgeon has radiating from his persona but she just swallows it, along with her words, in a hard gulp.

"It is so good to see you awake!" Derek exclaims and Arizona only looks up at him, muddled and distant. Callie only watches her with curious and cautious eyes, waiting for some type of response from the blonde woman. However, there is none. Derek takes the chart from the end of the bed, clicking the pen as he scribbles something in the chart. The breath is caught somewhere between Callie's lungs and her throat as she observes the man, anxiously waiting for some type of response about her love, about how he is doing and what a miraculous recovery she has made. As normal, he takes out his white clicker light and shines them in Arizona's eyes as he orders her to follow the light, which she does. Then, he checks her surgical incision and her temporal lobe almost silently as he continues to take notes in her medical chart.

"Okay, now I am going to ask you some questions and I need you to answer them if you can, okay?" Derek asks but Arizona only stares at him blankly, as if she has been dropped in the middle of a reality that she does not quite know. Callie holds her breath as she looks at Derek, who only returns a slightly similar gaze of worriment and curiosity before he returns his attention back to his patient.

"Do you know where you are?" He asks. But again, there is only silence. A silence that Callie, even though she is not a Nero-surgeon or does not know anything about the brain, knows cannot be good. Swallowing hard, she listens as Derek pushes for another answer.

"Okay, that's okay. Do you know who I am?" _Silence_.

"How about anyone in this room? Do you recognize anyone in this room?" He pushes and Arizona looks around the room filled with two nurses and Derek before her before her eyes land on Callie. She looks at her so deeply, so closely, a vividness in her eyes that Callie does not quite know. There is a long pause in which Derek looks at Callie, his eyes full of darkness and hidden truth. Arizona's lips quiver as if she is going to say something, she bites her bottom lip as the tears brim within her eyes before slowly, and almost sadly, she shakes her head.

Instantly, Callie's heart _shatters_. Before she is conscious of her actions, a cry escapes from her. Quickly, she looks up at Derek, cupping her mouth as the man, who once had loved her best friend so dearly, hangs his head slightly. She can hear him take a deep breath before he looks back at Arizona with a gentle smile.

"Do you know who you are?" He asks. She looks up at him and nods quietly before swallowing and forcing herself to find the strength to speak.

"A-Arizona. Robbins. Arizona Robbins. Peds surgery." Arizona croaks and it is the first sign, or rather, the first answer that allows the room to know that somewhere inside of her, there is the old Arizona. Derek nods his head with a warm smile, looking back at Callie as the silent tears stream down her cheeks, watching the scene unfold.

"Great. That's great. Do you remember what happened?" To this, Arizona swallows hard, tears appearing in her diluted bottled blue orbs. She looks away; her eyes find Callie as she draws in a soft, gentle breath.

"Crash. T-There was a plane crash." Arizona gulps, closing her eyes as she takes in another jagged breath before reopening them, looking around the room of almost strangers to her, "D-Dani, where is she? I… is she okay?" She pushes for answers and Callie feels her heart break even deeper in her chest. Derek does not answer her but instead he nods his head quietly, shoving his hands in his white lab coat pockets, shifting his weight softly. He turns back to Callie with a gentle 'come here' nod and the Latina obliges, pushing herself closer to the bed.

"Arizona, you were in a plane crash. We had to rush you into emergency surgery. Dr. Yang performed cardiothoracic surgery in which she repaired a tear in your ventricle. And I performed surgery to try to stop the bleeding in your brain; you had some serious damage but I tried to repair as much as I could. And then Dr. Montgomery had to deliver the baby and…"

"The baby." It seems to be the first time that it dawns on Arizona that there is no longer a child in her womb. She puts her hands on her slightly swollen stomach before she looks up at Derek with teary eyes, biting her bottom lip to keep the cry from escaping her, "Is it…. How…" Watching her lover struggle for the words is too much for Callie and she steps closer to her, her eyes focused on her as she speaks up and over her.

"The baby is fine. Well, she's not really fine but she is surviving. Oh, and uh, it's a girl, by the way. A beautiful little girl. She's a little premature and she's in the NICU, we're not sure yet if she has received any trauma from the crash but she seems healthy so far. She's okay. So, d-don't worry about her. I'll take care of her." Callie speaks up and Arizona looks at her with teary eyes before she softly nods her head, swallowing deeply.

"There seems to be… some effects from the crash. You seem to have retrograde amnesia. It is a condition in which you can't remember certain events prior to the traumatic event, which, in this case, is the crash. It's like…It's like a huge black out in your memory. Eventually, it will slowly start coming back, all those missing pieces. And soon, you'll know all of us and things will be back to normal. But right now, you just have to be patient and not get frustrated because you can't remember. Your body and your mind are still healing; you went through a very traumatic experience, you cannot expect everything to go back to normal first off, okay? It is going to come back to you, it's just... it's going to take some time." Derek explains and Arizona only stares at Callie, as if she is trying desperately to remember, to remember her name, to remember _them_.

"Dr. Torres, I know this is hard but…" Derek speaks but Callie interrupts him.

"No. I just… I should go. I am kidding myself by staying here, by thinking that she might actually… I should just g-go. I…uh… I hope you fe-feel better or something. " Callie struggles to speak, her eyes landing upon Arizona once last time before she turns and leaves the room. Arizona watches her longingly, her hand slightly outstretched. She watches her until she disappears around the corner before she falls back softly against the bed.

Although everything about her life is quite fuzzy right now, all Arizona knows is that it hurts to watch the raven haired woman walk away from her. And that, if nothing else ever did, has to mean _something_.

* * *

><p><em>There is anguished silence as Arizona's blue eyes slowly begin to flutter open. A high pitched screaming sound that she cannot mentally recognize echoes in the air, as she slowly comes through, struggling desperately to comprehend what had happened. The dust fills in the air as Arizona coughs, her lungs tightening in a distressed attempt to take in oxygen. There is a smell; the type sickening smell that makes her stomach cringe and the bile rise in her throat. It is not just the scent of the derailed plane and the swarming smoke. But it is the scent of burning flesh, of the dripping gasoline; it's the scent of <strong>death<strong>._

_Groaning in pain, Arizona tries to move, however, she finds herself entrapped. Looking down, she notices the seat belt wrapped tightly around her. **Shit**. When they tell you to buckle up as a precaution during the lift off, she assumes they never consider what would happen if the plane crashed and the very thing that is supposed to keep you safe is the one thing entrapping you. She moves her head slightly, but is immediately met by radiating pain throughout her skull. She chokes on the smoke, her hands gently caressing her stomach._

_"God, please be okay. Please be okay. Please just let Mama know that you're okay, can you do that? Can you kick or flip or hiccup or something in there to let me know you are okay?" Arizona begs, rubbing her tummy softly as she awaits a response. However, there is no movement, no kicking, no hiccups or flips that remind her that the infant she is carrying is still alive. She is not even aware that she is crying until she can taste the salty tears, along with blood, upon her thin-lined lips. Softly, and solemnly, Arizona continues to softly caress her round and rigid stomach, trying to keep the loud cries from escaping her, knowing that she does not have the physical strength to do so._

_"I know you're scared. I-I know. Mama is scared too. I'm really…re-really scared. But we're… we're going to get through this, okay? We… we will and we'll g-go to your Ma-Mami. And we'll be happy. Really, re-really happy. I just need you to let me know that you're okay. Please. I lo-love you so much. Come on, baby, just a tiny kick." Arizona cries, softly rubbing her tummy. And then suddenly, it happens. Like a flutter of a butterfly wing. There is a tiny kick under her skin, a kick of life, a kick of purpose. Instantly, it is as if a thousand pounds are lifted off her chest as she breathes out a sigh of relief and forces a chuckle, a weak but ever so loving chuckle._

_"Th-thank you." She whispers, softly caressing her tummy. Swallowing hard, she lays her head back to keep the tears from falling. It is then that she feels the hot blood dripping down the side of her face and she can taste the metallic substance in her mouth. Cringing, she groans in a mumbled curse, trying to hold her head forward and straight as the radiating pain begins to overcome her fragile body. Turning slightly, she notices Dani, slumped against the seat. She can see where a pool of blood has dripped from a laceration on her forehead. Grunting in pain, she nudges the woman and then nudges her again._

_"Dani. Dani, wake up." Arizona groans in obvious discomfort. She nudges the younger woman again with a soft jostle and a disgruntled moan escapes from her. And then slowly, almost like a phoenix, Dani begins to arise. Her body is slumped and bruised, with obvious cuts and lacerations. Just by a quick glance, Arizona can tell her shoulder is dislocated and she is pretty sure there are some internal injuries by the way the younger woman is clutching to her stomach with her other hand. But luckily, and almost unbelievably, Dani is **alive**._

_"A-Arizona." Dani moans, looking over at her through the thick smoke of the wreckage. When, through the smog, she makes contact with those bottled blues, a faint smile appears on her lips. Arizona is not the only one relieved to see her new found friend alive, "th-there was a crash, right?" Arizona looks at her through teary eyes as she tries to nod, but the brief movement is enough to send another radiating shock of paint through her._

_"Y-yeah. The plane went down." Arizona groans, her hand still caressing her stomach lovingly, "are you… are you okay?" Dani almost laughs at the question, and she probably would have, had she not just endured probably one of the most life threatening events in her entire life._

_"F-Fuck no. You? The baby?" Dani husks. Arizona smiles over at the woman who eyes her in concern and worry._

_"We're okay. I- I mean, I'm in a lot of pain but the baby… the baby's alive. So, I gotta survive. The baby's life is already going to be hard enough; it doesn't need to lose a parent like this." Arizona stutters softly, trying to keep what strength she has for later. She sighs as she closes her eyes for a brief moment and she sees her entire life flash behind her closed lids. Her life with Calliope, with their baby. She sees all the laughter, the love, the happiness, she sees every ray of sunshine and every beautiful sunset, she sees **love**. And she swears that is just enough to keep her going, even if it is a fabrication of her own imagination._

_"Do you smell that?" Dani groans, rubbing the nape of her neck desperate to rid the strained muscle that is clearly very evident there. Arizona inhales deeply as the stomach churning scent fills her nostrils. The scent of gasoline, of death, the scent of everything she ever wanted slipping through her fingers. Opening her eyes once more, she looks over at the woman with a disheartening sigh, wondering how the two of them ever got into this mess._

_"It's gas. You have to get out of here. The p-plane is going to blow." Arizona stutters and Dani looks at her with a wrinkled brow._

_"**We** have to get out of here." Dani instructs as she undoes her seat belt. Arizona finds a new set of tears springing down her cheeks as her heart aches deep in her chest. She watches as Dani grunting, moaning, and gasping in pain slowly rises to her feet. She is hunched over, her uninjured arm grasping at her stomach as she sluggishly takes a few steps, the pain obvious in her body. She walks a little more before she looks back at Arizona, who remains sullen and still. "Arizona." Dani calls out, taking a few careful steps toward the blond, "Arizona, come on."_

_"I can't." Arizona mutters._

_"What do you mean you can't? It's not that hard. Get up. Put one foot in front of the other, it doesn't matter which one. And you move. You get the hell out of this plane. And you live. Come on." Dani instructs but Arizona only sits, almost stubbornly and Dani sighs with a groan, "What? What's the matter?"_

_"I'm s-stuck." Arizona whispers almost voicelessly as she looks up at the young woman, "My seat belt. It's caught. I can't move. I just… I can't. You go. Maybe he-help with come. You have to get off this plane, you… you have to." Arizona demands. However, what happens next takes her by complete surprise. Instead of turning and leaving like Dani should have done, she does something else entirely. She bends down, her injured arm hanging by her side and begins to work on the seat belt._

_"Dani, go!"_

_"No, I can get it."_

_"Dani, this plane is going to…"_

_"I can get the seat belt, Arizona." Dani grunts, tugging on the seat belt._

_"Dani, go!"_

_"No, not without **YOU!**" Dani almost yells, her eyes colliding with Arizona's hard. And it's suddenly, in that moment, Arizona knows that Dani won't leave her. Because she's not like everyone else, because Dani was never **meant** to leave her, especially hanging in a tough situation like the one they are in._

_It is in that moment that Arizona realizes Dani is meant to be with her, just like Arizona is meant to be with Dani._

_"O-Okay." Arizona stutters as she too, tries to make quick work of the seat belt, fighting the smile that tries to play upon her already cracked and split lips._

* * *

><p>For the past few months, Callie has felt like an outsider, watching life go by through a window. Today is certainly not out of the exception. She stands outside of Arizona's room, peering in through the glass, much like one would do at a zoo at their favorite animal exhibit.<p>

She chuckles inwardly at her own metaphor of the two, because Arizona is certainly not an animal. But if she was, she'd be a zebra. Because zebras are her favorite. She had once told Callie of how zebras stand around their young to make sure they recognize them, along with how they stand up when they sleep, how they have excellent hearing and eyesight, how the ears of the zebra show its mood and a whole lot of other useless facts that Callie simply brushed away with a dotting smile and loving caresses.

But now, she wished she had paid more attention to her. She wishes that she would have hung on to every word like it was the very last one she would ever hear. Because all those useless facts about zebras and everything else, well, Arizona _can't_ remember it. Just like Arizona _can't _remember her. She _can't_ remember all the laughter and the love and the really good sex that left Callie walking funny, she _can't_ remember all the stupid little fights and the arguments that they had over nothing; she _can't_ remember how they are meant to be together. Callie swore nothing hurt as bad as Arizona leaving for Africa, but the fact that the love of her life is just feet in front of her and cannot remember a single detail about their life, well, that hurts a hell of a lot worse.

Callie slumps a little outside of the window, her fingers gently sliding down the cool window trim. She feels like something broke inside of her, like something completely snapped in two and no amount of super glue and praying would fix it. There is something about having the mother of your child call out someone else's name, and then not remember you within the same ten minutes, that just does something to a person. And suddenly it takes all the anger and hurt and aggression away, all the previous pain that she thought she might have felt, is nothing compared to the knowledge that her own lover doesn't _remember_ her. Suddenly, Callie does not know whether to be angry, hurt, sad, happy, or just cry about all of the above. So instead, she does neither. She just stands still and emotionless.

She stands unmoving because she's sure that one more movement will crush her completely.

She can't remember a time like this: a time when she felt so incredibly helpless and lost in her entire life. When she found out about George and Izzie, she knew she had to get a divorce. When Erica Hahn abruptly left her in the middle of the parking lot, she knew she had to lay low for a few days to gather her bearings. When Arizona left for Africa, she knew that she _should_ have gone after her. But now, she finds herself stuck in an in between, the in between of overstepping the boundaries and doing far too much for her lover and not doing anything at all.

Looking in at Arizona, Callie finds there is heaviness in her heart; a heaviness of guilt, of regret, a heaviness of unexplained hurt and anger, and a heaviness of the utmost fear of the unknown. There is a heaviness in her heart that reminds Calliope Torres of just how alone she really is and how alone Arizona must feel like she is now, finding herself in a place with people that she does not quite remember.

The tears are crowding within her eyes when Derek approaches her and she hangs her head, trying to keep them from falling once more. For a long moment, Derek says nothing, but he stands beside of her, solemn and strong, just like the man that Callie remembers him being. Gently, he reaches out, squeezing her shoulder reassuringly before she lets out the heaviest of sighs.

"She doesn't remember me." It's more of a statement to herself than directed at the Neurosurgeon but, nevertheless, Derek nods his head.

"No, she doesn't." Derek sighs a little, turning to face the raven haired beauty, "but she _will_. Maybe not right now, and maybe not for a few days but she _will_. She has something like a black out in her memory right now. She remembers certain things and certain events and a lot of her memories are going to be foggy. At least for a little while. But you can't take that to heart, Dr. Torres. Because she's been through a very traumatic situation and her brain, much like her body, is still healing from all that. Things are going to be touch and go with her memory for a little while but it doesn't mean she won't remember you or the love that the two of you had." Derek tries to comfort the Latina. Callie almost chuckles and cries at the same time, creating the most awkward sound escaping from her as she turns to face her best friend's ex-husband, her face pale and suddenly very ridden with all the emotions that she feels.

"What if I don't want her to remember?" Callie begins and Derek looks at her inquisitively. Callie sighs deeply, looking back in at the golden haired woman who she loves so dearly, the woman who somehow manages to hold every single piece of her shattered heart.

"I just… I want her to remember the good times, I want her to remember what it was like before the…. You know…" Callie stops short, looking at Derek with pleading eyes and the man only nods his head, looking at her with his sympathetic baby blues, "I was a _monster_ when she left. I know that people around here… they feel sorry for me. They think that I've moved on and I'm sleeping with Mark and they think all these things about us but…it was my fault. That she left. I wasn't… dealing. With the miscarriage… with all of it, really. And I took it out on her and she left, which I mean, you can't really blame her, because…" Callie's rambling in a fit of cries and Derek sighs, squeezing his hand upon her shoulder.

"Callie, you can't live in the past, you can't blame yourself for what happened. The two of you suffered a great loss. And I know… trust me; I know how that can affect a relationship. And I know it can derail you, as a person and as a couple. Things like that, they happen and you can't shoulder all the blame." Derek explains but Callie shakes her head with a sniffle.

"Aren't you listening? It's _my fault_ she left. She left because of _me_."

"And she came back because of _you_." Derek states and the declaration, at least under this ray of light, catches Callie entirely off guard. A sudden rush of hope swells in her heart as her eyes break from gazing at Arizona to Derek who has this sudden new look in his eyes. A look of hope and faith and consideration, a look of love and determination, a look that Callie has only seen written within those bottled blues once, and that had been when Addison Montgomery was around.

"She had the best doctors with her in Africa, a new life, a change of scenery and she was making great strides in the health care of children in that area. She had become one of their heroes. And that's one of the greatest things you can ever experience as a doctor. That you're saving someone's life, that you are changing someone's life for the better. And she was. But she wasn't happy. At least, not without _you_. And so, she came back for you, to be _with_ you, to raise your daughter together, because she still loves you." Derek explains and Callie looks at him with almost big, schoolgirl eyes. She looks back in at Arizona with a swallow and another disheartening sigh.

"But she doesn't remember me, Derek."

"No. But she will. But you have to _try_, Callie. You can't just walk away because she can't remember who you are right now. You have to give her a reason to remember, give her something that might jog her memory. She needs you and you need her, whether the two of you are together or not. You're the key to her memory, at least, momentarily. So, you want her to remember you? Then, make her." Derek enlightens, sharing one last gaze with the Latina before he turns and goes back on his rounds.

Observing the mother of her child, Callie inhales a long breath. What if Derek is right? What if the only way Arizona will remember her and their life together is if she makes her? Still, she sighs in a groan, she does not want her to remember the way that things were when she left. She doesn't want her to remember all the fighting, the arguing, the bickering and the belittling, she does not want her to remember all the terrible things that happened that led to this entire ordeal. Which is unfair, she knows, with a soft hang of her head. But if she remembers what a monster she had been, then maybe she would leave again. And losing Arizona twice? Well, that is something that Calliope Torres, even on her best day, is not strong enough to handle.

Biting her bottom lip nervously, she takes a few thoughtful steps toward the door, her heart pounding loudly in her ears. There is something new about this, something that reminds her of their very first date, of their first time, of their first I love you's. There is something about this that reminds her of a beginning. And it's in that moment, she realizes that it _is_. It is a new beginning, a new chance for the two of them, a new chance for _love_. It is a new chance, a new start for the two of them to _get it right_.

Leaning in the doorway, she looks at Arizona and her heart swells. Just like that night at Joe's when Arizona, a mere stranger to her at the time, kissed her out of the blue after telling her people would be lining up for her. Just like after their first time when Arizona traced shapes into her stomach as they both panted to catch their breath. Just like after Arizona's birthday when she told her that she loved her. And like after the shooting when Arizona told her that she could not live without her and their ten kids. Seeing Arizona breathes new life into Callie, even after all this time, and she knows that it is something that will never change.

Swallowing her fear, the raven haired beauty walks into the room, biting her bottom lip apprehensively. She knows Arizona will not remember her, but there is this part of her that just hopes for some kind of miracle, some kind of modern day marvel to occur and bring the old Arizona back.

However, when Arizona's fuzzy blue eyes find her, she knows that Arizona is millions of miles away. Perhaps she is still on the plane with the woman she affectingly calls out for, or maybe she is still in Africa saving lives, or maybe she is still all those years away before the kiss in Joe's bathroom ever occurred. But nevertheless, the old Arizona is lost somewhere inside of this ghost of the woman, and Callie is desperate to bring her back, not only for her but for their daughter as well.

For a long moment, neither of the women says anything as Callie takes her seat at Arizona's bedside, nervously playing with her hands as she laces and unlaces her fingers over and over again. The words are lost somewhere inside of her, all the things that she wanted to say to Arizona but all the chances she wasted. There is so many things she wants to tell her, so many amazing things she wants to promise her, so many things she wants to express to her, like how sorry she is, and how much she loves her, so many things that she wants to say but she just _can't_. At least, not quite yet.

"I know you want me to remember you and I know that it hurts you that I don't. I am really sorry. I do not mean to hurt you." Arizona whispers hoarsely and Callie looks up at her with teary eyes, a bewildered expression upon her face and a wrinkled brow to take place of the intriguing questions she wants to ask. Arizona sighs softly, rolling her head back as she stares up at the ceiling, the silent tears streaming down her cheeks.

"The people here seem really nice. That man that was just in here a few minutes ago? The one with the great hair? He seems like a nice guy and it seemed to really bother him that I can't remember who he is or where I am. I wish I did. I _really_ wish I could because this seems like a wonderful place and I am sure I have a super life here. I just hate that I can't remember anything about it. It makes me feel worthless. And awful. And like I'm just some kind of zombie, being dropped into a life I know nothing about." Arizona mutters a little, before she looks over at Callie.

"And it kills me because I see the way you look at me. Or, well, the _old_ me. And I want to remember that. I want to love you the way that you obviously love me. And it kills me that I cannot. You look at me like I am the reason you are alive, like I am the very best thing that has ever happened to you, like I'm the reason blood courses through her veins. You look at me like I am everything to you. And I want to remember that. I want to remember that feeling. I want to remember _everything_ about you and I can't." She mumbles and Callie shakes her head, taking Arizona's hand within her own in a gentle reassuring squeeze.

"You'll remember. It'll just take time, but you'll remember. And I'll be here." Callie smiles reassuringly. For the moment, it seems to soothe Arizona as she falls quiet, staring rather blankly off at something in the distance. Callie almost wants to ask her what she is thinking, but she knows that it is not her place to ask her those kinds of questions anymore. And quite possibly, it may never be her business to ask her that ever again.

"Besides, I should be the one apologizing to you." Callie whispers and Arizona looks at her, her golden brow wrinkled in perplexity.

"How do you figure?"

"I just _should_ be. I should be apologizing for a lot of things."

"Hey, I don't think…" But Callie stops her short with a snort.

"Damn it, Arizona, I'm trying to apologize here. Could you just let me?" Callie groans and Arizona recoils slightly with a quiet nod of her head. Sighing at her surprising viciousness, Callie runs her fingers through her hair before she continues, "I'm just sorry, okay?" She sniffles. Callie expects silence, however, what comes next, surprises her.

"I forgive you." Instantaneously, Callie's head snaps up in bewilderment.

"What? You can't. You don't even _remember_ what happened. You can't just decide that you forgive me, you don't even _know_ me. It's… it's too much to _just_ forgive." Callie mumbles, stumbling over her words and Arizona, wincingly, shrugs as a soft smile plays on her cracked lips.

"Well, that's just too bad. Because I do." Arizona replies and the response bring tears to Callie's eyes. She gasps softly, trying to catch a breath that Arizona unknowingly stole from her. For a moment, neither of the women says anything as Arizona smiles at her. Feeling the blush curl within her cheeks, Callie grabs the remote and turns on the television.

"How about we watch some television? Cable is crap here but maybe you'll see something you like." Callie smiles, flipping through the channels, then, she stops on a channel that is showing a movie about a big eared elephant and she cannot help but smile. Looking over at Arizona, she sits the remote on the nightstand, "Dumbo. It's your favorite. You think it teaches a very important lesson about judging people by their looks. Plus, you think the baby elephant is super cute." Practically beaming, Arizona nods her head, snuggling down in the bed.

"Sounds terrific." She beams and Callie can't help but laugh.

Almost an hour and a half later, the credits for Dumbo begin to roll and Callie finds herself humming along with the songs. The badass part of her wants to cringe for remotely knowing the tune to a Disney classic; however the much larger part, the part that is irrevocably in love with Arizona Robbins, can't help but smile at her ability to hum along with the melody. Reaching behind her, she grabs the remote and turns the television off with a quick press of a button. Turning, she looks to Arizona who, not surprisingly, is fast asleep.

Arizona always manages to fall asleep while watching Disney movies, it's like a tradition. And seeing that even after all these months, a plane crash, and possible irreversible brain trauma later, Arizona is still _Arizona_.

Smiling softly, Callie finds a peace wash over her watching the woman slumber. Somewhere in the back of her mind is still the ping of hurt and betrayal that Arizona had kept their daughter such a secret for such a long time, somewhere inside of her she is still hurting about the fact that Arizona left for Africa. But all of it, somehow, seems to fade away at the sight of slumbering Arizona, at the sight of her lover before her. She is safe and unbelievably lucky, considering most of the passengers did not have such luck. Somehow the gratefulness manages to cross out the anger and hurt, at least for now.

Leaning forward, Callie places a gentle kiss upon Arizona's forehead with a tender smile.

"Sweet dreams, my love and sleep well. Te amo, Arizona." Callie whispers, placing another soft kiss upon the blonde's forehead. She watches her for a long, quiet moment, more adorning her than actually expecting something from her. Smiling fondly at the mother of her child, Callie turns to leave, taking a few steps. However, what happens next is quite the surprise. Instead of making the getaway like Callie had planned, Arizona's fingers wrapped around her wrist stops her immediately.

Turning back, she finds a pair of familiar bottled blues staring into her own. The grogginess and fuzziness that had been there an hour before is not as apparent as it once had been. These are familiar eyes now, the eyes that she had once seen her entire future in, the eyes she had been waiting to see for the past seven months. The reassuring swirls of cobalt blue send a rush through Calliope, one that leaves her knees nearly buckling.

"C-Calliope." Arizona croaks and Callie looks at her with tear filled eyes. Arizona blinks, swallowing hard as she looks at her, "s-stay. Pl-Please. St-stay." And Callie, unsure of what to do, simply does nothing, but stands and stares at the woman. The woman who now remembers her, or at least, remembers her name, her lips quivering as she struggles to find the strength inside of her to do or say something. Blinking back the tears, she finds herself smiling, unaware of how long she has been doing it and then, perhaps the most profound and situational changing two syllable word falls from her lips in a hushed sniffle.

"Okay."


	16. Chapter 16

Over My Head (My Confessions)

**Tagline: **Everyone knows I'm in over my head and I don't know what to do to but to give my confessions.

**Summary: **When the pressures of being unable to conceive slowly derails their relationship, Arizona chooses to take a break. She heads to Africa to work as a missionary, saving lives of the tiny humans. Yet, little to every one's knowledge, including her own, she takes a little something of Callie's with her. Now seven months later, Callie's world is turned upside down by the arrival of her ex-girlfriend and the tiny human growing inside of her. Can Callie find forgiveness for the mother of her child? Or is it simply too late?

**Warning: **AU Season 7

**Pairing: **Callie/Arizona. Teddy/Owen. Addison/Derek/Meredith.

**Disclaimer: **All television shows, movies, books, and other copyrighted material referred to in this work, and the characters, settings, and events thereof, are the properties of their respective owners. As this work is an interpretation of the original material and not for-profit, it constitutes fair use. Reference to real persons, places, or events are made in a fictional context, and are not intended to be libelous, defamatory, or in any way factual.

**Author's Note: **Sorry for the delay, both my beta and I have been sick. But we're getting better, or at least, I am. So, instead of rambling, I'm just going to leave this here. This is one of my favorite chapters and I hope you guys think the same!

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter Sixteen<strong>

Addison has never felt cheap; after all, she _is_ Addison Forbes Montgomery. And sleeping around with her ex-husband while he is still legally married to the woman he cheated on her with, doesn't make her feel like a cheap whore. However, sneaking up to his trailer in the middle of nowhere, where no one is around for miles , screwing him, and then going back to work to be the dotting best friend and not telling Callie about any of this. Well, that makes her feel just a little bit cheap. It makes her feel like a dirty little secret, and she knows that is all she is.

Falling onto Derek with a grumble, the red haired vixen gazes at the man, both panting to catch their breath. Sex with Derek is amazing, that is certainly one thing that has not changed since they have been apart. Being with Derek intimately is perhaps one of the best things in the world, and it is certainly Addison's favorite thing to do. Being with Derek is like coming home after a long time apart, it's comforting, it is where she belongs.

Looking at the man who seems to practically glow in the after sex, Addison's heart flutters. Despite married or not, she and Derek had a love saga that lasted for ages. They met in medical school and fell in love over a cadaver she giggles inwardly to herself at reminiscing at the song Derek wrote for her. They had been the power couple, the best Neonatal and Neuro surgeons in the Big Apple. They had been unstoppable. That was, until life got in the way. Now years later, they have succumbed to slipping around in on call rooms and creeping out to the trailer for some alone time. Sure, sneaking around is half the fun, Addison smiles slightly, but somehow, a part of her wants more than just that.

"That was amazing." He beams, panting to catch a breath as he wraps an arm around her, pulling her closer to him. A blush flushes in her cheeks as she places her hand upon his chest, his rapid pulse beating rhythmically against her fingertips. Although she loves being with him, and she especially loves being _with_ him, there is something about this that just feels wrong. Not because he is still married, but because of Callie.

Because just miles away, her best friend is struggling to keep everything together. Dealing with the love of her life unexpected return only to learn that she was involved in a crash and suddenly cannot remember the past years. Handling a baby that she never knew about, and trying to make sense of the entire situation. Miles away, her best friend is going through perhaps the most trying time of her life and just when she needs her the most, Addison sneaks away to have a secret rendezvous with someone else's husband.

"_You_ are amazing." Derek squeezes her in his arms and her stomach flutters like there are a dozen butterflies dancing inside of her. She cannot remember the last time she felt this way about someone, about anyone, other than him. Looking up under her long lashes, Addison cannot help but smile as his bottled blues meet hers.

"Better than when we were married, right?" Addison asks with an arch of her eyebrow and Derek laughs, rubbing his hands along the arch of Addison's back.

"Oh, there is no comparison." Derek chuckles, smoothing his hands over the arch of her back, gently scratching at the exposed skin as the red haired woman feels an all too familiar blush curl within her cheeks. She knows it is stupid, the way that Derek can make her feel like a school girl in spring time, but he _does_, at least, in moments like this.

However, even after the most wonderful sex like now, Addison cannot stop thinking.

But she _isn't_ thinking about Derek.

"What are you thinking about?" Derek asks and Addison sighs a little, running her fingers through the curly black hair once more before she lets out another long exhale, laying her head on his chest. The sound of one's heart beating is one of the most calming sounds to an infant born premature because it reminds them of the womb. And now, with her ear placed above his heart, listening to the soothing rhythm, Addison realizes that the sound is comforting to the troubled other woman as well.

"Callie." Addison exhales and she can hear Derek make a little sound in his throat that sounds tantalizingly close to a grumble, "I know. I know it's a bad time to be thinking about her because we just had sex. We just had really, _really_ great sex. But … I am. Because she's my best friend. And she needs me. Or at least, I think she does. Because Arizona just showed up out of nowhere with a baby,_ her_ baby. A baby that is premature and might possibly have some type of trauma due to the crash. Her life is such a mess right now and she's stuck right in the middle of and she needs someone."

"You're right. She does need someone." Derek speaks, "but the person she needs _isn't_ you."

"What?"

"She needs Arizona." Derek explains, playing with Addison's voluminous red hair and Addison looks at him skeptically, "she woke up today. Arizona. She has retrograde amnesia. She doesn't…" Derek sighs and the woman knows that it is something that lies heavily on his shoulders, something that is so very, _very_ wrong.

"I told Callie that it was only temporary but the truth is…" Derek exhales deeply, his eyes meeting Addison's. And it is then that the Neo-natal surgeon knows just how _bad_ this situation _really_ is.

"The truth is she might never regain her memory?" It is more of a statement than a question, however, when Derek nods his head, Addison feels something inside of her _snaps_. Arizona might _never_ remember, she might never remember the hospital, the lives that she saved, she might never remember her friends or the memories or _Callie_. She might never remember anything about the woman that she loves so truly, about the life that they _should_ have had, the life that they were _meant_ to have.

"B-But isn't there something you can do? Shock therapy or something?" Addison stutters desperately but Derek only shakes his head with a gentle smile.

"Shock therapy is very frowned upon in the medical community; you know why I can't do it. Besides, there still is a chance that Arizona might get her full memory back. Right now, there is nothing I can do for her. It's just up to her and her own willpower to remember the life she left behind. It depends on her brain and how much it heals and how much damage was actually done to it during the crash. I… I _wish_ there was more I could do. Believe me, I do. I wish I could give Arizona back her memory but I can't. It has to be something she comes to terms with on her own." Derek explains, gently stroking Addison's back. The red haired woman nods quietly, licking her dry lips as she looks up at him.

"They are kinda like us, you know?" Addison begins and Derek looks at her with a wrinkled brow.

"How do you figure that?"

"Nobody thought they would make it. When Arizona first came into Callie's life, she was just discovering who she was, you know? She hadn't exactly had a record in the most successful relationships. People counted them out, counted _Callie_ out. But they were destined. Because even after _everything_ they have been through, they keep finding their way back to each other. We're like that." She smiles a little at him, "somehow we keep finding our way back to each other. So, we're kind of like Callie and Arizona. You know, minus the two vaginas and a baby." At this statement Derek snorts with a laugh and Addison bursts out in laughter as well. Chuckling, Derek rises up as Addison slides off him with a smile.

"I am going to shower. Would you like to join me?" Derek offers with a beaming grin and Addison smiles.

"I'll be there in a little bit. I think I am going to call and check on the baby first." Addison replies and Derek nods his head, placing a kiss to her forehead affectionately. Addison smiles, wrapping her arms around his neck as she pulls him close, her lips softly place a kiss upon his own, her body instantly curling around his. Derek kisses her deeply before he pulls away, a brilliant, beaming grin plastered on his face, an all telling sign of what had just occurred in that bed minutes before. He runs his fingers through his hair before he opens the shower door, glancing back at Addison with a grin.

"I love you, you know?" He states and Addison's heart swells.

"I know. But I am not saying it back until you didn't ruin Arizona's brain." Addison teases and Derek bellows a laugh.

"She'll get her memory back. She's got the world to live for. Trust me. She's going to be okay," Derek replies with a smile, leaning against the foggy glass shower door. Addison nods a little unsurely, fidgeting with the sheets beneath her and Derek can almost feel his heart sink at her displacement. He knows that Addison deserves better than this, she deserves better than to be drug around and being the other woman, but the man also knows that he is not physically strong enough to ask Meredith for the divorce the two of them are in so desperate need of. "Hey. _We_ are going to be okay." He promises and Addison smiles at him with another nod. He winks at her quickly before he steps into the shower, shutting the glass door behind him.

Sighing in displeasure, Addison slowly stands, her joints popping in disapproval of her sudden movement. Groaning, she shuffles through their things trying to find a phone, _any_ phone. In their quick arousal, the two of them seemingly managed to make a mess of the entire trailer. Things are thrown onto the floor, tables are knocked over, her purse has spilled out somewhere between the door and the bedroom, everything on the nightstand has somehow managed to crowd on the floor. Grumbling, she searches through the piles until she hears a familiar buzzing, it's a _phone_.

"Oh no. Come on, baby. Come on. Keep ringing. Keep ringing for Mama. Don't hang up. Please, please don't hang up." Addison pleads, shuffling through the mess of papers, files, garbage and other items that have collected over the past few months. She is what she swears is knee deep in trash when she finds the vibrating object under the bed. It's Derek's phone, but it is a phone none the less, she sighs happily as she pulls it out from under the bed. Standing, the red haired vixen brushes the dust from her knees as she presses the accept button, placing the phone to her ear.

"Hello? …. Hello? ... Is anyone there? …. Hello? … This is Dr. Shepherd's phone, he's in the shower right now but I can take a message if you like …. Hello? …. Could you cough or breathe heavy or something that lets me know that you're alive…. No? Okay, then. Goodbye. Thanks for nothing." Addison groans as she abruptly ends the call.

However, what Addison did not consider is that on the other end of the line is Meredith Grey.

On the other end of the line is a wife who suddenly has nothing to say.

* * *

><p>The chances of anyone finding Mark Sloan in the NICU department of Seattle Grace-Mercy West is normally slim to none at all; however, today that is where he is. Today he is taking the mighty duty of being Uncle Mark, sitting by Callie's daughter's little crib side, waiting news about her health and trying to provide the tiny infant some type of comfort during these trying times. Honestly, Mark hates everything about the NICU, the pink scrubs, the sad parents helicoptering over their sick babies, the crying, the praying, and the tiny babies. He hates <em>all<em> of it and he would rather be anywhere else in the world than this exact spot at this exact moment. But he made a promise to Callie and to himself, he promised that he would step up. And he'll be damned if he breaks another promise to someone he loves like that.

Mark Sloan has never been good with kids or pets for that matter. In the beginning, he blamed his parents for this mighty flaw. His parents had not exactly been the idealistic form of a traditional family and they did not give him any siblings. Granted, he had Derek and his great plethora of sisters, but they did not share the same golden goddess genes as him and it was not exactly the same.

So, he wonders why he made this promise to Callie in the first place, why he agreed to step up and be a man for her when this child did not share his blood or genes. He wonders why he agreed that he would sit with her; ask questions about her, read her stories and all those things that parents are supposed to do with their kid. But, when he looks down at the tiny girl, her hat just a size too big, taped down with wires and machines, his heart swells. It might not be _his_ tiny human, but she is _Callie_'s. Callie is the closest thing he has to family, which makes this baby, even if not biologically, somewhat like his own.

"I know what you are thinking. You are wondering how you got such a good looking Uncle like your Uncle Mark, aren't you? Well, let me tell you, pipsqueak, it is really good genes and heredity. I know that technically, you're not biologically a Sloan, but maybe if we hang out enough some of my good looks will rub off on you." Mark nods with a gentle smile, looking down at the baby girl who seems to care less if it is Mark, the Pope, or even Jesus Christ himself standing over her because she is sleeping through it.

"Look I don't… I don't know what to say. I don't do this. Like, ever. I don't do this kids thing. I almost did once with your Aunt Addison but she loved Derek more and she made a decision that I wouldn't be a good dad. She was probably right; I wouldn't have been a good dad then. Hell, I don't even know if I'd be a good dad now. Oh. Don't tell your Mom I said hell. She'll kill me." Mark groans, rubbing the back of his neck roughly, "I'm just trying to say that I don't know how to do this. I can be your cool Uncle Mark who lets you eat the sugary cereal and teaches you how to put your underwear on backward. I can teach you how to ride a motorcycle, how to watch sports and how to play baseball. But this whole knowing what to say and comforting you thing? It's not my forte. It is more of your Mom's thing. Uh. Well. Both of them, really. They do this a lot better than me. But I'm trying. I'm not doing such a bad job, am I?" The little girl doesn't reply, not much to Mark's surprise, as she simply continues to sleep.

"Oh, I know. I can tell you stories. Kids like stories, right?" Mark asks with a laugh, "Uh, I know… mm no, I can't tell you that you're not old enough. Uh, how about… no, that's too mature for you. Um, okay, I got it! How about I tell you about the time that my teenage daughter came for a visit? Did you know that you have a cousin? Yeah, her name is Sloan. I know ridiculous, right? But her mom isn't the brightest in the bunch. Anyways, she just showed up one day out of the blue and she told me I was her father and…" Mark trails off into the story, unaware that Teddy is watching him. When he finishes, she smiles tenderly, approaching the man and the little girl.

"You miss her, don't you?" Teddy asks and Mark looks up at her a little confused, "Uh, Sloan."

"I guess you have to know someone before you can miss them. Sloan wasn't around for that long. She came, she saw, she left. I can't really blame her, there wasn't much her for here anyway. I wasn't much for her. Lexie isn't all entirely that much older than Sloan, that freaked her out a little. She had her baby, I wanted to keep it. I thought I would have a shot at being a father but it didn't happen. Callie told me how much better he would be with someone who was prepared to be a parent. And then she left. I wasn't a father for her. I mean, I wish I would have had the chance, you know? But maybe she's better off. Just like this little tyke is going to be better off with both of her parents instead of just one." Mark explains and Teddy can feel her stomach tighten at the judgment in his voice. She knows that, as Callie's very best friend, he is going to take her side in this whole debacle, but what he doesn't know is the whole truth.

"How's she doing?" Teddy asks, gesturing down at the tiny infant. Mark looks back down at the baby, gently stroking her small, balled up fist with his index finger before he looks back up at the cardio surgeon.

"She's hanging in there. She's got a lot of fight in her. She gets that from her Mom." Mark replies with a smile, caressing the infant's skin most adoringly. Teddy nods a little, standing on the other side of the incubator looking in at her best friend's baby. She is almost taken aback at how much the little girl looks like Arizona, even prematurely. The tiny tuffs of golden hair sticking out from the hat is a dead giveaway, she almost chuckles to herself.

"And Robbins?" It takes Teddy by surprise when Mark asks about the Peds surgeon and she looks at him a little startled. He looks up at her with sympathetic and compassionate eyes and Teddy simply wrinkles her brow a little. Perhaps she had judged him too fast about being on Callie's side; however, Callie _is_ his best friend. But, she smiles a little to herself, that did not mean that he loved Arizona any less. After all, Arizona had been the one to describe the two of them as a dysfunctional brother and sister relationship.

"Uh, she's… she's hanging in there too. It's going to be such a hard road back to recovery and the chances of her ever being the same Arizona as she was before the crash are slim to none. She's had a lot of trauma and she's nowhere out of the woods yet. But she's doing better. And Callie's with her now, I think that's helping her a lot." Teddy replies with a soft nod and Mark smiles a little before looking back down at the preemie, his fingers continuing to caress against hers.

"I just don't get it, you know?" Mark sighs a little and Teddy wrinkles her brow a little confused before he continues, "this whole Africa and kid thing. It doesn't make any sense. Robbins and Callie are like… they are meant to be together. And she knew how much Callie wanted a kid; I just don't understand why she would keep their baby from her. I mean, I know things were bad but this is _her_ baby too. And then the accident happened, which it's not her fault, there is no way that she would have gotten on that plane if she knew it would have crashed but she still did and she knew the risks but she took it anyway. I just don't understand why she wouldn't tell her."

"Mark…"

"By no means am I okay with Robbins being here, nor do I forgive her for all the hell she put Callie through. There is still this huge part of me that is so, so pissed at her for just bailing and…" Teddy cuts him off.

"I'm sorry, I think I missed the part where it is _your_ business to feel like that. I guess I missed the fact that you have a vagina and you were actually involved with Arizona at some point, didn't I? Because that's the only way that you could have a say in this. If you had a vagina, and boobs, oh and you're a Latina who goes by the name of Callie. Oh, you have a dick where your heart should be? Hm, guess that means you don't _get_ to be pissed." Teddy snaps and Mark instantly looks up, his lips pursed as a small exhale leaves him.

"Whoa Altman, I don't know who peed in your cornflakes but…" Teddy stops him just short with a glare.

"Everyone in this stupid hospital has, including you. I'm sick of it. I am sick of everyone walking around here like it is Arizona's fault, like it is her fault that the plane crashed, that she is hurt, that her _baby_ is hurt. It's not _her_ fault. What happened in the past is _in_ the past. If she knew that plane was going to crash, she wouldn't have gotten on it; she wouldn't have risked her life or her daughter's life like that. She _didn't_ know. It was an _accident._ I am so tired of everyone in this hospital being so angry with her for leaving when they didn't even know how bad it was. It wasn't exactly like Callie gave her much of a choice; she is the one who _blamed_ her for everything. And you and everyone else are blaming her for keeping this baby a secret but that wasn't what she wanted! It wasn't like she didn't _try_." Teddy snaps loudly and Mark looks at her baffled.

"What are you trying to say, Teddy?"

"What I am saying is Arizona _tried_ to tell Callie. When she called her that night at Joe's, she _wanted_ to tell her. She tried. But Callie didn't want to talk to her, she told her she never wanted to hear from her again and that she was screwing _you_. Arizona _tried_. Callie is the one who passed the buck, not Arizona." Teddy exclaims and suddenly, with that very loud exclamation, Teddy Altman may have possibly just changed everything _forever_.

* * *

><p>Before they broke up, Calliope used to love to just sit and watch Arizona. She loved to watch her do things, not just surgeries, but <em>everyday<em> type of things. She used to love watching her do the crossword in the morning paper while sipping her coffee, watching her do the laundry and how she individually folds every piece where as Callie was more of the throw everything together type of washer. She used to love to watch her flip through a magazine, taking notes in the margin of the page as to her thoughts, shop online for things, get ready for bed. Callie used to love watching Arizona because she could truly see how miraculously beautiful the woman _truly_ is. It gave her the opportunity to slow down and just _look_ at her and be mesmerized by that type of beauty, it gave her _moments_.

So, it is not surprising that watching Arizona is _exactly_ what Calliope Torres is doing right now. She is sitting by her bedside, watching as the woman flips through the pages of a baby book that she had bought for her at their clearly overpriced gift shop. Watching her with almost heavy eyes, she knows that at some point all of this numbing will wear off and the Peds surgeon _will_ remember everything and this little momentary bliss will be gone.

But for now, Arizona is flipping through the page with a genuine smile on her face, a sight that Callie has longed for such a long time. For now, Arizona is _here_, _with_ her and seemingly pretty happy given everything that has happened to her. And even if it is a Phoenix Effect, Callie doesn't want anything different. She doesn't want Arizona to remember all the fighting and the drama, at least, not quite just yet.

"What do you think about the name Daniela?" Arizona asks, looking over at Callie, drawing her from her thoughts. The ortho surgeon smiles gently with a shrug of her shoulder. Oh, how she longed for days like this, days in which they could flip through a baby names book together and pick out their favorites and decide which is the right one for their kid.

"I don't know. What do you think?" Callie returns the question and Arizona chuckles softly, biting her lip in thought.

"Well, I like the fact that it is a play on Daniel. And I know that my father would absolutely love it if I named my kid after him. And he probably deserves it, he has been a great dad to me, even if his job moved us around a lot, he still made sure that Tim and I were happy. You couldn't ask for a better father than him. And it means 'God Is My Judge'. So, both of those things are _great_. But I just.. I don't know. It sounds a little odd, don't you think?" Arizona asks and Callie almost bursts with laughter.

"You mean worse than Calliope or Arizona? Really?" Callie laughs and Arizona snickers as she turns the page.

"I guess you're right." She replies, her eyes glancing over the names before she turns the page once more. For a few minutes, neither of the women says anything. Instead, Arizona looks solely at her book and Callie, subtly looks at Arizona before she glances back up at the television. The blonde turns another page before she looks over at the raven haired Latina with a gentle sigh. She knows how hard this must be, how difficult it is for her to sit by her bedside knowing that she doesn't remember her. And she wishes, oh how _badly_ she wishes, that she _could_ remember, if only for her. But she doesn't.

"Hey," Arizona speaks and Callie looks at her curiously. Arizona closes the book, her hands fidgeting with the pages as she inhales a long deep breath before she finds the strength to begin, "thank you for being here." A wave of empathy rushes over Callie as she bites her trembling bottom lip with a sigh. If Callie is being truthful, it _would_ be easier to not be here, to run away, to pretend like this is not happening to her. And maybe, the _old_ Callie would have done that, but now, she is different, she is _better_. And she is going to make this work, no matter how hard it is at times.

"I wouldn't be anywhere else," Callie beams and Arizona smiles a little with a quiet nod.

"You don't have to, you know? I know that it hurts you that I can't remember and I just… I don't want to hurt you. Because hurting you hurts me," Arizona sighs, looking down at the book with a sniffle and Callie watches with gentle eyes, "and I don't know why, I don't even know… but my heart is telling me this isn't right. It isn't right that I'm hurting you. If you want to go, you can. I-I won't hold it against you." Arizona stutters and there is a little something inside of Callie that snaps when she sees that fresh tear roll down Arizona's cheek. Shaking her head, Callie leans forward as she takes Arizona's hand in her own, lacing her fingers as her hooded eyes meet Arizona's bottled blues. The blonde sighs again in disappointment, hanging her head as she bites her lip anxiously.

"Hey, look at me, Arizona. Look at me," Callie pleads and reluctantly the woman looks up at her, "I'm not leaving you, _ever_. Ever, okay? This, what you're going through, it is hard. And scary. And I know you're scared and I know you think you're hurting me and yeah, maybe it would be easier if you remembered your life in Seattle but you don't and that's okay. I'll be here every single day until you do. Alright? Don't worry about me. I'm in. I'm all in. And we will get through this, _together_." Callie promises with a twinkle in her eyes.

"Don't ever leave," Arizona mumbles quietly and Callie squeezes her hand.

"Never," The raven haired woman replies, gently caressing Arizona's hand reassuringly. The blonde thinks about the reply for a moment as she bites her bottom lip gently before she nods her head hesitantly, turning her attention back to the book where she flips another page.

Then, another long silence passes over the room as Arizona glances through the names, admiring the doodles and photos located on every other page whilst Callie watches the program, her thoughts consuming her. As much as the Latina wants to forget it, she just _can't_. She _can't _forget that when Arizona woke up, she was _not_ calling out for her. She _can't_ forget that Arizona was calling out someone else's name, someone who is not her. She_ can't _stop the voices in her head that keep telling her Arizona has moved on, that she has someone else, and that she doesn't _need_ her anymore. She can't stop _thinking_.

Looking up at the blonde with teary eyes, Callie feels the breath stick in her throat. She can't help but wonder how this is happening, how the two of them could be so painfully apart but yet together at the same time. She wonders if they will ever get it back, the way that it was before, the way that it _should_ still be. Sighing a little, she bites her bottom lip before she speaks.

"C-Can I ask you something?" Callie stutters and Arizona nods, turning another page.

"Sure, Calliope. _Anything_." Arizona smiles and the Latina fidgets with her hands in a deep sigh.

"Who is Dani?" Callie swallows hard and Arizona immediately drops the book, looking over at the raven haired beauty and instantly Callie feels like she is only three feet tall, "I just… you were asking for her. And I know that it's none of my business and you don't have to tell me if you don't want to but you're… you ask about her all the time and you call out her name in the middle of the night and I just… who _is_ she?" She hiccups and Arizona narrows her eyebrows as the tears flush within her eyes.

"Why? Do you know where she is? How is she? Can I see her?" Arizona asks quickly, one question followed directly after the other in such a way that Callie had no opportunity to answer them. Looking at her love with tears in her dark brown eyes, Callie feels something inside of her _snap_ beyond repair. Whoever this woman might be, she means quite a lot to Arizona, enough to work her up like this, this stranger might even mean more than she does. Her lips part as a gasp of air escapes from her, her lips trembling as words are just seconds from coming out before another voice interrupts her.

"Oh, Arizona! Baby! I am so happy to see you!" Turning around, Callie gets only a short glance of Barbara as the woman swoops in, her arms held wide as she grabs her daughter in a tight, bone crushing embrace. The older Robbins woman is a sight for sore eyes, Callie chuckles a little, her hair a messy disarray of blonde and gray, her clothes wrinkled and worn, and her face swollen from what the Latina assumes is long periods of crying. Laughing a little, Arizona squirms under her mother's tight embrace, trying to escape from the sudden overly affectionate woman. Patting her arm softly, the smaller blonde mumbles something about how she is fine and she worries far too much but Barbara seems to be having none of it, she is latched onto her tightly, with no clear agenda of letting go anytime soon. Smiling at the scene of the two women before her, Callie is almost startled when she feels a hard squeeze on her shoulder.

Glancing up, the woman finds Colonel Daniel Robbins standing above her, a man who had once seem so strong and tall is suddenly so very small and weak. His face is etched with thankfulness, the lines of worry telling a story of all the places he has been a story of all the mountains he has climbed in his lifetime. His sparkling blue eyes are suddenly flushed with tears at seeing his wife and daughter, but then as quick as they came, they are gone with a blink. Squeezing her shoulder again, Daniel smiles down at her before looking at his family once more.

"Okay, Barbara, that's enough. Barb… really. That's enough. You can let go now… you're going to squish her… seriously, you'll break a rib. Barb, let go!" Daniel grumbles as he steps forward, trying to prize his wife's fingers from his daughter's small body. With one final tug, he pulls the woman away, grousing about women and how this was just a bad idea, much to Callie's amusement.

"Oh honey, we would have come sooner but when your friend… Tammy… no, that's not… uh… Terri? No, no… um…"

"Teddy?" Callie offers and Barbara's face lights up at the familiar name, sending a bright smile in the Latina's direction.

"Yes! That's it! Teddy. Anyways, we would have come as soon as Teddy called us but your father was at a stupid conference. Even though I tried to reason to him that our only living child is by far more important than some stupid military conference and that he was getting too old to do all that traveling in the first place but we are here now and oh my God, I am so thankful that you are alive!" Barbara squeals, stepping forward for another tight embrace but Daniel pulls her back with a gentle tug.

"It is not just a _stupid_ conference. It was a conference with some of the highest and best generals in the United States Army. We discussed weaponry, wars, veteran centers, and everything Army. I don't see some of these guys for the whole year, I was not about to miss it! Especially when …. Tammy told us that she was fine." Daniel grumbles and Callie laughs quietly to herself as she slowly stands from her chair, her back popping at the movement.

"I think I am going to just leave you guys to it. This seems to be a family thing. Maybe there is some surgery I can scrub in on or I'll check on the baby or s-something." Callie smiles forcefully at the two over-joyous Robbins parents before sending a wink in Arizona's direction. But Daniel only shakes his head, taking a step away from his wife, but his hand still linked with hers to make sure she did not take another powerful dive to entrap their daughter again.

"You're right. This is a _family_ thing," Daniel speaks and Callie nods knowingly, almost hanging her head in disappointment. However, what comes next surprises her, "but you're a part of this family too." Instantly, her head snaps up as she looks at the older man with a wrinkled brow and Barbara nods her head fervently beside of her.

"Arizona loves you. You're a part of this family, Callie. Whether you like it or not. We _want_ you to stay. And maybe in a little while, you can take Daniel and me to see that new grandbaby of ours?" Barbara asks her face alight with hope and happiness and Callie cannot help but smile brightly at the woman in return as she retakes her seat, gently taking Arizona's hand in her own.

"I would love that." Callie grins.

"Super!" Barbara beams in a laugh and Callie almost cringes at the word before she bursts out in laughter of her own.

Smiling, she watches as the two dotting parents swoon over their daughter, Barbara more than Daniel who solemnly tries to keep his emotions back, occasionally sharing a tender gaze with her. She watches and listens at the three of them as they talk about everything and anything, about Tim, the accident, the conference, South Carolina, Tropical Storms, the baby, her memory loss, the kids next door, _everything_ in giggles and laughter and love. She watches and listens because she knows this is a _moment_. A moment of beauty and love and happiness, this is a moment far more beautiful than the morning crossword or folding the laundry. This is such an important and beautiful _moment_ to remember.

And life is about moments, Callie sighs smiling as she squeezes Arizona's hand, whether you remember them or not.


	17. Chapter 17

Over My Head (My Confessions)

**Tagline: **Everyone knows I'm in over my head and I don't know what to do to but to give my confessions.

**Summary: **When the pressures of being unable to conceive slowly derails their relationship, Arizona chooses to take a break. She heads to Africa to work as a missionary, saving lives of the tiny humans. Yet, little to every one's knowledge, including her own, she takes a little something of Callie's with her. Now seven months later, Callie's world is turned upside down by the arrival of her ex-girlfriend and the tiny human growing inside of her. Can Callie find forgiveness for the mother of her child? Or is it simply too late?

**Warning: **AU Season 7

**Pairing: **Callie/Arizona. Teddy/Owen. Addison/Derek/Meredith.

**Disclaimer: **All television shows, movies, books, and other copyrighted material referred to in this work, and the characters, settings, and events thereof, are the properties of their respective owners. As this work is an interpretation of the original material and not for-profit, it constitutes fair use. Reference to real persons, places, or events are made in a fictional context, and are not intended to be libelous, defamatory, or in any way factual.

**Author's Note: **Oh my god, I suck. I suck, I suck, I suck. I know. I got massively stuck on this chapter and honestly, I still kind of am. I know how the story ends, it's just getting there is the problem. But here is this chapter, it's unbeta'd so all mistakes are my own and I hope you enjoy it! Sorry for the long wait again, guys. I suck, I know.

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter Seventeen<strong>

Life is a series of small moments. You spend your whole life trying to make these moments count. The way that your father smells like peppermint during the Christmas holiday season or the way that the morning honeysuckle blooms in early spring, you take moments to remember the way that your best friend looks in her wedding dress and the way that your mother looks when you tell her that you _know_ what you want to do with your life. You spend your whole existence on this planet making these moments count, remembering every touch, every feel, every voice, because at the end of it, these seconds are all you have left, these moments are your_ memories_. But_ those_ minutes, those moments that are so painfully important, have all but slipped away from Arizona now.

It is like the past three years of her life has somehow been magically wiped out, it is like someone reached inside of her brain and completely cleaned out her hard drive, erasing every memory that reminded her of the person that she _is_, of the people she _loves_. The more she tries to force herself to remember, the more she gives herself a headache, yet the more that she _doesn't_ remember, the more angry and upset with herself she becomes. People are _counting_ on her to remember, she _needs_ to remember. Remember the voices, the faces, the people, remember why she feels such a strong connection to Calliope Torres, remember why everyone keeps looking at her like a stranger, like a fragile little bird who in one staggering step will fall from the nest and break its neck.

She _wants_ to remember. She wants to remember the people who all greet her and seem to know her name; she wants to remember the details about her life, about her love life, about who she had the baby _with_. She wants to remember all the things that make her Arizona freakin' Robbins but she _can't_. She can't remember _anything_ and she _hates_ herself for it. She hates that she is this helpless woman who is relying on others to take care of her, who is depending on pictures and stories from strangers to try to piece her life together. Arizona might not know much about the person that she is now, but she certainly knows one thing, she is _not_ the type of person who likes needing help, especially from strangers.

She always thought that everything in her life happened for a reason, it is how she got through Timothy's death. Her brother was taken from her in order for her to find the inspiration to save others and become involved with military activists. The kids that she couldn't save was brought to her in order for her to appreciate the life that she has and work harder to save those that nobody else gives a chance. Life has a way of working out, one door opens and another one closes. But she just _doesn't_ know what the reason for this is, the reason that she was dropped into this life that she has _no_ memory of, no matter how badly everyone, including herself, wants her to.

She knows it is killing Callie. Or at least, she is pretty sure it is killing Callie. She does not know much about the raven haired woman that has sat by her bed site every waking hour of her life, but she _does_ know the look of pain and guilt in her eyes every time that she looks over at her. She wishes that she could _remember_ her because there is _something_ there. There is _something_ that makes her remember Callie's name, remember her face, her voice, the pull between the two of them. But she _can't_ remember their story, their memories or their _moments_. And it's killing Callie. And it's killing Arizona knowing that it is hurting this beautiful woman who has been nothing but kind and gentle with her during her recovery. There is something the beautiful stranger wants her to remember and damn it, she _wants_ to remember it.

It is eating away at her, not that Arizona would ever admit it out loud. Eating away at her that she cannot remember the faces or the places; it is eating away at her that she is hurting these people time and time again when they ask her every day if she remembers who they are. And she feels _so_ damn guilty, guilty that she can't, no matter how bad she wants to, go back to the way things were. Her life is a mess, her memory is a mess, and even though she asks at least five times a day, nobody will tell her about what happened to Dani. At first, it was because she thought it was because nobody knew who she was talking about, but now, there is this sticky feeling in her gut that tells her it is for an entirely different reason.

Wincing at the harsh light, she glances back down at the blonde stranger who is mumbling away to her about something that she is not quite listening to. Usually, every day the unfamiliar blonde comes into her room, asking about how she is, and explaining how they are best friends. And Arizona normally nods her head, answers her questions and then the woman is gone. But today, the stranger is sitting by her bed side, rambling and sniffling about something that honestly, Arizona does not give three flying pigs about. Because, she groans with a roll of her eyes, her condition is a bit _more_ important than this situation.

"I-I mean he kissed me back. He _kissed_ me back. And I know, I know that this is a bad idea and I should just forget it because he's… he's married. He's married to my resident and she's g-great, really. But I love him and he _kissed_ me back. All kisses mean something, right? I mean, of course they do," Teddy rambles and Arizona groans with a defeated sigh. She cannot remember when this woman even _started_ talking about this, but she knows that it has gone on far too long.

"Look, Theodora…"

"Oh, you can call me Teddy," The blonde smiles shyly and Arizona swallows with a wince, nodding her head quietly. She is sure the blonde has told her this more than once in the past few days, but the name just does not seem to stick with Arizona. After all, she is _not_ exactly a brown stuffed bear.

"R-Right. Teddy. I keep forgetting," Arizona states with a weak, slightly embarrassed chuckle before she looks down at her hands that shakily play with the pleat of the blanket. Her doctor had told her that the shaking was just a side effect of the surgery and as her body began to heal, it would stop but she is still shaking like a crack addict without the next hit.

"It's okay. Derek said that it would take a while for your memory to get back to the way it was and that we just have to be patient with you. Really, it's not a big deal I…" But Arizona interrupts her with a snap.

"It _is_ a big deal. It is a _very_ big deal!" Arizona snarls and she is not even aware of the acidy tone of her voice until she notices the petite woman recoils. Groaning with a grunted sigh, Arizona rolls her eyes as she gently licks her lips, taking in a rather uneven breath. "S-Sorry, I didn't mean to snap at you, it's not your fault. I shouldn't be taking it out on you." She sighs heavily, her chest falling and she hears the woman chuckle in the back of her throat. Closing her eyes for a moment, Arizona wonders why the lady cannot get the hint that she does not feel like socializing, why everyone in this damn hospital does not understand that all she wants is to be left _alone_.

"It's okay. I can be your punching bag. I was in the military; I know how to be tough," Teddy laughs gently and Arizona groans, leaning up in the bed so that her baby blues are colliding hard with the blonde's emerald green.

"You're making a mistake!" Arizona blurts out and Teddy looks at her muddled, "Don't you _see_ that? Isn't there enough signs by now that you're the one who is making the mistake, _you_ are the one who is screwing everything up here. It's not him. He's _married_. He is married to another woman, a woman who works for you, I think, I'm not really sure on the details about that one. But he's _married_. And newsflash, you're not the wife. And they _never_ leave the wife. You're kidding yourself if you think he is really going to leave her for you. And I mean, _really_ kidding yourself!" Arizona practically yells with a gesture of her hands and instantly, Teddy recoils with a whispered gasp.

"But he… he… and Iraq and…"

"Just let it go! It _didn't_ happen. Maybe it was supposed to but it didn't. Life doesn't always work out the way that you want it to. Maybe you and Owen were intended to have this great love saga but it just didn't happen. He is _married_ and you don't want to be that person who breaks up a marriage, you don't! So, let it go. Move on. Stop holding on to someone who was clearly never years to have in the first place. And while you are at it, realize that you don't always get what you want. Because I assure you, I never wanted my life to turn out like this," Arizona snaps, glaring at the blonde woman who sits by her bed. Teddy gasps softly, looking at the stranger who used to be her best friend in the utmost shock and surprise. This woman laying here is not _Arizona_; this woman is not the best friend that she so desperately longed for.

"Okay, Arizona. I'm just… I'm just going to go because you're obviously upset about something and you're taking it on me… "

"I'm upset because you come in here and you complain about this guy, this _married _guy while I have a daughter who is in the NICU, Calliope who needs me to be the _old_ Arizona but I can't be her; injuries that have me in this damn bed all day and a memory the size of a flea. I have a _hell_ of a lot to be upset about, Theodora!" Arizona exclaims in a sharp snap and Teddy groans with a chuckle as she pushes out of her chair, running her fingers through her hair as she makes her way to the door.

"Look, you're angry and I get it, I do. But you're angry at the wrong person here. You're angry at yourself but you shouldn't be. You didn't get yourself into this mess all alone, you had help," Teddy chortles, glancing at the vulnerable woman from the doorway, "but you'll figure that out for yourself soon enough. I'll come back after my surgeries are done. Until then, try to not kill anyone." Teddy shakes her head with a disapproving sigh before she turns the corner and disappears from the room.

Sighing in contentment, Arizona leans back against the pillow, staring up at the ceiling with that all too familiar blank expression upon her face. In all honesty, she'd rather it be this way. She would rather Calliope be off somewhere with the baby or her parents, Teddy in surgery and everyone else simply just leaving her alone. In all frankness, Arizona wants to be alone these days than with someone, than with a prominent reminder of all the things that she is supposed to have, of the life that she should remember but just cannot. She would rather be alone in the silence because the silence doesn't judge; it does not want things from her and then make her feel bad when she cannot deliver them.

However, Arizona laments, she has never heard silence quite _this_ loud.

* * *

><p><em>Arizona cannot remember how long the plane has been down, how long they have worked on the seat belt, or how long the world around her as been slowly spinning. It seems like forever, when she glances through her blurred eyes to find Dani still struggling with the metal object. The smoke has begun to settle heavily, clogging the air in disarray of darkness. Coughing, Arizona can feel the blood dripping down her lips and instantly, her heart races faster.<em>

"_Just hang on, I'm going to get you out of here," Dani promises, squeezing Arizona's knee reassuringly, before her hands begin to work against the stuck metal once again. It is almost funny, Arizona smiles a little, because seat belts are supposed to keep you __**safe**__ but now, it is the seat belt that is preventing her from saving her __**life**__. Watching with heavy eyes, Arizona notices how Dani's hands tug at the metal, pushing in every possible way in hopes that she might just hit something that unlatches the stubborn thing. But no matter how much effort she puts into her struggles, the object seems to be __**locked**__. Swallowing, Arizona can taste the metallic blood in her throat and the more seconds that passes; the more she knows the chances of her getting out of this plane alive are getting smaller and smaller._

"_D-Dani," Arizona groans, the radiating pain ripping through her body. Unconsciously, her hand settles upon her stomach where she caresses softly, feeling the tiny kicks and movement of her body just underneath her fingertips. She hates that she got them into this mess, that she even boarded the plane in the first place. But she just __**has **__to go back; she __**has**__ to go back to Calliope. She wants this family with her; it is __**all**__ she has ever wanted. Yet, she cannot help but wonder now, if it had all been an ill thought out mistake._

"_Stop. I just… I got you. Okay? Stop," Dani instructs, pulling at the stuck object. Although the younger girl tries to keep her composure, Arizona can feel it. She can feel the panic, the worriment, the actual reality of the situation of __**how**__ bad this all truly is, as the smoke clogs the air heavier with every passing second. Glancing around her, the bodies of the passengers are still and unmoving, there is nothing but __**silence**__. A few cries of heart break, of fear echo throughout the plane and the roaring of a sound that Arizona cannot recognize; but overall, there is __**silence**__. Silence that allows her to know that everyone, much like her, is realizing their chance of survival is running very small._

_Closing her eyes, Arizona can feel the world spin around her, her entire body beginning to shake and she swallows hard, fighting off the cry. As a doctor, she knows that she is far more injured than the visible eye can see, she knows that her body is beginning to go in shock, and the more that the blood appears in her mouth, the more she knows that time is of the essence. Opening those bottled blues again, a white film appears over her eyes as the surroundings around her are __gyrating almost sickeningly fast._

"_D-Dani. Y-You… you have to g-go and t-tell Cal-Calliope…" Her breath is faint, her voice a mere whisper above the excruciating loud roar. She has always wondered what it felt like to die, if it really was like falling asleep or if the sensation was something else entirely. Now, as the blood collects in her mouth and her body begins to grow weary, she realizes that death is nothing like they described in the movies. Death, in turn, is perhaps the most painful and hopeless act._

"_Stop it, okay? Stop. Stop telling me this like you're going to die because you're __**not**__ going to die. I sat next to you for a reason, Arizona. Maybe it was fate, maybe this was meant to happen because I was meant to save you and you were meant to go back to Callie and raise your cute little kid and live a happy, All American life. Your time does not end here, end like this. So, stop!" Dani huffs as she glares up at the woman before she brushes her loose raven hair away from her face with a flick of her wrist, smudging the grim against her scrapped face._

_Arizona can feel her mouth going dry as her surroundings begin to blur, the fog appearing heavier in her eyes. She can feel her body growing weak, limp, she can feel herself leaving this body of consciousness even though she is fighting so desperately hard to stay._

"_Tell her… tell…."_

_And the suddenly, her entire world goes black._

* * *

><p>Arizona can feel the bile rising in her throat when she opens her eyes, the hard fluorescent light cascading light into this reality, the reality that she is so desperate to forget. Her stomach is churning, the coldest sweat is dripping down the nape of her neck and her hands are shaking, so much so that she reminds herself of one of those little dogs. Staring up at the tiled ceiling, she can feel those burning tears begin to form within her eyes. She is <em>here<em>, in Seattle, in this life that she knows nothing about.

She does not know how a person could be this miserable and still be alive, how a person could endure all that she has and still have a breath left in their bodies to say all those things that she know she will never will. She does not know _why_ she survived the crash at all, especially if her life is going to be like this. A life of familiar faces and places but vacant memories, a life full of shadows and absence of color, a life that in all honesty, Arizona just doesn't feel like belongs to her.

Yet, there is still one thing, still one constant, one thing that she can always count on being there when her eyes open. There is still _Calliope_. There is still her daughter. There are still all these people who need her; they need her to be _alive_, to be _strong_, and to be _okay_. But that is just an adjective that Arizona Robbins is not sure she will ever be again.

She isn't even aware that she is crying until she can taste the salty tears on her lips and she suddenly she does not even want to stop. The tears fall freely down her cheeks now, the cries rattling through her, her body shaking with each painful one that erupts from her lips. She is crying so hard that she finds herself gasping to catch a breath, any breath, she can feel her face tightening with every heart breaking wail.

"Arizona?" A voice calls from the doorway but she doesn't have to look up to know who it is, because it is the person that she always needs it to be. It is her constant, it is her safe harbor, it is the only person she wants to hold her through the storm, the only person she _needs_. Before she has time to say anything, however, Callie is sitting on her bedside, her arms around her, holding her ever so carefully close to her, her hands sliding along her back affectionately. And suddenly, in this moment, here with Callie, skin against skin, Arizona feels _it_. She feels like she is _home_.

"Shh, it's going to be okay. It is. I promise. I am here now and I'm not going anywhere, not ever again. Shh. Oh Arizona," Callie whispers, rubbing small circles into her back as she kisses her temple softly. In this moment with Callie, suddenly, even if for a second, she feels like everything is going to be okay. For a second, it is like the crash never happened; it is like nothing is different or wrong. For just a second, a brief and small second, Arizona feels like _Arizona_ again.

"I….I don't know what to say. Because I'm … I'm not good at this. This whole comforting thing. That's kind of your area of expertise, you're the one who shows up with doughnuts and Disney movies and you know the right thing to say at the right time, and s-sometimes you know that you don't… have to say anything at all. You just… look at me and it's… better. You make it better, make… _me_ better," Callie pauses with a chuckle, her hands rubbing along Arizona's back softly, "but I was too scared to admit that. I should have, I should have _told_ you. But I'm telling you now. So, I guess that has to count for something, right?" Looking up at Callie, Arizona finds herself losing herself in those hooded eyes and surprisingly, she does not mind.

"I don't know what's wrong, I don't…. I know that everything is a mess now. I know you are hurt and you can't remember… but you just need to know that I will be here. Every day, if you need me to be and I will hold you until all the hurt is gone. And I will try to fix it; I'll try to… fix you. I will try to make it better until you learn how to smile again," Callie promises, scratching Arizona's back tenderly. Fighting back the tears, Arizona looks into those familiar eyes once again, leaning closer to her.

"Callie," Arizona breathes, leaning closer to her as their bodies become further intertwined with one another. She is so close to her that she can feel her warm breath on her face, so close that her palms are growing sweaty and her heart is racing in her chest. Glancing down at her lips, Arizona swallows in a gulp, before her eyes flicker back up to focus on Callie's.

"We… we need to talk." Callie exhales, a hand gently coming forward to cup Arizona's pale cheek in a gentle caress. Arizona's breath sharpens at her touch, the butterflies wildly dancing at the brief meeting of their skin. Quietly, Arizona nods her head in response as she moves closer, closer, _closer_.

Then it happens, in an instant, in a heartbeat, in the blink of an eye. Arizona's lips are on hers and she is kissing her, like _really_ kissing her. For a second, Arizona wants to stop, she wants to stop and say something, come to a recollection of what they are doing, but she just _can't_. And she realizes that as her lips dance against Calliope's, she doesn't want to. As she kisses her, softly, tenderly, lovingly, it is as if all the clocks in the world are running backwards, it is as if just for a second, time just _stops_

For a second, Arizona Robbins feels like she is whole again.

* * *

><p><em>She feels like she is floating, like she is miles above the earth. But something keeps pulling her back, like a thousand different strings are holding her in place, stopping her from escaping, no matter how badly she wants to. She can feel herself leaving, drifting away, and leaving the mess of the accident, of the baby, behind her. But she <em>_**can't**__. She can't leave, not like this, not without telling Calliope about the baby, not without telling her just how much she loves her and how sorry she really is._

_Suddenly, she can feel the chills of the cool ground radiating against her back as her eyes slowly, and painfully, begin to open. There is a swell of darkness that surrounds her now, a few twinkling lights above her, the roaring of the plane still echoing in her eardrums but now it is in a dull lull instead of the excruciating volume it had been in minutes before. Swallowing, she cringes at the sharp pain in her throat, her lips part as she sucks in a breath and she is surprised when she finds that the smoke does not immediately fill her lungs. Instead, there is briskness, there is __**fresh air**__._

"_D-Dani," Arizona stutters, attempting to lift her head but she just does not have the strength to do so anymore. In an instant, the young raven haired woman is knelt by her side, a pained smile upon her face as she gently takes her hand within her own._

"_Good, you came through. I was a little worried about you," Dani smiles weakly, before she glances back over at something that Arizona's eyes just can't see. Wincing, Arizona looks at the woman before her eyes look back up at the swell of darkness. There is pain diverging throughout her body, so much so that she cannot pinpoint one exact source of the pain. There is sharpness in her stomach and gently, her shaking hand reaches down to softly caress her prodding stomach._

"_Are you okay? The baby?" Dani intrigues, placing her hand on top of Arizona's and the Peds surgeon groans, exhaling sharply._

"_I don't….I don't know. I th-think I'm…. I'm having contractions," Arizona grunts as another wave of tightness rolls through the bottom of her stomach. She sucks in a hard breath, licking her dry lips as she looks up at the young woman, covered in blood and dirt of her own. Although she cannot make out much of the stranger in the darkness, Arizona can see the worriment written on her face and she gives her hand a gentle squeeze._

"_It… it happens when you… undergo trauma but… but my water hasn't…broken yet. It is fine," Arizona reassures her in a shaky voice. Dani shifts, looking over her shoulder yet again at something that Arizona just can't quite see but she is sure that it is the plane before she lets out a huff._

"_We need to get you some help. I think… I think there was a first aid kit on the plane. I know where to get it," Dani whispers, trying to pull away but Arizona's grip on her hand stops her. Pulling her down, Arizona looks up at the beautiful woman with muzzy eyes, struggling to make out her face through the darkness and the blurring of her vision._

"_You… you have to stay. Don't… don't leave me…"_

"_You need help, Arizona. And I think there was a kit on that plane, we can stop some of this bleeding and we need to elevate your legs, I think," Dani sighs, rubbing her forehead with her knuckles as she lets out a pained grunt of her own, "you need… you need help. Nobody knows we are here and if I don't…. then you and the baby… I have to go."_

"_Pl-please…"_

"_I'll be back, okay? I will be back and you will be perfectly fine. I am going to get you back to Seattle, back to the woman that you love and you can have a family with her, raise this beautiful baby with her and I'll be cool Aunt Dani who comes over and hangs out during holidays and I'll be the one who teaches her how to do bad things when you're not looking," Dani pauses with a laugh and Arizona smiles ever so weakly. Sighing, Dani looks at the pale woman lying before her; she is so weak, so vulnerable, so close to death, __**too**__ close._

"_I'm going to save you. And it is going to be okay. Just… just hang on. Okay? Hang on, please. I __**will**__ be back. I am not going to leave you out here to die. You need me and you're too scared and sick to admit it but that is okay. I'm… I'm going to go now, okay? Just breathe. Just breathe and hold on," Dani whispers, leaning down and placing a soft kiss in the crown of Arizona's golden hair, "just hold on." And then, in an instant, she is gone._

_Closing her eyes, Arizona winces as another sharp pain strikes within her and a whining cry escapes from her. She can feel herself losing consciousness, losing her way, drifting away from the scene around her. Deeply, she inhales, allowing herself to float away when suddenly, she hears a loud explosion, a loud roar that sounds like it is coming from somewhere miles away. Weakly her eyes open, looking up at the twinkling lights._

"_D-Dani," She mumbles softly before suddenly she can't feel anything at all._

* * *

><p>Kissing Calliope Torres is familiar; it is soft and elegant, and loving, it is comfortable, easy, and <em>right<em>. Kissing Callie is like coming home again, like dancing in the rain, like every missing puzzle piece has finally fallen into place. Softly, Arizona's lips hover just centimeters above Callie's, her baby blues looking into those beautiful pair of hooded brown, looking for something, for a sign, for something that tells her that she is doing the _right_ thing. Because in all frankness, more often than late, she feels like her life has been full of all the wrong things, like getting on that plane, like coming here.

Softly, she places a chaste kiss upon Callie's bottom lip before she pulls away, her curious eyes studying Callie's perfect face, the woman looking just as confused about what had just happened as she did. Suddenly, the woman who had babbled nonstop to her from the moment she opened her eyes about the life she used to have and the person she used to be, is suddenly very silent.

Quietly, Arizona reaches over, her pinky linking around Callie's softly, her fingers absently caressing against those tan fingers of the raven haired beauty. For a few minutes, nothing is said, the two of them just sit in the silence of the room, the two just take it all in, how in a second everything had _changed_ and yet remained ever so painfully the same.

There is silence, until Callie exhales sharply, looking at Arizona with sympathetic eyes.

"We probably shouldn't have done that," Callie sighs and Arizona looks at her with a wrinkled brow, bewilderment written upon her slightly scratched face. She feels something inside of her snap, her heart plummeting to her stomach. She has faced rejection before, but there is just something about _Callie_ rejecting her that makes her feel ill.

"I don't… you didn't like it?" Arizona whispers softly and Callie shakes her head with a smile.

"No. No. Don't get me wrong… I liked it. Hell, I loved it. I _love_ kissing you, Arizona. Like a lot. But it's… its different now. Things aren't the same, things aren't…. like before is gone. Probably forever. You don't remember… things… significant things. And it's not fair for me to kiss you and pretend like everything is okay when it's not," Callie sighs, threading her fingers through her hair as she looks at the blonde with pained eyes.

"This is probably the _hardest_ thing in the world that I will ever have to do but there are things… things you need to know. About me, about us. And I can't… lie to you anymore. I can't go on pretending because that's not going to fix anything and I know things are hard enough now but I need you and I just… we really need to talk," Callie mumbles, stumbling over her words and Arizona sighs with a quiet nod, licking her lips softly as she gives Callie's pinky a reassuring squeeze.

"So, talk." Arizona mutters. Callie sighs again, much deeper this time and even though Arizona doesn't know Callie quite that well, she knows just enough to realize how bad this really must be. The nerves build within her, a lump in her throat, when Callie's dark eyes meet hers again and she can see the tears forming within them. However, just as Callie's lips part to say something, another voice echoes in the room.

"Someone is here to see you, Mama," Breaking their eye contact, both of the women look at the doorway to which a very beaming Addison Montgomery enters, pushing a tiny baby bed with a squirming pink blanket inside. Suddenly, Arizona's heart leaps in her throat, it is like everything in her entire life suddenly just makes _sense_.

Rolling the crib over to Arizona, Addison grins at her best friend who nods her head in acknowledgement, unable to form words. Instead, Callie just watches as Addison picks the baby up safely nestled in her arms before she leans Arizona back, carefully placing the little baby in her arms. It is instinct the way that Arizona's body molds around the tiny infant, the way she holds her warmly against her chest and instantly, a bright, beaming grin appears on her face.

"Hi baby," Arizona swoons, the tears blistering in her bottled blue's as her fingers softly stroke the crown of her white blonde hair. Looking down at this little tiny thing, this little tiny _life_, Arizona feels her heart swell and grow three sizes, she suddenly feels bound here, by a thousand little strings, to this life, to this baby, to _Callie_.

"Oh God, I am so happy to see you. I was so worried about you," Arizona's voice cracks as the tears begin to spill down her cheeks, "I really was. I couldn't see you because I was sick too but you're here. You're here, in my arms, and you're… you are alive. And God, you're so beautiful. Isn't she beautiful, Calliope?" Arizona whispers, glancing at the woman beside of her and Callie nods with the same loving tears in her own eyes.

"The most beautiful baby in the whole world," Callie whispers, quietly running her finger along the bottom of their daughter's foot, to which the infant quickly pulls it away in disapproval. Shaking her head softly, she gazes at Arizona and their daughter, her mind racing a thousand miles per second, trying to make sense of all this, trying to convince herself that this is _real_. This is _her_ Arizona, this is _her_ daughter, and this is her life now.

They had decided, or rather, Arizona had, after the power of persuasion from Callie of course, to name the infant Daniela Nesiah. They named her Daniela after the Colonel and Nesiah because it symbolically had meant a miracle, and _that_ is exactly what this tiny human is. A miracle. A miracle that had been sent to save Callie, to give her hope, love and life again- and she _had_.

"We come bearing good news," Addison smiles, running her own fingers over the tiny infant's white tuffs of hair. Smiling, Callie gently wraps the blanket around her daughter lovingly as she places her finger under Nesiah's fingers, her heart practically stopping as they curl around them.

"We did tests and blood work and the required necessities to see what was going on with your daughter and if the crash had affected her in any way, shape, or form. And finally, after hours of ongoing tests, to which she was more than disapproving of, we got them back. And your daughter is…." Addison smiles as she glances between the two women, who are both staring back at her with curious eyes.

"Daniela Nesiah is a perfectly fine newborn. She is as healthy and happy as a baby her size could be. We ran the tests and she passed with flying colors, in fact, she isn't as premature as we once thought she would be. She shows no signs of trauma or distress from the accident. If we didn't know the circumstances of the accident, we would say that she was a perfect newborn," Addison grins with a quiet shrug of her shoulders.

"So, she's… she is going to be okay?" Callie asks, shaking her head in disbelief.

"She's going to be _more_ than fine, Callie. She's going to be _perfect_," Addison smiles lovingly. The words, however, sound like they are coming from a thousand miles away to Arizona Robbins, who is already swooning over her daughter.

"Did you hear that, little one? You're perfect." Arizona whispers, leaning down as she places a soft kiss upon the infant's forehead. Smiling, Callie looks up at her best friend who watches the two of them with loving, joyful eyes. There are so many things she wants to say to her, but there will never be quite enough words in the human language to tell Addison just how _thankful_ she is for her, for saving their daughter, and saving _her_ in the process.

Instead of saying anything at all, however, Callie simply mouths the words 'thank you' to the red haired dame. Grinning, Addison nods her head in response, glancing back down at the baby who is already fast asleep in her mother's arms.

"I'm just going to leave you three alone. Arizona, if you need anything, you know what to do," Addison smiles, running her fingers through the baby's hair once more before she turns to leave. However, Arizona stops her.

"Dr. Montgomery," Arizona calls out and Addison stops, turning back to the face the blonde. Smiling bashfully, Arizona looks down at her tiny daughter before back at the woman who placed her in her arms as a new film of tears begin to appear in her eyes, "th-thank you for this. For her, I mean. You… you saved her."

"Actually, I think _she_ saved all of _us_," Addison smiles her all-knowing smile before winking as she walks out the door. Sighing in content, Arizona leans back against the pillows, gazing down at this tiny creature that she created. For months, this little girl had grown inside of her; she had been the one who kicked her, the one who kept her awake at night, the one who brought life and color to her abnormally black and white world.

Sighing softly, she leans into Callie who carefully drapes her arm around her. Although she is not sure where they stand at the moment and apparently they still have big issues to face, there is something about this moment here that just feels so incredibly _right_, as if it had been meant to happen all along, as if she had always been meant to be here with Callie, with her daughter.

"Are you okay?" Callie asks, glimpsing at her quickly before her hooded eyes return back to the baby sleeping all snuggled in the tiny pink blanket. Smiling softly, Arizona looks at the woman beside of her, at the love written in her eyes, and for a moment, just a _brief _momen_t_, she feels like it is going to be okay. For a moment, it all just _comes back_.

"I'm going to be _perfect_," Arizona smiles and for the first time in a long time, she actually means it.


End file.
